The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

Worztron

Lithium93_

smacl

evolving_doors

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dHSSiGnBh8

Worztron

Odhinn

As ye do

Three people who were arrested naked by Canadian police after kidnapping their neighbours and crashing their car into another vehicle were Jehovah’s Witnesses who believed that they were escaping the end of the world, according to court documents.
In a plea document obtained by the Canadian Press, two women and a man admitted to kidnapping three people in the western province of Alberta last year, which brought a degree of clarity to the bizarre incident last November. One of the women also pleaded guilty to dangerous driving.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/sep/25/canada-details-emerge-naked-kidnapping-case

recedite

Because the trunk didn't latch shut, the man was able to climb out when the vehicle slowed. His daughter, after getting her hand slammed in the door of the SUV, was able to get out with her baby. A passing truck stopped to help the trio and they climbed inside.
The document says the SUV then rammed the truck from behind and the woman and her baby were thrown into the truck's dash, although they were not injured. The SUV then went into a ditch.

That's why I never stop to pick up naked JW hitchhikers.

Hotblack Desiato

From the original report:

Police said earlier they believed drugs or alcohol may have been a factor.

:pac:

gaynorvader

...temperatures that hovered around 10C (50F) below zero

So...-10C...which is 14F. Gotta love that fact checking. Stellar media outlet.

recedite

Now as a footnote...

This article was amended on 26 September 2018. An earlier version converted 10C below 0 to 50F. 10C is the equivalent of 50F, -10C is 14F. This has been corrected.

There's no escaping the critical eagle eye of the A&A forum.

Turtwig

recedite wrote: »

Now as a footnote...There's no escaping the critical eagle eye of the A&A forum.

I remained convinced it was a poster from this forum that took to Dara to task on the triple point of water.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7SOLBuy8HI

Worztron

Worztron

Worztron

smacl

Lithium93_

Worztron

robindch

Careful now.

robindch

Huh?

Vatican releases its own 'Pokn Go' app that lets you chase Jesus and it's just as unbelievable as it sounds

https://observer.com/2018/10/pokemon-go-catholic-church-jesus-follow-jc-go-pope-francis-millennials/

Observer wrote:

When a legacy brand tries to stay hip and relevant with young people, the result often looks like Steve Buscemi’s “How do you do, fellow kids” meme. But the latest version is more like “How do you do, fellow Catholics?”

Yes, the Vatican is now trying to get in touch with millennials by releasing a game called Follow JC Go. As the name suggests, it’s based on Pokn Go, the augmented reality game that was all the rage back in 2016 (and is still played by diehard fans). Rather than chasing after Pikachu and Squirtle, the Vatican version involves collecting saints and other Biblical figures by answering philosophical questions about them. One hypothetical query on the app’s website is “Who said ‘My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?'” (Hint: it was Jesus.)

Once players “catch ’em all” using geolocation, their spiritual squad becomes an “evangelization team” that follows Jesus together. Players have to keep track of their avatars’ nutrition, hydration and “prayer count” by collecting special objects, saying prayers for the sick in hospitals and going into a church whenever they pass one. Follow JC Go was originally developed by the evangelical group Fundaciamanor World Youth Day. It reportedly cost $500,000 and took two years and 32,000 hours to develop.

The game is now available for both iOS and Android, though its geographical reach is limited. It’s only active in Italy and Spain at the moment, which at least means that you can to go to Vatican City and play a literal game of “Popemon Go.” Pope Francis is reportedly a fan of the game, which isn’t a shock. While he hasn’t watched TV since 1990, Francis is a technologically savvy pontiff with an active Twitter account where he slams fake news.

The Catholic Church also needs all the help it can get when it comes to millennials. Almost 20 percent of the people who leave the Catholic Church are under the age of 25, and issues such as the ongoing abuse scandal have deterred them from coming back. But it’s somewhat surprising that the church is using Pokn Go to reach young people, because people who played the original game got in trouble for wandering into houses of worship.

In fact, Russian YouTuber Ruslan Sokolovsky was sentenced to three years probation because he filmed himself playing Pokn Go in a historic chapel. Dissidents (including the members of Pussy Riot) defended Sokolovsky, to no avail. While live streaming his stunt, Sokolovsky actually expressed regret that he “didn’t catch the rarest Pokn of all, Jesus.” Well, with the Vatican’s new game, he can.

Worztron

Hotblack Desiato

robindch wrote: »

Huh?

