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Things you'd like to say to them

  • 30-07-2012 7:42pm
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭[Deleted User]

    I thought maybe a thread where you can post things you would like to say to them might be a good idea. Mods please merge/delete as appropriate :)



  • Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue

    I'd tell her that I can't believe its been over a year already, and that the pain is still as raw now as it was then. I'd tell her she was special and perfect and wanted so, so badly. How her daddy and I had dedicated our lives to her when we knew she was coming.

    I'd tell her about all the lovely things we had bought for her, how we decorated her room, how we couldn't wait for her to be part of the family. How my nana, her greatgrandmother, knitted her loads of beautiful clothes.

    I'd tell her we were so proud of her, even though certain individuals made me feel as though I should have been ashamed. I never was, I was proud to call her mine. How no one will ever replace her, she'll always be my first born.

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    i would say,

    Im sorry I let you down, I was your mother I should have protected you. Even tho I never got to hold you, smell your hair Ill never stop thinking about you, or stop loving you.

    To A, 4 months soon, I wish I had of had more time with you, I wish when u called that I went more often than I did. I wish you knew I cared about you, that your passing affected me in a way I never thought possible, I wish you knew how much u were cared for.

    Nanny, 6 weeks on thursday... I wish I culd ask u are u ok? Did you find Grand-da!!! I wish I could tell you how much I miss you and how much you meant to me, even tho we didnt always see eye to eye.... I want to tell you Ill never forget you and I love you dearly and you were such an important person in my life.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,213 ✭✭✭daenerysstormborn3

    My heart and soul aches from missing you. Nine months later and everyday still feels like that Monday, coming home from the hospital to an empty house. Our lives are empty without you. I hope you knew how much we loved you and how much we cherished the time we had with you.

    I can't even describe how hard life has been since you passed away. J, D and I now have nobody but each other. Our "friends" don't care, they don't understand. Living with you, caring for you, you basically being the third person in our relationship, that's not something that anyone who hasn't been through it can understand. Your other son, well you always knew what he was like.

    Everyday is a struggle.

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    Happy 50th Birthday Mam

    Miss You so much.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 985 ✭✭✭Ellsbells

    N, you would have loved your new nephew... People even say he looks like you. We are lost without you. x

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  • Registered Users Posts: 778 ✭✭✭jessiejam

    Mam, sorry I didn't make the time to understand what you were going through. It was for so long and there were so many ups and downs I didn't know what to say or do.
    Its been 9 years and I think you would finally be proud of me.
    I always loved you and always will
    I'm sorry and I miss you.

  • Registered Users Posts: 7,073 ✭✭✭Rubberlegs

    Well, Dad:). I'm thinking about you more than ever lately. You are in my dreams most nights, it's horrible waking up to the fact you are still gone. In another few months you'll be gone from us 2 years. I don't know where the time has gone. I think becoming pregnant soon after you died gave me another focus for 9 months. I look at your new granddaughter, and it kills me she'll never have her silly Grandad to play with her, and hold her, like her sister's did. I'm sorry I hardly ever visit your grave. I just feel numb and sick there. I'm so glad we brought you home to your birthplace, to bury you with your parents. But it just feels so freaky to see your name on the headstone now too, to stand at the grave we visited with you so often over the years. We had the Christening recently, and when we looked at the photos there were orbs in two of them that had the girls in. I'm usually a bit cynical at that kind of stuff, but just maybe it was you watching over us on the day:)

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,196 ✭✭✭Pedro K

    Goodbye. I would love the chance to say goodbye.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭edellc

    I would tell her how absolutely heart broken I am that she is gone, how much I long to talk to her and hear her words of wisdom.

    I would tell her how I never realised how much of a glue to our family she was and how sad I am that the cracks appeared almost immediately when she was gone, how sad I am that my sisters have behaved in such a greedy manner when all I want is a hug from my mam.

    I can not believe its been just over a year since I spoke to her and I it hurts even more than when she first passed, I would tell her how much I love her and how much of a big part she has played in my life.

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    7 years tomorow.

