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Not fancying Spouse anymore.

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2

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    #32
    HondaSami
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,713 ✭✭✭HondaSami


    Gauss wrote: »
    You are married with a mortgage and children. Everything is rosy, the kids are happy, the spouse is happy, you may or may not be happy.

    Everything is not rosy if someone is not happy. One person is happy/content but the other is not unhappy but not overjoyed either.
    You haven't been sexually attracted to your spouse for the last few years but are still in love with them.

    In love, no I don't think so, love like a brother/sister yes. If they were still in love there would be sexual attraction imo.
    Do you accept it and just keep going as things are or do you break up with your spouse?

    A trial separation might work, might be good for both people to appreciate what they have, its always hard when there is kids involved.
    what age are the kids in this scenario?


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    #33
    Piliger
    Registered Users Posts: 6,741 ✭✭✭Piliger


    Gauss wrote: »
    Here's the scenario.

    You are married with a mortgage and children. Everything is rosy, the kids are happy, the spouse is happy, you may or may not be happy.

    You haven't been sexually attracted to your spouse for the last few years but are still in love with them.

    Do you accept it and just keep going as things are or do you break up with your spouse?

    This is not a personal issue, a hypothetical scenario.

    It depends on what is really important to you in life. Doesn't it. If short term sex is more important than love. In my experience if you love her then you will still enjoy some sexual intimacy.
    Breaking up with someone who you are happy and probably still in love with, and putting kids through all of the sh1te that ensues for them for the rest of their lives is a BIG thing.


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    #34
    Gauss
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 550 ✭✭✭Gauss


    Piliger wrote: »

    It depends on what is really important to you in life. Doesn't it. If short term sex is more important than love. In my experience if you love her then you will still enjoy some sexual intimacy.
    Breaking up with someone who you are happy and probably still in love with, and putting kids through all of the sh1te that ensues for them for the rest of their lives is a BIG thing.

    Agree with this. Many seem convinced you will destroy your children's lives with this option.


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    #35
    Carter P Fly
    Registered Users Posts: 618 ✭✭✭Carter P Fly


    Everyone who's married is in this situation. All of them!! Those that say they're not are liars


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    #36
    Piriz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,269 ✭✭✭Piriz


    Jimoslimos wrote: »
    Hi, I'm Gauss. You might remember me from other similarly themed threads such as..
    Kissing your OH


    Really hot escorts. Crazy not to?


    Is sex addiction ever a valid excuse for cheating?


    Why did you cheat?


    Do you discuss your infidelity with friends free of guilt?

    Would you "trade up" if you had the opportunity?

    Either you are 15yo and have never had sex, or else you are for real and do actually have deep-seated issues with relationships. My money is on the former....hopefully.


    wow leave it out on the private investigating...


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    #37
    hoodwinked
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,175 ✭✭✭hoodwinked


    Carter P Fly wrote: »
    Everyone who's married is in this situation. All of them!! Those that say they're not are liars

    I am married and i am sexually attracted to my husband does that statement include me?


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    #38
    Piriz
    Registered Users Posts: 1,269 ✭✭✭Piriz


    nocoverart wrote: »
    How do you know the spouse is happy? OP, you sound like a bit of an arrogant twat!

    funniest thing ive read on boards in ages...


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    #39
    Carter P Fly
    Registered Users Posts: 618 ✭✭✭Carter P Fly


    yea, Of course it does. The temptation is always there, The grass is always greener, there's always dry times when you're mind and eye wanders.


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    #40
    HondaSami
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,713 ✭✭✭HondaSami


    Carter P Fly wrote: »
    yea, Of course it does. The temptation is always there, The grass is always greener, there's always dry times when you're mind and eye wanders.

    Married people are not dead, temptation is good, nothing wrong with a bit of flirting either and a wandering mind is no harm, its wandering hands you have to worry about.


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    #41
    hoodwinked
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,175 ✭✭✭hoodwinked


    Carter P Fly wrote: »
    yea, Of course it does. The temptation is always there, The grass is always greener, there's always dry times when you're mind and eye wanders.

    The grass is not greener, there is no temptation,one of the many reasons i married my husband is because i knew this,

    if my mind/eye/body was ever wandering i would hope i had the balls to tell him rather than being unfaithful,

    i vowed to love, honor and obey and i didn't take my vows lightly. others may do, but you can't say all when you don't know every married couple out there and their situation.


