Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

beano345

Carpet diem wrote: »

I have to say I have failed along the way here but (this might not sound cool) but listening to Michael Flatley on Pierce Morgan there saying it's not how many times you fall rather how many times you get back. I take encouragement from that and I will do that.

I've met some good people on here too giving great words of encouragement and hope to now start capitalizing on it and start being a better and happier person.

Kinda getting the urge myself the last few days found this online yesterday kinda brought me back down to earth..pardon the pun

http://www.today.com/id/31491377

Sunnyisland

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it."

Carpet diem your doing great, you had a fall that in its self is no big deal, before this stretch I had many,Anyway I's how you have come back here and spoken about it and got yourself back up in the saddle,

Learn from your fall take the positives you have learned from it and of you again, staying alcohol free is no easy task, if it was sure none of us be here.

Carpet diem

realies wrote: »

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it."

Carpet diem your doing great, you had a fall that in its self is no big deal, before this stretch I had many,Anyway I's how you have come back here and spoken about it and got yourself back up in the saddle,

Learn from your fall take the positives you have learned from it and of you again, staying alcohol free is no easy task, if it was sure none of us be here.

Nice saying realies- lot to think of in that quote and which trait is best!

Carpet diem

Anyone on here have issues talking to people? I think it's one of the reasons I did drink a lot is because I had no confidence in my ability to speak and also bit paranoid of people.

Any experiences?

Sunnyisland

Carpet diem wrote: »

Anyone on here have issues talking to people? I think it's one of the reasons I did drink a lot is because I had no confidence in my ability to speak and also bit paranoid of people.

Any experiences?

Yep I have problem with it, Now I can't shut up


Seriously, If drinking was a huge part of your social life,as it was in mine,It takes time to build up confidence and less critical ways in looking at your self,one of the things people often have difficulty with is their lack of confidence in themselves.

To rebuild that self esteem again takes time. When you feel good about who you are, then you’re more confident. You need to observe yourself – notice when you are judging yourself negatively or blaming yourself for mistakes you think you’ve made.Part of this comes down to forgiveness. We all make mistakes, we’re human after all. Very often we are far more forgiving of others than we are of ourselves. Mistakes or failures are just incidents, or certain things you are still learning, try not to see them as evidence of a defective personality.


From An Anonymous Author....

I drank for joy and became miserable.

I drank to be outgoing and became self centered.

I drank to be sociable and became lonely.

I drank for friendship and made enemies.

I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self-pity.

I drank for sleep and awakened without rest.

I drank for strength and felt weak.

I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.

I drank for confidence and felt unsure

I drank for courage and became afraid

I drank for assurance and became doubtful

I drank to forget thoughts and had blackouts

I drank for conversation and tied my tongue

I drank to be in heaven and I came to know hell

I drank to forget and became haunted

I drank for freedom and became a slave (of alcohol)

I drank to ease problems and saw them multiply

I drank to cope with life and invited death.

I drank because I had the "right" to and everything turned out wrong.

Said this fellow, "It must have taken a bunch of booze to get you in this shape?

I said, "Just one. For me one is too many and a thousand isn't enough."

Carpet diem

realies wrote: »

Yep I have problem with it, Now I can't shut up


Seriously, If drinking was a huge part of your social life,as it was in mine,It takes time to build up confidence and less critical ways in looking at your self,one of the things people often have difficulty with is their lack of confidence in themselves.

To rebuild that self esteem again takes time. When you feel good about who you are, then you’re more confident. You need to observe yourself – notice when you are judging yourself negatively or blaming yourself for mistakes you think you’ve made.Part of this comes down to forgiveness. We all make mistakes, we’re human after all. Very often we are far more forgiving of others than we are of ourselves. Mistakes or failures are just incidents, or certain things you are still learning, try not to see them as evidence of a defective personality.


From An Anonymous Author....

I drank for joy and became miserable.

I drank to be outgoing and became self centered.

I drank to be sociable and became lonely.

I drank for friendship and made enemies.

I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self-pity.

I drank for sleep and awakened without rest.

I drank for strength and felt weak.

I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.

I drank for confidence and felt unsure

I drank for courage and became afraid

I drank for assurance and became doubtful

I drank to forget thoughts and had blackouts

I drank for conversation and tied my tongue

I drank to be in heaven and I came to know hell

I drank to forget and became haunted

I drank for freedom and became a slave (of alcohol)

I drank to ease problems and saw them multiply

I drank to cope with life and invited death.

I drank because I had the "right" to and everything turned out wrong.

Said this fellow, "It must have taken a bunch of booze to get you in this shape?

I said, "Just one. For me one is too many and a thousand isn't enough."

