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New Parents
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05-11-2012 11:52am#1Join Date:Posts: 23245
Are we all the same?
13 days ago our lovely baby girl came into our lives, I know it sounds like an awful cliché, but it's hard to remember what life was like before hand. Now that we're getting more used to it I was wondering if everyone goes through the same thing as we are going through.
Absolutely sick of visitors. Not really sick of friends calling, but family seem to think they should call every day, I know they mean well and are smitten by our little princess, but sometimes you don't want to have to make idol chit chat or have to put on the news for them. If anything it's a strain cause you are constantly making tea and it seems that we've to go to the shop every day for milk and biscuits. As for the brother in law who complained that we didn't have decaf coffee, well, he can just f**k right off
Nothing else to talk about, everything is just baby baby baby, I can't seem to be able to remember anything else to talk about.
Getting advice from EVERYONE, especially fathers, on how you should be bringing up your child, had someone tell us her nappy was dirty, then she was hungry, then that we should give her cooled boiled water, there was nothing wrong with her. Note to self, do not give an opinion on anything to other parents, it's awful annoying.
People touching her. I have 3 bottles of Spirigel around the house (at the front door, above her moses basket and in the kitchen), people seem to think that that's for visitors, her grandmother and aunt got the hump when I asked them to use it when they were going to touch her. I reckon that dettol ad with all the different colours has made me paranoid.
I know there's loads of other stuff and that a lot of if it is in our heads, and that we're paranoid, for example we were let out for a hour on Saturday evening and for the whole time I had my phone out with the feed from the camera on it. Anyone have anything else they want to add.9
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Yeah all the advice and the contradictions on why your doing x,y,z really can test your Patience! I have had to bite my lip on many occasions to stop myself. Yeah I've one person who when they call, the baby could be just fed and I get told the child is starving!
My reply is always the same"jesus thanks, don't know how I manage when you're not here" 0 -
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Also, I'm brestfeeding and anytime the baby cries someone says "she must be hungry, is she getting enough?". Drives me nuts!!
I got that and have heard loads of breastfeeders get the same. People really distrust breasts for some reason
I got it from my mother until baby piled on the weight and the doctor was really impressed at his six week checkup, so that put paid to the "give him a bottle" argument. She never said it since!
I agree that giving the visitors jobs to do will weed out a few - laundry, dishes, shopping, cooking, delegate. Clareman, you should make them watch videos of the baby (which will be 90% sleeping) instead of the news, or put on baby einstein dvds. That'd clear your living room sharpish, lol. 0 -
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How Strange wrote: »Penny Dreadful can I book them in for a few visits next May?
They're quite something all right I'll set up a visiting schedule for everyone and let you all know when they'll hit! 0 -
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My parents are away at the moment so it's mainly 1 side it's coming from. The 2 comments that are really getting to be are "Well I raised 5 and they all turned out fine" and "I'm telling you your business but......", but I could go down the route of in law blasting if I wanted, this isn't the tread for it.
We brought our little 1 for the BCG jab today (2 weeks old today), she's being very clingey since, of course we've had 4 phone calls (her mother, father, sister and my brother) wanting to know how it went, we made the mistake of saying it was fine just that she's a bit clingey since and will only sleep when being held now, she won't settle in her basket at all and is whining/grunting when we put her down, EVERYONE has said "oooh don't let her away with that", we reckon she's just full of wind, still, we're new parents finding all this out as well.
You cannot spoil a baby that small. Jabs are horrible and they need comfort so give ALL the cuddles If she is grunting, she probably is windy, but if you bicycle her legs she might get a few farts out. 0 -
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Join Date:Posts: 23245
I can't get enough of having her in my arms
They all mean well, I know that, this is their first grandchild nearby, their other 2 grandkids are a few hours away so they never get to see them, I think there's a difference between your son having a child and your daughter as well. It really does help that they seem to think that we're doing everything right, they got an awful bee in their bonnet over their daughter in law breast feeding, don't know why they were so against it, but they are very happy we're bottle feeding, also, if the other nephews are asleep the whole house has to be in silence whereas we're trying to get herself used to noise, she'll sleep through anything, right now she's watching QI with me, all those years typing 1 handed are finally paying off..............0 -
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Join Date:Posts: 23245
This evening wasn't too bad, the whole "cycling legs" thing seems to have settled herself brilliantly, I think she was a bit windy, she also seems a lot more alert that he was and is looking around the place a lot more, have her out of her basket a lot mroe now to have a look around.
