Do people enjoy their own weddings?

SwanSky

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

No, we don't.

meeeeh

I think even people who have wedding of their dreams sometimes don't enjoy it. One of my friends was so worried if everybody else is enjoying themselves that she forgot to have fun herself.

I don't mind a good party but organising one is too much pain, and the whole process wouldn't be enjoyable for me. I also find the whole concept of making your love official a bit outdated so I'm really not overly fussed if I'm married or not. I like going to other people's weddings and usually have fun, probably because it's not mine.

Oh hai

I thought I wouldn't enjoy my wedding because I hate being the centre of attention and hate fuss but I loved every single second of it. From the moment I woke up to the very end it was the best day of my life. It was magical, I'm so glad because I really thought it would be the complete opposite knowing what I'm like. I think you get swept away on the day when you see how happy your loved ones are for you and when you're marrying the love of your life. It's sad to think so many brides and grooms don't experience that. I'm so grateful I did, I was never the type of girl to dream of the white dress or spend all of my life thinking about it but it really was the best day of my life


Would I do it again though? Hell no! The build up and planning and drama was a pain in the hole!

borderlinemeath

I'm engaged for the past 6 months after being together 12 years. No intention of the big wedding at all. Heading away and bringing maybe 20 odd immediate family and a couple of best friends with us, even the thought of that is giving me the heebie jeebies:D.

I've never been into having the big wedding, no interest whatsoever. My two best friends are of opposite opinions, both had the big wedding, one would do the whole 200+ guest thing all over again, the other would sneak away to the registry office as she found the whole experience such a fraught drama that she didn't enjoy the day whatsoever. But both can't understand why it is we're engaged six months and haven't been bothered to organise anything whatsoever. Same with himself, his family keep asking of news of the wedding and are bemused when we say we're in no rush and there's nothing planned.

I was at a lovely little wedding of just 22 before and even some of the things were too much, too traditional. I think a nice relaxed barbeque would do rightly, don't want a formal sit down meal or even speeches would be unnecessary.

I'm not the biggest wedding fan in the world. I can't imagine having one.
Nothing weddingy appeals to me in the slightest.
Not even the dress.
I can't help wondering, if I'm being too closed minded about the whole thing.
Maybe there is a good reason, so many other people value the experience.

SarahBeep!

The girls laugh at me when I say that one day they're gonna get a call for us to get together for a barbecue and I'm gonna be like 'Oh btw, we're just gonna get married before we eat if ya don't mind!'

Do the legal deed in a registry office with the family and VIP's around us and then get a blessing in front of everyone and have a bit of a session

I even know the priest I want to perform the blessing. Not because I'm catholic or anything, he's an old family friend.

I don't do formal, I don't want everyone looking at me as I walk up an aisle and I CERTAINLY don't do white :pac:

Stheno

SarahBeep! wrote: »

The girls laugh at me when I say that one day they're gonna get a call for us to get together for a barbecue and I'm gonna be like 'Oh btw, we're just gonna get married before we eat if ya don't mind!'

Do the legal deed in a registry office with the family and VIP's around us and then get a blessing in front of everyone and have a bit of a session

I even know the priest I want to perform the blessing. Not because I'm catholic or anything, he's an old family friend.

I don't do formal, I don't want everyone looking at me as I walk up an aisle and I CERTAINLY don't do white :pac:

Hey if OH and I ever get around to it, we'll go on hols, come back and announce we are married and having a do

SarahBeep!

Stheno wrote: »

Hey if OH and I ever get around to it, we'll go on hols, come back and announce we are married and having a do

I don't really like the idea of a wedding, but I love the idea of being married.

Stheno

SarahBeep! wrote: »

I don't really like the idea of a wedding, but I love the idea of being married.

Yeah the day itself would mean feck all to me, did the first time anyway

Just stress central

girl2

For me - I just think the whole idea of spending such a crazy amount of money on one day is totally unjustified. And I think its about the two people involved, and not the other 200+ people who may be invited.

I would go away and quietly get married, just me and him. I couldnt stand being in all the limelight.

koxy

We eloped, just last month. Best day of our lives. Had no one stressing us out or fussing around us, we got to spend the entire day side by side laughing, joking and being totally loved up.

I wouldn't be able for the big white wedding , a whole day of being pulled from 1 relative to the next and being the centre of attention, just not for me.

We are however having a big party next month, can't wait. For me, We get to celebrate our marriage with family and friends without the stress .

eire-kp

koxy wrote: »

We eloped, just last month. Best day of our lives. Had no one stressing us out or fussing around us, we got to spend the entire day side by side laughing, joking and being totally loved up.

I wouldn't be able for the big white wedding , a whole day of being pulled from 1 relative to the next and being the centre of attention, just not for me.

Thats my plan above...sounds perfect!

Now just to find someone to to it with:D

eviltwin

koxy wrote: »

We eloped, just last month. Best day of our lives. Had no one stressing us out or fussing around us, we got to spend the entire day side by side laughing, joking and being totally loved up.