Thanks realies - so true on all the stuff above

I can get quite angry and offended by people too. I should just ignore and get on with things.

hubba

[QUOTE=I can get quite angry and offended by people too. I should just ignore and get on with things.[/QUOTE]

Hi Carpet Diem,

It's worthwhile to work on the area of offense and resentment as it if you get offended easily, your emotions lie in the hands of other people. This is a dangerous position to be in, especially if you are otherwise vulnerable, such as trying to stay alcohol free.

Think as the offensive remark/action as a gift that the giver is throwing at you but you decide, no, I'm not accepting that gift, and respond with kindness. Just refuse to accept the 'gift'. Don't let it in. It might feel odd to begin with but when you realise it stumps the offender and leaves you nice and calm, then it's worth it!

Keep up the great work, you are really doing well.

enoughalready

Hi guys,

I find it so comforting to read these posts as I feel less alone in my thoughts and insecurities. I have been drinking for the past ten years and have finally had enough!!! I refuse to wake up one more morning filled with shame, regret and fear! I refuse to allow myself to get into a state of no control and put my life in danger both physically and mentally. I have no more time for that fake friend and back stabber that is alcohol! So many times, I have had the urge to give up and never found the strength but I woke up yesterday crying and I got so angry at myself, this is not me, I am made of better stuff than this and I will not get anywhere in life once alcohol plays a part in it. It dawned on me that over the past ten years since alcohol has been a big part of my life, I have only ever had bad experiences and made an absolute idiot of myself. I threw my hands up into the air and said I need help. I need to beat this and I have come onto this site to ask for guidance and support. I was mainly hoping to look for some sort of AA meeting but is there anything you can go to before that? I know this is going to be so hard and a long journey but I am so so so willing to take that first step. I refuse to experience the way I have been feeling ever again! Any help is much appreciated.

Thank You
Trigger (27)

Amazingfun

I was mainly hoping to look for some sort of AA meeting but is there anything you can go to before that?

Meetings are all over the country, day and night:

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting

As for something before, I am not sure what you mean?

stefan idiot jones

Go and buy Alan Carrs book.

Life changer.

Its the same price as four pints and every drinker can find that amount of money.

mdn

What an excellent and honest post. Yes, as you said, it may be a difficult road ahead but making the decision is really important and it shows your awareness of the damage alcohol has been doing to your life. Concentrate on the positives and dont beat yourself up if you have a setback. While it sounds so cliched it is really important to take it a day at a time. Enjoy each sober day and the increased health and happiness it brings you. I would be reluctant to offer too much advice as we are all different and deal with things in our own way. However, one thing that I did discover was that the guys with whom I used to drink became a little bit 'removed'. Perhaps it was me who distanced myself from them - I dont know really. But its possible that our drinking buddies see us in a different light and we no longer have that 'commonality'. Its not a negative comment on our friends - it merely suggests that sometimes we might have to make small changes to that aspect of our social life that revolves around pubs. Some people can handle going into a pub, others cant. You'll know what suits you. Very best wishes to you and to your girlfriend.

enoughalready

enoughalready wrote: »

Hi guys,

I find it so comforting to read these posts as I feel less alone in my thoughts and insecurities. I have been drinking for the past ten years and have finally had enough!!! I refuse to wake up one more morning filled with shame, regret and fear! I refuse to allow myself to get into a state of no control and put my life in danger both physically and mentally. I have no more time for that fake friend and back stabber that is alcohol! So many times, I have had the urge to give up and never found the strength but I woke up yesterday crying and I got so angry at myself, this is not me, I am made of better stuff than this and I will not get anywhere in life once alcohol plays a part in it. It dawned on me that over the past ten years since alcohol has been a big part of my life, I have only ever had bad experiences and made an absolute idiot of myself. I threw my hands up into the air and said I need help. I need to beat this and I have come onto this site to ask for guidance and support. I was mainly hoping to look for some sort of AA meeting but is there anything you can go to before that? I know this is going to be so hard and a long journey but I am so so so willing to take that first step. I refuse to experience the way I have been feeling ever again! Any help is much appreciated.

