horrible or awkward dating experiences

Ihatecuddles-old

I've posted this before.

Went on a date, great night, got on really well. Went home together, bit of how's your father....woke up The next morning and turned onto my stomach to talk to him, I did a massive fart. I never fart.

I was mortified. It was so loud if he laughed it wouldn't have been so bad, he just stared at me in complete silence while I buried my face in the pillow.

Nialler15

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I've posted this before.

Went on a date, great night, got on really well. Went home together, bit of how's your father....woke up The next morning and turned onto my stomach to talk to him, I did a massive fart. I never fart.

I was mortified. It was so loud if he laughed it wouldn't have been so bad, he just stared at me in complete silence while I buried my face in the pillow.

Do girls fart??? What? NOOOOOO tell me its not true.

endacl

kylith wrote: »

Who's biting?

I'm confused as to where you think it could have come from that I could possibly confuse with my feet.

His feet maybe??

Ihatecuddles-old

Nialler15 wrote: »

Do girls fart??? What? NOOOOOO tell me its not true.

I fart once a year. He caught me on a bad day! I burp like a monster though.

Nialler15

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I fart once a year. He caught me on a bad day! I burp like a monster though.

Burping is ok. We can have competitions Ihate. As for farting. Do you know what day of the year it happens? I dont want to be around.

Staff Infection

Not so much awkward date but an awkward parting of ways (dumping).

Went out a few times with this girl and it was fine but I wasn't clicking with her. So I decided it would be best if I ended the relationship as there was no point stringing the girl on if I didn't think it was going to work out. However, I chose the worst time to end it.

Had arranged to met for lunch and it was my plan to say it was over just after we got dessert (and I had paid the bill so as not to leave her broken hearted and paying a bill for two). However, there were two other couples near us and I couldn't dump her in front of them. So I walked her to her bus stop with the intention of saying it as her bus pulled up so she could hop on it to get away from me. However, there were a few unsavory characters at the bus stop so I said I'd get on with her until her stop.

At this point I was sick of putting it off so after I sat beside her it got the better of me and I announced "this isn't working out, I think we should call us a day before it goes on too long and we get too..." as I was saying this she got sad, said if that's what I want then fine and proceed to turn away from me and look out the window. Normally I would have gotten off at the next stop but we were sitting upstairs with the rough looking people at the back shouting nonsense and being aggressive so I wouldn't allow myself to move and instead sat their until her stop for another 15 minutes getting (rightly so) the cold shoulder and silent treatment. Then at her stop I stood up let her out said bye and that was it. Most awkward 15 minutes of my life, I actually tried to break the silence at the half way point by saying "so any plans for the weekend?" which got me a very dirty look and made the continued silence even more cringey.

Ihatecuddles-old

Nialler15 wrote: »

Burping is ok. We can have competitions Ihate. As for farting. Do you know what day of the year it happens? I dont want to be around.

Couldn't tell you. I frighten myself when it happens!

Norwesterner

Lay in a field in Bundoran one night (nice romantic start to the story), with a lass striding on top of me.
Beautiful starry scene above, and I couldn't have asked for more.
Till i realised the soft natural cushion under my head was a freshly-squeezed cowpat.
I kept schtum so as not to spoil the moment for her or kill her passion.
Only she then started crying (drunk-woman style crying) and talking about her miscarriage from the year previous and this was her first sex since then.
I sat up and listened trying to look forlorn.
All the while, hoping she wouldn't notice my hair caked in sh#t or the vomit inducing stench.
We parted that night amicably.

Nialler15

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

Couldn't tell you. I frighten myself when it happens!

I find that if you do a little and often its much better.

wrmwit

I had gone on a couple of dates with this girl when she invited me back to her place. We went to her room and she told me I had to brush my teeth before we got into bed. I was like, no problem, but I don't have a tooth brush. She took a shoe box out of her wardrobe and when she opened it, it was full of new toothbrushes, still in their wrapping. So I took one and she said "I demand all of my sleep-overs to brush their teeth before they get into bed with me"!

