What's your best piece of (romantic) relationship advice?

Millicent

Sleepy wrote: »

If you're not having good, regular sex, you're just friends.

I don't necessarily agree with this. If you're in a long relationship, sometimes you will be at it the whole time any chance you get. Sometimes, though, other stuff happens -- overwork, stress with kids, niggling arguments with your partner. If you have enough other good stuff going on in your relationship, it will be enough to see you through and bring you back to where you were before.

My best advice would be to realise that your relationship will not always be on an even keel. Things will ebb and flow with every year that you are together and as you both change in your own ways. Sometimes every little thing your partner does will drive you mad; sometimes you will think that they are the most amazing person ever born. It happens. If you're around someone a lot, it is inevitable that your relationship -- and your sex life -- will be great sometimes and sometimes it won't -- it's whether you are willing to work at it that will tell you whether it's the relationship for you. That, to me, is perfectly normal and no reason to be insecure in a relationship.

This point may have been more beautifully put in Bubblefett's Captain Corelli quote! :pac:

CaliforniaDream

Don't compare your relationship to anyone else's.

SarahBeep!

You know what I just realised? Its nice being comfortable enough to say anything around someone, but its even nicer to just sit here saying nothing and that being ok.

Merkin

Don't let the sun set on an argument.

Kimia

Be kind to each other. Even if you're in the middle of a raging argument and you hate his guts, always be kind.

Nurture and protect your relationship - its one of the most important things in your life, so try not to take it for granted.

Every now and then, even after years and years, have a bit of a flirt with each other.

christ on a bike!

No matter how thin the pancake it always has two sides. Try to see your partners point of view, and try to understand it. And respect it.

midlandsmissus

I just realised I met this really nice kind guy and he makes me laugh, but the super fireworks aren't there.

I've only felt them once really with my first boyfriend in early 20's.

I'm in late twenties now and wondering am I being too picky, I feel I don't really understand about love. Am I expecting the moon and stars?

Did ye all feel fireworks when you started going out with your boyfriends,or did you think they're nice and it grew?

Giselle

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I just realised I met this really nice kind guy and he makes me laugh, but the super fireworks aren't there.

I've only felt them once really with my first boyfriend in early 20's.

I'm in late twenties now and wondering am I being too picky, I feel I don't really understand about love. Am I expecting the moon and stars?

Did ye all feel fireworks when you started going out with your boyfriends,or did you think they're nice and it grew?

Niceness and laughing together are forever.
Fireworks fizzle out and die.

I know which I'd prefer.

midlandsmissus

Giselle wrote: »

Niceness and laughing together are forever.
Fireworks fizzle out and die.

I know which I'd prefer.

Thanks for that wise piece of advice Giselle, this is a lovely thread .

flowerchild

midlandsmissus wrote: »

I just realised I met this really nice kind guy and he makes me laugh, but the super fireworks aren't there.

I've only felt them once really with my first boyfriend in early 20's.

I'm in late twenties now and wondering am I being too picky, I feel I don't really understand about love. Am I expecting the moon and stars?

Did ye all feel fireworks when you started going out with your boyfriends,or did you think they're nice and it grew?

I saw him across the room at a caucus meeting and thought he looked really bright and interesting. We connected politically together and he became my best friend. We took on dark political forces, back to back, and I knew he was as solid as the rock of Gibraltar. He loved me and that was OK. Just something we both knew but didn't discuss. I got involved with others and he stayed by my side with patience. We are married now with children. He is the most impressive, loving, caring and solid man I have ever met. I am blessed, and know it.

flowerchild

shed head wrote: »

what jibberish!

An unkind thing to say.

I was telling a story rather than giving advice. Rather than staying in the story format, my advice is:

• know the person you are choosing, inside out, in good times and bad;
• have ways of connecting that are broader and deeper than sexual desire alone;
• choose someone who will be a great dad as well as an empowering and encouraging life partner;
• notice and appreciate what you have.

Wibbs

Shed head, in future think before you hit the submit reply button. Goingpostal1 takes a couple of days away from the forum. Post deleted.

Ellsbells

midlandsmissus wrote: »

Did ye all feel fireworks when you started going out with your boyfriends,or did you think they're nice and it grew?

It really varied person to person. My long term partners always grew on me and most fireworks ended in disaster.

FairytaleGirl

Appreciate eachother - Tell them often how much you value their level headedness/funniness/whatever.

goingpostal1

Wibbs wrote: »

Shed head, in future think before you hit the submit reply button. Goingpostal1 takes a couple of days away from the forum. Post deleted.

My best piece of (romantic) relationship advice to women, would be to stay well away from irresponsible, cynical, commitment-phobic, shed-headed men like me. We will waste your time, when you could be dating a better, nicer, cuter, more idealistic, more stable kind of guy than me. And if you are looking for a LTR, with children, then state this in clear terms, early in a new relationship. Don't assume. Ask pointed questions about his attitude to commitment, and to fathering children. Assuming things and leaving things to fate, is a recipe for having your time wasted. Don't be afraid that you might scare him away, by asking these questions. If he does a runner, he never wanted to have a LTR and kids anyway. It is a good way of eliminating guys like me from the running. I am not trolling with this post, I am attempting to provide an insight into the male psyche, and I am also comfortable in the knowledge that this advice shall go unheeded by the vast majority of the distaff side of society. That just seems to be the way the world shall always work.