Thank You
Trigger (27)

Great post, very brave and that's first part of giving up is admitting it's a problem. We can't discuss any form of recovery in detail on here but AA worked for me and has worked for others. A lot of the other posters on here also highly recommend the Allan Carr book and I'd trust their advice so whatever suits you. Changing your life is down to you, go with what you find the easiest. Good luck

hubba

enoughalready wrote: »

Hi guys,

I find it so comforting to read these posts as I feel less alone in my thoughts and insecurities. I have been drinking for the past ten years and have finally had enough!!! I refuse to wake up one more morning filled with shame, regret and fear! I refuse to allow myself to get into a state of no control and put my life in danger both physically and mentally. I have no more time for that fake friend and back stabber that is alcohol! So many times, I have had the urge to give up and never found the strength but I woke up yesterday crying and I got so angry at myself, this is not me, I am made of better stuff than this and I will not get anywhere in life once alcohol plays a part in it. It dawned on me that over the past ten years since alcohol has been a big part of my life, I have only ever had bad experiences and made an absolute idiot of myself. I threw my hands up into the air and said I need help. I need to beat this and I have come onto this site to ask for guidance and support. I was mainly hoping to look for some sort of AA meeting but is there anything you can go to before that? I know this is going to be so hard and a long journey but I am so so so willing to take that first step. I refuse to experience the way I have been feeling ever again! Any help is much appreciated.

Thank You
Trigger (27)

The first step is awareness so you are already moving in the right direction. I would advise you not to overwhelm yourself with thoughts of what needs to be done. Take baby steps, let the idea sink in that your life is going to change, for the better, but quite radically and this can be a scary thought. If you are a reader, definitely read the Allan Carr book or Jason Vale's 'Stop Drinking 4 Life'. They really help you to think about it so differently that it becomes almost impossible not to quit. I would also advise, then, when you have picked a date, to make sure you have a plan in place to keep busy, have relaxation tools in place to keep calm and maybe you will need to lose a few 'friends' and gain a few others with like minded interests. Browse websites about quitting - there is TONNES of information out there. And probably, most important of all, read over the pages in the Non Drinkers Group, there is so much collective wisdom and experience to be had here it's impossible to overstate.

Write down a list of why you want to quit, right now, while the 'shame, regret and fear' are so clear in your head. This list will give you strength in the early days.

Last but not least, if you are a very heavy drinker, don't go cold turkey - it could be dangerous, seek medical advice first.

This is achievable, and you have support here.

enoughalready

Thank you everyone for your feedback, I have a visual aid opposite my bed stuck on the wall. It is the months Dec, Jan and Feb and each day I don't drink I cross it off. Okay so I am only on day 4 today but I hope to be saying I'm on week 4 next Month! Then keep updating it until I don't need it anymore and its not so much of a struggle.

I know I'm not a bad person and that when I'm not drinking I do everything in my power to be kind, caring and respectful of everyone, but when I drink it's as if I damage everything and the hangover fog lasts for too long and I break promises, burn bridges, it effects me mentally, physically and also it effects my family and friends. I don't want to be that guy! I want to be trustworthy, dependable and strong. I have good will power so I feel ready to take this on fully! GIVE UP FOR GOOD!

I can honestly say that I am not suited to drink. Some people can drink and live a normal positive life but I know that is not me at all. I have anxiety issues and when I drink it exasperates the symptoms so by cutting out alcohol it will lessen my anxiety and I have techniques I learned in CBT a while back to help me through. I have just bought Alan Carr's book online so that will hopefully help.

It is great to have fellow posters on here to help each other and I thank each and everyone of you for helping me.

Sunnyisland

Enough already,

No one has a monopoly on recovery strategies. That is why some people recover in AA, some recover in religious programs, and some just get creative and carve their own path. If someone tells you that their program is the only way to recover, RUN.

Action is the key. In fact, I have tried things, and failed, but still benefited with an increase in self esteem simply from having taken action. To do nothing and sit idle is the worse thing when you are trying to affect change.

What type of action? Well the core principles for me have always been focusing on these three things: personal growth, pursuing greater health, and helping others. If you take action along those lines every single day, then you are going to start gradually feeling better and better about yourself.

But the key, for me, was not to expect miracles from affirmations alone. I had to get out there and actually do some stuff in recovery, in order to start feeling better about myself.

And finally
Complacency kills, getting lazy about personal growth is the final challenge, because it is really the only way to regress back into our addictive mode. If you are not pushing yourself to grow in recovery, then you might be getting closer to relapse. One of the best ways to fight against this is to constantly challenge yourself to improve your own health, Doing these things is a hedge against the danger of becoming complacent. Good luck sir it can be done

enoughalready

Thank you realies, that was very insightful. I am looking up AA but don't want to go to one near my home town so will drive further a field to one where I have a lesser chance meeting anyone I know.

Sunnyisland

enoughalready wrote: »

Thank you realies, that was very insightful. I am looking up AA but don't want to go to one near my home town so will drive further a field to one where I have a lesser chance meeting anyone I know.