No visitors this evening cause herself went up to her parents 0 -
First off congrats on your bundle of joy Regarding the unwanted advice, all babies are very individual. Even if a relative's child went through something similar your daughter will have her own way of coping with it. If you want a hundred bottles of hand sanitiser in your home it's your business but with bugs going around it makes perfect sense to use it before you touch a newborn. She's your daughter and only her parents have every say in her upbringing. People will think they know it all just because they have kids themselves but you're the one who knows what's best. In one ear and and out the other. If you have any worries ring your local doctor or Public Health Nurse. They will understand your concerns. 0
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Completely agree with you on the Facebook thing. I'm not on Facebook myself and hate the thought of my daughters picture being up there. Said this to my family aswell. No problem with anyone taking her picture on their phone though to show her off, so proud of her 0
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I put pics of my kids up on fb all the time...i have friends and family overseas, but i would never put photos of anyone else's kids. i would never even ask or argue if someone said it to me whilst taking a pic. there are privacy settings you can use, but i just wouldn't do it. so yr right there.
The meme photos are funny though 0 -
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We're 22 days in (I'm back to work tomorrow
) and I have to say that our families have been great. Not calling up to us constantly (though the MIL would if she could), helping out when they're here and generally not trying to take control. Friends have been pretty good too - a couple of people have done the, "I'm near you now, can I drop in" thing, but we've managed to get everyone to play by our rules and call in at a set time.
Sometimes people might arrive at 2 o'clock and hang around for 3 hours, but you can't really say, "OK, I've things to do now, thanks for the pressies, but GTFO". So I think we've been blessed as I know lots of people get mobbed. It also helps that I have older brothers with kids who were killed telling me to keep the visitor numbers down.
The MIL has been a little trying, but she's only trying to do what she thinks is best. She's a worrier at the best of times - on day 6 the temperatures dropped and we got a phone call at 9am asking if the baby was OK and that she'd been awake all night worrying about the cold. Eh, we do have central heating you know. She's also a little bit quick with the 1950's witch potions and old wives tales - "Oh, some sugary water is what you need", "Gripe water, best stuff in the world", "Green poo? It's gripe. Nothing you can do about it", "It's too cold in here. 18 degrees? But her hands are freezing, she must be cold", "There's a little bit of wet on her babygro, she'll catch a cold". But she's grand, we can tell she's trying really hard to keep 99% of the stuff to herself, so we put up with the 1%
My own mother was a paediatric nurse for 20 years which comes in very useful but even she can go on flights of fantasy every now and again. "Vomiting? Probably a hiatus hernia. You had that. You'll probably need to switch to bottle feeding, but see how it goes."
Yeah, we just spent more time burping the baby and that problem has gone away. 0 -
One thing to note OP is that the reverse of your situation is a lot worse. We had no visitors whatsoever as we living in the UK for work. They were long days for my wife and we ended up moving near her relatives in the end as she was finding it too difficult and lonely.My own mother was a paediatric nurse for 20 years which comes in very useful but even she can go on flights of fantasy every now and again. "Vomiting? Probably a hiatus hernia. You had that. You'll probably need to switch to bottle feeding, but see how it goes."
Yeah, we just spent more time burping the baby and that problem has gone away.
Frightening that a nurse of 20 years would give advice like that. It seems the quick fix is what they are trained to always recommend, which is quite sad.0 -
My own mother was a paediatric nurse for 20 years which comes in very useful but even she can go on flights of fantasy every now and again. "Vomiting? Probably a hiatus hernia. You had that. You'll probably need to switch to bottle feeding, but see how it goes."
Yeah, we just spent more time burping the baby and that problem has gone away.