So, I brushed my teeth, did the deed and ran a mile!

itac

Two that stand out from over the years....

First guy was a busker, i stopped to listen to him one monday evening on the way home from work when living in Newcastle upon Tyne. We started chatting, he seemed lovely and funny so we swopped emails, emailed each other over the next few days, funny lovely man seemed to be his nature, so arranged to meet him on the Friday after work. We met, he was hammered & high on something, gave out about the state of the beer, the state of the pub, and inevitably, the state of the nation, blamed a lot on the immigrants (and kept saying "i'm not saying you're an immigrant, you're just a paddy, they're not as bad as the rest...") He was cautioned twice by the bar staff for being too loud and disrupting others before i made my excuses about a last bus home (at 8pm...!) and left!

The other was a few yrs ago, met a nice guy, had stayed over with him twice, third night at his we had a big talk, i explained i didn't want anything serious, just a casual no commitment kinda thing-he thought that was fantastic. Next morning we're talking and he's telling me i should buy spare pyjamas/toiletries and clothes for his flat, as i'd be staying there so often....
I think our definitions of casual may have been slightly different...

**Vai**

Norwesterner wrote: »

Lay in a field in Bundoran one night (nice romantic start to the story), with a lass striding on top of me.
Beautiful starry scene above, and I couldn't have asked for more.
Till i realised the soft natural cushion under my head was a freshly-squeezed cowpat.
I kept schtum so as not to spoil the moment for her or kill her passion.
Only she then started crying (drunk-woman style crying) and talking about her miscarriage from the year previous and this was her first sex since then.
I sat up and listened trying to look forlorn.
All the while, hoping she wouldn't notice my hair caked in sh#t or the vomit inducing stench.
We parted that night amicably.

Thats the classiest story I have ever heard. Reminds me of a piece from a Jane Austen novel.

Nialler15

itac wrote: »

Two that stand out from over the years....

First guy was a busker, i stopped to listen to him one monday evening on the way home from work when living in Newcastle upon Tyne. We started chatting, he seemed lovely and funny so we swopped emails, emailed each other over the next few days, funny lovely man seemed to be his nature, so arranged to meet him on the Friday after work. We met, he was hammered & high on something, gave out about the state of the beer, the state of the pub, and inevitably, the state of the nation, blamed a lot on the immigrants (and kept saying "i'm not saying you're an immigrant, you're just a paddy, they're not as bad as the rest...") He was cautioned twice by the bar staff for being too loud and disrupting others before i made my excuses about a last bus home (at 8pm...!) and left!

The other was a few yrs ago, met a nice guy, had stayed over with him twice, third night at his we had a big talk, i explained i didn't want anything serious, just a casual no commitment kinda thing-he thought that was fantastic. Next morning we're talking and he's telling me i should buy spare pyjamas/toiletries and clothes for his flat, as i'd be staying there so often....
I think our definitions of casual may have been slightly different...

Ah the poor guy...The busker might have been a better option

wrmwit

I hooked with a girl I had known for a few years one night. The morning after I woke up and she had her 6 month old baby tucked in between us. I was about to leave but she offered to cook me breakfast. It would have been rude to say no, so I ran a mile after that!

I bumped into her in a shop last year and she introduced me to her 6 year old daughter! AWKWARD!

Czarcasm

Nialler15 wrote: »

Do girls fart??? What? NOOOOOO tell me its not true.

Do they whaaaat? :eek: I was doing work for a woman yesterday and thank fcuk I have no sense of smell... Every 20 minutes or so she'd let rip, followed by "Sorry, sorry...", I tried not to draw attention to it because I couldn't smell it, but her husband then came up from downstairs and closed the door! :pac:

Awkward dates, well, fcukloads of 'em, awkward one night stands, plenty of them too-

Czarcasm wrote: »

That'd honestly make me laugh though, but then I'm a bit of an odd bastard at the best of times, such as the day I wen't to doggy style a girl and suddenly she shouted "Aaaagh! Spearrr...", before she shot forward and burst her head off the headboard and then curled up in the foetal position.

