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Your OH and email access?

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  • 08-08-2012 12:54pm
    #1
    IrishExpat
    Registered Users Posts: 298 ✭✭


    Mods: if this has been covered, please delete/merge.

    I´ve been having a sort of relationship problem recently, stemming from herself and my email account(s), and wether or not to allow her access, or know the password.

    Her logic; if you have nothing to hide, then what´s the problem?
    My logic; I know that I´ve nothing to hide, and you need to trust me.

    I have never once allowed family, friend, work-mate, boss, partner ... anyone, access to my email or social network accounts without me being present, simply as I see it as a line not to cross.

    This may seem juvenile, but I´d like some other opinions on this one.
    Tagged:


«1345

Comments

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    #2
    frag420
    Registered Users Posts: 6,158 ✭✭✭frag420


    Hell no. is she wants naked pics of her sister then she should ask her sister!!


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    #3
    Diapason
    Registered Users Posts: 452 ✭✭Diapason


    My wife doesn't have the password to my email. She doesn't need it.


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    #4
    Jaxxy
    Registered Users Posts: 4,297 ✭✭✭Jaxxy


    Absolutely not. Your OH has a few issues.


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    #5
    Crann na Beatha
    Registered Users Posts: 11,763 ✭✭✭✭Crann na Beatha


    This post has been deleted.


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    #6
    Feisar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,608 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Surely you'd have set up an additional email account for any activities that she would have a problem with anyway?

    Seems a bit pointless for her to have access purely to check up on you. If there was a reason an OH needed to send a mail from my account the no bother but purely to keep an eye? No way.

    First they came for the socialists...



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    #7
    veronymus
    Registered Users Posts: 94 ✭✭veronymus


    I can't believe she is serious.

    Think about it this way, when you receive an e-mail, the sender thinks he/she is e-mailing you, not you and your other half.


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    #8
    Feisar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,608 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Aquila wrote: »
    Is she as forward with giving you her various passwords/access?

    Yea, ask for her internet banking details!

    First they came for the socialists...



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    #9
    KKkitty
    Registered Users Posts: 7,534 ✭✭✭KKkitty


    Emails are boring so why would she want to see them. Has she given you her email account details?


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    #10
    KTRIC
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,463 ✭✭✭KTRIC


    I also cannot fathom why this would be necessary !!! :confused:


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    #11
    Tonyandthewhale
    Registered Users Posts: 1,867 ✭✭✭Tonyandthewhale


    Tell her to feck off.


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    #12
    The Big Red Button
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,390 ✭✭✭The Big Red Button


    It's not so much to do with the trust between you and your partner. It's more to do with the fact that, when your friends send you messages, they are meant for you, and for you only.

    If they wanted to chat about personal private matters with your girlfriend, then they'd text her instead. It's completely unfair, and a violation of their privacy, that you'd let her (or anyone else) see their messages.

    For that matter, there may be personal private matters of your own that you might want to discuss with your friends, that are none of her business.

    If she trusted you, then she wouldn't need your passwords as "proof" anyways.


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    #13
    Sykk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,327 ✭✭✭Sykk


    Jaxxy wrote: »
    Absolutely not. Your OH has a few issues.

    This. Insecure much? If she doesn't trust you then it ain't gonna work out in the long run. Less you're both strict catholic :pac:


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    #14
    IrishExpat
    Registered Users Posts: 298 ✭✭IrishExpat


    Aquila wrote: »
    Is she as forward with giving you her various passwords/access?

    Well, she´s offered and written down her email/facebook passwords, which I will never access. Because, well ... I´ve more productive things to be doing.

    For now, my foot is firmly down and it´s a no go area. If I (in theory) ´was´ up to something, I´de be a bit more discreet (again, in theory) than use my primary email.


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    #15
    WhatNowForUs?
    Closed Accounts Posts: 687 ✭✭✭WhatNowForUs?


    Just because you dont have anything to hide does not mean you are not allowed your privacy


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    #16
    TwoShedsJackson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,438 ✭✭✭TwoShedsJackson


    Has she stated why she wants/needs access?


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    #17
    MistyCheese
    Registered Users Posts: 4,005 ✭✭✭MistyCheese


    *Sigh* First I need a boyfriend, then I can moan about how badly he treats me.


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    #18
    kingtiger
    Registered Users Posts: 1,740 ✭✭✭kingtiger


    does she open your post as well?


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    #19
    Larbre34
    Registered Users Posts: 23,835 ✭✭✭✭Larbre34


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Mods: if this has been covered, please delete/merge.

    I´ve been having a sort of relationship problem recently, stemming from herself and my email account(s), and wether or not to allow her access, or know the password.

    Her logic; if you have nothing to hide, then what´s the problem?
    My logic; I know that I´ve nothing to hide, and you need to trust me.

    I have never once allowed family, friend, work-mate, boss, partner ... anyone, access to my email or social network accounts without me being present, simply as I see it as a line not to cross.

    This may seem juvenile, but I´d like some other opinions on this one.

