Anyone else not want children?

OldNotWIse

old hippy wrote: »

Fundamentally tough.

But not fundamentally flawed, like me

old hippy

OldNotWIse wrote: »

But not fundamentally flawed, like me

Do you think maybe some believe that reproducing is a sign of manliness? Toughness, even?

Blazer

I said the same thing my whole life about not wanting kids..
I wanted my holidays, my cars, gadgets , being able to do what I wanted when I wanted.
Right upto till I was about 40 and had a child about 5 months ago.
Without a doubt it's the best thing I've ever done and every morning he looks at me and smiles it reinforces it every day.
It's easy to say you never want kids...but when they come along and looks at you, holds your hand , laughs at you etc you'll never regret it for one second.
Sure I miss my gadgets, freedom etc but when I think about life without him its unbearable thinking about it.

My sister and a few other people have said they never want kids.
Now I pity them as they'll never know the love and enjoyment you get from having a child, how much fun you have watching them develop, grasp new skills each day etc.

It might be seen as condescension but its closer to despair. She loves my child but she will never love him as much as her own or how much I love him and that's what she's missing out on. And that's what I regret her missing.

old hippy

Blazer wrote: »

I said the same thing my whole life about not wanting kids..
I wanted my holidays, my cars, gadgets , being able to do what I wanted when I wanted.
Right upto till I was about 40 and had a child about 5 months ago.
Without a doubt it's the best thing I've ever done and every morning he looks at me and smiles it reinforces it every day.
It's easy to say you never want kids...but when they come along and looks at you, holds your hand , laughs at you etc you'll never regret it for one second.
Sure I miss my gadgets, freedom etc but when I think about life without him its unbearable thinking about it.

My sister and a few other people have said they never want kids.
Now I pity them as they'll never know the love and enjoyment you get from having a child, how much fun you have watching them develop, grasp new skills each day etc.

Was enjoying the post right up until the "pity" bit

OldNotWIse

old hippy wrote: »

Do you think maybe some believe that reproducing is a sign of manliness? Toughness, even?

Perhaps, but I dont see it as such. I mean, sexual orientation has nothing to do with fertility.

OldNotWIse

old hippy wrote: »

Was enjoying the post right up until the "pity" bit

Likewise. Does breeding trigger some kind of dormant pity gene?

By all means make the right decision, and be madly in love with your kid, and make us all vomit our morning coffees with your tales of sheer joy and one smile making your entire life, but just fuucking stop with the pity yeah? Guess what, some people pity you! Lets all have a pity contest and see who can feel most sorry for the other lol

I see your sh1tty nappy and raise you one foreign holiday...

I see your barren, pointless, childless existance and raise you one first pair of shoes...:D

wolfpawnat

old hippy wrote: »

Was enjoying the post right up until the "pity" bit

I get told frequently people pity me for having my son young (22). "You'll never know what you missed out on" If I never know how will I be bothered by it?

OldNotWIse

wolfpawnat wrote: »

I get told frequently people pity me for having my son young (22). "You'll never know what you missed out on" If I never know how will I be bothered by it?

I'm seven years past the 22 mark without kids and you havent missed that much

Malari

Blazer wrote: »

I said the same thing my whole life about not wanting kids..
I wanted my holidays, my cars, gadgets , being able to do what I wanted when I wanted.
Right upto till I was about 40 and had a child about 5 months ago.
Without a doubt it's the best thing I've ever done and every morning he looks at me and smiles it reinforces it every day.
It's easy to say you never want kids...but when they come along and looks at you, holds your hand , laughs at you etc you'll never regret it for one second.
Sure I miss my gadgets, freedom etc but when I think about life without him its unbearable thinking about it.

My sister and a few other people have said they never want kids.
Now I pity them as they'll never know the love and enjoyment you get from having a child, how much fun you have watching them develop, grasp new skills each day etc.

It might be seen as condescension but its closer to despair. She loves my child but she will never love him as much as her own or how much I love him and that's what she's missing out on. And that's what I regret her missing.