Vatican releases its own 'Pokn Go' app that lets you chase Jesus and it's just as unbelievable as it sounds

I think that's fallen victim to the Boards unicode bug where an accented character erases itself and the two characters to the right

Although quite a few catholic priests liked the idea of poke-n-go

Worztron

robindch

Satanists are stealing communions from churches and selling them on the black market. There's so much stolen bread that black-market prices for the stuff are in decline:

https://www.dublinlive.ie/news/satanists-buying-stolen-communion-bread-15348495

Dublin Live wrote:

A 'Ghostbusting' hermit priest based in Meath has said Holy Communion is being stolen and being used in Satanic rituals. Fr David Jones (64) said that Halloween is being 'hijacked by a dark source who wants to be honoured' and is urging parents to watch out for the dark side of the festive celebrations. The Welsh native, who has been living in Duleek for over a decade, says he doesn't want to spoil any child's fun, but hopes that parents will make sure evil doesn't get normalised as they celebrate.

He also said communion bread is easily being taken from churches and sold on the black market, where its prices have fallen because of the current ample supply. He said: "Children have fun and I don't want to take away from that. It's better that children don't realise that there is a sinister side to Halloween but parents should be aware and make sure kids don't think that evil and ugly is good. There is some strange dark element at work here that plays down other Christian feasts and ups this one. We don't say Happy Christmas anymore, it's Happy Holidays and yet all of a sudden, we celebrate all that is macabre and evil with Halloween. It's been hijacked by Lucifer and it's a bizarre situation because there is a massive erosion of Christianity globally."

Fr Jones also believes that prehistoric places, such as Newgrange and the Hill of Tara are sites where dark rituals are held. He said: "We know it is happening. I went to one local site in recent years and saw Satanic symbols newly chiselled out on the walls. We also know that consecrated hosts go missing from churches every month to be sold on the black market and desecrated in satanic rituals. It's very easy to get sacred hosts in Ireland. We know from CCTV that people go to churches when no-one is there and many priests and sacristans are careless about leaving the key to the tabernacle around or in a places that is easily guessed. Also, now that hosts are given into the hands of those coming to Communion, it's very easy to palm the Sacred Host and sell it later. They are disappearing all the time. I have had personal confirmation on this a number of times from Priests, Bishops and Archbishops"

Fr Jones warned against using Satan for short-term gains saying sinners will be slapped with an eternity in Hell if they give in to him. "Satan gives immediate benefit and answers fast but at a price. The success of some pop stars and celebrities is subscribable to this pact with him". He also reiterated his warning about the use of Reiki which, he says, opens up pores and shakras to negative as well as positive energies. "The people who engage in Reiki do so out of goodwill but the means is not safe. You are opening the channels to all who are out there and it's us, the Priests who have to pick up the pieces and Reiki is one of the worst ones to pick up the pieces from." The hermit, who speaks eight languages and rises at 3.15am each day, also admits that he is inundated with requests to rid homes of ghosts. "I should really list myself as Jones & Company Ghostbusters in the Yellow Pages," he laughs.

"Sometimes souls are stuck somewhere and usually a Mass helps to move them on but I know one house where there is such a malignant presence that no-one can live there. I was also recently stopped by a garage owner and you could see by the CCTV footage of things moving around that there was a presence there, which we have helped to calm so far."

Meanwhile, here's a picture of a fully-secular custard cream (which probably aren't being sold on the black market).

The high horse brigade

I read that last week. If you were a comedian you couldn't possibly make this stuff up. Comedy gold

ohnonotgmail

I thought the hosts were not consecrated until they are used in mass? Until then they have no special status?

Igotadose

robindch wrote: »

Satanists are stealing communions from churches and selling them on the black market. There's so much stolen bread that black-market prices for the stuff are in decline:

https://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/screen-used-prop-from-dogma-kevin-smith-hosties

Timely, obviously showing where all those wafers are going!

recedite

ohnonotgmail wrote: »

I thought the hosts were not consecrated until they are used in mass? Until then they have no special status?

All those for sale on the black market are guaranteed holified because they are the ones leftover after the mass. If you can prove otherwise, you can get your money back.

Seth Brundle

So are these holy wafers for sale on the dark web or on Dublin's Moore St?

smacl

Seth Brundle wrote: »

So are these holy wafers for sale on the dark web or on Dublin's Moore St?

They carry pretty much the same stock, maybe a bit more variety on Moore St

Odhinn

Seth Brundle wrote: »

So are these holy wafers for sale on the dark web or on Dublin's Moore St?

Probably get them up North, off them dubious protestants.