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Not fancying Spouse anymore.

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  • 30-12-2012 1:48pm
    #1
    Gauss
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 550 ✭✭✭


    Here's the scenario.

    You are married with a mortgage and children. Everything is rosy, the kids are happy, the spouse is happy, you may or may not be happy.

    You haven't been sexually attracted to your spouse for the last few years but are still in love with them.

    Do you accept it and just keep going as things are or do you break up with your spouse?

    This is not a personal issue, a hypothetical scenario.


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    #2
    mckenzie84
    Registered Users Posts: 60 ✭✭mckenzie84


    I have this friend.........


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    #3
    Where To
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,455 ✭✭✭Where To


    Hypothetical pics or GTFO


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    #4
    Hippies!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 555 ✭✭✭Hippies!


    Feed her cake and make her chubby. ;)


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    #5
    TheBody
    Registered Users Posts: 5,619 ✭✭✭TheBody


    Suggest dogging or a punch bowl party!!


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    #6
    biko
    Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    Hypothetically you've attracted gayness.


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    #7
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    I think it wouldn't be fair to keep something like that to yourself, you'd have to tell your spouse how you feel. Surely the decision to stay together wouldnt just be down to you? Perhaps he or she wouldn't want to be in a marriage where they aren't found to be sexually attractive any more?


    All hypothetical of course..


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    #8
    monkeysnapper
    Registered Users Posts: 2,575 ✭✭✭monkeysnapper


    Gauss wrote: »
    Here's the scenario.

    You are married with a mortgage and children. Everything is rosy, the kids are happy, the spouse is happy, you may or may not be happy.

    You haven't been sexually attracted to your spouse for the last few years but are still in love with them.

    Do you accept it and just keep going as things are or do you break up with your spouse?

    This is not a personal issue, a hypothetical scenario.

    You bastard, I told you this sh1te in confidence . Can't you keep anything to yourself


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    #9
    mikemac1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,395 ✭✭✭✭mikemac1


    Get a mistress?


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    #10
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,877 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    Don't ask for hypothetical advice on AH

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #11
    OU812
    Registered Users Posts: 6,035 ✭✭✭OU812


    ^ not the worst suggestion. Friend of mine (female) was in a similiar situation.

    Got herself a guy on the side, realised what she was taking for granted with the husband, dumped the guy & really making a go of it. She said the couple of weeks saved her marriage.


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    #12
    Gauss
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 550 ✭✭✭Gauss


    I'd say it's a situation a lot of people find themselves in but no one really talks about it. Seems to be a bit of a taboo.


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    #13
    nocoverart
    Registered Users Posts: 2,354 ✭✭✭nocoverart


    How do you know the spouse is happy? OP, you sound like a bit of an arrogant twat!


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    #14
    Ihatecuddles-old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,785 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles-old


    nocoverart wrote: »
    How do you know the spouse is happy? OP, you sound like a bit of an arrogant twat!

    The spouse can be anything in this scenario, its hypothetical!!! If he says she's happy then she's happy.


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    #15
    Gauss
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 550 ✭✭✭Gauss


    nocoverart wrote: »
    How do you know the spouse is happy? OP, you sound like a bit of an arrogant twat!

    I've painted a picture were the spouse is happy, that's accepted as a given. Given the scenario I've described the question is what would you do?

    As this seems to be a taboo scenario I'd imagine there are people out there who feel guilty about it but can't talk about it.


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    #16
    nocoverart
    Registered Users Posts: 2,354 ✭✭✭nocoverart


    Ihatecuddles wrote: »
    The spouse can be anything in this scenario, its hypothetical!!! If he says she's happy then she's happy.

    Yup, missed the hypothetical bit. My bad!


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    #17
    Furious_George
    Closed Accounts Posts: 215 ✭✭Furious_George


    Could try spicing up the marriage a bit. Really making the effort and having a date night as often as possible where ye get dressed up and go somewhere nice.

    If the love is there and u still want to be with the person then that is most important. The sexual part you can work on to try and improve. If there is no sex in the marriage then this is something you can talk about without actually saying that you dont find them attractive anymore. Approach the subject softly though to avoid hirting feelings.

