The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

mikhail

I didn't quote that one for relevance but it did make me laugh out loud, recedite.

Hotblack Desiato

On the Garda Traffic Twitter account:

Worztron

smacl

smacl

Lithium93_

smacl

Riiiiiiight....

smacl

Alternatively....

Worztron

oscarBravo

robindch

Local Grandmother Heartbroken After Grandkids Start At Educate Together

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2018/08/29/local-grandmother-heartbroken-after-grandkids-start-at-educate-together/

Waterford Whispers wrote:

WATERFORD harridan Deirdre Malley has spent the morning in floods of tears as she attempted to come to terms with her son’s decision to send his kids to a local Educate Together, instead of a “normal Catholic national school”.

Malley, 78, had managed to hold it together with the absolute minimum amount of passive aggressiveness throughout the summer after her son David and his sly, trouble-making protestant wife, initially told her that they would be sending their twin girls to Knockamassan Educate Together, believing that they would come to their senses and send the kids to St. Colmfearshagh of the Bleeding Aorta NS, which they were in the catchment area for and where ‘there were places readily available for **** sake’.

However, Mrs. Malley was inconsolable this morning as pictures of her uniform-less granddaughters standing at the gates of the Educate Together surrounded by ‘all sorts of children’ arrived to her mobile phone, and the reality dawned on her that her family now contained children which would never see the gates of heaven.

“It doesn’t even look like a school, it looks like a clinic you’d go to if you wanted your breasts checked if you could afford to go private,” sobbed Mrs. Malley, writing her son out of her will.

“A school shouldn’t look like that. A school should have pebbledash, and look like the kind of place you’d go to learn a devastating truth about your family. This ‘Educate Together’ place has signs up in multiple languages! It has murals on the walls of kids, and they’re not even all white! It doesn’t even have a water tower that smells like dead birds!”

“What sort of education are my grandkids going to get at all, eh? They won’t even be getting Holy Communion! This is David thinking that that his children won’t have an oppressive, iron-rod Catholic presence in his kids’ lives, constantly berating them for being filthy sinners in the eyes of the lord, teaching them right from wrong by terrifying them into conforming… well, he’s got another thing coming. I’m still alive, aren’t I?”

Malley is now determined to spend the rest of the day thinking up ways to belittle her grandkids achievements at school and dismiss them with tuts and harrumphs whenever they talk about their new friends and teachers, as well as dropping regular tidbits about how well her neighbours grandchildren are getting on at ‘real school’.

Lithium93_

oscarBravo

robindch

Another Spanish amateur steps up and renders Jesus, Mary and Joseph as you've never seen them before:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-45455125

silverharp

https://twitter.com/_youhadonejob1/status/1038169026185375744

Worztron

as_mo_bhosca

Pope Francis needs our prayers. Pope Francis has suffered from illness and this is the second time he has fallen in a month. Pope Francis has only one lungs because the other has been removed due to infections. He needs more of our prayers than ever. We ask all Catholics and non Catholics all over the world to pray for Pope Francis so that he can continue his reforms and helping the poor as the leader of humanity.
Our goal is to reach ten million Hail Mary for Pope. The campaign has just began. Share this message to 5 groups in order to support Pope Francis' work. Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with you. You are blessed among women and Jesus the fruit of your womb is blessed. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us poor sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Don't forget to share to help us reach our goal of 10miillion Holy Jesus .
We can achieve it.

Seth Brundle

as_mo_bhosca wrote: »

Pope Francis needs our prayers. Pope Francis has suffered from illness and this is the second time he has fallen in a month. Pope Francis has only one lungs because the other has been removed due to infections. He needs more of our prayers than ever. We ask all Catholics and non Catholics all over the world to pray for Pope Francis so that he can continue his reforms and helping the poor as the leader of humanity.
Our goal is to reach ten million Hail Mary for Pope. The campaign has just began. Share this message to 5 groups in order to support Pope Francis' work. Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with you. You are blessed among women and Jesus the fruit of your womb is blessed. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us poor sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Don't forget to share to help us reach our goal of 10miillion Holy Jesus .
We can achieve it.

Eh? Waiting for a punchline to this joke

as_mo_bhosca

Sorry... meant to put up that this was a Facebook post my mother's friend had up. I find it hilarious

ShooterSF

I love that they're crowd funding hail mary's. If they reach the 10 million have they any stretch goals?

pauldla

I notice they are using a variant of the Hail Mary...?

Peregrinus

pauldla wrote: »

I notice they are using a variant of the Hail Mary...?

There are other clues in the message to suggest that the whole thing is a translation into English by somebody who doesn't speak fluent English. The Pope has "only one lungs", for example, and there is a stated goal "to reach ten million Hail Mary for Pope".

So, I'm guessing that someone translated the Hail Mary from some other language into English without being aware of the conventional English rendering of the prayer.

Hotblack Desiato

Phew. Thought it might have been the protestants up to no good as usual. Just think of the damage 10 million slightly defective Hail Marys could do.

Peregrinus

Good point! He's already down to just the one lung. This is not the moment to be getting things wrong.

oscarBravo

Peregrinus wrote: »

So, I'm guessing that someone translated the Hail Mary from some other language into English without being aware of the conventional English rendering of the prayer.

Yup. It reads like a pretty direct translation of the French version, for example (which, for my sins (yuk, yuk), I can still remember from when I first learned it in 1983).

robindch

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Just think of the damage 10 million slightly defective Hail Marys could do.

We can at least blame Malachy McCourt for some of that.

Hotblack Desiato

Let's not get started about Gladly the cross-eyed bear...

smacl

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Let's not get started about Gladly the cross-eyed bear...

My favourite biblical character!

Cabaal

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

Phew. Thought it might have been the protestants up to no good as usual. Just think of the damage 10 million slightly defective Hail Marys could do.

Hail Mary's aren't the problem,
It's the people using them :pac:

ohnonotgmail

Cabaal wrote: »

Hail Mary's aren't the problem,
It's the people using them :pac:

So the only defence to a bad guy with a hail mary is a good guy with a hail mary?