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Your OH and email access?

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245

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    #32
    AnonoBoy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    Deleting contacts off your phone because they have women's names?

    Demanding access to your email account?

    Time for someone to get a ticket to Dumpsville.


    Seriously. How hot is she that you're putting up with that sort of nonsense?


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    #33
    foxyboxer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,528 ✭✭✭foxyboxer


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

    RED ALERT!!! RED ALERT!!!


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    #34
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

    Don't do anything before you have watched the movie 'Fatal Attraction'.....and try not to crack one off to the scene in the sink :rolleyes: :pac:


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    #35
    D1stant
    Registered Users Posts: 1,806 ✭✭✭D1stant


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

    Shes a control freak. Dump her. Today


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    #36
    Ficheall
    Registered Users Posts: 9,018 ✭✭✭Ficheall


    KKkitty wrote: »
    Emails are boring so why would she want to see them.
    Ah now. You're clearly on the wrong mailing lists. PM me your email address.


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    #37
    Jaxxy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,297 ✭✭✭Jaxxy


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

    :eek:

    Wtf. Have you actually sat her down and explained to her just how totally unacceptable her behaviour is? No, she cannot read your emails, or your texts or delete random female contacts from your phone. How absurd!

    You need to tell her this. Be honest and set the boundaries. If she continues to disrespect your privacy then you can decide if this is a deal-breaker or not. But give her the chance to explain her motivation. She sounds very insecure OP, and quite controlling as a result.


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    #38
    Odysseus
    Registered Users Posts: 6,754 ✭✭✭Odysseus


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.


    This is a bit much TBH, I would basically be sitting her down and telling her if this type of behaviour doesn't stop it's game over.

    Was there really no behaviour like this before you moved in together?


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    #39
    WhatNowForUs?
    Closed Accounts Posts: 687 ✭✭✭WhatNowForUs?


    Just because you dont have anything to hide does not mean you are not allowed your privacy


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    #40
    Larianne
    Registered Users Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

    Ah, you're having a laugh.


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    #41
    Boombastic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,496 ✭✭✭Boombastic


    Tell her to cop on. She doesn't trust you.


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    #42
    billymitchell
    Registered Users Posts: 11,996 ✭✭✭✭billymitchell


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

    Just have a chat with her about her trust issues with you. If she has no reason for not trusting you, tell her cop on or else you are off. If she does have reasons not to trust you, then you need to sort out, or she'll be off. T'isnt rocket science


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    #43
    EyesClosed
    Registered Users Posts: 1,453 ✭✭✭EyesClosed


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

    The deleting contacts is completely insane, also the fact she wants all your details, IMO shows she has trust issues, this is her problem not yours, and you should not have to prove yourself to her, she either trusts you or doesn't. My answer to your question is NO, simply because she might start deleting your emails or replying to some.
    I have been with my OH for 6 years, we both know each others Pin numbers for cards, Facebook passwords, unlock codes for phones etc.. But we never need them, and we didn't sit down one day and trade them, we have just needed them over the years, borrowing phones, sending Facebook messages, or using each others cards if we needed money and where stuck.


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    #44
    Head The Wall
    Registered Users Posts: 2,892 ✭✭✭Head The Wall


    seamus wrote: »
    Same with passwords. If you refuse to give your password to someone, you're tacitly implying that they can't be trusted to use that password responsibly.

    Oh yeah, in the mind of the woman that has asked this question you have something to hide. So you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

    I had this issue with my OH about my bank pin, I told her if she ever needs to know it I will tell her and because of my work (IT) I am a stickler about security. It seems to have worked for now, although email access is a lot more of an issue and sounds like a major trust issue


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    #45
    foxyboxer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,528 ✭✭✭foxyboxer


    She deleted your numbers and nothing was done.
    Now she's pushing the boundaries with access to emails.

    She obviously has trust issues, either that or she's bat**** crazy.


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    #46
    IrishExpat
    Registered Users Posts: 298 ✭✭IrishExpat


    Odysseus wrote: »
    Was there really no behaviour like this before you moved in together?

    Not even a hint of it.


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    #47
    Fizman
    Registered Users Posts: 6,605 ✭✭✭Fizman


    When I read the OP, I put myself in his shoes and just let out a giggle at the thoughts of my gf asking me this. She'd be told where to go. Ridiculous request.


