Anyone else not want children?

Idjit

I'm female and in my twenties and I feel the same. I'm terrified of the prospect of raising children and frustrated because I know people are looking at me thinking I should want kids since I'm a woman. I can't even talk to kids and get really uncomfortable around them.

Babies look like little bags of red potatoes, I do not understand why people see them as cute. I've been this way since I was a teenager though, not a maternal bone in my body and that hasn't changed.

The people saying 'you'll change your mind when you're older'; I am older and I'm bloody tired of the condescension. If I do change my mind in the future, it wont be because of an increase in age, it'll just be a plain old change of mind!

I feel your pain OP, but you should really tell your partner about this now. She might feel like you wasted her time years down the line if she wants to have kids and you drop the bomb shell then.

darlett

Jade182 wrote: »

Babies look like little bags of red potatoes, I do not understand why people see them as cute.

That is simply brilliant. Again I'm sure if you have one they can seem to be beautiful or unique. Yes the babies are very precious to you but they don't seem to have distinguishing features so please put photos away. I cant do the gush talk with any feeling despite the best will in the world.

Awh-Gorgeous. Just like a Maris Piper

madmaggie

And when you are older, people will say 'hurry up before it's too late'. And later, they will say 'do you not regret it'. The number of times I have wanted to say 'just f**k off out of my life'. For the record I don't regret it, not for a second. I love spending time with my friends kids, but then they go home.

Too Tough To Die

I think if you don't want children, at least one child, there is something fundamentally wrong with you as a human being.

Femme_Fatale

Too Tough To Die wrote: »

I think if you don't want children, at least one child, there is something fundamentally wrong with you as a human being.

And you're entitled to that opinion.

darlett

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

And you're entitled to that opinion.

Yes they are of course and its valid as such. On the other hand I have aunts and uncles (for example) who are fundamentally decent and worthwhile human beings who have chosen not to reproduce so in my opinion such a myopic P.O.V. is repugnant and worthy of a slap.


But I agree they are entitled to it.

skippy15

Too Tough To Die wrote: »

I think if you don't want children, at least one child, there is something fundamentally wrong with you as a human being.

thats not true, a lot ppl out there and what about gays etc:
Also, sadly these days a lot of people are married to their jobs and never commit settle down and start a family. and some ppl just dont find the right person ever.

Personally I always thought of myself as one of the lads...with my gf a long time, and decided to have a kid. It is the best thing I ever done, sorry I waited so long and now I want lots more best thing ever did, changes life but also fills it up and completes it like you can never imagine!

Too Tough To Die

skippy15 wrote: »

thats not true, a lot ppl out there and what about gays etc:
Also, sadly these days a lot of people are married to their jobs and never commit settle down and start a family. and some ppl just dont find the right person ever.

Personally I always thought of myself as one of the lads...with my gf a long time, and decided to have a kid. It is the best thing I ever done, sorry I waited so long and now I want lots more best thing ever did, changes life but also fills it up and completes it like you can never imagine!

Well, yes, if you are gay, or put your job first then there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

Don't get me wrong, live and let live, but it's a fundamental law of humanity to want to reproduce. If you don't feel that urge, there's something gone wrong there, biologically speaking.

That said, it's your right. Go ahead enjoy life regardless.

Faith+1

Too Tough To Die wrote: »

I think if you don't want children, at least one child, there is something fundamentally wrong with you as a human being.

Well that's just like ur.........opinion man.

Too Tough To Die

Faith+1 wrote: »

Well that's just like ur.........opinion man.

That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

Teagwee

There's an old saying about happiness, that it's wanting what you have rather than having what you want.

The 'decision' to have kids or not is a bit like that. Sometimes, you decide you want them and it doesn't happen; sometimes you decide you don't and it happens by accident or before you feel ready.

Either way, people adjust and make the most of the situation.

It makes absolute sense to find the compensations in any scenario, but people are fully entitled to make whatever decisions they want in regard to this 'issue' [pun intended]

Duggys Housemate

maguic24 wrote: »

I'm not miserable, never said I was. Just because I don't want to get married or have kids doesn't mean I'm miserable. I like being in a relationship, doesn't mean I have to get married or have babies. Society expects me to want to get married and have kids but I'm quite content in my relationship as it is. If it's not broken, don't fix it!!!