    Another possibility is that both partners let themselves go physically over the years. If this is the case then perhaps if you start to.improve your physical appearance by losing weight and grooming then this will rub off on your partner. Communication would be key, telling your partner you are doing it for your own well being so they dont think your having an affair or something.


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    #18
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Gauss wrote: »
    Here's the scenario.

    You are married with a mortgage and children. Everything is rosy, the kids are happy, the spouse is happy, you may or may not be happy.

    You haven't been sexually attracted to your spouse for the last few years but are still in love with them.

    Do you accept it and just keep going as things are or do you break up with your spouse?

    This is not a personal issue, a hypothetical scenario.

    I think given I/you/they are still in love with their spouse, just not finding them sexually attractive I'd look at seeing if there was a way of igniting that attraction again...if not then I think I'd have to discuss what that meant ie splitting up/getting a lover/open marriage/etc. I wouldn't want to be in a platonic marriage - and I'm sure (hypothetically, given the kind of partner I'd go for) my partner wouldn't either. I don't think unwittingly using someone in order to selfishly cake-eat in a relationship is ever the right thing to do...and it nearly always comes back to bite in the ass...


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    #19
    Gran Hermano
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,330 ✭✭✭Gran Hermano


    Spice things up, dip your knob in chilli.


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    #20
    token101
    Registered Users Posts: 3,050 ✭✭✭token101


    Ihatecuddles wrote: »
    The spouse can be anything in this scenario, its hypothetical!!! If he says she's happy then she's happy.

    Anything eh? Can she be a German Shepherd? If she is maybe just take her to a groomer.


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    #21
    senorwipesalot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,458 ✭✭✭senorwipesalot


    Gran Hermano wrote: »
    Spice things up, dip your knob in chilli.
    and then ride her sister.


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    #22
    hoodwinked
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,175 ✭✭✭hoodwinked


    Gauss wrote: »
    Here's the scenario.

    You are married with a mortgage and children. Everything is rosy, the kids are happy, the spouse is happy, you may or may not be happy.

    You haven't been sexually attracted to your spouse for the last few years but are still in love with them.

    Do you accept it and just keep going as things are or do you break up with your spouse?

    This is not a personal issue, a hypothetical scenario.

    Honestly? if you know you have't been sexually attracted to your spouse for years i a: cannot see how you would be happy with that and b: how you could describe everything as rosy if there is a clear issue such as your lack of sexual attraction...



    considering this has been going on years the chances of being sexually attracted to them again are slim, as its clearly a long standing issue.

    the fairest solution would be first to talk to your spouse about it and see what they want/how they have been coping with the lack of intimacy.

    after that it should be a joint decision how to proceed be it counseling or trial separation...

    i think because a mortgage and a child these days seem like they are for life alot of people will stay in a dead relationship while sleeping with someone else on the side, what these people need to realise is you are doing more damage then good by doing that, and it always comes out in the end. A child is better off seeing mum and dad happy and separated and in loving relationships than dad breaking up the home with his homewrecker girlfriend.


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    #23
    UCDVet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,894 ✭✭✭UCDVet


    It's simple....

    Keep the mortgage, the wife, the kids and the happy marriage - and just go shag some younger girl you do fancy.

    Everyone's better off for it.


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    #24
    Celly Smunt
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,464 ✭✭✭Celly Smunt


    You see,when you move in with a girl you find out they fart and crap.Girl farts and craps are much smellier than men's.Girls are horrible disgusting creatures.


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    #25
    Jimoslimos
    Registered Users Posts: 4,930 ✭✭✭Jimoslimos


    Gauss wrote: »
    Here's the scenario.

    You are married with a mortgage and children. Everything is rosy, the kids are happy, the spouse is happy, you may or may not be happy.

    You haven't been sexually attracted to your spouse for the last few years but are still in love with them.

    Do you accept it and just keep going as things are or do you break up with your spouse?

    This is not a personal issue, a hypothetical scenario.
    Hi, I'm Gauss. You might remember me from other similarly themed threads such as..
    Kissing your OH
    Gauss wrote: »
    Do you do it often, I find after about a year I have absolutely no interest, it does nothing for me. Only really like kissing girls I've never kissed before.

