Tight-fisted parents.

PaulB1984

ViveLaVie wrote: »

Well you could have fooled me when you were criticising me for not resenting the money my parents gave to charity!

AGAIN I never said that they give me nothing. If you want to have a proper discussion on boards then willfully misrepresenting what another poster says is a really REALLY bad way to do it.

So you didn't say any of that? Fine. Moving on... Do you have kids? Do you buy them anything?

summerskin

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Good. When you have kids, buy them nothing. Give it all to charity and tell your kid "I'm sorry, i love you, both strangers mean more to me than you do."

We have a jar on the fireplace that we fill with spare change each year to give to charity. our children love putting their spare change in it, and take great joy when at the end of the year we make donations to local charities from it. They love the feeling of helping those less fortunate, as they know they have more than most in this world.

Is that wrong, in your opinion?

Madam_X

summerskin wrote: »

OP is clearly a troll as he consistently alters what people have said.

Definitely. Let's not feed.

"A troll just because I disagree with you? :rolleyes:"
No, a troll because you're acting the dick - spectacularly.

tiny_penguin

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Good. When you have kids, buy them nothing. Give it all to charity and tell your kid "I'm sorry, i love you, both strangers mean more to me than you do."

Thats not what I said - you misread everything people are saying to you. Where does it say I would buy them nothing? I would not get them everything they wanted or picked up and looked at in a shop. There is a balance you know.

I still want to know how you equate giving to charity as greed?

hoodwinked

Madam_X wrote: »

True, but the likelihood of it being just meanness, going by numbers of really mean people, is low. The OP has his mind already made up though. Going by what's actually likely, the parents probably have a bunch of Santa presents bought. I just don't understand - what is so awful about telling a child to pick one instead of getting them the two? It's just... baffling.

they were either a: Christmas shopping for others and for all we know went back after without the child and 'santa' is after getting the child the dvd now. (which is prob what id do, cause id have to get it)


or b: shopping for themselves and just being mean not getting the child the 2nd dvd. its not so much about telling the child to pick one but more a "im an adult i can buy myself lots of dvds, you are a child on a measly pocket money you can only have one"


i am all for learning the value of money (an exercise i think is more suited to teenagers mind you) but you should also Teach them by example and set the example you want to teach them.

PaulB1984

HeyThereDeliah wrote: »

Love is not breaking your kids toys either, presumably in fits of anger but this type of childhood is acceptable to you ?

How can you criticise these parents and then post that about your father?

You really have problems and don't bother replying because you cannot see where you are wrong, not saying we are right but most of us agree money,buying presents is not the same as loving a child.

I have kids and yes I spoil them but they are well acquainted with the word NO.

Fine, you spoil your kids and then slam believing that a kid should be given an extra fiver when their parents are so rich.

Don't bother replying? Block me in that case. You've been wrong from the start, just backfired on yourself and now you're throwing a tantrum. Good.

As for the rest, like i said, this thread is not about me. It's about the greed of certain parents who can afford not to be so mean. You've seen it from other people here too, who have not only agreed, but also have gone through even worse than being spited out of a crappy DVD.

pickarooney

al28283 wrote: »

Between this and your "Tom Cruise has a perfect filmography" thread I can't really take you seriously

I suspect he wasn't bought ALL THE DVDs either.

PaulB1984

hoodwinked wrote: »

they were either a: Christmas shopping for others and for all we know went back after without the child and 'santa' is after getting the child the dvd now. (which is prob what id do, cause id have to get it)


or b: shopping for themselves and just being mean not getting the child the 2nd dvd. its not so much about telling the child to pick one but more a "im an adult i can buy myself lots of dvds, you are a child on a measly pocket money you can only have one"


i am all for learning the value of money (an exercise i think is more suited to teenagers mind you) but you should also Teach them by example and set the example you want to teach them.

The second one for sure, it was the only copy of the DVD, they wouldn't have risked losing it if she really wanted it. That's what made me so angry. To spend so much on themselves with her right there and yet tell her than she can only have whatever that fiver would buy her, it really bothered me.