    Depends somewhat on the context in which her demand to access your email account arose.

    I would consider my email as private as my post and would tell anyone the same. I would also consider it perfectly fine to have a couple of email addresses for handling online purchases, facebook crap and whatever else you want to do with your life

    Just put it to her exactly the same way as you have put it to us and put the ball back in her court, she can either get over it or you can part ways. If you give an inch on some of these things you will lose miles


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    #20
    bbam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,410 ✭✭✭bbam


    Wow.
    When you say OH do you mean long term partner or married or what. We only have one email account that we both use. I fail to see why I'd need or want my own. Has been the same since we got email, must be over 12 years. We're together 18 years and from the start shared banking, credit cards, bills everything. Neither phone is password locked so texts aren't private either.
    Just never seemed like a problem and honestly don't even remember making the decision.


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    #21
    foxyboxer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,528 ✭✭✭foxyboxer


    I have a great word for you: NO

    You are entitled to Privacy.


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    #22
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    It's one of those annoying things where your partner should never need to know your password and should never access your email without telling/asking you, but if you refuse to tell them your password then you appear to be a little bit unreasonable, as if you have something to hide.

    I would have no problem with my wife logging onto my email or facebook account, because there's nothing there I would have any issue with her seeing.

    I think the real key is the motive. If they're logging onto these things just to check up on you, then that's an issue and you're right to withhold your password.

    But if you just withhold your password to prevent them checking up on you (without them having asked), then equally you're in a weird position because you don't trust them to know your password and not use it responsibly.

    For example, today I logged onto my wife's email because she ordered something online and I wanted to get the tracking number for it to see where it is.
    If she had gotten defensive and insisted that I can't have her password, I would instantly be suspicious because of her defensiveness.

    I guess every relationship is different. For example, most of my family have a key to my house. That doesn't bother me. But I can see how it would bother some people because their family can't be trusted to not enter their house and snoop around.
    Likewise, I can log onto my wife's email account, but I can be trusted not to go reading her mails. If I need specific information, I take it and I'm done.

    Same with passwords. If you refuse to give your password to someone, you're tacitly implying that they can't be trusted to use that password responsibly.


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    #23
    The Big Red Button
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,390 ✭✭✭The Big Red Button


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    Well, she´s offered and written down her email/facebook passwords, which I will never access. Because, well ... I´ve more productive things to be doing.

    Would she be happy to announce publicly on Facebook that she has given you her passwords, and that you now have access to every private message that any friend/family member has ever sent to her?

    I'd be pretty pissed off to know that any friend of mine would share my private information and conversations with a boyfriend like that. The fact that you're choosing not to look at her messages isn't really really relevant here ... the issue is that she seems to have such little respect for the privacy of her friends.


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    #24
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Geebag alert!!!


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    #25
    Tombi!
    Registered Users Posts: 6,689 ✭✭✭Tombi!


    Well she's very trusting.

    You, on the other hand have every right to say "no" to anything personal.

    But um, no I wouldn't ever give out my email password or Facebook or anything like that.

    If she gets pissy with you the next thing you know is you have a very strongly worded letter sent to your job from your email and you get to explain why you think it's a good idea to give out your password to the nutjob partner.


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    #26
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    Of course I would not allow it.

    That's would be grounds for dumping, for me.

    Whatever about your own privacy, what about the privacy of anybody that mails you something that is supposed to be between you and them?


    If you really don't want to dump her, set up a dummy account and give her the password to that.


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    #27
    Beano
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,357 ✭✭✭Beano


    bbam wrote: »
    Wow.
    When you say OH do you mean long term partner or married or what. We only have one email account that we both use. I fail to see why I'd need or want my own. Has been the same since we got email, must be over 12 years. We're together 18 years and from the start shared banking, credit cards, bills everything. Neither phone is password locked so texts aren't private either.
    Just never seemed like a problem and honestly don't even remember making the decision.

    Thats because it was made for you.


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    #28
    kfallon
    Registered Users Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Set up a dummy account and then tell her you'll give her the password, get her to sit down at the laptop while you spell out the p/w:

    Y-O-U-R-E-A-C-L-I-T-B-A-G


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    #29
    Insane Rambling
    Registered Users Posts: 245 ✭✭Insane Rambling


    She just wants to make sure you are reading all the grow your penis 4 inches in 4 weeks spam she keeps forwarding on to you.


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    #30
    IrishExpat
    Registered Users Posts: 298 ✭✭IrishExpat


    Honestly this, and a few other problems started nearly the second after we made the decision to move in together.

    Example: two weeks back I noticed a few contacts missing from my phone (all female). When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek: They were business contacts, which I can´t get back so easily.

    I´m in two minds here, tell her to cop on, or accept that this isn´t going to work. We´re together about a year, but living together for a bit less than 3 months.


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    #31
    Diapason
    Registered Users Posts: 452 ✭✭Diapason


    IrishExpat wrote: »
    When confronted about it, she confirmed that yes she had deleted the numbers, ´in case I was flirting´ :eek:

    Dealbreaker, imo.


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