Strange One Night Stand Stories

Lando Griffin · 24-04-2013 12:42PM

Robot_Carl wrote: »

15 percent more like, if even that.

5 percent in my village

Frank Black · 24-04-2013 01:20PM

Boogietime wrote: »

Got away, 50meters away from the block I realized I still had my rubber on. Had a laugh with the man and then went home, safe and sound!

Is this some kind of euphemism about having gay sex with your friend?
I can understand the sexual frustration which may have been involved and I'm not one to judge - but still.

kylith · 24-04-2013 01:39PM

syklops wrote: »

It is very very rare for that to happen. So people who say it does don't know what they are talking about, hence my bullsh!t comment.

Is it very rare though? I don't tend to be on the end that has a view. It doesn't happen in porn because they have enemas beforehand, but if you're just slipping it up after a night out you should expect that there may be some faecal matter.

DarkJager · 24-04-2013 01:49PM

NothingMan wrote: »

:eek: He had it out like? Was he looking to join in?

I couldn't make sense of it either. Was the dad 6.4ft or did he have a 6.4ft penis that can talk?

pappyodaniel · 24-04-2013 02:29PM

A lady never tells.

trickymicky · 24-04-2013 02:30PM

ToddyDoody wrote: »

I can recall eating McDonald's food and enjoying it, not wanting to leave 90% of it behind. McDonald's food was listed as one of my fears on my bebo profile, hadn't been eaten in 12 years and is usually enough sober to make me gag, and gag at the person eating it for at least a few weeks, pending a purification ritual.

wtf?????

trickymicky · 24-04-2013 02:34PM

Pug160 wrote: »

We're on an internet forum - so the chances are most of us are not Casanovas or Don Juans. The guy you've just described sounds like one of the 20 percent of guys who gets all the girls. Good on him. He'll have lots of good memories when he's an old man.

as well as the occasional std for good measure:D

wonderfulname · 24-04-2013 02:44PM

ringadingding wrote: »

You're hammering the shít into 3 potential holes with abandonment...

Are you really now? Have you had sex?

Birneybau · 24-04-2013 02:49PM

ringadingding wrote: »

All this call of bull**** from ****.

A proper drunken or drug filled session very often leaves various stains.

You're hammering the shít into 3 potential holes with abandonment.
That gets messy.

Usually the messier it is the bigger the smile

Are we talking about porn or real life?

Birneybau · 24-04-2013 02:50PM

Mickey H wrote: »

Quote of the week. LMFOA.

Focking Orse Arf?

ilovesleep · 24-04-2013 02:51PM

nua domhan wrote: »

I had a friend who took a girl home one night and after they did the drunken nasty they fell asleep. He was pretty pissed and in the early hours woke himself wetting the bed. Not wanting to embarrass himself in front of the young woman, and seeing his chance to get her out he started shouting at her "What the f**k are you doing pissing the bed?"

Poor girl was almost in tears apologising getting into the taxi home. He flipped the mattress and went back to sleep.

What a dickhead

ilovesleep · 24-04-2013 03:13PM

I shared a night with someone and it went very well. I didn't believe anything was going to follow suite between us like a love affair or anything. A few days afterwards he told me he had a small gift for sending me and I was completely taken aback by this. He was so forward about it. I thought it was a lovely gesture of friendship & I was excited waiting for it. Nothing came of it but an excuse, leaving it open followed by more excuses when I next required about it & in the time between his offering & me bringing a stop on things, he was hot & cold & warm. Excuses dragged everything out with so much uncertainty. Me thinking was he real or not. Sure why would someone lie like that. Lived for a bit with so much uncertainty, doubt, confusion, false hope that maybe he would find his gift & correct his disappointment.

His gift was nothing. Just a pack of demoralising lies. A stunt so I wouldn't forget about him in a hurry.

Lollipops23 · 24-04-2013 03:21PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

I shared a night with someone and it went very well. I didn't believe anything was going to follow suite between us like a love affair or anything. A few days afterwards he told me he had a small gift for sending me and I was completely taken aback by this. He was so forward about it. I thought it was a lovely gesture of friendship & I was excited waiting for it. Nothing came of it but an excuse, leaving it open followed by more excuses when I next required about it & in the time between his offering & me bringing a stop on things, he was hot & cold & warm. Excuses dragged everything out with so much uncertainty. Me thinking was he real or not. Sure why would someone lie like that. Lived for a bit with so much uncertainty, doubt, confusion, false hope that maybe he would find his gift & correct his disappointment.

