Funny sayings

Shane.C · 07-02-2014 4:04pm

"if you can't lift her don't shift her"

"He's a face on 'em like a bushted wellington hoi"

SEANoftheDEAD · 07-02-2014 4:04pm

"He's as mad as a bag of spiders" -a personal favorite when said with the right accent.

"She has a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp"

stoeger · 07-02-2014 4:07pm

Im so hungry Id eat the balls of a low flying duck

downwesht · 07-02-2014 4:09pm

If he was a ghost he wouldn't give ya a fright...!

Was in a queue in my Super-valu one day and heard 2 old dears wondering about the young guy cashier..

"Mary, is he gay?" said one gesturing towards the lad.

"He is" said Mary, "but he doesn't know it yet"

Priceless.

uch · 07-02-2014 4:12pm

About a Lovely Girl,,,,,,

"I'd drag me Balls over two miles of broken Glass to sniff a Photograph of her dirty knickers"

Yeah_Right · 07-02-2014 4:13pm

i like referring to babies as fcuk-trophies

Push Pop · 07-02-2014 4:17pm

It's not the length of the nail but the belt of the hammer

120_Minutes · 07-02-2014 4:17pm

"if I had a garden full of mickeys i wouldnt let her look over the wall"

"sweating like Fritzl on cribs"

Funkfield · 07-02-2014 4:23pm

"She looked like someone lit her head on fire and bate it out with a shovel"

"I wouldn't ride her into battle!"

"I'd ride her like a bike with no brakes!"

"I'm so hungry I'd eat a scabby child through a gate"

leonidas83 · 07-02-2014 4:25pm

Yeah_Right wrote: »

i like referring to babies as fcuk-trophies

WTF??

TheMza · 07-02-2014 4:26pm

Her face would make an onion cry!

Shane.C · 07-02-2014 4:38pm

the Fcuk trophies, is insinuating of on completion of sexual intercourse, the resulting trophy being a baby.

At least i fcuking hope so!

stoeger · 07-02-2014 4:39pm

Im so hungry Id eat the balls of a low flying duck

Conall Cernach · 07-02-2014 4:58pm

My mother has some strange ones that are peculiar to Lurgan, Co. Armagh. Someone giving away a movie is called Sally Creaney e.g. "this is a good bit, that boy there is the killer." "Arrgh shut up Sally Creaney."
Another one is if someone repeatedly asks the time you call them Bru Donegan or even if you are asking the time yourself. "What time is it now, Bru Donegan?"
Presumably these were real people.

Mariasofia · 07-02-2014 5:06pm

That I may before I mightnt.....????
:-D

Captain Havoc · 07-02-2014 5:18pm

For those of you (unlike me, obviously) who are not well hung:
It's not the size of the wand that matters, it's about the magic it produces.

When I got a job as a bar manager, my mate congratulated me with this:
It's like leaving Gary Glitter in charge of a creche.

I'm so hungry, I'd eat the hind legs off the lamb of God.

stoeger · 07-02-2014 5:26pm

It might be small love but iv an ares like a sowing machine

jimboblep · 07-02-2014 6:10pm

id eat a mile of her **** just to see where it came from

John T Carroll · 30-04-2015 1:12am

"It wouldnt pull a soldier off your sister"

Panic E · 30-04-2015 1:35am

Merkin wrote: »

You didn't know if he was looking at ya or looking for ya!

jaggiebunnet wrote: »

He had one eye going to the shops and the other one coming back with the change

One eye looking at ya and the other one looking for ya!

Robsweezie · 30-04-2015 4:31am

I'd drag my balls through miles of broken glass and junkie needles with an tank of katie Hopkins queefs as my only air supply just to sniff the chair you farted on two years ago.

Generally any "drag my balls" jokes gets a laugh from me. The more outlandish the better.

anto9 · 30-04-2015 4:39am

SHE COULD SUCK A GOLF BALL THROUGH A GARDEN HOSE.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 30-04-2015 4:48am

Gimme the money or I'll blow your fcuking head off.

porsche959 · 30-04-2015 5:00am

As me old farder used to say, 'tis better to be hung for a sheep as a lamb than to be counting pennies before they are hatched when hurling into a ditch.