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Your OH and email access?

IrishExpat

Mods: if this has been covered, please delete/merge.

I´ve been having a sort of relationship problem recently, stemming from herself and my email account(s), and wether or not to allow her access, or know the password.

Her logic; if you have nothing to hide, then what´s the problem?
My logic; I know that I´ve nothing to hide, and you need to trust me.

I have never once allowed family, friend, work-mate, boss, partner ... anyone, access to my email or social network accounts without me being present, simply as I see it as a line not to cross.

This may seem juvenile, but I´d like some other opinions on this one.

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AnonoBoy

Deleting contacts off your phone because they have women's names?

Demanding access to your email account?

Time for someone to get a ticket to Dumpsville.

Seriously. How hot is she that you're putting up with that sort of nonsense?

foxyboxer

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

RED ALERT!!! RED ALERT!!!

kfallon

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

Don't do anything before you have watched the movie 'Fatal Attraction'.....and try not to crack one off to the scene in the sink :rolleyes: :pac:

D1stant

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

Shes a control freak. Dump her. Today

Ficheall

KKkitty wrote: »

Emails are boring so why would she want to see them.

Ah now. You're clearly on the wrong mailing lists. PM me your email address.

Jaxxy

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

:eek:

Wtf. Have you actually sat her down and explained to her just how totally unacceptable her behaviour is? No, she cannot read your emails, or your texts or delete random female contacts from your phone. How absurd!

You need to tell her this. Be honest and set the boundaries. If she continues to disrespect your privacy then you can decide if this is a deal-breaker or not. But give her the chance to explain her motivation. She sounds very insecure OP, and quite controlling as a result.

Odysseus

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

This is a bit much TBH, I would basically be sitting her down and telling her if this type of behaviour doesn't stop it's game over.

Was there really no behaviour like this before you moved in together?

WhatNowForUs?

Just because you dont have anything to hide does not mean you are not allowed your privacy

Larianne

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

Ah, you're having a laugh.

Boombastic

Tell her to cop on. She doesn't trust you.

billymitchell

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

Just have a chat with her about her trust issues with you. If she has no reason for not trusting you, tell her cop on or else you are off. If she does have reasons not to trust you, then you need to sort out, or she'll be off. T'isnt rocket science

EyesClosed

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

The deleting contacts is completely insane, also the fact she wants all your details, IMO shows she has trust issues, this is her problem not yours, and you should not have to prove yourself to her, she either trusts you or doesn't. My answer to your question is NO, simply because she might start deleting your emails or replying to some.
I have been with my OH for 6 years, we both know each others Pin numbers for cards, Facebook passwords, unlock codes for phones etc.. But we never need them, and we didn't sit down one day and trade them, we have just needed them over the years, borrowing phones, sending Facebook messages, or using each others cards if we needed money and where stuck.

Head The Wall

seamus wrote: »

Same with passwords. If you refuse to give your password to someone, you're tacitly implying that they can't be trusted to use that password responsibly.

Oh yeah, in the mind of the woman that has asked this question you have something to hide. So you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I had this issue with my OH about my bank pin, I told her if she ever needs to know it I will tell her and because of my work (IT) I am a stickler about security. It seems to have worked for now, although email access is a lot more of an issue and sounds like a major trust issue

foxyboxer

She deleted your numbers and nothing was done.
Now she's pushing the boundaries with access to emails.

She obviously has trust issues, either that or she's bat**** crazy.

IrishExpat

Odysseus wrote: »

Was there really no behaviour like this before you moved in together?

Not even a hint of it.

Fizman

When I read the OP, I put myself in his shoes and just let out a giggle at the thoughts of my gf asking me this. She'd be told where to go. Ridiculous request.

BizzyC

Tell her to cop on.

Complete pyshco behaviour

wildlifeboy

jesus christ. show her the door. that is really inexcusable. i would be spitting bile at her at this stage and i wouldnt be asking on boards what to do because its so darn obvious. tell her to get the boat now. what a stupid b1tch! fyi doesnt matter if she is hot. she will only get worse. perhaps its a case of reverse physchology to throw you off the scent of what she is at.

Morag

No, my partner would never ask for that anyway.
Even if I have nothing to hide from him, I get emails from people which are for my eyes only
and the personal things people share with me, are shared with me and not him.

kfallon

She must be a demon in the cot, otherwise she'd be long gone! Fingers in the hoop, ringstingers, the works I'd say :pac:

Duggy747

No way, a person is allowed to their own privacy. If your OH has trust issues then it's her problem, you shouldn't have to drag yourself down by giving up everything about yourself like your her child.

On top of that, it's the privacy of those who contact you too that you're giving her access to.

I wouldn't even give her the satisfaction of setting up a dummy account.

IrishExpat wrote: »

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

If that was my GF she'd be out the door so goddamn fast, why would I put myself through such bullshìt with another person?

Mr Benevolent

OP, unless you have dubious stuff in your email that she's already seen, I'd change your password if I were you.

Odysseus

IrishExpat wrote: »

Not even a hint of it.

That's interesting, yes moving into together generally signifies moving the relationship on, but this is just wrong.

Have you asked her where she is getting this from? She may have some fcuked up idea that this is the way it should be, or be getting advice from someone else, based upon their own experiences.

I would show her this thread if you are ok with that; let her see what other people think, though it could turn into a gangfcuk. If she has trust issues that strong she needs to talk to someone, the question for you is do you hang around while she sorts it out.

_feedback_

Odysseus wrote: »

I would show her this thread if you are ok with that; let her see what other people think, though it could turn into a gangfcuk.

Don't do that OP - she'll delete all the wimmins from boards.

HPT

IrishExpat wrote: »

Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.

:eek:

GET OUT NOW!! before the bunny gets it....

IrishExpat

Odysseus wrote: »

I would show her this thread if you are ok with that; let her see what other people think ...

Best option is to explain the responses.
Google Translator mightn´t make a good job of it (we speak in Hungarian)

Honestly tho, I´m probably going to call it a day - I´ve just given two examples of what I´m putting up with these last few weeks.

KKkitty

Ficheall wrote: »

KKkitty wrote: »

Emails are boring so why would she want to see them.

Ah now. You're clearly on the wrong mailing lists. PM me your email address.

It's myob@hotmail.com

OP I don't know your OH but she seems like she's verging on bunny boiler territory. If you were to give her that personal information who's to say she wouldn't stop at that. Deleting contacts off your phone is worrying too.

CruelCoin

Dump her. plain as.

I don't snoop into the private life of my GF, and she stays out of mine.
We trust each other, and any decent relationship is built on that.

If you allow her access now it'll set a precedent and you'll never have anything which can be considered totally private.

Either she understands the phrase "**** off" or chuck her out.

Ficheall

KKkitty wrote: »

It's myob@hotmail.com

*adds to chess mailing list *

holystungun9

Jaxxy wrote: »

Absolutely not. Your OH has a few issues is nuts!

fyp. Only one word for a request like that - fuk off!