I think teaching kids about money does go both ways as you've said. Teach them to be wise with money, but teach them the meaning of sharing and generosity too.

mashedbanana

PaulB1984 wrote: »

I hate when i'm in a store and there's either a couple or one parent with their child, the greed on display is incredible. This one day i was in HMV, these two people were in buying a whole load of television box sets for themselves, the guy himself had 3 box sets between both arms and the woman had another 2. This little girl with them stands there looking through kids' DVDs and finds 2 that she likes, both €5 each and she goes to the man "Daddy, i can't pick, i have €5, which one daddy?" and he actually stands there and says to her "Well, how about this one (Donald Duck)? This looks like a great one to start off your DVD collection, you have €5 in your pocket, i think you'd like this!". That's when i stormed off. I couldn't believe it. At least €300 worth of DVDs in both their arms and they couldn't spring to another €5 for a second DVD for their child? And not only that, but her first DVD??? Disgusting. And that's just one example i've seen. I can understand if her parents are poor, but these obviously weren't. Why are people like that? They've a stack of cash in their pocket, treat themselves senseless, and do practically nothing for their kids who are standing right there with them? Don't parents know that one day these kids will be the ones with the money and the decision-making? Teaching kids to be mean is not good for them and it will only backfire.

Well, i read your post, and I read alot of the replies. I grew up in the 80's recession. When I say we had nothing, I mean we had NOTHING. As a consequence our 3 kids have everything, and I don't give 2 shiny sh***s what anyone thinks about that! I am not going to walk into a DVD store, and buy 'someone else' 5 box sets and watch one of my kids agonise over a poxy cheapy DVD.

My hubby works damn hard for every brown ha'penny that comes into this house. We do NOT claim social (thank God), (even when we didn't have anything, we did without, while others were out socialising/smoking etc) and owe nothing to no one! Yes I spoil my kids, yes they have everything. But my hubby & I were raised to have manners, even if we didn't have anything else! So my kids say please & thank you, and I can take them anywhere, knowing they will conduct themseves.

We are strict parents but fair. They have their own 'chores'. We come from an era where 'you get nothing for nothing love'. I also dislike mean parents..... like WHY did you have them? For SO many years we couldn't spoil them. We just didn't have the cash...BUT I was never seen to go off and buy (€20 x5) €100 on DVD for others. Priorities are all wrong with some people. They still think 'tough love' is the only way to go. Sad sad sad...

Boom_Bap

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Fine, you spoil your kids and then slam believing that a kid should be given an extra fiver when their parents are so rich.

I asked the question earlier, bit got no responce. How did you know these people where rich?

Because people are rich, does it mean they should buy thier kids everything they want?

PaulB1984

pickarooney wrote: »

I suspect he wasn't bought ALL THE DVDs either.

As someone on the dole who doesn't drink, smoke, drive a car, have his own home etc... I put aside a fiver a week and bought them myself. What's with the Tom Cruise jibes anyway? People just following me all around the site and bringing in chats from threads that have no bearing to this at all? Are we all friends or something? I'm a fan of Tom Cruise, yes Sir, but it has nothing to do with this. But yes, my folks did buy me a handful of his movies too through the years.

hoodwinked

hoodwinked wrote: »

they may be two totally different situations but think of it this way,


if you overheard my dad in smyths earlier saying "do you have enough pocket money saved to buy those crayola's?" or "use your pocketmoney to buy those"

you would think the same "oh what a great parent teaching his child the value of money" not knowing what he was going to do at lunch.


my point is you don't know how deep that mean-ness goes....


for all you know the child the op was talking about had to also miss lunch because she had spent all her money on a dvd,


there are mean parents out there, you assume these people weren't as much as the op assume they were.

The thing is that I don't go jumping to conclusions as outlandish as the op's. sure the parents of the girl could have been mean as hell but I wouldn't go assuming that they were bad parents based on a few seconds of conversation I overheard. I also don't make it a habit of spying on little girls and their families in shops and as such I rarely hear such conversations but if I did I would not assume the worst before going onto a public forum board and posting about what bad parents these people I saw were.

PaulB1984

summerskin wrote: »

We have a jar on the fireplace that we fill with spare change each year to give to charity. our children love putting their spare change in it, and take great joy when at the end of the year we make donations to local charities from it. They love the feeling of helping those less fortunate, as they know they have more than most in this world.

Is that wrong, in your opinion?

