Do people enjoy their own weddings?

sashafierce

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Morag

All of that fuss and all of that focus on me as the Bride would freak me out too.
But if you are with the right person and it is about your relationship and love for each other and knowing they will be there to steady you on the day and to share all of it
the happiness and the horrors, then I think I could endure it.

I think that your wedding should be fun and anyone who tries to make it not that should just feck off tbh.

confusticated

I'd assume most people would plan their wedding day as they want it, so would enjoy it... There are many different ways to get married, you know a wedding doesn't have to include people you haven't seen in 20 years? Or even an aisle to walk up?

sashafierce

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Tombo2001

Getting married next week and honestly cant wait for it to be over...wrong attitude I know, just dont like being centre of attention.

sashafierce

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shooter57

sashafierce wrote: »

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ditto. It really bugs me when people say " every girl dreams of their wedding since they were little" do they because i certainly never did !

Ive three older sisters who have got married in the last few years and now the finger is pointing at me ! I am in a long term relationship but to be honest I could not think of anything MORE stressful than a wedding . Ive seen it first hand with my sisters turning into bridezillas , arguements over table arrangments and invitations , and the petty small talk of "he can't make it so she wants to go instead " and "she didn't rsvp yet " and these are people who hadn't been in touch in years ! it honestly turned me right off getting maried , I wouldn't be able for the stress of it , plus is the stress even worth it all , not to mention the debt you are in for the next few years ....eh ... no thanks .

myself and oh spoke about getting married about 2 years ago , we had a very small sum of money at the time , it was either have a small wedding or go on holidays and buy a little car . we chose the holiday !!

this post is not to take from people who are getting married , everyone's different at the end of the day .:)

sashafierce

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Dolbert

A wedding can be immediate family in a registry office and a nice meal afterwards, the frills and trimmings are completely optional. The idea that a wedding has to be a huge bridezillafest simply isn't true nowadays. Why would you think you have to have hundreds of people there?

sashafierce

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daenerysstormborn3

Some people seem to forget that they can choose how they want their wedding to be... Don't want to spend loads of money? Then don't. Don't want people there that you don't know? Then don't invite them. Don't want to spend loads of money on a big meal? Then don't.

It just seems so bizarre to me that people still feel that there is a set template for a wedding.

I have never dreamed of a wedding, I've never even dreamed of getting married, it's not something that I've always thought I would do. I met my boyfriend over 3 years ago and he asked me to marry him about a month ago, after Christmas we are going to go to his friend, who is a goldsmith and jewellery designer, to get my engagement ring made and get her to design wedding bands for us.
When we get married it'll be a very small affair, we're probably going to do the registry office thing here and then go abroad with some of our friends to have a celebration and then when we come home we'll probably have a garden party with the rest of our friends. That's what we want to do for our wedding. What anyone else wants really doesn't come into it for us. It is going to be our celebration to mark the start of our married life.

Cerulean Chicken

sashafierce wrote: »

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I should hope people enjoy their own weddings, if the bride at that wedding wasn't happy she should've changed things, nobody is to blame for that but herself and the groom, they make the decisions. But in fairness there will always be a few people from the other person's family that would be unfamiliar to the bride/groom, you can't meet every possible relative or spouse beforehand in large families, doesn't mean the person isn't important to your partner just because you haven't previously met them.

If you don't want people looking at you don't walk up a long aisle, don't invite lots of people, why on earth would you invite plus ones you don't know in large numbers, if half are unknown plus ones something has gone very wrong with a guest list. Nobody forces anybody to fork out for a slap up meal for people they haven't seen in 20 years, all of those things are choices, so people are perfectly capable of choosing not to do any of those things for their wedding.

I was at a wedding very recently of about 200 people, 95% of the people at it were close family and friends of the bride and groom, the other 5% were plus ones that were welcomed into the family and seriously shared in the happiness. Everyone had a great time, and the bride didn't feel stared at because we were all there with love and good wishes for the couple, she was only delighted to have us coming up admiring her dress, having great chats, etc. The groom is very shy and made a small quiet speech, everyone knew he was nervous but supported him and cheered and he was really happy with his speech, it was lovely.

