Inappropriate thoughts at funerals

Muise... · 13-02-2014 01:19PM

Sauve wrote: »

I PISS myself laughing at funerals. It's absolutely disgraceful, but all it takes is one sideways glance from a cousin, or a sly dig in the ribs from my brother and I fold into a full-on meltdown.

I'll usually crack a hugely inappropriate joke too, just to make it even worse. :rolleyes:

My sister knows by now not to catch my eye at a funeral or I'll have her in fits of giggles while I keep a straight face. She does a terrible job of turning laughter to "coughing". It's going to be hilarious when we're ancient and at the top of the receiving line.

.jacksparrow. · 13-02-2014 01:25PM

Tommy tiernan laughing at a funeral..

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Z43v54S_zPQ

TireeTerror · 13-02-2014 01:26PM

My girlfriend works in a hair salon. Just before a funeral was due to go past, an old man was going around all the businesses and telling them they had to turn off their lights, or shut the curtains as a mark of respect.

Needless to say the lights were left on and no curtains were shut. Stupid ridiculous request.

Muise... · 13-02-2014 01:30PM

TireeTerror wrote: »

My girlfriend works in a hair salon. Just before a funeral was due to go past, an old man was going around all the businesses and telling them they had to turn off their lights, or shut the curtains as a mark of respect.

Needless to say the lights were left on and no curtains were shut. Stupid ridiculous request.

That's the kind of gesture that is given, not requested. Usually in small towns members of staff will stand at the door of their business as the procession passes. However, I think the image of women with their heads stuck in those weird cone hairdryers would cheer up any cortege.

josip · 13-02-2014 01:33PM

I was at a funeral once where an elderly person tripped and fell onto/into the grave while the prayers were being said before the coffin went down.
It would have been a lot more serious if there hadn't been a covering over the grave, so she only went down about a foot into the grave.
While she was being helped back up, one of her children called out from behind, "Wait your turn Mammy!"

13-02-2014 01:33PM

I always laugh at inappropriate times. I don't mean to like. Just happen and once it happens it's very hard do stop

Dartz · 13-02-2014 01:38PM

Met an army bugler once at a funeral when I was a child. Told me that sometimes when he plays, people can't help but smile or find it funny somehow in spite of themselves.

Of course, this is 20 years ago so I'm not sure if I'm remembering that right.

Plazaman · 13-02-2014 02:01PM

Sometimes my awkwardness knows no bounds and the simple procedure involved in hugging a person seems lost on me most times, if it's not banging heads or hover hugging. So I went to a funeral home to pay my respects to a friend who is quite a gorgeous looking girl. The family were all seated and so it was shake hands, shake hands, shake hands and when I came to her I said I'd lean in for a hug. Wrapping my arm around her, whatever move I made, I grabbed a full on handful of breastage. I'm sure it would have gone unnoticed only for when I stood back up I done some sort of weird jazz hands move and said "wayyhayyyy". Of course the room was nice and quiet at that time.

I avoided the family like the plague for the next month or so but eventually when I talked to her again and apologised she said she had a laugh due to the look of mortification on my face and awkward speedy departure.

Aglomerado · 13-02-2014 02:01PM

I was at a funeral (wake) last month, someone I knew quite well along with all the extended family, so I was talking to lots of people there. One of the neighbours was given a cup of tea and expressed extreme delight at it, to the amusement of some of us.

I told a story about a lady who used to come to my parents' house and exclaim "I'm dyin' for a cup of tae!" I made a joke about it saying "I wish I'd said to her - fúck off and die then." Then I realised that the grief-stricken husband of the deceased lady was within earshot.

Thankfully their daughter saw the funny side! :pac:

I also remember singing "I wanna be cremated" to the tune of the Ramones "I wanna be sedated" at some stage...

mikom · 13-02-2014 02:04PM

Anyone got a battery for a Sony Ericsson?

13-02-2014 02:15PM

I think it is only natural it is a reaction to death, that's why people often want their funeral to be a party and a celebration of their life not a sombre occasion, however a lot of people cant handle that so if you want a whale of party at your funeral make sure you leave instruction saying that's how you want it to be. I have been at funeral where everyone has sung the parting glass I think its brilliant and so appropriate.

The Parting Glass

Of all the money that e'er I had
I've spent it in good company
And all the harm that e'er I've done
Alas it was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To memory now I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all

Of all the comrades that e'er I had
They are sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had
They would wish me one more day to stay
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and I'll softly call
Good night and joy be with you all

A man may drink and not be drunk
A man may fight and not be slain
A man may court a pretty girl
And perhaps be welcomed back again
But since it has so ought to be
By a time to rise and a time to fall
Come fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all
Good night and joy be with you all

The Princess Bride · 13-02-2014 02:41PM

At my grandad's funeral,my mother was seated in the front row with all of her siblings,as the congregation was queuing up to sympathise .
Mam looked up to see one of her previously totally bald neighbours-now sporting a spanking new big curly toupee -offering his condolences.

She nearly convulsed in the seat with trying to stop laughing.
It was like a domino effect,as the others did the same.
Grandad would've laughed too-sometimes,you just can't stop yourself.

Akrasia · 13-02-2014 03:06PM

I was at a funeral where the priest was doing a reading from the bible that went like this

A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; A time to be silent, and a time to speak.
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.