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    #42
    Icyseanfitz
    Registered Users Posts: 7,409 ✭✭✭Icyseanfitz


    few drinks + paper bag = problem solved, your welcome :pac:


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    #43
    Carter P Fly
    Registered Users Posts: 618 ✭✭✭Carter P Fly


    I said nothing about being unfaithful. Marriage is hard work and one of those things a couple needs to work at is the fact that you're not always going to be sexually attracted to your partner. Having kids screws with your perceptions of each other and an honest couple acknowledges this and works at it. If you have kids and say everythings the same as before you're delusional.


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    #44
    Icyseanfitz
    Registered Users Posts: 7,409 ✭✭✭Icyseanfitz


    hoodwinked wrote: »
    The grass is not greener, there is no temptation,one of the many reasons i married my husband is because i knew this,

    if my mind/eye/body was ever wandering i would hope i had the balls to tell him rather than being unfaithful,

    i vowed to love, honor and obey and i didn't take my vows lightly. others may do, but you can't say all when you don't know every married couple out there and their situation.

    come on every one is only human ffs, we are hardwired to check people we find attractive out whether married or not, the problem would be in acting on those impulses if married or in a relationship


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    #45
    mfceiling
    Registered Users Posts: 12,780 ✭✭✭✭mfceiling


    Can't reply to this because hypothetically speaking my wife could catch me typing a reply and fcuk me out on my arse!!


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    #46
    hoodwinked
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,175 ✭✭✭hoodwinked


    Icyseanfitz wrote: »
    come on every one is only human ffs, we are hardwired to check people we find attractive out whether married or not, the problem would be in acting on those impulses if married or in a relationship

    and i agree hence why i am saying i took my vows seriously, the op is being advised to cheat on his wife by having sex with a third party my argument is he (or she, but he in this case) should have the balls to tell the spouse that although he loves her, he is not in love with her and let her be free to find someone who will bang her! :pac:


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    #47
    Gauss
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 550 ✭✭✭Gauss


    hoodwinked wrote: »

    and i agree hence why i am saying i took my vows seriously, the op is being advised to cheat on his wife by having sex with a third party my argument is he (or she, but he in this case) should have the balls to tell the spouse that although he loves her, he is not in love with her and let her be free to find someone who will bang her! :pac:

    So being "in love" with someone means being sexually attracted. Always wondered.


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    #48
    Pottler
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,073 ✭✭✭Pottler


    You need to spice up your life a bit OP, see new things, new places. Tell the missus that you find her unnattractive. That ought to do it for a while anyway.


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    #49
    hoodwinked
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,175 ✭✭✭hoodwinked


    Gauss wrote: »
    So being "in love" with someone means being sexually attracted. Always wondered.

    well you wouldn't say "i am in love with my grandmother" :pac:


    but you would say "i love my grandmother" so yeah i guess,


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    #50
    Piliger
    Registered Users Posts: 6,741 ✭✭✭Piliger


    hoodwinked wrote: »
    and i agree hence why i am saying i took my vows seriously, the op is being advised to cheat on his wife by having sex with a third party my argument is he (or she, but he in this case) should have the balls to tell the spouse that although he loves her, he is not in love with her and let her be free to find someone who will bang her! :pac:

    What utter nonsense. Your perception of love and life is shallow and naive. Love can be deep and wonderful without sex. Marriage is not just a journey of sexual delight. It is a decision to travel through life with a single partner, sharing ALL of life's struggles and rewards together.
    Sometimes sexual attraction wains and sometimes is goes. That doesn't mean love goes and it doesn't mean a loving and happy relationship should be thrown in the trash, and kids tossed into the vortex.
    And for your information marriage vows rarely say anything about total physical fidelity despite the claims that some people make.


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    #51
    hoodwinked
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,175 ✭✭✭hoodwinked


    Piliger wrote: »
    What utter nonsense. Your perception of love and life is shallow and naive. Love can be deep and wonderful without sex. Marriage is not just a journey of sexual delight. It is a decision to travel through life with a single partner, sharing ALL of life's struggles and rewards together.
    Sometimes sexual attraction wains and sometimes is goes. That doesn't mean love goes and it doesn't mean a loving and happy relationship should be thrown in the trash, and kids tossed into the vortex.
    And for your information marriage vows rarely say anything about total physical fidelity despite the claims that some people make.

    seriously? i know there is a lot more to marriage than sex, but the loving relationship is platonic at this stage according the the op, do you not think he should talk to his wife and see if she would like to have the opportunity to find someone who loves her AND finds her attractive?