I've also been at a wedding of 25 close family and friends, the bride wore an ivory dress and jacket, we had dinner and danced in the hotel bar for the night. Both weddings were based on the same thing, people celebrating their marriage with people they love, in a way that suited them. Don't judge others on how they choose to do it, just because you mightn't like a part of it doesn't mean they don't, and you should be polite enough as a guest to respect the happy couple's choices. I don't like a lot of wedding things and wouldn't have them for my own, but everyone is entitled to their own choices and opinions on it.

shooter57

I suppose if I really wanted to get married I would, by doing it my own way as in a small family wedding no fuss affair . I think the fact I have so many overseas relations puts me off . If I were to invite them all it would turn into a bridezilla 100 plus wedding , something I would hate . If I was to have a small affair I assume there would be faces on for not inviting everyone , especially since the other weddings in my family were big ones , I think they expect mine to be the same . My sisters regularly ask me when am I getting married , I know they are only waiting for me to say the word to grab the golden pages and start the preparations

Neyite

sashafierce wrote: »

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Surely that was her own fault though? She is an adult who planned her wedding day and didnt have to be a sheep that had to invite half the town because her parents told her to.

My married sisters had the church+hotel reception+ all the trimmings that a traditional wedding would have had. One was mega bridezilla, the other was as calm as you like. Me? I'd hate a hotel ballroom full of heaps of people - immediate family in a really nice á la carte restaurant followed by a pub session is my ideal and also my partners.

Larianne

Neyite wrote: »

Surely that was her own fault though? She is an adult who planned her wedding day and didnt have to be a sheep that had to invite half the town because her parents told her to.

I think that's easier said than done. People can be under a lot of pressure from family members to invite certain people to weddings. And people don't want to upset their parents/relatives/in-laws, who in their day invited so and so etc.

Some of the threads I see posted in the Wedding forum, along with experiences with family, confirms my view that if I ever am lucky enough to plan a wedding, it will be a small wedding, abroad somewhere. So I totally agree with your opening post, sashafierce.

username123

I just did what I wanted to do. I dont really enjoy the traditional Irish wedding personally so I didnt have that. I eloped and got married in a beautiful outdoor location with just myself, himself, the minister and 2 witnesses (who were also the photographer and the driver).

It was a lovely private, romantic, personal and memorable day. Totally calm, totally focused on the two of us, and full of emotion. I wouldnt have liked to have shared that with anyone, it was intimate.

Each to their own.

sashafierce

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eviltwin

I had a small wedding at home, just family, about 20 people in all. It was okay. We had sadly lost someone a few days beforehand which kinda put a dampner on the whole thing so I wasn't really in happy mode. I think if things had been different I would have enjoyed it more. Big dos are not really my thing and I would have hated a traditional big wedding. One day we hope to renew our vows and it will be small and intimate again.

mariaalice

I am so happy to be married to my husband, but I found the day its self stressful I do not like being the centre of attention and am not a Party animal at all, I felt I was on show for the whole day.

jaffacakesyum

Like people have already said, your wedding can be however you (and your OH) want it! I must say I do dream of a perfect wedding one day but not in the traditional sense. I just can't wait to find that one person I want to share the rest of my life with and celebrate with all my friends and family - and not people I haven't seen in 20 years; People I really care about.

I haven't planned my perfect wedding but when the time comes I will. Who's to say you can't just have a big session in the garden or by the beach or have a big BBQ and some drinks? Or get married in a registery and have a nice relaxed dinner with your nearest and dearest? Or do the more common church and big function room meal and drinks and dancing? Do whatever suits you and your budget!

Neyite

Larianne wrote: »

I think that's easier said than done. People can be under a lot of pressure from family members to invite certain people to weddings. And people don't want to upset their parents/relatives/in-laws, who in their day invited so and so etc.

Some of the threads I see posted in the Wedding forum, along with experiences with family, confirms my view that if I ever am lucky enough to plan a wedding, it will be a small wedding, abroad somewhere. So I totally agree with your opening post, sashafierce.

I understand that people can be under pressure, but ultimately the bride and groom are adults, and assuming they are spending their own money they dont have to end up with a day that they paid through the nose for where they barely knew anybody. I'm from a big family myself, as is my partner, and I'm sure there would be a long list of people that we "should" invite to any wedding.

