Can women and men every be just friends?

2rkehij30qtza5

Of course women and men can have purely platonic relationships. I've great friends for years who are men and there has never been a romantic element to the friendships whatsoever!

meeeeh

Please Kill Me wrote: »

meeeeh wrote: »

You experience is wrong....

Why? Everyone is going to have their own opinions and experiences with this. Who or what is to say whether it's right or wrong?

I say, in my experience it doesn't work, that does not mean it's wrong! Are you saying that anyone who agrees with what I (and others) have said, are all wrong?

The question was can women and men be friends. Since in my experience they can, your statement that they can't is wrong. Once you have one example of male/female friendship your statement doesn't hold water anymore.

I've been in mixed schools and male work environment my whole life. I would be very lonely if women and men couldn't be friends.

superblu

quad_red wrote: »

superblu wrote: »

I'd have had no interest in being friends with a woman unless I was looking to throw it into her. Call me shallow or whatever. Any bloke who says differently is lying. Maybe women feel they can be friends with blokes on a platonic level but it does not work in the reverse. You can talk all that claptrap all you like about "I see him as a brother or a sister or whatever" It's total sheight. My only female friend is my wife. I interact with women on a daily basis through work and sport. I would chat away about anything and everything. However I would not catagorise any of them as friends in the same vein as my male friends. Maybe it just me but most lads I know would be of a similar disposition.

I gotta say - I feel sort of sad for you.

I think having close friends of both sexes is an extremely useful (and healthy) way of getting enjoyment and support out of life.

Of course you feel sad for me. I'm sure you're a very empathetic individual. The amount of time you have spent hanging around with your close female friends will have taught you how to be so.

I have no problem getting enjoyment and support out of life.

Wibbs

superblu wrote: »

Of course you feel sad for me. I'm sure you're a very empathetic individual. The amount of time you have spent hanging around with your close female friends will have taught you how to be so.

How so and indeed so what? Being empathetic is you know generally a good thing. Not restricted to one gender either. Not by a long shot.

B0jangles

superblu wrote: »

Of course you feel sad for me. I'm sure you're a very empathetic individual. The amount of time you have spent hanging around with your close female friends will have taught you how to be so.

I have no problem getting enjoyment and support out of life.

Hur hur hur. Because of course hanging out with female friends will have taught him how to be empathetic - i.e. a wussy, non-guy (if I am reading your snide remarks right). Hopefully you will one day grow up into an actual adult person instead of a Lad who only understands Lads.

Hint: Many lads stop being lads and become adults at some stage in their lives.

Edit: remember that scene from the Lovely Girls episode of Father Ted, where Ted meets The Lads, aul fellas in their '50's who are still behaving like teenagers: "Ooh watch out, she's comin' for yeh!" That's "The Lads" as far as I'm concerned.

Please Kill Me

meeeeh wrote: »

The question was can women and men be friends. Since in my experience they can, your statement that they can't is wrong.

By that logic, because in my experience they can't, then my statement is right.

Ickle Magoo

Please Kill Me wrote: »

By that logic, because in my experience they can't, then my statement is right.

Slightly off-topic but that's not actually following that logic at all. Outwith maths you can't prove a negative, only disprove it...otherwise it's just evidence of absense and that gets dismissed as soon as someone turns up with evidence to the contrary which shows whatever it is, is not absent at all.

_petulia_

Ellsbells wrote: »

A study by Walid Afifi of Penn State University showed that, of 300 college students, 67pc had admitted having sex with a friend. Fifty-six per cent did not transition to romantic relationship.

So can our relationships with men ever be platonic?

It depends on the individuals involved.

Wibbs

B0jangles wrote: »

Hopefully you will one day grow up into an actual adult person instead of a Lad who only understands Lads.

Hint: Many lads stop being lads and become adults at some stage in their lives.

To be fair to superblu there are a number of ways to be an "adult person" and I would know enough strong, decent, responsible, emotionally mature adult men that are "lads" whose interests would echo what superblu wrote previously. Just because a man is into sport etc, isn't particularly interested in platonic female company and his idea of hell is 10 minutes of Glee(100% with them there), doesn't make him a wrong un, just as a man who is more empathetic with platonic female mates doesn't make him a wuss. There can be more than one stereotype in play and there are more ways than one to emotional and social maturity for men and women.