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    #52
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    hoodwinked wrote: »
    seriously? i know there is a lot more to marriage than sex, but the loving relationship is platonic at this stage according the the op, do you not think he should talk to his wife and see if she would like to have the opportunity to find someone who loves her AND finds her attractive?

    He is holding all the cards here, she doesn't even get a look in. Pretty selfish I must say.


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    #53
    PC CDROM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 408 ✭✭PC CDROM


    Gauss wrote: »
    Here's the scenario.

    You are married with a mortgage and children. Everything is rosy, the kids are happy, the spouse is happy, you may or may not be happy.

    You haven't been sexually attracted to your spouse for the last few years but are still in love with them.

    Do you accept it and just keep going as things are or do you break up with your spouse?

    This is not a personal issue, a hypothetical scenario.

    Remember to clear your internet history tonight! And lock your PC/Laptop.

    :D


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    #54
    otto_26
    Registered Users Posts: 518 ✭✭✭otto_26


    Gauss wrote: »
    Here's the scenario.

    You are married with a mortgage and children. Everything is rosy, the kids are happy, the spouse is happy, you may or may not be happy.

    You haven't been sexually attracted to your spouse for the last few years but are still in love with them.

    Do you accept it and just keep going as things are or do you break up with your spouse?

    This is not a personal issue, a hypothetical scenario.

    Nope do what ever suits you.

    Your lucky because we now live in a society where its a me me me world I deserve to be happy...Forget the children's happiness yours is the most important..

    As for your husband or wife....Your lucky we live in a society now where what you swore and promised on your wedding days means F all because it's all about your happiness.

    So dump the partner and start a fresh because it's you and your happiness is all that matters do what's best for you.

    If ya feel any bit guilty just remember it's the 21st century!


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    #55
    Mammanabammana
    Registered Users Posts: 578 ✭✭✭Mammanabammana


    OU812 wrote: »
    ^ not the worst suggestion. Friend of mine (female) was in a similiar situation.

    Got herself a guy on the side, realised what she was taking for granted with the husband, dumped the guy & really making a go of it. She said the couple of weeks saved her marriage.

    Does the husband know about the guy that she had on the side?


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    #56
    anhedonia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 391 ✭✭anhedonia


    otto_26 wrote: »
    Nope do what ever suits you.

    Your lucky because we now live in a society where its a me me me world I deserve to be happy...Forget the children's happiness yours is the most important..

    As for your husband or wife....Your lucky we live in a society now where what you swore and promised on your wedding days means F all because it's all about your happiness.

    So dump the partner and start a fresh because it's you and your happiness is all that matters do what's best for you.

    If ya feel any bit guilty just remember it's the 21st century!

    spiteful much ?


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    #57
    otto_26
    Registered Users Posts: 518 ✭✭✭otto_26


    anhedonia wrote: »
    spiteful much ?

    Not at all, just saying it how it is.


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    #58
    Mr Benevolent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,456 ✭✭✭✭Mr Benevolent


    OP, 13 of the 34 threads you have created are about sexual inadequacy, infidelity or sexual jealousy. Do you have something to tell us?


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    #59
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    Thinly veiled 'I think I'm gay' thread.


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    #60
    Gauss
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 550 ✭✭✭Gauss


    Confab wrote: »
    OP, 13 of the 34 threads you have created are about sexual inadequacy, infidelity or sexual jealousy. Do you have something to tell us?

    Yes, topics of interest. Good work Columbo.


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    #61
    repsol
    Registered Users Posts: 754 ✭✭✭repsol


    Gauss wrote: »
    Here's the scenario.

    You are married with a mortgage and children. Everything is rosy, the kids are happy, the spouse is happy, you may or may not be happy.

    You haven't been sexually attracted to your spouse for the last few years but are still in love with them.

    Do you accept it and just keep going as things are or do you break up with your spouse?

    This is not a personal issue, a hypothetical scenario.

    I suggest you add up how much a split would cost you financially and what sort of accomodation/lifestyle you could afford with whats left.Factor in how little time you would get with the kids.Bet she is looking better all ready!:D(hypothetically of course).If all else fails this is why light switches were invented


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