My 9 year old Son steals from me 😟

Big Bag of Chips

I think the advice to throw away, or give away things such as the Wii, or "all his toys" as someone else suggested is a bit ott.

The child is 9, and has a lot of his childhood left. If everything is given away, then it will only end in the parents replacing most of it over the next while.

Ok, he needs to be punished, and more importantly needs to be made realise how wrong what he did was. BUT throwing away things isn't the way to go about it.

Taking things, and putting them away.. maybe. And he can earn them back. But the child isn't a criminal. He doesn't need to have a prolonged, unending punishment doled out.

He needs to know what he did was very wrong. He needs to understand EXACTLY why it was wrong. He needs to have a suitable punishment, and then everyone needs to move on from it.

I think the idea of having a money box with money in it building up.. and him trusting you not to take HIS money us an excellent suggestion, and is a lesson that can be taught at a practical level.

He's 9. He did wrong. No need to take every toy he owns away from him and let him suffer for the next x amount of years with nothing to play with.... Or worse, give everything away, and then replace it.

DesperateDan

There's no point in taking the Wii off of him indefinitely, he obviously didn't associate the numbers on a colourful card, and the idea of Wii "points" with hard earned cash.

I mean the very reason Microsoft and Nintendo use(d) their own 'points' currency is so grown adults subconsciously don't associate them with cash and might be likely to spend more or make several small microtransactions.

Definitely worth spending time explaining that Wii points, and that shiny card you have are VERY valuable and not to be touched by children.

Miaireland

I am not a parent but I think the people who suggest removing his console is correct. I do not suggest throwing it away etc but I suggest as other said make him work off his €60 and add another amount as a punishment. I then suggest a list of jobs with a certain values added to each €0.25 for emptying all the wastepaper baskets and putting it into the wheelie bin etc. You get to pick the jobs each day.

By doing this he will understand the value of money and how hard it is to earn.

samina

If it were my son I'd tell him that the money he had spent was to be used for an upcoming activity or his swimming lessons, Something he enjoys and now he can't do because the money is gone. That wouldn't be his punishment though it would be a consequence of his actions. For punishment I'd take away the wii for a while and make sure that he cannot use the points he purchased.
Maybe

goz83

toyotaavensis wrote: »

OP, I am going to make a suggestion to you. Take every toy belonging to him and give it away. Explain to him that if he stole from someone other than his parents he would be in trouble with the law so he is getting off lightly. Then give him some hard work to do for example if you have a small lawn give him a scissors or if not have him clean the yard with a toothbrush. Maybe you can think of better ideas but some horrible punishment should put him on the straight and narrow.

A parent who takes ALL their kids toys away as punishment for theft and breach of trust is going way OTT.

A parent who would have their 9 year old cut a lawn with a scissors, or clean the yard with a toothbrush belongs in jail. The very fact that you mentioned "horrible punishment" shows you lack empathy and logical thought.

toyotaavensis wrote: »

OP santa claus giving him a lump of coal would be a good idea too.

Another outstanding suggestion. Take one of the most important days of the year from a 9 year old. Lovely ever lasting memory there. Disgusting!

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I think the advice to throw away, or give away things such as the Wii, or "all his toys" as someone else suggested is a bit ott.

The child is 9, and has a lot of his childhood left. If everything is given away, then it will only end in the parents replacing most of it over the next while.

Ok, he needs to be punished, and more importantly needs to be made realise how wrong what he did was. BUT throwing away things isn't the way to go about it.

Taking things, and putting them away.. maybe. And he can earn them back. But the child isn't a criminal. He doesn't need to have a prolonged, unending punishment doled out.

He needs to know what he did was very wrong. He needs to understand EXACTLY why it was wrong. He needs to have a suitable punishment, and then everyone needs to move on from it.

I think the idea of having a money box with money in it building up.. and him trusting you not to take HIS money us an excellent suggestion, and is a lesson that can be taught at a practical level.

He's 9. He did wrong. No need to take every toy he owns away from him and let him suffer for the next x amount of years with nothing to play with.... Or worse, give everything away, and then replace it.