B0jangles

Wibbs wrote: »

To be fair to superblu there are a number of ways to be an "adult person" and I would know enough strong, decent, responsible, emotionally mature adult men that are "lads" whose interests would echo what superblu wrote previously. Just because a man is into sport etc, isn't particularly interested in platonic female company and his idea of hell is 10 minutes of Glee(100% with them there), doesn't make him a wrong un, just as a man who is more empathetic with platonic female mates doesn't make him a wuss. There can be more than one stereotype in play and there are more ways than one to emotional and social maturity for men and women.

Yeah, you're right, I may have read more into what SB wrote than was actually there - apologies to all

Handsome Bob

Plenty of friends on both sides of the line. But all my best mates are male. It's always good to have female friends though as I always found that there are just some things you cannot discuss with your brother, da or with the lads over a couple of pints.

meeeeh

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Please Kill Me wrote: »

By that logic, because in my experience they can't, then my statement is right.

Slightly off-topic but that's not actually following that logic at all. Outwith maths you can't prove a negative, only disprove it...otherwise it's just evidence of absense and that gets dismissed as soon as someone turns up with evidence to the contrary which shows whatever it is, is not absent at all.

Yes that is what I ment. I did not want to suggest that my opinion counts more than anybody elses.

One thing though, from my experience, people in mixed groups usually aren't from extreme ends of male or female stereotype and have often a lot of gender neutral interests.

quad_red

superblu wrote: »

I'd have had no interest in being friends with a woman unless I was looking to throw it into her.

Ok. Are you capable of having any sort of close relationship with a woman that doesn't involve 'throwing it into her'?

A serious question btw. You're probably just exaggerating for effect but it is quite extreme.

superblu wrote: »

I have no problem getting enjoyment and support out of life.

No one said you had. All I observed was that if you had no close friendships with women then you didn't know what you were missing out on. That was an observation. Not an accusation.

Unlike this:

superblu wrote: »

Any bloke who says differently is lying.

And this is just pathetic. What age are you?

superblu wrote: »

Of course you feel sad for me. I'm sure you're a very empathetic individual. The amount of time you have spent hanging around with your close female friends will have taught you how to be so.

superblu

quad_red wrote: »

superblu wrote: »

I'd have had no interest in being friends with a woman unless I was looking to throw it into her.

Ok. Are you capable of having any sort of close relationship with a woman that doesn't involve 'throwing it into her'?

A serious question btw. You're probably just exaggerating for effect but it is quite extreme.

superblu wrote: »

I have no problem getting enjoyment and support out of life.

No one said you had. All I observed was that if you had no close friendships with women then you didn't know what you were missing out on. That was an observation. Not an accusation.

Unlike this:

superblu wrote: »

Any bloke who says differently is lying.

And this is just pathetic. What age are you?

superblu wrote: »

Of course you feel sad for me. I'm sure you're a very empathetic individual. The amount of time you have spent hanging around with your close female friends will have taught you how to be so.

Admittedly the first comment was a bit extreme. I have many female acquaintances through work and sports teams I play on that I obviously have some sort of a relationship with. But my point still remains that I would not view them as close friends in the same way as my male friends. I would have assumed this was the case with most men.

Maybe you can explain to me what I'm missing out on by not having close platonic friendships with women. I really cannot think of anything.

Blisterman

Well half of humankind for starters.

ongarboy

superblu wrote: »

Admittedly the first comment was a bit extreme. I have many female acquaintances through work and sports teams I play on that I obviously have some sort of a relationship with. But my point still remains that I would not view them as close friends in the same way as my male friends. I would have assumed this was the case with most men.

Maybe you can explain to me what I'm missing out on by not having close platonic friendships with women. I really cannot think of anything.