There are lots & lots of AA meetings around, pick one that your comfortable with as some are better than others.:)

Amazingfun

enoughalready wrote: »

Thank you realies, that was very insightful. I am looking up AA but don't want to go to one near my home town so will drive further a field to one where I have a lesser chance meeting anyone I know.

It's an old joke in AA how many of us weren't the slightest bit bothered about being drunken messes around those we know, and yet are terrified of them seeing us sober!

enoughalready

So true Amazingfun (",) lol

beano345

"I have anxiety issues and when I drink it exasperates the symptoms so by cutting out alcohol it will lessen my anxiety "

This bit strikes with me, drinking to deal with anxiety only to find it worsens the next day so the solution is normally another drink to calm yourself.drinking and anxiety go hand in hand its a vicious merry go round! Id nearly guarantee when you stop drinking your anxiety will fade away everyone gets anxious now and again but with drink it becones a tidal wave.

Best of luck with it!

Carpet diem

hubba wrote: »

Hi Carpet Diem,

It's worthwhile to work on the area of offense and resentment as it if you get offended easily, your emotions lie in the hands of other people. This is a dangerous position to be in, especially if you are otherwise vulnerable, such as trying to stay alcohol free.

Think as the offensive remark/action as a gift that the giver is throwing at you but you decide, no, I'm not accepting that gift, and respond with kindness. Just refuse to accept the 'gift'. Don't let it in. It might feel odd to begin with but when you realise it stumps the offender and leaves you nice and calm, then it's worth it!

Keep up the great work, you are really doing well.

Great advice. Tried this out yesterday and worked a treat.

Carpet diem

Any of ye guys know of a course I could do in personal development?

Carpet diem

enoughalready wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your feedback, I have a visual aid opposite my bed stuck on the wall. It is the months Dec, Jan and Feb and each day I don't drink I cross it off. Okay so I am only on day 4 today but I hope to be saying I'm on week 4 next Month! Then keep updating it until I don't need it anymore and its not so much of a struggle.

I know I'm not a bad person and that when I'm not drinking I do everything in my power to be kind, caring and respectful of everyone, but when I drink it's as if I damage everything and the hangover fog lasts for too long and I break promises, burn bridges, it effects me mentally, physically and also it effects my family and friends. I don't want to be that guy! I want to be trustworthy, dependable and strong. I have good will power so I feel ready to take this on fully! GIVE UP FOR GOOD!

I can honestly say that I am not suited to drink. Some people can drink and live a normal positive life but I know that is not me at all. I have anxiety issues and when I drink it exasperates the symptoms so by cutting out alcohol it will lessen my anxiety and I have techniques I learned in CBT a while back to help me through. I have just bought Alan Carr's book online so that will hopefully help.

It is great to have fellow posters on here to help each other and I thank each and everyone of you for helping me.

Best of luck in your recovery. Im still having loads of set backs but I'm learning. Like there was something I learned last week that you need to worry about yourself and not to try control everthing in your life ie you will not be able to advise every family member.

Carpet diem

Sorry wasn't finished posting above.

Also as realies said and another poster pointed out as i get offended easily but to accept it and don't let it bother you. What I'm doing is stripping everything down and repairing and building myself back up to be a better person.

Very best of luck. I like the idea of the visual aid

hubba

Carpet diem wrote: »

Any of ye guys know of a course I could do in personal development?

That's a big area. I think it depends on what you want to address really.

Personally I read a lot of books, exploring the nature of the mind and the ego and what makes us do what we do. My aim is to understand myself and develop tools and strengths for personal growth and somehow learn to get out of my head and contribute to society, help others. I usually end up at the same conclusion which is learning to love yourself, feel compassion and gratitude.

It's not enough to just read about these things though, it takes daily practice. To this end, I've tried meditation at various stages though I find it hard to stick to. I will try again, as I'm stubborn and determined to get the swing of it and it seems to have so many benefits for people like me who are prone to depression and anxiety.

So, not sure if that really answers the question? Reading isn't for everyone. Was there something specific you wanted to address, Carpet Diem?

Carpet diem

hubba wrote: »

That's a big area. I think it depends on what you want to address really.

Personally I read a lot of books, exploring the nature of the mind and the ego and what makes us do what we do. My aim is to understand myself and develop tools and strengths for personal growth and somehow learn to get out of my head and contribute to society, help others. I usually end up at the same conclusion which is learning to love yourself, feel compassion and gratitude.

It's not enough to just read about these things though, it takes daily practice. To this end, I've tried meditation at various stages though I find it hard to stick to. I will try again, as I'm stubborn and determined to get the swing of it and it seems to have so many benefits for people like me who are prone to depression and anxiety.