All I could think the whole way through this was these would all make excellent Steven Seagal movies

Professey Chin · 13-02-2014 03:11PM

Happened at my friends funeral to me.
Right in the middle of it I got a flashback of him falling face first of a footpath but somehow managing to spin enough to save his chips (drunken priorities). The giggles got me bad

The Master · 13-02-2014 03:12PM

Akrasia wrote: »

I was at a funeral where the priest was doing a reading from the bible that went like this

All I could think the whole way through this was these would all make excellent Steven Seagal movies

Or a great song by the recently deceased Pete Seeger

Lollipops23 · 13-02-2014 03:21PM

At my (much loved) Granny's funeral 2 years ago the priest started prattling on about how she nurtured us all and our self esteem. Now, much as she was great, she never gave us any notions. Clothes/weight/school marks were routinely criticised as if it were nothing.

At that point in the mass, myself and my two cousins had to cram our fists into our mouths to stop from cackling. Felt so inappropriate, which just made it funnier.

WilyCoyote · 13-02-2014 03:30PM

This lady worried about how the paps see her during solemn ceremony.

What in the name of God was she thinking?

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/entertainment/celebrities_gossip/Photos-of-Kate-Middleton-twirling-her-hair-ignites-outrage.html

stinkle · 13-02-2014 03:37PM

When my friend's mother died, the deceased's brother was plastered and gave a speech which was unintentionally hilarious. It involved a story about how the woman offered to make food for a relative but cooked some peculiar dish due to a misunderstanding. It wasn't all that funny really (kinda had to be there and know the family involved). But my friend had died some years previously and it was the sort of thing that would have had both of us in stitches as kids, which set me off and I was frantically trying to stop laughing but only making it worse. You could see the pew shaking like mad. Our old school principal was sitting right behind me which made me even more giddy as I'm sure she was terribly disapproving of my carry-on. I felt about twelve years old again

Real Life · 13-02-2014 04:23PM

One time i was at a funeral, just standing outside as the church was full. I took a quick look at Facebook on my phone and my friend sent me a video. I said i can't look at that now I'm at a funeral. He took a screenshot of the conversation and put it on Facebook

gazzer · 13-02-2014 04:52PM

josip wrote: »

I was at a funeral once where an elderly person tripped and fell onto/into the grave while the prayers were being said before the coffin went down.
It would have been a lot more serious if there hadn't been a covering over the grave, so she only went down about a foot into the grave.
While she was being helped back up, one of her children called out from behind, "Wait your turn Mammy!"

Ha Ha. Nearly choked on my tea reading that.

black123 · 24-02-2014 06:08PM

Its actually a natural physical phenomenon to get giddy at a funeral. Your body works hard at keeping everything balanced including serotonin, a mood altering chemical in the brain. So you obviously have been on a low for a few days with the death. The chemical tries to balance itself out so you become prone to be being giddy any thing can trigger it off. So its natural don't be hating the gigglers the dead person would probably join in too if they were there.
Its really bad though when someone comes up to you to sympathise with you and your family, they are all very sad and awkward. here is you and your family doing your best not to burst out laughing in their face.

Cupcake_Crisis · 24-02-2014 06:19PM

I almost always get a severe case of the giggles at funerals. Always. Even when it's the funeral of a family member. At my dear old nan's funeral myself and a cousin got a mighty bout of them and just had to sit there pretending they were tears of sadness. It's so awkward.

LizT · 24-02-2014 06:39PM

Is it weird that I'd kind of like people to laugh at my funeral? In a "haha, remember the time Liz did this, that was funny" kind of way, not an evil "haha, she's dead" kind of way.

MadsL · 24-02-2014 06:40PM

black123 wrote: »

Its actually a natural physical phenomenon to get giddy at a funeral. Your body works hard at keeping everything balanced including serotonin, a mood altering chemical in the brain. So you obviously have been on a low for a few days with the death. The chemical tries to balance itself out so you become prone to be being giddy any thing can trigger it off. So its natural don't be hating the gigglers the dead person would probably join in too if they were there.
Its really bad though when someone comes up to you to sympathise with you and your family, they are all very sad and awkward. here is you and your family doing your best not to burst out laughing in their face.

Science, bitches!!!!

renegademaster · 24-02-2014 06:48PM

me, my brother and our cousin got the giggles at a funeral recently, we did manage to get it under control but not before a lot of the family heard us over the rosary, i'm still full of shame and embarrassment over it months later!!

Menas · 24-02-2014 07:08PM

I have carried a few coffins over the years. Rather than being sad for the deceased my mind tends to worry about the rotting corpse a few inches from my head...and about slipping as we place the coffin over the big hole in the ground.

foxy farmer · 24-02-2014 07:55PM

Listening to someone giving a eulogy at funeral mass praising the deceased and me thinking are we talking about the same person as the deceased was a pain in the ass when they were alive. I've heard some BS at funerals .

Idobai · 24-02-2014 08:02PM

My mam told me a story of a funeral she was at of a really large Limerick family full of eh, characters. The priest started eulogising about the deceased anyway when all of a sudden the wife stands up and roars 'He was a feckin bollocks!'

Ihatecuddles · 24-02-2014 08:02PM

LizT wrote: »

Is it weird that I'd kind of like people to laugh at my funeral? In a "haha, remember the time Liz did this, that was funny" kind of way, not an evil "haha, she's dead" kind of way.

Like the time you fell through a door in Messrs? :P

Cupcake_Crisis · 24-02-2014 08:13PM

mauzo! wrote: »

Like the time you fell through a door in Messrs? :P

HA!! Oh Liz. I'll go to your funeral just to laugh at that memory.

Inappropriate thoughts at funerals

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