His gift was nothing. Just a pack of demoralising lies. A stunt so I wouldn't forget about him in a hurry.

Wow.

Awkward........

ash23 · 24-04-2013 03:23PM

"put it in"

"it is in"

"........oh........."

There's no recovering from that by the way. Just a prolonged, awkward moment where you both want to get as far away from each other as possible.

24-04-2013 03:24PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

I shared a night with someone and it went very well. I didn't believe anything was going to follow suite between us like a love affair or anything. A few days afterwards he told me he had a small gift for sending me and I was completely taken aback by this. He was so forward about it. I thought it was a lovely gesture of friendship & I was excited waiting for it. Nothing came of it but an excuse, leaving it open followed by more excuses when I next required about it & in the time between his offering & me bringing a stop on things, he was hot & cold & warm. Excuses dragged everything out with so much uncertainty. Me thinking was he real or not. Sure why would someone lie like that. Lived for a bit with so much uncertainty, doubt, confusion, false hope that maybe he would find his gift & correct his disappointment.

His gift was nothing. Just a pack of demoralising lies. A stunt so I wouldn't forget about him in a hurry.

Why do you keep posting this all the time?

Czarcasm · 24-04-2013 03:25PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

I shared a night with someone and it went very well. I didn't believe anything was going to follow suite between us like a love affair or anything. A few days afterwards he told me he had a small gift for sending me and I was completely taken aback by this. He was so forward about it. I thought it was a lovely gesture of friendship & I was excited waiting for it. Nothing came of it but an excuse, leaving it open followed by more excuses when I next required about it & in the time between his offering & me bringing a stop on things, he was hot & cold & warm. Excuses dragged everything out with so much uncertainty. Me thinking was he real or not. Sure why would someone lie like that. Lived for a bit with so much uncertainty, doubt, confusion, false hope that maybe he would find his gift & correct his disappointment.

His gift was nothing. Just a pack of demoralising lies. A stunt so I wouldn't forget about him in a hurry.

It seems to have worked.

Birneybau · 24-04-2013 03:31PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

....etc...His gift was nothing. Just a pack of demoralising lies. A stunt so I wouldn't forget about him in a hurry.

Personal issues is that way ==============>

Or is it that way? <====================

Anyway, it ain't here.

Czarcasm · 24-04-2013 03:39PM

ash23 wrote: »

"put it in"

"it is in"

"........oh........."

There's no recovering from that by the way. Just a prolonged, awkward moment where you both want to get as far away from each other as possible.

That'd honestly make me laugh though, but then I'm a bit of an odd bastard at the best of times, such as the day I wen't to doggy style a girl and suddenly she shouted "Aaaagh! Spearrr...", before she shot forward and burst her head off the headboard and then curled up in the foetal position.

I hadn't a clue what was after happening until she whispered "My ass, you dumb fcuk!" :pac:

Mr Benevolent · 24-04-2013 03:47PM

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

I have no funny one night stands But the strangest one was waking up next to this girl who despite my numerous ways of waking her up including shaking her vigorously, would not rouse :eek: I was scared ****less, her breathing was really shallow, couldn't find a pulse. She was fine the night before, both of us a little drunk but grand. She was warm, and didn't look odd(/dead!) just looked like she was in a deep sleep. And then all of a sudden she just jumped upright. Scared the hell out of me cos she was out of it for a fairly long time I was like "do i leave, do i stay, do I call for help..."

Anyway, she was grand. Apparantly happens to her every now and again

You're really Teddy Tedson, aren't you?

Jaxxy · 24-04-2013 03:47PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

That'd honestly make me laugh though, but then I'm a bit of an odd bastard at the best of times, such as the day I wen't to doggy style a girl and suddenly she shouted "Aaaagh! Spearrr...", before she shot forward and burst her head off the headboard and then curled up in the foetal position.