So, not sure if that really answers the question? Reading isn't for everyone. Was there something specific you wanted to address, Carpet Diem?

Cheers hubba - ya your right reading is good. What book would you recommend?
I was kinda thinking of a 1-2 day course in assertiveness, dealing with people in a professional capacity and confidence?

enoughalready

Thanks guys, will respond tomorrow, at the moment I am dealing with noises from a rat in the attic, my nerves are well and truly shred!!! #help

Carpet diem

Gym over with this morning and doing a bit of work now.

I'm reading/listening a blog on a guy who opted for a better life instead if drinking. He does a video every week and it;s very good. Kevin O Hara is his name if you want to google him.

Few things I learned from him and I have started to put them into action:
- Look at giving up drink as opting to better yourself rather than depriving yourself. Put all these nasty words in a different context.
- Set goals in your head and imagine them and really believe in them and they will happen
- It's being mentioned here lots but personal development is key. For me that is doing courses on people skills and exercise becoming my daily hobby
- I might set up a blog as well to get my thoughts down on paper and make me think about things

I did out a goal chart for end 2013/2014 on what I want to achieve and basically they are images of what I want embedded on the chart.

Onwards and upwards
CD

hubba

Carpet diem wrote: »

Cheers hubba - ya your right reading is good. What book would you recommend?
I was kinda thinking of a 1-2 day course in assertiveness, dealing with people in a professional capacity and confidence?

Courses - try IMI or The Irish Times, or Bua Training.

As for books, the list is long! If you are looking for a hug in a book, try Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life.

Over the past years, I've been following (very) meandering paths of psychology, metaphysics/consciousness and science versus religion and all of the above, mixed in with some practical self help books. So I've read lots of books by all of these below (some recommended to me by psychologists), check them out on Amazon. I've read lots of others but didn't keep track of them all!

Martin Seligman 'Authentic Happiness' positive psychology is his field
Paul Gilbert - 'The Compassionate Mind'
Gillian Butler (Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness) - good practical book
Marti Olsen Laney - 'The Introvert Advantage'
Mark Williams and Danny Pennman - 'Mindfulness - Finding peace in a frantic world'
Paul W. King - 'Climbing Maslows Pyramid'
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi - 'Flow'
Hyrum W. Smith - 'What Matters Most'
Richard Dawkins - 'The God Delusion'
Jon Kabat Zinn - 'Full Catastrophe Living' (or any books by him).
Eckhart Tolle (though he gets a bit heavy)
Anthony de Mello - 'The Way to Love' and 'Awareness'
Deepak Chopra - any books but just read a great one 'Why is God Laughing'
Also Deepak Chopra and Melonard Mlodinow - 'War of the Worldviews' - debate on science vs spirituality. Hard work but very interesting. Still reading it.
Paolo Coehlho
Anthony Storr - 'Solitude'
Anneli Rufus 'Party of One - A Loners Manifesto'
Susan Forward - 'Toxic Parents'
Dalai Lama - 'The Art of Happiness'
Viktor Frankl - 'Man's Search for Meaning'
Rhonda Britten - 'Fearless Living'
Nancy Friday - 'My Mother My Self'
John Bradshaw - 'Home Coming'
Julies Cameron - 'The Artist's Way'
Lucia Capacchione 'Recovery of your Inner Child'

That should keep you busy for a while, Carpet Diem.

enoughalready

First weekend successfully completed without alcohol. Had the extended family over for dinner,the wine was flowing but I abstained. Can't remember the last time I did that. They commented on how quiet I was, I just said I was tired from work, sometimes I feel like I have to entertain people and put on a performance, they expect it from me from the nights and dinners where I would be drinking. I found I listened more sober, actually heard what the conversation was and remembered it. Made a chocolate cake with my nephews after dinner and then was asked if I would drive them home as I was the only one not drinking. Felt good being the responsible one for once, and dependable. I'm lying here in bed aware and alert, can't remember the last time I went to bed on a Sunday without some sort of help to sleep, be that alcohol or sleeping tablets or a xanax. I made a promise to myself if I was going to kick out alcohol from my life, the xanax and sleeping tablets would also be getting the boot. I'm instead here with a pint of water and my book to help me doze off and I can't wait for my freshness come 6am in the morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to take on the world (*okay so a bit dramatic there) - ready to take on whatever my working day throws at me. Last Monday started off so differently, that said, that is the old me, I am now choosing a new path, one where alcohol is not a factor. That's my goal. Things I need to focus on if anyone has any direction; exercise and healthy eating - plans or tips are very welcome. A change is a coming....even writing those words are making me smile. Good night guys, thanks for listening. Trigger (",)