Only this weekend I was told where we should have our wedding, what kind of food we should serve, and what entertainment we should have and when we should have the wedding. We are not even planning an engagement at the moment :rolleyes: So I just nodded and let it go over my bemused head. The person telling me what to do had their day, exactly the way they wanted so if they started throwing their weight around when we were planning a wedding, they would be told exactly that. I'm an adult and I and my partner get to decide how to throw our party.

At the weddings in our family, both sets of parents were given an allocation of invites, to invite whoever they wanted with. That took care of the "Mary and John down the road who invited Mam and Dad to their Daughters wedding so we have to reciprocate" invites.

Now, if the bride's parents paid for the shindig, then they are the hosts, not her or her partner, therefore the parents can invite who they want, and if it means the bride knows barely anyone, then that's the trade off. I don't think you can have your cake and eat it.

2rkehij30qtza5

I loved my own wedding! Granted I didn't know some of the 210 guests (they were +1's) but that didn't put me off! I had a ball at my wedding!

g'em

I'm getting married in September, originally the plan had been for just the two of us to go abroad and get married in New York City Hall and come back for a big party afterwards. But when we spoke to our mums we realised that as we're both the first to get married in to small families our mums would have been very disappointed not to share our big day (especially my mum as I'm her only daughter and we're exceptionally close). So the plan changed to a fairly big fandango, but we organised 80% of it before we announced the engagement so all the big decisions are made and there's minimal to no squabbling. I can say with my hand on my heart that I'm now ridiculously excited about the whole event, and I say that as someone who was fairly allergic to weddings not a million years ago.

in the last couple of years I've been to weddings of friends and family who have seemed to enjoy every second of the day, and I guess I'm using them as my inspiration. We get to spend a whole day and night with the people nearest and dearest to us, everything has been planned with one question in mind: "will this be fun?". I'm quite sure a million things will go wrong on the day, but so what? I'll probably be the only one who notices. So yeah, I hope I enjoy it as much as I can, and everyone else does top

Fizzlesque

sashafierce wrote: »

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I don't know any women who dreamed of their wedding day/getting married all their lives - I don't even know any who dreamed of their wedding day/getting married once they became adults.

I have no idea where the false 'every little girl dreams of her wedding day' idea started life, but it was probably incubated in the same kind of test-tube the diamond engagement ring, white wedding dresses and the now-nauseating Valentine's day palaver were forced to grow in, until they became ingrained in people's psyche as the done thing.

I never wanted to get married, and told my grandmother as much when I was a little girl - she reckoned I'd change my mind when I became an adult, but I didn't. Not that I'd make a great case study, I wanted to be a mother fox when I grew up, so my idea of the possibilities being an adult would afford me were a little peculiar. The mother fox idea appealed to me a lot more than being the mother of a human baby; cute furry baby foxes were much more appealing than hairless human ones. I eventually got over my disappointment that that was never going to happen.

A woman I work with told me that wedding breakfasts were the norm when she was younger. Actual breakfasts, not dinners or lunches called breakfasts, but early morning wedding, celebratory breakfast and then guests who had to go to work, went to work. I guess the elaborate (and sometimes over the top) weddings of today are a product of people having more money than they used have - my own parents had their wedding reception at my grandmother's house.

So, I guess the answer to your question is no. Women don't really dream of their wedding day all their lives, maybe some do, but I'm fairly certain there are more who don't than there are who do.

CuriousG

I can't wait to be actually be married, but the wedding itself is not appealing to me also.