That used to drive me crazy - not the hiatus hernia, we never had that - but the "oh you'll have to switch to bottles". I just don't get it. So many people, especially from the older generation, seem to think bottles are the answer to everything. Bizarre.0 -
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My in laws are majorly against the boob, when they found out Mrs. Clareman was bottle feeding they were delighted, I just don't get it, why get so wound up against what someone else does that has nothing to do with you, then again my father in law nearly had a heart attack when his daughter in law breast fed her child at the lunch table 1 day and they were disgusted when she was breast feeding their child at a table at a wedding when the speeches were going on, that was cause they saw it on video, I found it amusing 0 -
Its normal, especially with your first. People mean well and you will probably do the same yourself when someone you know is a first time parent. But everyone has to find their own feet. I have two kids now and I constantly have to tell myself that if new parents want advice they will ask for it.
Now the only advice I give is please don't turn into a baby bore, please don't act like you are the first people in the world to have a baby, please don't think because you have a newborn you are suddenly qualified to comment on how I raise my teenager and please don't think becasue I am a parent I only want to talk about children.0 -
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We were all home on day 4 and out n about on day 5 and then pretty much every day since. Just can't handle the cabin fever
Can't stress enough how good it is to get used to car seats and prams and get out doing normal things like going for a walk or going shopping. Best to do it when it's not busy of course.0 -
Join Date:Posts: 23245
We have 2 car seats and bases (1 for each car) so that's awful handy, herself is just back from visiting a friend of hers there and she's going to go shopping into Limerick tomorrow, she's bringing the little 1 with her to get used to it. We did get out for dinner last Saturday night for an hour, this Saturday night we are going to go to James Bond, inlaws do have some benefits I guess 0 -
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Join Date:Posts: 23245
Sorry for bumping but I thought it'd be a good idea to update
5 weeks in now, the whole hand washing thing has calmed down, in fact the bottle of sanitizer on the mantle piece is behind a load of cards. The visitors have calmed down a lot as well, helps that Mrs. Clareman goes up to her parents rather than have them call to us. Mrs. Clareman was always 1 for going to bed early whereas I was always 1 to stay up, so what happens now is she goes to bed around 10ish and I give the last feed after that, can be anytime from 11 to 2, I haven't missed a NFL game since she came
Some things we've noticed, if it wasn't for wind kids would be fine, just don't know what to do, there's no magic trick that we can find, just keep going. Car seats, wow, she just loves them when they're moving, when they aren't just wants out of them. Gracco Swing Seats are a great invention as well.
For us, we really have to get back to some kind of routine, dinner time is usually when she sleeps and we try anything, this has led to a lot of junk food which isn't good.0 -
Sorry for bumping but I thought it'd be a good idea to update
5 weeks in now, the whole hand washing thing has calmed down, in fact the bottle of sanitizer on the mantle piece is behind a load of cards. The visitors have calmed down a lot as well, helps that Mrs. Clareman goes up to her parents rather than have them call to us. Mrs. Clareman was always 1 for going to bed early whereas I was always 1 to stay up, so what happens now is she goes to bed around 10ish and I give the last feed after that, can be anytime from 11 to 2, I haven't missed a NFL game since she came
Some things we've noticed, if it wasn't for wind kids would be fine, just don't know what to do, there's no magic trick that we can find, just keep going. Car seats, wow, she just loves them when they're moving, when they aren't just wants out of them. Gracco Swing Seats are a great invention as well.
For us, we really have to get back to some kind of routine, dinner time is usually when she sleeps and we try anything, this has led to a lot of junk food which isn't good.
Sounds like you are doing great Its hard to imagine what you did with all that time before isn't it The lack of routine will settle down, you'll get there. How is she sleeping? 0 -
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+1Some things we've noticed, if it wasn't for wind kids would be fine, just don't know what to do, there's no magic trick that we can find, just keep going.
+2Car seats, wow, she just loves them when they're moving, when they aren't just wants out of them.
+3, thankfully we've been managing eat OK except for the need to take a cup of tea to have a breather when she finally goes asleep, along with the biccies!For us, we really have to get back to some kind of routine, dinner time is usually when she sleeps and we try anything, this has led to a lot of junk food which isn't good.
I'm glad to hear we're not the only ones finding the lack of routine and the constant winding frustrating. We were told that it gets easier after 6 weeks, but that was yesterday and I got 4 hours sleep last night 0 -
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