I wouldn't be able for the big white wedding , a whole day of being pulled from 1 relative to the next and being the centre of attention, just not for me.

We are however having a big party next month, can't wait. For me, We get to celebrate our marriage with family and friends without the stress .

Thats exactly what I wanted to do but it was important to my husband to have his family there so we compromised and had just family. It was small and cost less than 1000 back in 2008, we had been together 13 years at that stage and to be honest I already felt married so it just seemed like a formality. The organisation of it was a pain in the ass.

I know women who have married who have been all about the wedding, its been their entire focus for 2 years. On the other hand when my brother got married this year he did all the organising, his wife just wasn't into it.

Toast4532

koxy wrote: »

We eloped, just last month. Best day of our lives. Had no one stressing us out or fussing around us, we got to spend the entire day side by side laughing, joking and being totally loved up.

I wouldn't be able for the big white wedding , a whole day of being pulled from 1 relative to the next and being the centre of attention, just not for me.

We are however having a big party next month, can't wait. For me, We get to celebrate our marriage with family and friends without the stress .

That sounds perfect, congratulations to you and your husband on your marriage.

I have never dreamed of the fairytale wedding, white dresses, cars, 200 guests, 5 tier cake, flowers etc it doesn't appeal to me at all. Not to mention the amount of money they cost. I hate being the center of attention anyway.

I don't particularly enjoy other peoples wedding's either, so usually avoid them if I can, and if not, I go anyway, smile, have a laugh, chat etc and hope the days goes quickly.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Squ

Folks can only speak from their own experience..

I always thought id just go through the motions just to get it over with..

But it was definitely the best day of my life.

My advice would be to do your own thing, and don't get tied into humouring aunts, neighbours etc..

Eviledna

Am I the only one who will admit to throwing a pillowcase over her head as a child and walking up the imaginary aisle to marry ted the teddybear?

Perhaps it's effortlessly cool to be ever-so-nonchalant about weddings, but I say feckit, give me the enchanted-style Disney fairytale, I'm buying in. I'm a modern feminist Irish woman, proud of how far we've come, and I enjoy the fact that I have the option of getting as into my own wedding to the man I love as humanly possible. How I feel about him deserves a celebration (in my head anyway!) and I have good kind friends who will be happy to see us married after eight years together. I will spend an appropriate amount of money on it, I will look forward to it until it happens, and I will remember it very fondly afterwards, just as I do our engagement. anything less would be letting some fupped up guilt shroud a party that we will organise to be fun for everyone (no bridezilla crap) and work hard to pay for. I'm not a centre of attention kind of gal, but I bloody well intend this to be my one and only wedding and fate willing, intend to make it count.

Nothing feckin wrong with that at all to me life's too short not to celebrate joyful events, however you wish OP.

tomthetank

What annoys me is this Irish 'custom' of getting married in a church, the big white wedding, despite the fact that in many cases neither bride nor groom have any religious beliefs or have been within spitting distance of a church for a good few years.

This was the case with the last three weddings I've been to. Sure even my own mother tells me she'd be devastated if I got married anywhere else, despite the fact that I can't remember (nor care to) the last time I went to mass.

A good friend of mine recently 'eloped' with her partner of twelve years, just took a 'two week holiday' to an exotic island in the middle of nowhere and got hitched without telling anyone and with just a single witness who they didn't even know. Saved the stress, financial, political, emotional and otherwise and really made it a day that was just about the two of them, expressing their love and vowing to spend their lives together without all the hype that your traditional 100+ wedding can bring.

I'd see myself doing something similar, or something small-scale in a beautiful cherished place like a beach or on a lake or something. That's if I get married at all. It's not really something I dream about and not sure it's something I believe in either. Maybe the right guy will prove me wrong!

coffee_cake

Eviledna wrote: »

Am I the only one who will admit to throwing a pillowcase over her head as a child and walking up the imaginary aisle to marry ted the teddybear?

Perhaps it's effortlessly cool to be ever-so-nonchalant about weddings, but I say feckit,.

People who say they didn't dream about it aren't just trying to be cool

Squ

tomthetank wrote: »

Saved the stress, political, emotional

For themselves anyway.

ash23

If I ever get married I think it will be a very low key affair, preferably abroad with immediate family only(or maybe just bride, groom and my daughter). Then a big "afters" when we get home with buffet, cutting of the cake and the first dance (which are the only elements of a traditional wedding I really would want).

I abhorr stress (and it actually makes me ill) so I couldn't cope with organising a big wedding.
My 3 sisters did the traditional style wedding day (all in the same year!) and my mum has said to be that she'd love if I just eloped lol.

Vojera

I hope I enjoy my wedding in March! The planning has been great craic, not stressful at all. I suppose it would be classed as a typical Irish wedding (apart from it being two girls getting married ) because there have been 180 people invited.