Well, of course it is! Because you are comparing having to continue your life without him, having had him. If you compare your life before he existed I'm sure you don't think it was unbearable. You obviously feel it's better now, but I for one, LOVE my life now. I don't want kids, I accept that I will never know exactly what that feels like and I'm happy about it. And it's great for you that having a kid was clearly the right thing for you.

December2012

Blazer wrote: »

I said the same thing my whole life about not wanting kids..
I wanted my holidays, my cars, gadgets , being able to do what I wanted when I wanted.
Right upto till I was about 40 and had a child about 5 months ago.
Without a doubt it's the best thing I've ever done and every morning he looks at me and smiles it reinforces it every day.
It's easy to say you never want kids...but when they come along and looks at you, holds your hand , laughs at you etc you'll never regret it for one second.
Sure I miss my gadgets, freedom etc but when I think about life without him its unbearable thinking about it.

My sister and a few other people have said they never want kids.
Now I pity them as they'll never know the love and enjoyment you get from having a child, how much fun you have watching them develop, grasp new skills each day etc.

It might be seen as condescension but its closer to despair. She loves my child but she will never love him as much as her own or how much I love him and that's what she's missing out on. And that's what I regret her missing.

But you still didn't want them before you had them. So it's not as if you're one of the people who always wanted children and had one.

kunst nugget

Blazer wrote: »

My sister and a few other people have said they never want kids.
Now I pity them as they'll never know the love and enjoyment you get from having a child, how much fun you have watching them develop, grasp new skills each day etc.

It might be seen as condescension but its closer to despair. She loves my child but she will never love him as much as her own or how much I love him and that's what she's missing out on. And that's what I regret her missing.

Tbf, that's so mawkish it'd make me hate my own kids.

OldNotWIse

kunst nugget wrote: »

Tbf, that's so mawkish it'd make me hate my own kids.

Lol, reminds me of my parents ultra self-righteous friends who became this new type of super obsessive grandparent when their darling daughter procreated. At one point, the mother actually said to my mum, "well you wouldnt understand the bond...you dont have grandchildren". The only thing sadder than parents thinking breeding is an achievement? Grandparents thinking their children breeding is an achievement :P

I think at one point she actually said, "you love them like your own you know" and my Mum is like, ok either you dont love your child all that much or your grandcild is some kind of weird substitute for the second child you never had...."

OldNotWIse

kunst nugget wrote: »

Tbf, that's so mawkish it'd make me hate my own kids.

I get the same satisfaction from watching my dog develop new skills every day. Yesterday I taught her to give the paw. Today will be "sit" and who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Only difference is...when I go to the pub, I can take her to peepee before and leave a bowl of food and water...and nobody calls social services

Blazer

old hippy wrote: »

Was enjoying the post right up until the "pity" bit

well pity was the wrong word as I said in my last few lines..despair maybe but to each their own I say regardless of my thoughts or feelings

December2012 wrote: »

But you still didn't want them before you had them. So it's not as if you're one of the people who always wanted children and had one.

completely true..up until his birth I didn't want children...that was my point I think
the fact that 5 months ago for 20 years I didn't want children etc and was basically one of you
But hands up I admit I was being selfish and putting myself first. Which apparently a lot of friends and my parents friends now apparently aren't afraid to mention to me any longer.

pharmaton

VivaMessi wrote: »

I'm 25 with my partner and the thoughts of having children makes me literally sick. Looking after them non stop till their 11 or 12.

There's a 19 yr old squatting in my living room hogging my big screen tv with video games that I paid for.



*runs in to annoy it by walking around aimlessly in front of the tv during a critical moment in the game

old hippy

Blazer wrote: »

But hands up I admit I was being selfish and putting myself first. Which apparently a lot of friends and my parents friends now apparently aren't afraid to mention to me any longer.

Nothing selfish about it, Blazer.

December2012

I agree. It's not selfish to put yourself first.

**Vai**

Even if it is selfish to put yourself before potential offspring, surely its for selfish reasons that people have them? Same as pets, you have a pet for your own selfish reasons. Even though love is involved, its essentially selfish. Doesn't make it wrong though.

Terrible to see the amount of people who still have a very old fashioned view on kids. They are not a "must have", not for all of us at least. More power to those who have them and I wish ye all the best, genuinely but some of those people need to be more open minded on their views on people with/without kids.