I hadn't a clue what was after happening until she whispered "My ass, you dumb fcuk!" :pac:

Reading this thread while on the bus is NOT a good idea. Was trying not to laugh so it started coming out in hisses, making me sound possessed.

Ya fecker.

bb1234567 · 24-04-2013 03:59PM

nua domhan wrote: »

I had a friend who took a girl home one night and after they did the drunken nasty they fell asleep. He was pretty pissed and in the early hours woke himself wetting the bed. Not wanting to embarrass himself in front of the young woman, and seeing his chance to get her out he started shouting at her "What the f**k are you doing pissing the bed?"

Poor girl was almost in tears apologising getting into the taxi home. He flipped the mattress and went back to sleep.

Your friend is so nice. i want a friend just like him

rain on · 24-04-2013 04:04PM

I once went home with a fella and even though he had a double bed with two accessible sides, he only had a night stand on one side.

fullstop · 24-04-2013 04:07PM

ilovesleep wrote: »

I shared a night with someone and it went very well. I didn't believe anything was going to follow suite between us like a love affair or anything. A few days afterwards he told me he had a small gift for sending me and I was completely taken aback by this. He was so forward about it. I thought it was a lovely gesture of friendship & I was excited waiting for it. Nothing came of it but an excuse, leaving it open followed by more excuses when I next required about it & in the time between his offering & me bringing a stop on things, he was hot & cold & warm. Excuses dragged everything out with so much uncertainty. Me thinking was he real or not. Sure why would someone lie like that. Lived for a bit with so much uncertainty, doubt, confusion, false hope that maybe he would find his gift & correct his disappointment.

His gift was nothing. Just a pack of demoralising lies. A stunt so I wouldn't forget about him in a hurry.

Is it just me who can't make any sense of this

stoneill · 24-04-2013 05:21PM

I had to stand outside all night once.

A0 · 24-04-2013 05:38PM

stoneill wrote: »

I had to stand outside all night once.

Poor you...

smash · 24-04-2013 05:39PM

We should have a "bullsh!t story" thread so people can post there instead.

kiffer · 24-04-2013 05:44PM

I'll never forget this one nightstand...

A0 · 24-04-2013 05:45PM

kiffer wrote: »

I'll never forget this one nightstand...

Tell us more. We want to know.

Corvo · 24-04-2013 05:56PM

Not really one I enjoy reliving but here goes...

I take a day off work with the intention of going on a session and backing a few horses. I plan an early night too so off I go happy as Larry.

Sure enough, my luck is in that day and I pocket close to €400 along with my wages for the day which totalled another €400 or so. So here I am with a fat wallet and I say feck it, I'll head to the nightclub. Never really did nights out, always preferred the day, so this was unusual enough for me.

Of course, I end up totally pished and I am dancing like an eejit. For some reason, a girl in the nightclub finds this tribe-like movement sexy and I can only assume that she thinks I am dancing to Return to Innocence by Enigma or something, because I am really pulling out the funky/shockingly embarrassing moves (please refrain from PM'ing me ladies, I'm trying to tell a story :cool:) If I remember correctly, I had donned my jacket again, increasing the sexiness.

I end up with this lady anyway and all is cool. I don't remember much but only that my friend had also pulled one of his ex-girlfriends which was also a bad idea. As far as my brain goes, my night ends there. I did a Teddy Tedson on it and blacked out.

Anyway, I wake the next morning and my friend is in the house.

He's laughin his head off and asks how I got on last night with the young one.

Me: 'Sure I said good night to her outside the nightclub'

Friend: 'Like fook you did, I came down for a drink and you were in the sitting room with her chatting'

Me: 'Are ye sure?'

Friend: 'Yep'

Me: <checks wallet> Ah bollix.

Every single crispy €50 note I had was gone.

I also had a big gash on my private area which looked like teeth marks

PrincessPreach · 24-04-2013 06:13PM

ash23 wrote: »

"put it in"

"it is in"

"........oh........."

There's no recovering from that by the way. Just a prolonged, awkward moment where you both want to get as far away from each other as possible.

Why would you ever say that to a guy?? If you're not sure if it's in just shut up ffs. Why would you create such an awkward situation and embarrass the man? Jesus

Strange One Night Stand Stories

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