The way I see it, myself and my OH could have had a small do, but for us it's an excuse to give our friends and family a great party. When will we ever do it again? I get on really well with my extended family and the only time we're ever all in the same room is at weddings and funerals, so it's great to have a positive opportunity to get everyone together

My OH's sister and her husband eloped to Vegas and had a party when they came back, and that was right for them, but it sounded like the saddest, loneliest day to me. They shared their wedding cake with strangers in a bar and had their wedding dinner in Subway.

Then again, one of my friends and her husband eloped to New York and their photos here lovely and their day sounded great.

So, each to their own, I guess.

Eviledna

bluewolf wrote: »

People who say they didn't dream about it aren't just trying to be cool

Where did I say anything about people trying to be cool? I said that perhaps it may be cooler (read: more popular/ socially accepted) to be nonchalant about the wedding process, and I think that the number of responses in this thread are indicative of that too. My point was that some might want to say feckit to that new social norm and buy into the fuss, if just a little. We can celebrate our choice on this, because now we do have one, as it's not that long since women were told how to have their wedding by their family or new husband. My point is that just because we now have a choice, it doesn't mean that choosing something near the traditional isn't appropriate or acceptable, that would be resistance just for the sake of it.

Two different options /opinions on weddings do not have to belittle each other.

eviltwin

Just out of interest, those of you who have had or are having big weddings did you pay for it yourself?

I only know one person who had a big white wedding - 150+ guests - and her family paid for most of it and that meant she had to invite a number of people she probably wouldn't have normally asked. Anyone else I know has paid for it themselves and that has been a big factor in size.

I know for us because we were paying for it all in cash - we decided early on we were not going to go down the borrowing route - that it meant we had no choice but to have it small.

username123

eviltwin wrote: »

I know for us because we were paying for it all in cash - we decided early on we were not going to go down the borrowing route - that it meant we had no choice but to have it small.

Between elopement and party when we got back, we spent the same as if we'd had a traditional wedding. We saved for it and paid for it all ourselves.

lily09

As a newlywed I can honestly say I enjoyed my wedding. Had relativlly small wedding and still dreaded walking up the aisle. However on the day the music started and I began the walk , all my friends and family turned around smiling and I cannot describe the feeling of being just so happy!the photos of me walking up the aisle look like I was walking the red carpet. I know for lots of people weddings are a chore but we kept the list intimate enough so everyone invited was in our immediate circle.
Bits of the wedding were hard, I was exhausted and uncomfortable by midnight but changed into flpflops and removed spanx to let it all hang out and was revived...
All in all I look back at my wedding day as a day that I got to spend with all my favorite people.
Btw never once realised the significance of the day even as I said my vows etc still look back on it as a party.

John Mason

our wedding was exactly how we wanted it.

it was very non-traditional - no church/white dress/bridemaids/flowers etc.

it was the best wedding i have ever been at. we have been to 4 weddings since and not one has touch ours for the absolute brilliance of the day.

Scarinae

One of my sister's friends invited her friends and family to a garden party, and when they got there it turned out that she and her boyfriend had got married earlier that day and this was their reception. The only people who knew in advance were their parents and their kids. Apparently they had a great time with minimal stress.

I don't like lots of attention (I found this really uncomfortable at my 21st, for example), so if I got married I'd probably cut out traditions like the first dance. I also don't wear white (too pale!) so I'd probably wear a different colour. I know my parents wouldn't put me under pressure to invite distant relatives or whatever, as my brother got married this year and they were very relaxed about it.

Dolbert

eviltwin wrote: »

Just out of interest, those of you who have had or are having big weddings did you pay for it yourself?

We are having approximately 120 people at ours in a few months and we're paying for it all ourselves. We are having a traditional white wedding, but I'd just like to point out that traditional does not necessarily equal big money... we got a great deal with our hotel and have also been cheeky enough to call in favours all around from friends and family who are more than happy to help!

Can I ask, how many of you who are adamant that you won't have any traditional aspects to your wedding are actually engaged/ wedding planning? The reason I ask is that, while it's easy to say you'll do x, y and z differently, the reality of planning is somewhat different. We were all set to hire a marquee and caterers for a massive barbeque, until we actually crunched numbers and were surprised to discover that both the workload and cost involved would be more than letting our (admittedly very reasonable) hotel take care of it. Of course if you just prefer the idea then go for it!

daenerysstormborn3

Dolbert wrote: »

Can I ask, how many of you who are adamant that you won't have any traditional aspects to your wedding are actually engaged/ wedding planning? The reason I ask is that, while it's easy to say you'll do x, y and z differently, the reality of planning is somewhat different. We were all set to hire a marquee and caterers for a massive barbeque, until we actually crunched numbers and were surprised to discover that both the workload and cost involved would be more than letting our (admittedly very reasonable) hotel take care of it. Of course if you just prefer the idea then go for it!

We are engaged and party planning and our wedding won't have any traditional aspects at all.