    Really hot escorts. Crazy not to?
    Gauss wrote: »
    Most men can't seduce extremely hot women, actually most men don't even see extremely hot women in real life never mind seduce. So do you think it is a bit crazy not to want to sample a really hot woman even if you have to pay for it? After all you only live once, do you really want to die having never known what it's like to have sex with such a caliber of woman.

    Is sex addiction ever a valid excuse for cheating?
    Gauss wrote: »
    It seems like a fairly convenient excuse for the cheater to use but could it ever be a valid excuse. If alcohol addiction is a disease then is sex addiction a disease?

    Why did you cheat?
    Gauss wrote: »
    Everyone who cheats has their reasons for doing it. What are yours?

    A few years ago I cheated, I did it because I wanted to experience the excitement of new pu$$y to put it crudely. I didn't intend to, but in the moment it felt too good to say no. I knew I wouldn't get caught. Being honest if I was In a relationship now and the other woman was attractive enough I'd probably cheat again. So if I ever get into another relationship I'll try not to put myself in situations where I'll have the opportunity.

    So what were your reasons for cheating?
    Obviously doesn't apply to non cheaters.

    Do you discuss your infidelity with friends free of guilt?
    Gauss wrote: »
    I had sex with a woman I know who is in a relationship a while back, she recently told me she told a friend in work who I know. Then she went on to say that her friend had just cheated on her husband so they were both promised not to tell their secrets. They had a laugh about it.

    I was really surprised as both are really nice people who'd be perceived as morally sound by friends and colleagues. So do you think your infidelity is a source of light hearted conversation if you do part take in such activities?

    Would you "trade up" if you had the opportunity?
    Gauss wrote: »
    Would you dump your boyfriend/girlfriend if you had an offer from a much more attractive person?

    To the guys would you dump your girlfriend if a Georgia Salpa with a good personality wanted to be with you.

    To the girls would you dump your boyfriend if George Clooney wanted to be with you or whoever you think is ridiculously handsome.

    Either you are 15yo and have never had sex, or else you are for real and do actually have deep-seated issues with relationships. My money is on the former....hopefully.


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    #26
    MistyCheese
    Registered Users Posts: 4,005 ✭✭✭MistyCheese


    *Sigh* First I need to find someone to marry me (anyone - man, woman, kangaroo), then I can let myself go and then I can moan about how my husband (or wife or inter-species civil partner) doesn't fancy me anymore...

    It will be a journey filled with cheesecake, pie and tears of self-loathing. Form an orderly queue fellas.


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    #27
    Boombastic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,496 ✭✭✭Boombastic


    Right I'll 'fess up, seen as you've found out anyway,


    Yes, I've been sleeping with your wife :pac:


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    #28
    AnarchistKen
    Registered Users Posts: 129 ✭✭AnarchistKen


    OP you have two options:

    1. Indulge in hookers in your spare time
    2. Bring the wife swinging in the hope the other women there are rides


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    #29
    Gauss
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 550 ✭✭✭Gauss


    AnarchistKen wrote: »
    OP you have two options:

    1. Indulge in hookers in your spare time
    2. Bring the wife swinging in the hope the other women there are rides

    Not sure everyone is comfortable with those options, also not sure how many male prostitutes would be available for the women to choose from.


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    #30
    3ndahalfof6
    Registered Users Posts: 5,184 ✭✭✭3ndahalfof6


    As long as the kids are happy and she is happy I am sure they could not give a flying fook if the other spouse was unhappy,

    hypothetical of course.


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    #31
    orestes
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,972 ✭✭✭orestes


    MistyCheese wrote: »
    *Sigh* First I need to find someone to marry me (anyone - man, woman, kangaroo), then I can let myself go and then I can moan about how my husband (or wife or inter-species civil partner) doesn't fancy me anymore...

    It will be a journey filled with cheesecake, pie and tears of self-loathing. Form an orderly queue fellas.

    There'll be pie?

    So, eh, you come here often?


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