I hadn't a clue what was after happening until she whispered "My ass, you dumb fcuk!" :pac:

astonaidan

Mr Benevolent wrote: »

Before one date the girl passed off her sister's picture as her. Needless to say there was 100kg in the difference.

I hate when your trying to pick up fatties and turns out there hot skinny sister shows up instead :mad:

Chin Stroker

Katgurl wrote: »

Then he held my hand announcing it was mating season

I am pie

A friend of mine, met an older lady in the pub, went home together for a night of it, he said he was fairly loud as he was pretty hammered and that he remembered her being a bit embarassed by his shouty ways. Got up in the morning about to get a taxi home, she said no need, I'll get my son to drop you home! 20 yr old son appears mortified from the bedroom next door and drops my pal back into town...most awkward half hour car trip of his life.

Kevhog1988

I am pie wrote: »

A friend of mine, met an older lady in the pub, went home together for a night of it, he said he was fairly loud as he was pretty hammered and that he remembered her being a bit embarassed by his shouty ways. Got up in the morning about to get a taxi home, she said no need, I'll get my son to drop you home! 20 yr old son appears mortified from the bedroom next door and drops my pal back into town...most awkward half hour car trip of his life.

Im crying laughing at that

Kevhog1988

Have had a few major awkward ones.. met a girl online... 2 people in her profiler... presumed she was the fitty not the fatty... met her after a few weeks and ended up leading her on just for the ride for about 6 months as i was having a bad patch. Had to get rid when she started asking me to meet her family and go to family do's etc. Ended up drunk dialling her n back for sexytime... now im trying to get rid of a **** buddy how do i dump a regular shag??

Norwesterner

theemigrant wrote: »

Have had a few major awkward ones.. met a girl online... 2 people in her profiler... presumed she was the fitty not the fatty... met her after a few weeks and ended up leading her on just for the ride for about 6 months as i was having a bad patch. Had to get rid when she started asking me to meet her family and go to family do's etc. Ended up drunk dialling her n back for sexytime... now im trying to get rid of a **** buddy how do i dump a regular shag??

That reads like the lyrics of a Ding Dong Denny O Reilly song.

Czarcasm

theemigrant wrote: »

Have had a few major awkward ones.. met a girl online... 2 people in her profiler... presumed she was the fitty not the fatty... met her after a few weeks and ended up leading her on just for the ride for about 6 months as i was having a bad patch. Had to get rid when she started asking me to meet her family and go to family do's etc. Ended up drunk dialling her n back for sexytime... now im trying to get rid of a **** buddy how do i dump a regular shag??

Grow a pair of balls?

Chancer3001

One night stand with some girl. Early next morning I went to leave while she was still sleeping. Crept out of the room and tip tied down the stairs. Only to find the front door was locked. I needed a key to get out.
So had to go back upstairs, she was up and scowling at me. Basically threw the key in my face.

kylith

Nialler15 wrote: »

The finest of spongy cotton. Want my address? What time shall i expect you?

Don't worry, I know where you live, I'll surprise you.

Larbre34 wrote: »

Go on, you're Kirsty from Eastenders, aren't you?

I literally have no idea who you're talking about. Does she bleed a lot?

darkdubh

Met this girl on a blind date off an internet dating website about 10 years ago.She was very attractive but she made harldly any attempt at conversation.She just sat opposite me the whole time with her arms folded and anything I'd say to her she'd give monosyalibic one word answers.Very awkward.Diden't go any further needless to say.

Amerika

After graduating high school I got a summer job at the largest beer festival in the US, which ran for about a month, before heading off to college. One morning I was put in charge with the disposal of a truckload of large garbage bags at the local dump. One ripped open and out poured beer tickets. Every bag had beer tickets! I kept 4 bags. I proceeded to make a phone call to a friend in my hometown and said everyone was invited that night to the festival and the beers were on me. Who’s everyone he asked. Everyone and anyone was my response.