Nope. But who mentioned a 'jar' in the first place? I saw nothing about no jar with spare change. I say money being given away and someone being bought very little to nothing by their folks.

seb65

hoodwinked wrote: »

they may be two totally different situations but think of it this way,


if you overheard my dad in smyths earlier saying "do you have enough pocket money saved to buy those crayola's?" or "use your pocketmoney to buy those"

you would think the same "oh what a great parent teaching his child the value of money" not knowing what he was going to do at lunch.


my point is you don't know how deep that mean-ness goes....


for all you know the child the op was talking about had to also miss lunch because she had spent all her money on a dvd,


there are mean parents out there, you assume these people weren't as much as the op assume they were.

I agree. I don't understand why people are yelping about the OP making assumptions and then go and make a bunch of assumptions themselves - the parents were buying christmas gifts for others, the parents had a load of presents from santy for her; she probably has a stack of dvds.

I'm not making a judgment call on these particular parents, I'm just saying I would have bought the DVD. I'm a soft touch though.

I dated a guy once who didn't know how to skate or rollerblade. He said his mother didn't think buying skates/blades was worth it because, as kids, they'd grow out of them so fast. This woman had hundreds of pairs of shoes (she was notorious for them). He said he didn't want kids because they were too expensive, and his parents had always preached that their money was theirs alone.

There are loads of tightwad parents out there.

hoodwinked

Deleted User wrote: »

The thing is that I don't go jumping to conclusions as outlandish as the op's. sure the parents of the girl could have been mean as hell but I wouldn't go assuming that they were bad parents based on a few seconds of conversation I overheard. I also don't make it a habit of spying on little girls and their families in shops and as such I rarely hear such conversations but if I did I would not assume the worst before going onto a public forum board and posting about what bad parents these people I saw were.

but going on face value, they were buying a lot of dvds for whatever reason. and couldn't spend an extra €5 on one for their child?


to be fair little girls are no longer 'seen and not heard' its usually the opposite now! :pac:

summerskin

PaulB1984 wrote: »

As someone on the dole who doesn't drink, smoke, drive a car, have his own home etc... I put aside a fiver a week and bought them myself. What's with the Tom Cruise jibes anyway? People just following me all around the site and bringing in chats from threads that have no bearing to this at all? Are we all friends or something? I'm a fan of Tom Cruise, yes Sir, but it has nothing to do with this. But yes, my folks did buy me a handful of his movies too through the years.

But as a single man who lives with his mother you feel you should be able to criticise the way people parent?

Anyway, I'm off now to spoil my children. I'll spend time in the play room with my youngest, listen to my eldest play guitar then probably watch a movie or play Xbox together as a family after we eat dinner.

oh wait, maybe i should just buy them something instead? They'd appreciate that more, right?

miss no stars

PaulB1984 wrote: »

My father never loved me and yet he still bought me presents during the year.

Weird is the only way to describe that.

PaulB1984 wrote: »

That's why Ireland is destroyed, because of the greed and hatred displayed in thread.

Yeah, Ireland is destroyed thanks to greed. Ya know where greed starts? Getting more than you can afford. Her parents were teaching her a valuable lesson - you have this amount of money and so can afford this, but not this AND this. It's REALLY simple, I don't get how you can't understand that.

PaulB1984 wrote: »

What good are savings when mean people don't spend a dime on their loved ones?

Because if you lose your job or an unexpected expense comes up... you can pay for it. People don't save to just leave the money there, they save to be able to pay for the essentials if things start to go wrong. It's good sense and something you missed out on due to the material nature of your upbringing.

PaulB1984 wrote: »

People thinking they can tell their kids they love them without ever spending a dime on them. Lovely.

Nobody doesn't spend a dime on their kids. They feed them, clothe them, pay the rent/mortgage on a place big enough for the kids, buy them presents at christmas and birthdays, pay for school trips etc etc. Not buying them a second DVD isn't not spending a dime on them!

PaulB1984 wrote: »

I want you to admit right now that if you did/do have a child, that you would drag them into a store, treat yourself to hundreds of euros worth of items and make them choose 1 €5 item, despite that they've seen 2 €5 items? Tell me, i'd love to see it.