Couldn't agree more with this.

OP I think you have all the answers you need. Good luck with it. Do it right, and this won't have been a bad experience, but an opportunity to teach your son a valuable lesson to last for life.

Dilly.

Jezek wrote: »

a bit OTT maybe?

downright creul i think.

op you know your son and what he is capable of, none of us do and therefore its maybe not the best idea to be taking some of the advice given on here as some of it might be too lenient and other advice much too harsh imo. i would definately stay away from the likes of cutting the garden with scissors (which i sincerely hope was an exageration on that posters behalf) or others such as telling his aunts/uncles to 'shame' him.

again you are the only one who knows your son. if he does indeed have a history of 'stealing' then i would come down hard on it! trip to the guards for a chat and using up the points as you paid for them and taking the console away until after xmas.

if it were i and my otherwise 'good' child did this i would err on the side that he just didnt understand what actually happens when you enter those nunbers into a computer, that real money you earned is now gone. all the suggestions of allowing him to earn money, spend it, save it, plan what he is going to deal with it are great ideas, not as a punishment for this but are.important skills for all children to learn. i think maybe a credit card is too much of an abstract idea for him to fully understsnd that theres real money involed.

i was a bright child but i remember asking my mum why the bank couldnt just print more money and give it to poor people. im not sure what age i was but i know i pondered it for quite a while as she never bothered to explain it to me. im not attacking your parenting in any way but have a think. have you ever explained credit cards to your soon or given oppyrtunities to learn the value of money?

Phoebas

DesperateDan wrote: »

There's no point in taking the Wii off of him indefinitely, he obviously didn't associate the numbers on a colourful card, and the idea of Wii "points" with hard earned cash.

I don't think you give nine year old kids enough credit. Sure they don't have a good grasp of the value of money, but they do, in my experience, know that credit cards aren't just colourful cards.
And they do know what stealing is.

toyotaavensis

goz83 wrote: »

A parent who takes ALL their kids toys away as punishment for theft and breach of trust is going way OTT.

A parent who would have their 9 year old cut a lawn with a scissors, or clean the yard with a toothbrush belongs in jail. The very fact that you mentioned "horrible punishment" shows you lack empathy and logical thought.

Another outstanding suggestion. Take one of the most important days of the year from a 9 year old. Lovely ever lasting memory there. Disgusting!

Couldn't agree more with this.

OP I think you have all the answers you need. Good luck with it. Do it right, and this won't have been a bad experience, but an opportunity to teach your son a valuable lesson to last for life.

When I was a young lad 7/8 I was told once to do something but I stayed playing with a game on the computer. My father uninstalled the game and threw the disc into the fire. Next time I was told do something I did it.

You dont get jail for making a child do some hard work. It is teaching them a lesson.

The point is to generate a lasting memory so the childs behaviour changes.

Dilly.

toyotaavensis wrote: »

When I was a young lad 7/8 I was told once to do something but I stayed playing with a game on the computer. My father uninstalled the game and threw the disc into the fire. Next time I was told do something I did it.

You dont get jail for making a child do some hard work. It is teaching them a lesson.

The point is to generate a lasting memory so the childs behaviour changes.

and now you thinks its appopriate it to make a child cut the lawn with scissors! not a great outcome from your fathers style of discipline and a lesson to all as to why it shouldn't be used!

toyotaavensis

I didnt mean a big lawn and it is a lot better than the way some people discipline their children now by letting them do what they like when they like with no consequences.

goz83

toyotaavensis wrote: »

When I was a young lad 7/8 I was told once to do something but I stayed playing with a game on the computer. My father uninstalled the game and threw the disc into the fire. Next time I was told do something I did it.

You dont get jail for making a child do some hard work. It is teaching them a lesson.

The point is to generate a lasting memory so the childs behaviour changes.

I ask my 10 and 6 year olds to empty the dishwasher, take out the bag bins, clean their rooms. My 2 year old is now learning how to clean up his toys when he makes a mess. If the misbehave, they are given a time out, or have toys taken away for a time.