Also if you feel you want to get married and have kids, that's fine, I'm just simply trying to make the OP feel a bit better. You're not alone OP.

Society really doesn't give a **** what you do. Really. I asked. There are no cameras on your life. Your friends - who might be temporary - will get on with their lives. Your neighbors don't care. They have their lives to live. Only your parents may care but they have skin in the game because they may want grandchildren.

Do, or don't have children. The rest of us don't care.

( I dont and feel under no pressure to).

Duggys Housemate

seenitall wrote: »

Really? No, not inheritance. Think more along the lines as to how and why, as I said, the attitude of the Irish state, and the Irish mentality in general, differ from most other European countries when it comes to the issue of human reproduction.

Enough of a clue?

Why not just actually stats your actual opinion. Ireland doesn't have a very high birth rate as it happens. So nobody really knows what you are actually on about.

Canis Lupus

Too Tough To Die wrote: »

Well, yes, if you are gay, or put your job first then there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

Don't get me wrong, live and let live, but it's a fundamental law of humanity to want to reproduce. If you don't feel that urge, there's something gone wrong there, biologically speaking.

That said, it's your right. Go ahead enjoy life regardless.

Clearly not as plenty of people don't want children. How much of 'wanting' children is biological drive vs societal norms I wonder? I've noticed in my time that different places are very different.

In rural Kerry life = get partner, house, married and babies (not necessarily in that order).

In London then for example there's a MUCH broader range of lifestyles, people (in my social circle) were much more likely to be single or in long term relationships without looking to buy a house or have kids.

I don't think it's particularly accurate to think we're entirely the same as animals when it comes to reproduction, we've evolved passed that and in my wonderful opinion I think a LOT of people have babies because it's the 'done' thing rather than some 'need' to have children.

Too Tough To Die

Too Tough To Die wrote: »

I think if you don't want children, at least one child, there is something fundamentally wrong with you as a human being.

Too Tough To Die wrote: »

Well, yes, if you are gay, or put your job first then there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

Don't get me wrong, live and let live, but it's a fundamental law of humanity to want to reproduce. If you don't feel that urge, there's something gone wrong there, biologically speaking.

That said, it's your right. Go ahead enjoy life regardless.

Could it not be biologically favourable for some people (gay or straight, because gay people can adopt or go down the surrogacy or IVF route) to not want kids? People talk about the world being overpopulated now; how bad would it be if there was no such thing as homosexuality or infertility, and if there were no "fundamentally wrong" people who didn't feel this urge?

I'm only 23 but I'm very happy to state right now I'm never having kids. I don't have any paternal instinct so to speak and with only one shot at life I don't want to spend it being responsible for raising, clothing, feeding and sacrificing everything for another human being. I don't believe that there's anything fundamentally wrong with me because of that (or for being gay for that matter) but even if there is.....meh, I'd much rather stay wrong than be "right".

Caribbean Cat

I certainly do not want children.

Singularity 1

Canis Lupus wrote: »

Clearly not as plenty of people don't want children. How much of 'wanting' children is biological drive vs societal norms I wonder? I've noticed in my time that different places are very different.

In rural Kerry life = get partner, house, married and babies (not necessarily in that order).

In London then for example there's a MUCH broader range of lifestyles, people (in my social circle) were much more likely to be single or in long term relationships without looking to buy a house or have kids.

I don't think it's particularly accurate to think we're entirely the same as animals when it comes to reproduction, we've evolved passed that and in my wonderful opinion I think a LOT of people have babies because it's the 'done' thing rather than some 'need' to have children.

Yes a lot of it is cultural. Look at the Polish. Most of them get married and have kids at a young age. A big difference from the sex and the city whores.

Lams

Duggys Housemate wrote: »

Society really doesn't give a **** what you do. Really. I asked. There are no cameras on your life. Your friends - who might be temporary - will get on with their lives. Your neighbors don't care. They have their lives to live. Only your parents may care but they have skin in the game because they may want grandchildren.

Do, or don't have children. The rest of us don't care.

( I dont and feel under no pressure to).

Well said, it's about time someone said this, the number of people imagining that this imaginary "society" entity cares about their life choices is farcical.

99.999% of society doesn't give a sh1t if you have kids or not or if you decide to shoot your brains out. No one cares.

old hippy

Singularity 1 wrote: »

Yes a lot of it is cultural. Look at the Polish. Most of them get married and have kids at a young age. A big difference from the sex and the city whores.