I'll bite. I would bring my child into town (a treat anyway!!!) and let them see that I buy treats for myself that I can afford. I've also made sure that they have money, so show them how to buy treats for themself that they can afford. Then I'll put my hand in my pocket and buy them lunch, pay for them getting in and out of town, maybe get them sweets etc etc. But damned if I'd get them every bloody thing they pick up.

PaulB1984 wrote: »

The simple fact is, if you have a child and you begrudge them of a fiver while you spil yourself, i hope when you're old, crippled and broke that they remember your greed and return it tenfold. Remember, these are the people who decide your future. Be it illness, death or just the need for a good old folks home, you can be sure your kids will stick you into the worst place possible for as cheap as possible. And it's your own fault. AS they say, "You can't take it with you!".

That would only happen if you raised obnoxious spoilt brats who only value material expressions of love and kindness. Which wouldn't happen if you teach them the value of money.

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Ohhh, so your child's love means nothing to you either? Oh wow, now that's a revelation. Hey everybody, here's a parent who buys nothing for their kids, saves all their money for in case they should ever end up dead and have a nice coffin instead of the banana box their kids would stuff 'em into. This is an interesting turnaround. A parent who doesn't want their children's love. Scary.

Deliberately misreading the post. Children love their parents because they look after them and care for them and love them. Not because they buy them stuff. Kids prey on their parents because they buy them stuff :P

hoodwinked wrote: »

some parents are just mean though,


my dad was one of them, i met him for lunch one day when we got to mc donalds i realised i was after forgetting my wallet, so i asked my dad would he pay and i'd give it back to him when we got back to the shop i worked in.

he refused point blank to buy my lunch, so i ran back to the shop taking 20 minutes out of my lunch hour got my wallet and came back


worse yet when my little sister who was only about 10 asked for a happy meal, he asked her did she still have her pocket money knowing damn well she had spent it earlier on a pack of crayolas they needed to get for some school thing,

so there he was eating his food, with my sister looking on hungry, i bought her the happy meal and bought my lunch!


to be fair this is only one example of many tight things he did.

See, OP? That's mean. That's not providing FOOD for your kids. Providing a SECOND dvd (when the money for the first most likely came from the parents anyway) is not mean. Kid was probably delighted, got a new DVD AND paid for it with her own money. Treat.

PaulB1984 wrote: »

I said NO to spoiling! If you insist on reading every word here, please note where everyone said €5 is not spoiling.

€5 is spoiling when it's any time the child asks for it, or doesn't ask for it as in this case, just is faced with a choice Decision making is an important skill. What about when the demands get more expensive. "I can't decide between 3 weeks in Thailand or Australia " "Oh here, I'll pay for the second holiday, poor baba mustn't be denied anything".


Those parents appear to be doing a good job teaching the child about spending only what you can afford.

OP, how else do you teach a child to spend only what they can afford? If you top up what they have all the time, all they'll learn is that they can spend what you and they combined can afford. You'll end up with a leech of a child in their late 20s still dependent on you....

PaulB1984

Boom_Bap wrote: »

I asked the question earlier, bit got no responce. How did you know these people where rich?

Because people are rich, does it mean they should buy thier kids everything they want?

A man walks into HMV in a suit and tie, then proceeds to carry hundreds of euros of DVDs under his arm, i figure it's safe to say he's not one of Santa's little helpers.

And in the complete opposite direction, yes, i do, within reason. If some has plenty of money, don't leave their kid standing there mouth open and terrified to ask for another €5 to buy themselves their second DVD ever.

HeyThereDeliah

PaulB1984 wrote: »

Fine, you spoil your kids and then slam believing that a kid should be given an extra fiver when their parents are so rich.

Don't bother replying? Block me in that case. You've been wrong from the start, just backfired on yourself and now you're throwing a tantrum. Good.

What has rich got to do with it?

How am I wrong? How has it backfired on me? Throwing a tantrum, me ? Surely it's you who is spitting the dummy.