Your father threw your game into the fire. Fair play to him. You learned your lesson, or did you really just learn how to be cruel?. Did he make you cut the grass with a scissors? Did he make you clean the yard with a toothbrush? At first, I thought maybe you were joking, but it's clear you have a warped sense of reality when it comes to parenting. I hope you don't have kids yourself. Maybe your next suggestion would be to paint the house with a tooth pick?

What you suggested is categorised as child cruelty. Kids have been removed from family homes for less.

Mr. Tom

toyotaavensis wrote: »

I didnt mean a big lawn and it is a lot better than the way some people discipline their children now by letting them do what they like when they like with no consequences.

Well it definately will generate a lasting memory that's for sure.

Vojera

goz83 wrote: »

Another outstanding suggestion. Take one of the most important days of the year from a 9 year old. Lovely ever lasting memory there. Disgusting!

I doubt the poster meant to replace all the toys with a lump of coal, but just to have a lump of coal there with the rest of them as a reminder that Santa knows what he did and next year there might be no toys to go with the coal if he does things like this again.

toyotaavensis

I think ye have missed my point a little. I dont mean that the lad should spend a full week non stop cuttling the lawn with scissors just a few hours. If it is a big lawn he doesnt have to cut it all. Again washing the yard with a toothbrush it doesnt have to be the whole lawn. I might be exagerating a bit.

That said a punishment involving hard work is not bad for a child.

toyotaavensis

goz83 wrote: »

What you suggested is categorised as child cruelty. Kids have been removed from family homes for less.

Any links to where children have been removed from their homes for this or are you just making up rubbish???

goz83

Vojera wrote: »

I doubt the poster meant to replace all the toys with a lump of coal, but just to have a lump of coal there with the rest of them as a reminder that Santa knows what he did and next year there might be no toys to go with the coal if he does things like this again.

I thought the same at first, but now I think he meant to give the kid no presents. At 9 years of age, the child like has no belief in Santa and would know the lack of presents, or lump of coal would be from mammy and daddy. Somehow I doubt the parents would even consider such cruel suggestions.

goz83

toyotaavensis wrote: »

Any links to where children have been removed from their homes for this or are you just making up rubbish???

I'm thinking you should just stick to the motors forum. You clearly know nothing about parenting. You would do well in a forced child labour camp though.

toyotaavensis

At 9 the child is probably in second class and may still believe.

You think that the way to go is son you stole money from us a few weeks ago but happy christmas we bought you lots of presents.

Phoebas

Vojera wrote: »

I doubt the poster meant to replace all the toys with a lump of coal, but just to have a lump of coal there with the rest of them as a reminder that Santa knows what he did and next year there might be no toys to go with the coal if he does things like this again.

I don't think the lump of coal idea is a good one - it tells the child that the punishment is coming from outside the family, when really it should be the parents doling out the punishment, not Santa.

But I don't get this idea that child gets a free pass on the infraction and only gets punished if they do it again. That just sounds like an empty threat to me and kids are well used to those. For something as serious as stealing from your parents, I think the punishment needs to be real and substantial.

Dilly.

toyotaavensis wrote: »

I didnt mean a big lawn and it is a lot better than the way some people discipline their children now by letting them do what they like when they like with no consequences.

there can be consequences without being creul. my father had similiar discipline methods to yours and your father. taught me nothing other than he was an absolute idiot, even as a child i could see that, and as result myslef and my siblings have zero respect for him and just about talk to him to pass ourselves. if you have children yourself i sincerely urge you to rethink your discipline views before you mess up their lives and leave yourself a very lonely old man in the future. that sort if behaviour is abuse!

goz83

toyotaavensis wrote: »

I think ye have missed my point a little. I dont mean that the lad should spend a full week non stop cuttling the lawn with scissors just a few hours. If it is a big lawn he doesnt have to cut it all. Again washing the yard with a toothbrush it doesnt have to be the whole lawn. I might be exagerating a bit.

That said a punishment involving hard work is not bad for a child.