That afternoon I was on a date with the president of the beer festival’s daughter. He had given me the day off to show his daughter a good time. When the date ended she wanted to get together later that evening to continue the date, but I had other plans. I told her I had to work as the excuse, becasue I had another date with a hot gal that worked at the festival, and wanted to party hardy. (Yeah stupid, but I was only 17).

That evening about 50 people showed up at the beer hall from my hometown, and I gave them all beer tickets. My date had a good time and things were going along fine, until the girl from the earlier date showed up and put on a scene. A short time later she came back with here father and security, and I was hauled off to the front office. Security was suspicious because our area was drinking plenty, but not buying any tickets. They figured out what had happened. They said they were going to call the police on me. Thinking quickly, I said okay, but do you really want to do that? I’m 17 (drinking age is 21), and just about everyone in our group was underage. The police will probably shut down the festival after they question me.

He turned white as a ghost. After talking a short time with security, he said if I give him the remainder of the beer tickets he would forget the matter, and to come see him the next morning. I turned back half a bag of tickets and returned to the beer hall (much to his chagrin) and continued the date and the party. After the hall closed I went home with my date, as her parents were out of town. Very early in the morning her parents came home unexpected, and I had to jump out of the bedroom window, and proceeded to be attacked by the most viscous German Shepherd I’ve ever come across… sending me to the hospital.

From the hospital after patching up puncture wounds, I went to work. The president of the festival said he had to admire the balls it took to pull off what I did the prior day. He said he was promoting me, but the girl I had spent the prior evening with was fired, and I had to keep his daughter happy for the remainder of the time I was employed. Which I agreed to.

Unfortunately the "promotion" I received required me to wear Lederhosen and get a haircut. Not something a young hippie relishes. Win some, lose some I guess.

The next day I had a girl take a liking to me, who came in with an outlaw motorcycle gang to the festival -- and were camping in the open field next to our staff trailer. She happened to be a former member of Charles Manson’s "family." But that is another story...

Norwesterner

darkdubh wrote: »

Met this girl on a blind date off an internet dating website about 10 years ago.She was very attractive but she made harldly any attempt at conversation.She just sat opposite me the whole time with her arms folded and anything I'd say to her she'd give monosyalibic one word answers.Very awkward.Diden't go any further needless to say.

Yeah, I know these types. No doubt would chat for hours online.

Norwesterner

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

I've posted this before.

Went on a date, great night, got on really well. Went home together, bit of how's your father....woke up The next morning and turned onto my stomach to talk to him, I did a massive fart. I never fart.

I was mortified. It was so loud if he laughed it wouldn't have been so bad, he just stared at me in complete silence while I buried my face in the pillow.

Awww. Thats actually a cementing point in any relationship.
Farting out loud next to your partner is really the moment you've reached a point that you finally feel at ease with each other.
He was a keeper and you let him go.

Esoteric_

Had agreed in theory to a date with somebody I'd been chatting to online for a few days.

Was out with friends, a bit drunk, when he messaged me, asking to meet up. I figured it was a good time, because I could go back to my friends after.

Guy spent the whole time talking about how his ex broke his heart, even crying a little at one point.

I eventually left (after about 20 minutes!) and got a text to say how lovely I am and that he thought he might be falling in love with me. :eek:

Needless to say, I changed my phone number.

Potatoeman

Norwesterner wrote: »

Lay in a field in Bundoran one night (nice romantic start to the story), with a lass striding on top of me.
Beautiful starry scene above, and I couldn't have asked for more.
Till i realised the soft natural cushion under my head was a freshly-squeezed cowpat.
I kept schtum so as not to spoil the moment for her or kill her passion.
Only she then started crying (drunk-woman style crying) and talking about her miscarriage from the year previous and this was her first sex since then.
I sat up and listened trying to look forlorn.
All the while, hoping she wouldn't notice my hair caked in sh#t or the vomit inducing stench.
We parted that night amicably.

At least you were not a ****head about it.