PaulB1984

And can someone please tell Madam X and Darko that they've been blocked for hours? I can't see a word they're saying, so it seems rather pointless that they're still responding.

hoodwinked

hoodwinked wrote: »

but going on face value, they were buying a lot of dvds for whatever reason. and couldn't spend an extra €5 on one for their child?


to be fair little girls are no longer 'seen and not heard' its usually the opposite now! :pac:

The op assumed that they were buying the box sets. He never saw them buy DVDs. Simply holding something in a shop does not mean you are planning on buying it, just last week I was in HMV and spent 10 minutes with the Battlestar Galactica box set in my hands but I didn't end up buying it. I'm to take it that if the op saw me in the shop with the box set in my hands and a kid with me he'd jump to some outlandish conclusion if he saw me tell the kid we could only get one of the DVDs they wanted.

Just to add how do you know they didn't buy both DVDs for her? Could easily have gotten them after the op's hissy fit or gone if them could have grabbed it and they surprised her with it at home.

PaulB1984

miss no stars wrote: »

Weird is the only way to describe that.



Yeah, Ireland is destroyed thanks to greed. Ya know where greed starts? Getting more than you can afford. Her parents were teaching her a valuable lesson - you have this amount of money and so can afford this, but not this AND this. It's REALLY simple, I don't get how you can't understand that.



Because if you lose your job or an unexpected expense comes up... you can pay for it. People don't save to just leave the money there, they save to be able to pay for the essentials if things start to go wrong. It's good sense and something you missed out on due to the material nature of your upbringing.



Nobody doesn't spend a dime on their kids. They feed them, clothe them, pay the rent/mortgage on a place big enough for the kids, buy them presents at christmas and birthdays, pay for school trips etc etc. Not buying them a second DVD isn't not spending a dime on them!



I'll bite. I would bring my child into town (a treat anyway!!!) and let them see that I buy treats for myself that I can afford. I've also made sure that they have money, so show them how to buy treats for themself that they can afford. Then I'll put my hand in my pocket and buy them lunch, pay for them getting in and out of town, maybe get them sweets etc etc. But damned if I'd get them every bloody thing they pick up.



That would only happen if you raised obnoxious spoilt brats who only value material expressions of love and kindness. Which wouldn't happen if you teach them the value of money.



Deliberately misreading the post. Children love their parents because they look after them and care for them and love them. Not because they buy them stuff. Kids prey on their parents because they buy them stuff :P



See, OP? That's mean. That's not providing FOOD for your kids. Providing a SECOND dvd (when the money for the first most likely came from the parents anyway) is not mean. Kid was probably delighted, got a new DVD AND paid for it with her own money. Treat.


€5 is spoiling when it's any time the child asks for it, or doesn't ask for it as in this case, just is faced with a choice Decision making is an important skill. What about when the demands get more expensive. "I can't decide between 3 weeks in Thailand or Australia " "Oh here, I'll pay for the second holiday, poor baba mustn't be denied anything".


Those parents appear to be doing a good job teaching the child about spending only what you can afford.

OP, how else do you teach a child to spend only what they can afford? If you top up what they have all the time, all they'll learn is that they can spend what you and they combined can afford. You'll end up with a leech of a child in their late 20s still dependent on you....

You have way too much time on your hands, how long did it take to break that down and quote each line on it's own?

The 3rd or 20th paragraph you've posted proves me right. You'll buy stuff for your kids, you'll buy stuff for yourself too but won't see them stuck. And then you'll treat them to lunch. So what's your point? You're agreeing with me on everything without agreeing? And no, there's no lesson learned, please stop that. It was greed, pure greed, nothing else. And don't rant on what you don't practice, my God. Lunch out and treats indeed.

PaulB1984

PaulB1984 wrote: »

And can someone please tell Madam X and Darko that they've been blocked for hours? I can't see a word they're saying, so it seems rather pointless that they're still responding.

We know we're blocked but that doesn't mean we can't reply. If you really wanted adult conversation and discussion as you repeatedly claim then you would not block everyone who disagrees with you.

HeyThereDeliah

PaulB1984 wrote: »

And can someone please tell Madam X and Darko that they've been blocked for hours? I can't see a word they're saying, so it seems rather pointless that they're still responding.

You know if we quote them you will see the posts?

Why is this such an issue for you really?

PaulB1984

PaulB1984 wrote: »

And can someone please tell Madam X and Darko that they've been blocked for hours? I can't see a word they're saying, so it seems rather pointless that they're still responding.

What are you 12?
*Dad I'm not speaking to my sister, can you tell her I'm not speaking to her*

Seriously. Stop trolling.