Funny sayings

mass_debater

My uncle describing my lazy cousin, "if there was work in the bed he'd sleep on the floor"

mikeymouse

My father;

He'd stale the winkers off a nightmare

He's a cute hoore.

Over and back like a sh1t on a swing-swong.

TheSelf

Did your mother find out who your father is yet?

What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt?

I left her with a face like a painters radio.

deseil

"He wouldn't get his hole in a polo mint"

"Me mouths as dry as ghandis sandal"

Savage Tyrant

He'd give a panadol a headache, that lad.

Sam Kade

El Weirdo wrote: »

From a thread in here recently, I think:

"I wouldn't get off of her 'til I felt the baby crowning."

I rather have her down than a field of hay and she'd be saved a lot quicker.
I'd rather feel her than feel the cold.

piersquared

brandnewaward wrote: »

he's so mean , if he had two diseases , he would'nt give ya one of 'em

he's so mean, if he found a plaster he'd cut himself

Sam Kade

piersquared wrote: »

he's so mean, if he found a plaster he'd cut himself

He's so mean he wouldn't give his sh1t to the crows

missierex

My uncle when describing a very thin man:

'He's so thin one eye would do him'.

My uncle again, this time describing the town bike:

'She's had more pricks than a porcupine'.

Can't beat Kerry people for their way with words!

anto9

He is so mean ,that you would not get the steam of his piss.

My first time hearing "You're not as green as you're cabbage looking" left my eyebrows taking their time returning to the front of my forehead.

smash

Years ago a friend slept with a very big girl and during a slagging sessions someone said "How did you even get it in" to which someone else chirped in "Sure she's so big, she's full of fannies!"

somesoldiers

A leper never changes his spots
Running round like a two ar$ed fly

I believe the term for this is malapropism, although my examples also would stand as sayings on their own I suppose

BUBBLES1978

I wouldn't ride her into battle!!


Cilit wouldn't even bang her!!

stimpson

Busier than a dog with two cocks.

kfallon

The wind is that strong it would blow a knacker off his sister!

Better late than pregnant!

foxy farmer

Watching someone clumsy tackle something small and finicky.
Like a cat trying to ride a matchbox.

Knex*

That one lives in such a bubble, I'm surprised she doesn't float the fuck away.

Its so cold, even the skobes have their hands in their own pockets for once.

fleet_admiral

A south African I work with always leaves work saying the same thing every time - Im off like a jews foreskin lads, see you all soon:D

Sam Kade

My friends UK aunt used to say to him when they were at home and he was going out for the night "be good and if you can't be good buy a pram"

TheOtherBloke

She has a head like a half eaten apple

ballinasloex

These are fair popular one were I'm from - shut ur mouth and eat ur dinner
Ah isit yereself?
Gammy feen
Margine face
I'll kick ya with a box!
And the list goes on:|

foxy farmer

2 things that will get a man into trouble-- his tongue and his tool.
A bit of advice given to me by a solicitor. I was seeing him on an unrelated issue and he came out with this when somehow we started discussing marriage.and relationships.

triona1

Don't look at the mantelpiece when you are poking the fire.and it's a ship to any port in a storm.

Mena Mitty

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

It takes a big hammer to drive a big nail. (Reply when asking a male friend you hadn't seen for some time if he had put on some weight)

Mena Mitty

She's all picture and no sound. (goodlooking woman with not much to say)

PaddyWilliams

Body like Baywatch, face like Crime-watch.

Stan27

He/she is "as wild as a badgers arse"

PaddyWilliams

"How's things with you?"

"Tearin' away like a tinkers shirt".

BelleOfTheBall

We'll go where the wind takes us

Off galavanting