I rest my case

Mr. Tom

Surely sending them out to cut the lawn with an actual lawnmower would be more beneficial to all parties concerned though?

toyotaavensis

goz83 wrote: »

I'm thinking you should just stick to the motors forum. You clearly know nothing about parenting. You would do well in a forced child labour camp though.

Your style of parenting where children face almost no consequences of bad behaviour causes them to behave worse which can contribute to a poor outcome for the child. If a child is left do what they like when they like come back in a few years down the line and they will probably be a criminal.

Forced labour camps are illegal in Ireland - you are just being silly now.

toyotaavensis

Mr. Tom wrote: »

Surely sending them out to cut the lawn with an actual lawnmower would be more beneficial to all parties concerned though?

Your probably right there but just cutting the lawn once seems a bit light a punishment for stealing.

goz83

toyotaavensis wrote: »

At 9 the child is probably in second class and may still believe.

You think that the way to go is son you stole money from us a few weeks ago but happy christmas we bought you lots of presents.

It's possible he could still believe. I didn't say otherwise.

I think the way to deal with it is by removing the console and possibly even selling it, because this is not the first time he stole. He should be grounded and all games to be taken away for a period of time. Chores to be added to pay back the money would be a good idea too. Hard labour would be out of the question and is down right cruel. If you can't see that, you are a disturbed person with bigger problems than you know.

toyotaavensis wrote: »

Your style of parenting where children face almost no consequences of bad behaviour causes them to behave worse which can contribute to a poor outcome for the child. If a child is left do what they like when they like come back in a few years down the line and they will probably be a criminal.

Forced labour camps are illegal in Ireland - you are just being silly now.

Funny that you comment on my parenting style. My kids happen to be quite well behaved and I haven't needed to torture them even once.

toyotaavensis

That is not hard labour. There is no lifting in using a scissors.

goz83

toyotaavensis wrote: »

That is not hard labour. There is no lifting in using a scissors.

and you don't suppose repeatedly cutting grass with a scissors, while hunched over would be painful, not to mention degrading. Child abuse I think.

You're either an idiot, or a trolling idiot. I have nothing more to say to you.

Faz6r

Shell_ wrote: »

..Hi everyone, I was unsure of which forum to leave this..
I'm in a terrible predicament here.. Today my son took my credit card and he used it to purchase €60 worth of Nintendo Wii points. (I think the points are used to buy games etc on the wii store). My issue here is that my son took my card and effectively stole from me. He knew exactly what he was doing as he is a very bright boy. He has stolen small amounts (€5) 2 or 3 times in the past. I'm heartbroken that he did this to my husband and I, not because of the amount of money he used but because he felt he could do that to us. My general way of punishing my kids when they are naughty is giving them time-out for a couple of minutes to reflect on they're behaviour. It always helps them to see that certain behaviour isn't acceptable.. Until today I have never had to think of another way to help my son via his behaviour.. My husband is furious and I am very sad. Somebody suggested I bring our son to the gardaí to have a wee chat. I don't know about that. I am just at a loss as to what do.. When I asked my son why he did this to us he simply replied "Cos I wanted to buy point's". I actually burst into tears, just couldn't believe he could do such a thing to us. As I said he is quite bright and well educated.. Can anybody, please advise me about what actions I should take..?? I really want to keep my son on the right path. He is generally a good kid and a very happy one too. Kind Regards -S..

bring him to a homeless food shelter for christmas, and show him what happens to bold people, then pretend to leave him there

WoollyRedHat

toyotaavensis wrote: »

I think ye have missed my point a little. I dont mean that the lad should spend a full week non stop cuttling the lawn with scissors just a few hours. If it is a big lawn he doesnt have to cut it all. Again washing the yard with a toothbrush it doesnt have to be the whole lawn. I might be exagerating a bit.

That said a punishment involving hard work is not bad for a child.

Well that's a relief, for a minute there, we thought you were being a little extreme!

goz83

Faz6r wrote: »

bring him to a homeless food shelter for christmas, and show him what happens to bold people, then pretend to leave him there

Are you suggesting that homeless people are bold people? Then putting fear into a 9 year old by pretending to leave him with a bunch of "bold people". The advice has here has literally become astonishing.