Superblu, the point you made that you get on better with blokes or that you couldn't establish a platonic friendship with women is a valid point as it's your personal experience and I'm sure many guys are like that. But you have to understand that not all guys are like that. Saying that guys who have platonic relationships with women are lying to themselves is frankly way off base. The evidence given by many men on this thread has proved that they are not lying to themselves.

There are plenty of things I'm not interested in or don't want to do. I wouldn't then say, well if I or my mates I meet down the pub are not interested in it, no-one else is and anyone who says otherwise is lying. I think I would be very narrow minded if I held such views.

I do agree that if one fancies the other or both fancy each other, it creates a conflict of interest and threatens the chance of the platonic relationship surviving. But if neither fancies eachother, then I see no reason why they can't form/maintain a platonic relationship if they wish to (especially if they have the ability to discuss topics a little bit broader than just football or rugby - believe it or not, many men have that ability).

BTW, do you tell your mates that you like to visit and post on the Ladies Lounge forum on Boards? Are they impressed that you like to keep in touch with women's perspectives of the world? Quite an admirable trait of any guy that does so, I would think!

superblu

BTW, do you tell your mates that you like to visit and post on the Ladies Lounge forum on Boards? Are they impressed that you like to keep in touch with women's perspectives of the world? Quite an admirable trait of any guy that does so, I would think! [/Quote]

Hard to argue with that I suppose!!

I tend to just look at the topic being discussed as opposed to the forum within which its being discussed.

jdsk2006

I think of course the two sexes can be friends, even very good or best friends! Its fundamental to everybody to have a pal be it male or female.
The reason male/female friendships have a slightly bad name is cos all to often the friend/romantic line becomes blurred for one person........from what Iv seen this quiet often happens whan one friend is going through a rough time in their life or marraige and they turn to the next place they feel understood and comfortable ie:the friend. Sadly its often the demise of a wicked frienship or an otherwise happy marraige.
But yeah, overall I think platonic frienships are possible with two well balanced people!

OnTheCouch

I can sort of see what Superblu means, even though I would not be quite as extreme in how I would describe the dilemma.

Until around the age of 21, I do not think I had a single female friend. Women were very much objectified before then as means to an end, a way to prove your worth by 'getting off' with them etc etc.

Luckily in the ten years since things have improved a lot, whereby I now have quite a few female friends and generally I tend to speak to them more regularly than the male ones, certainly from day to day.

However, this is almost exclusively over the internet/Skype. What has happened is that generally through my travels/work/education, I have met various ladies with whom I have got on very well and wanted to keep in contact with.

This having been said, when I go out at the weekend, things have not really evolved at all from ten years ago, as I still am 99 percent of the time with exclusively male company, the only time this is different is if one of my friends brings a female friend of his. Which is fairly rare. It is the same really for any social events, my friends here tend to be male.

So, why do I shy away from making good female friends here? Possibly I am subconsciously frightened of falling into the trap of girls getting close so they start telling you about men trouble or what not. I certainly used to think like Superblu, I may still do to a degree, that there is no real point in befriending a girl on a day-to-day basis, unless I have a romantic interest in her. They generally do not share my interests and for all the small talk 'how was your day blah blah blah,' I can do that online with girls I have kept up contact with from other places, given there is no actual need for the person to be physically beside me for this to occur right?

I notice also that I get on (with one exception) very well with all of my friends' girlfriends. It appears where there is no ulterior motive (ie the possibility of something sexual happening) in our conversation, things are much less awkward, no games are played and things are just a lot smoother. This would again support the theory that the sex gets in the way between men and women being friends.

On the other hand, I know many men who have very good female friends. I don't know if they secretly want more, but I suspect not. This may be an issue I have to look at from my own point of view a bit more I believe.

meeeeh

I actually think single sex schools have a lot to answer for. When you are in a class of 25-30, where there is rough 50/50 split you soon discover that not every person of opposite sex is attractive but some can be great friends. My brother went to different high school and while it was not single sex, there were one or two girls in a class of 25. You could see very different attitudes and interests in his group of friends.

evilmonkee

I had a platonic friendship with my now OH.... does that count

But honestly, my best friend since I was a young teenager is a guy, its always been completely platonic.

syjg18

It depends on them. Others are friends with benefits.