It would be nice if it was quiet and no fuss, but it never really will be when you're the bride.

seenitall

My wedding (in 2003):

• cca E 20 for the registrar's
• under E 100 altogether for my top (Bay Trading), skirt (Topshop), coat (Debenhams), shoes and accessories (all-white ensemble)
• under E 100 for two not-run-of-the-mill wedding cakes, and some friends made a beautiful third one
• no expense for the groom's outfit; it was his own beforehand
• no rings; lots saved (we had a hippy-dippy, air-fire-earth-water ceremony instead)
• lots of friends got together and sorted out the food and drinks, mainly sandwiches and cans - it was their present to us
• another friend of mine took pics and filmed parts of it; again, it was his wedding present to us (I made a lovely album afterwards, using those little cute wedding stickers that you see in Eason's)
• short ceremony at the registrar's (which was in a hotel, actually - coincidentally? ), with about 30 people present, then on to a friend's flat overlooking the sea for some Major Partying til dawn; could be that up to 100 people came and went through that flat through the night
• some Marijuana-laced brownies appeared at some point...
• no honeymoon, so a big saving there as well :pac:

Racking my brains here, trying to remember some other expense associated with it, but can't think of a thing. So all in all, I'd say I've spent about an even 200 euros on my wedding. Not bad at all, if I do say so myself. :cool:


Only thanks to all the friends who made us numerous presents of their time and effort and food and drinks, was such a saving possible. Also, one of my ex's friends said to him "You fecker, we spent E 10 000 on our wedding and you spent nothing, and yours was a better one!"


One thing worth noting, though, is that both myself and the ex are immigrants here, so there was no pressure whatsoever from any family about any differing ideas as to what should be done and what things should be like. As any family that flew in did so for a few days around the wedding itself.



The marriage didn't last... but it was a damn good party after all, and my daughter has the album and the footage to go through and laugh her head off now.

pwurple

I enjoyed mine. We were together 10+ years before a trip in an ambulance where I discovered I wasn't his next of kin and couldn't consent to an op changed our mind on it being necessary.

Neither of us like to be the center of attention. We had the wedding 3 1/2 months later, with just under 70 people. We knew all of them, it was outdoors on a summer evening with a firepit and a bbq. I bought my dress on ebay, and sold it again afterwards. Easy to do if you are an average height, average size gal. Nice food, close friends and family having a bit of craic and drinks. What's not to like?

We didn't spend a whole pile on the wedding. Oh, and we had a fairly kick ass holiday afterwards... 5 weeks in africa. Loved it. Both our jobs were very forgiving about us taking a bit of time off for a honeymoon.

The Big Red Button

pwurple wrote: »

I enjoyed mine. We were together 10+ years before a trip in an ambulance where I discovered I wasn't his next of kin and couldn't consent to an op changed our mind on it being necessary.

That's a bit mental! Like, if he needed an op, would they not just go ahead and do it? If he needed it, and he (presumably) wasn't able to give consent himself, and there was no next-of-kin there to do it? Would they actually need that permission?

CathyMoran

Managed to have the tiny wedding (16 people including ourselves) that I wanted 6 years ago today as I was very ill when we married and I got away with saying exactly what we wanted. We almost got married several times before but I got freaked out by the huge wedding thing and everyone wanting everyone there...

We never had our honeymoon but had a presurgery holiday in Paris the following January (I was not allowed to fly just after chemo)...we have little ones now so honeymoon has been put off for good as we would never want to be apart from our young children.

We did renew our vows when I was pregnant with our son, just hubby, bump and the priest who is a family friend.

I respect the fact that most people seem to love a big wedding but that was not us.

Roesy

Didn't find planning the wedding stressful but I don't think either of us expected to enjoy our wedding as much as we did. When we got engaged first we had a completely different day in mind to what we ended up having but neither of us would change a thing. We had an absolutely fantastic day but there were parts of it we weren't looking forward to and even they were fine. He was very nervous about the speech but was having none of it when I said we should skip them as I didn't think it was worth making him uptight. I was dreading the first dance(can't figure out why now!!) but it was over before I knew it. People we haven't seen in a while are still remarking about the fact that it was the most fun they had at a wedding.

Stheno

When I got married in the nineties, my OH's parents refused to attend when they heard we were planning a civil ceremony with a church blessing. They literally arrived into our house and told us so.

As a result we'd the full church wedding.

The day after his mother said it was unfair that it was such a good wedding as we put so little effort into it.

Strangely enough the marriage didn't last :pac: Her contribution when it ended was that she never thought we were suited anyway :pac:

edit: I spent the entire day worrying about whether or not everything was to her satisfaction, think Hyacinth bucket on speed, combined with a gallon of red bull