OldNotWIse

**Vai** wrote: »

Even if it is selfish to put yourself before potential offspring, surely its for selfish reasons that people have them? Same as pets, you have a pet for your own selfish reasons. Even though love is involved, its essentially selfish. Doesn't make it wrong though.

Terrible to see the amount of people who still have a very old fashioned view on kids. They are not a "must have", not for all of us at least. More power to those who have them and I wish ye all the best, genuinely but some of those people need to be more open minded on their views on people with/without kids.

I'd disagree a little on the pet point. I have mine because they simply found me (they're all rescues) and I took them in, my life would be much easier without them (ah dont mean that really, love them to bits) but I never actually went out with the intention of bringing an animal home

Then again I suppose a lot of people do. I have relatives who bought a genetic mutant I mean "pedigree" to go with their house and car. It was literally like...ok so we have the house in the country....we have the 4x4....whats missing.....oh yeah a big dopey retriever that will set us back 600 quid. ffs. Poor dog never gets inside the house or taken for a walk.

Femme_Fatale

People who say it's selfish not to have kids seem dreadful. And a bit stoopid.

So it's "selfish" not to raise and care for people who don't exist? And it affects other people... how?
Maybe people who would prefer not to have children, after really thinking it through, should have them anyway even though they don't want to? Yeh that'd be a great start for the child.

Where does the whole "selfish" "logic" end anyway? Is it selfish of people here not to adopt orphaned children in war-torn, impoverished, famine-ridden countries?

OldNotWIse

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

People who say it's selfish not to have kids seem dreadful. And a bit stoopid.

So it's "selfish" not to raise and care for people who don't exist? And it affects other people... how?
Maybe people who would prefer not to have children, after really thinking it through, should have them anyway even though they don't want to? Yeh that'd be a great start for the child.

Where does the whole "selfish" "logic" end anyway? Is it selfish of people here not to adopt orphaned children in war-torn, impoverished, famine-ridden countries?

Well I know I feel guilty every time I ovulate and dont become pregnant. That little egg is just crying out to be fertilised and allowed to live to annoy my neighbours

Ruudi_Mentari

If I want the woman, then I want her child.....

Not in the same way, of course but hownever.

422nd

Did the op leave his wife and she subsequently murdered him?

sunflower27

Selfish to not have kids? Sounds like that has dripped out of the mouth of a parent who has not had a decent night's sleep in years, who is unable to do as they please at a moment's notice and frankly is jealous

How is not having children selfish? That is so laughable

wolfpawnat

Slightly OT, and I am on the phone so I can't quote, but I have to agree with OldNotWise on the animal thing. Some people are the same with animals as they are about kids. The attitude of 2.5 kids, house, car and dog even when they really shouldn't or don't actually want in many cases is the weird thing to me. Life should for the most part the way you want, not the way you think it is expected.

To have kids you don't actually want is more cruel to all involved.

smiley_face400

I'm 26 and don't want kids. Ever. I'm just not a maternal person. Kids in general irritate the ****e out of me so why would I want my own. And don't say to me "Ah it'll be different if they're you're own", I've heard it far too many times and it won't sway me. There's far too many things I want to do and see in my own life for me to be having time to look after a child. And I don't believe it's selfish either. That's like saying you have to have children or else you're a bad person so it's basically society saying that you have to have a child in order to be accepted by others. Isn't it better not to have a child at all if you don't want one than to have one because it's what's socially acceptable and resent the child because you didn't want it in the first place

kunst nugget

How many people are having kids they don't want to appease society? From reading this, you'd swear it was every second person out there.

422nd

smiley_face400 wrote: »

"Ah it'll be different if they're you're own"

As long as everyone who does this, decides not to have kids, I'm happy.

old hippy

December2012 wrote: »

I agree. It's not selfish to put yourself first.

How would putting myself first over a non existent child that I don't want to have be selfish?

smiley_face400

old hippy wrote: »

How would putting myself first over a non existent child that I don't want to have be selfish?

It's not selfish exactly. It's just how people who don't understand how you couldn't want children put it because it's incomprehensible to them for anyone to not want a child