Not to generalise or anything. :rolleyes:

old hippy

Too Tough To Die wrote: »

I think if you don't want children, at least one child, there is something fundamentally wrong with you as a human being.

Well, perhaps as a snack option. But I wouldn't want to spoil my dinner.

Lyra Fangs

I've never wanted to have kids and fortunately my partner is of the same opinion. I'm glad to see that some people on here also don't want to have kids and that I'm not alone in my decision.

However in saying that I can't understand the level of condescension that has been displayed by both those who want kids and those who don't.

If people don't want to have kids you shouldn't pity them or feel sorry for them as if they're missing out on the biggest opportunity in their life or they're somehow defective for not wanting kids. They also shouldn't be considered selfish for choosing to do what they want when choosing to have kids is also something YOU want.

Similarly if people want to have kids you shouldn't pity them for having to 'slave' over their children or living a life that revolves around cleaning up sick and dealing with 'crying brats' as if they were they only things that characterize parenthood. Moreover parents should not be considered inherently unhappy for the choice they have made or jealous of the life the child-free have. The grass always seem greener on the other side and it's completely normal to express a desire to see how the other half live but it is mostly a passing desire and many parents would not change the past and can't imagine their life without their child.

People are entitled to make their own decisions and as long as those decisions don't impact on another person's life they should be respected.

As I said I don't want kids but I don't look down on others who do or remark on the 'difficult and awful life' they'll have when they eventually do have kids. My life is not automatically superior because I choose not to have kids. I respect their decision and I hope they would respect mine in turn.

Richard Dower

Same here, no interest in breeding another me, i had no choice via my parents but i can now choose not to inflict bad genes onto another human being.

I also dont get why every woman needs to have a child, i think alot of it is pressure from other women.

December2012

Just keep your nose out of other people's lives.

No problem.

seenitall

Duggys Housemate wrote: »

Why not just actually stats your actual opinion. Ireland doesn't have a very high birth rate as it happens.

I did. I just don't want to go all out as people get so defensive about it and I don't have any inclination for some big debate about it.

The Irish birth rate has long been one of the highest in Europe, if not the highest. Granted, for the Europe of today which mostly has birth rates below replacement levels, that's not saying much, but I am moreso talking about the social attitudes on this issue, such as To Tough To Die, and some other posters on the thread, have displayed. These attitudes have not come out of thin air into a lot of people's heads. There is a specific social climate that has been fostering them for a long, long, LONG time.

edit: Also, look at the Irish timelines around reproductive rights issues, such as abortion and legal contraception, to perhaps glean what I am talking about. It's all part and parcel of the same issue, a specifically Irish one.

wintersolstice

worded wrote: »

The aboutsolute joy of your kids giggling and unconditional love for a few years at least. Ive never experienced such shared happiness.

You may change your mind in the future OP. The fun with your kid on a weekend surpasses weekend after weekend on the piss.

Each to their own. I respect your current view but it may change.

wait till they are teenagers,utterly utterly horrendous.way worse than you think its going to be!

OldNotWIse

Too Tough To Die wrote: »

Well, yes, if you are gay, or put your job first then there is something fundamentally wrong with you.

Don't get me wrong, live and let live, but it's a fundamental law of humanity to want to reproduce. If you don't feel that urge, there's something gone wrong there, biologically speaking.

That said, it's your right. Go ahead enjoy life regardless.

Is the idea of homosexuality too much for a thoroughly average bigot?

OldNotWIse

Richard Dower wrote: »

Same here, no interest in breeding another me, i had no choice via my parents but i can now choose not to inflict bad genes onto another human being.

I also dont get why every woman needs to have a child, i think alot of it is pressure from other women.

lol this post reminds me of a guy I used to know, who looked at me in disbelief when I asked if he wanted kids (not with me) and said, "are you mad, inflict these genes on someone else?!" hahaha

old hippy

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Is the idea of homosexuality too much for a thoroughly average bigot?

Be careful now, he's a "tough" bigot, at that

OldNotWIse

old hippy wrote: »

Be careful now, he's a "tough" bigot, at that

Too tough to die at that

old hippy

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Too tough to die at that

Fundamentally tough.