Sunshineboo

If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn't!. I really must learn to follow this piece of advice too many times I've felt like that but brushed it aside and usually my gut instinct is right.

Wibbs

goingpostal1 wrote: »

My best piece of (romantic) relationship advice to women, would be to stay well away from irresponsible, cynical, commitment-phobic, shed-headed men like me. We will waste your time, when you could be dating a better, nicer, cuter, more idealistic, more stable kind of guy than me. And if you are looking for a LTR, with children, then state this in clear terms, early in a new relationship. Don't assume. Ask pointed questions about his attitude to commitment, and to fathering children. Assuming things and leaving things to fate, is a recipe for having your time wasted. Don't be afraid that you might scare him away, by asking these questions. If he does a runner, he never wanted to have a LTR and kids anyway. It is a good way of eliminating guys like me from the running. I am not trolling with this post, I am attempting to provide an insight into the male psyche, and I am also comfortable in the knowledge that this advice shall go unheeded by the vast majority of the distaff side of society. That just seems to be the way the world shall always work.

Good advice this.

I'd add listen to your partner, from the time when they're a potential, to when they're an actual partner. And I do mean listen. Don't project what you feel onto them. This is a common mistake and I've found it a more common one with the ladies. The love blinders can go down. I've found outside of actual psychopathic or sociopathic type personalities people are only too happy to tell you about themselves. It is after all their fave subject . EG if a guy says "ah sure I'm a terrible one for long term planning" don't think it's cute or absent minded, he's telling you straight he's terrible at long term planning, so don't be shocked to get peed off at that down the line.

Second one is if you find there's a pattern in their relationships. People are real charms for that stuff and tend to rinse and repeat. They just get better at covering it. So for example if his(or her) relationships all ended because they played away, chances are very high that'll happen again.

Third, see how they treat members of the opposite sex they're not involved romantically with, because when the honeymoon's over that's their default position and how you're likely to be treated.

My "best" advice? When you start a new relationship there are usually(and naturally) personal quirks or situations you find a little concerning, irritating or just noticeable, but you gloss over them because ye're all loved up. Work on those, because sure as the sun rises they'll be the very things that will cause tension longterm and/or split you up in the end.

Handsome Bob

Not so much advice but a prerequisite to being in a relationship: just be happy in yourself, it will make everything that is to follow a whole lot easier to cope with.

Catari Jaguar

Don't play games and hide or bottle your feelings. So many issues can be avoided and resolved if you're just direct and speak from the heart.

Skuxx

SarahBeep! wrote: »

You know what I just realised? Its nice being comfortable enough to say anything around someone, but its even nicer to just sit here saying nothing and that being ok.

I agree with this....but like you only realised it when I read your comment!!
I feel like I could say absolutely anything to my girlfriend, no matter how stupid or embarrassed I would feel saying it to somebody else, but we also don't have any awkward silences, if we are driving somewhere there could be 5 or 10 minutes silence at times but its not awkward! I think that's really when you know someone....you don't need to be finding something to say all the time!!

primrose_lily

Dont let yourself fall in love with the idea of 'a relationship'
Dont hang on just because you are afraid to be alone
Dont lose touch with friends because of that 'relationship guilt' that you feel when you want to do something yourself.
Remember the good times and appreciate them, its important to have good memories but realise that its ok for a long relationship to fizzle out especially when you met quite young.
Never let anyone dictate what you should do and always be supportive.

Always make time to listen to the other person even if your busy, it makes the world of difference.
Always be an independent person!!

There doesnt always have to be drama in a relationship, even after my 7.5 yr relationship ended i realised how good that person was for me at THAT time and how he had helped me become more positive and confident....i cant forget that because it changed me so much..i guess we helped each other grow up an awful lot, so much so that we just didnt need each other anymore...
its sad to lose a friend but kind of comforting that i shared alot of my growing up phase with a good person but we clearly wanted other things and that is ok to acknowledge that....people change, some for the good some for the bad...

Its important to always look after yourself no matter how madly in love you are.



Just be happy and if you are in a relationship and you love that person, make sure you tell them every day and make romantic gestures, dont slack off and settle into the same routine. I guess thats one thing ive learned x

Kooli

A good relationship is better than being single. But being single is better than a bad relationship.

Be kind - see the best in your partner and tell them what you see. Praise them often. Be appreciative.

Be yourself - tried to come up with a non cliched way to say that, but there isn't one. If you're not being yourself with your partner, it's not working...yet. There's still a chance, but you'll have to actually try it. I think it's the most reliable indicator that you're in a good relationship.

Be as open and honest as you can. Don't expect them to know what you want, what you're feeling, or why you're annoyed if you haven't told them. Using actual words.

Don't punish them for the mistakes of previous partners by being cynical or mistrusting.

But mostly just be respectful and be kind. Show the person you appreciate them. And have a laugh as often as you can. (this usually involves having to be able to laugh at yourself)

syjg18

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.