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    #48
    BizzyC
    Registered Users Posts: 3,010 ✭✭✭BizzyC


    Tell her to cop on.

    Complete pyshco behaviour


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    #49
    wildlifeboy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,170 ✭✭✭wildlifeboy


    jesus christ. show her the door. that is really inexcusable. i would be spitting bile at her at this stage and i wouldnt be asking on boards what to do because its so darn obvious. tell her to get the boat now. what a stupid b1tch! fyi doesnt matter if she is hot. she will only get worse. perhaps its a case of reverse physchology to throw you off the scent of what she is at.


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    #50
    Morag
    Registered Users Posts: 8,423 ✭✭✭Morag


    No, my partner would never ask for that anyway.
    Even if I have nothing to hide from him, I get emails from people which are for my eyes only
    and the personal things people share with me, are shared with me and not him.


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    #51
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    She must be a demon in the cot, otherwise she'd be long gone! Fingers in the hoop, ringstingers, the works I'd say :pac:


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    #52
    Duggy747
    Registered Users Posts: 13,295 ✭✭✭✭Duggy747


    No way, a person is allowed to their own privacy. If your OH has trust issues then it's her problem, you shouldn't have to drag yourself down by giving up everything about yourself like your her child.

    On top of that, it's the privacy of those who contact you too that you're giving her access to.

    I wouldn't even give her the satisfaction of setting up a dummy account.
    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    If that was my GF she'd be out the door so goddamn fast, why would I put myself through such bullshìt with another person?


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    #53
    Mr Benevolent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,456 ✭✭✭✭Mr Benevolent


    OP, unless you have dubious stuff in your email that she's already seen, I'd change your password if I were you.


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    #54
    Odysseus
    Registered Users Posts: 6,754 ✭✭✭Odysseus


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Not even a hint of it.

    That's interesting, yes moving into together generally signifies moving the relationship on, but this is just wrong.

    Have you asked her where she is getting this from? She may have some fcuked up idea that this is the way it should be, or be getting advice from someone else, based upon their own experiences.

    I would show her this thread if you are ok with that; let her see what other people think, though it could turn into a gangfcuk. If she has trust issues that strong she needs to talk to someone, the question for you is do you hang around while she sorts it out.


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    #55
    _feedback_
    Registered Users Posts: 4,269 ✭✭✭_feedback_


    Odysseus wrote: »
    I would show her this thread if you are ok with that; let her see what other people think, though it could turn into a gangfcuk.

    Don't do that OP - she'll delete all the wimmins from boards.


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    #56
    HPT
    Registered Users Posts: 141 ✭✭HPT


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

    :eek:

    GET OUT NOW!! before the bunny gets it....


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    #57
    IrishExpat
    Registered Users Posts: 298 ✭✭IrishExpat


    Odysseus wrote: »
    I would show her this thread if you are ok with that; let her see what other people think ...

    Best option is to explain the responses.
    Google Translator mightn´t make a good job of it (we speak in Hungarian)

    Honestly tho, I´m probably going to call it a day - I´ve just given two examples of what I´m putting up with these last few weeks.


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    #58
    KKkitty
    Registered Users Posts: 7,534 ✭✭✭KKkitty


    Ficheall wrote: »
    KKkitty wrote: »
    Emails are boring so why would she want to see them.
    Ah now. You're clearly on the wrong mailing lists. PM me your email address.
    It's myob@hotmail.com ;) OP I don't know your OH but she seems like she's verging on bunny boiler territory. If you were to give her that personal information who's to say she wouldn't stop at that. Deleting contacts off your phone is worrying too.


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    #59
    CruelCoin
    Registered Users Posts: 4,468 ✭✭✭CruelCoin


    Dump her. plain as.

    I don't snoop into the private life of my GF, and she stays out of mine.
    We trust each other, and any decent relationship is built on that.

    If you allow her access now it'll set a precedent and you'll never have anything which can be considered totally private.

    Either she understands the phrase "**** off" or chuck her out.


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    #60
    Ficheall
    Registered Users Posts: 9,018 ✭✭✭Ficheall


    KKkitty wrote: »
    It's myob@hotmail.com ;)
    *adds to chess mailing list *


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    #61
    holystungun9
    Registered Users Posts: 2,933 ✭✭✭holystungun9


    Jaxxy wrote: »
    Absolutely not. Your OH has a few issues is nuts!

    fyp. Only one word for a request like that - fuk off!


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