    I knew you for such a short length of time but you had touched me so deeply that your death devasted me more than anything I've been through before or since.

    You connected with people so easily. You had such a gentle presence that was felt wherever you went. Did you even know that?

    The pain faded. Eventually. But i will never be ok with the fact that your life was cut so short. I think about that graveyard and I want to scream with rage.

    I prefer to think that you are on one of your prolonged wanderings. Discovering yourself and charming everything female with that stellar smile. If you are out there I hope you are enjoying your freedom. Stay beautiful.

    I'm sorry I was not a better friend to you. I simply wasn't able. You taught me so much and changed me so much and you didnt even know you were doing it. A part of my heart will always be yours. That part is aching today.

    I will miss you for the rest of my life.

    God Bless and thank you

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  • Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 8,572 Mod ✭✭✭✭Canard

    Pedro K wrote: »
    Goodbye. I would love the chance to say goodbye.
    This. Just this. So many things I'd love to say but this absolutely tops it every time. :(

  • Registered Users Posts: 293 ✭✭0000879k

    Noticed this thread by accident.
    Now, I'm sad.
    Miss you Granddad, I'm not ashamed to say I cried at your funeral, which I don't do often!
    'You meant a lot more to me than a lot of people think' is what I would say, he was a role model.

  • Registered Users Posts: 18,462 ✭✭✭✭The Princess Bride

    20 years-where did that go?
    Sometimes I see a dark,curly haired girl and I think of you and how you'd look now,where you'd be now.

    Every time I hear that song I think of us dancing and having the craic on nights out.
    How you always left your purse down,never worrying that it might be stolen.
    Whereas me..typical me....would carry mine all night just in case.

    I hope there is a party ,wherever you are now-and that you're on that dance floor with your amazing smile and energy.
    I'll join you there someday-hopefully not for a long long time, you'll have to make room for my zimmer frame by then C!

    Thanks for your friendship,

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Four years in July.

    I still feel sad that I didn't know you as well as I should have. That wasn't my fault. It was probably yours. But you were so busy. You lived such a busy, stressful, chaotic life. And then it all suddenly went quiet.

    Dad told me about that time you heard that the cancer came back, and you just went home to Galway and walked around the city on your own. I think about that often, what must have gone through your head as you walked through the streets you grew up in, now so successful, so celebrated, knowing that your days were numbered. It makes me so sad and yet so glad that you had that.

    Dad's off the fags more than three years now. You'd be so proud. We're all so proud. He's a different man since your passing, a lot softer, a lot more emotional. I miss him a lot over here.

    I think of you during the tough times. I pray to you. I ask you for things, I ask for your help, your guidance. I always remember you telling me to follow my star. I'm trying, but it's not easy. I know you of all people would understand that. But I think you'd be proud.

    I don't know where my beliefs lie, which makes your absence a continued struggle, but I like to think you hear me when I talk to you.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 6,896 Mod ✭✭✭✭Cherry Blossom

    Dear C,

    Your sister is melting my brain, how do you make her go away?

    I found this, it reminds me of you . . . . and also of how old I am :pac:

    <EDT> Sorry, not really following the vein of the thread, but it's what I want to say all the same!

  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason

    Why didnt you pick up the phone? or get in the car and drive to one of us.

    Why didnt you tell us?

    so many whys

  • Registered Users Posts: 15,943 ✭✭✭✭banie01

    I still miss you so much :-( We still miss you...
    We are doing great, our l'il monkey isn't so little anymore! You would have been so proud of him at his communion.
    He's really the best of both of us :-) a thoughtful, caring and amazingly smart and funny little dude who's lucky enough to be a looker too ;-)
    Ok Ok He's really the best of you! haha

    You know you'll always be here in our hearts, and in the stories we all still tell about ya ;-)

    Your mam has decided I must be a bollox though :-(
    Because the fact that I've started seeing someone now 5 and a half yrs after I lost you.
    And that I had the temerity to introduce her to our son is too much for her!
    Kate, He doesn't need a new 'mam' because he has the best mam ever, and noone will ever replace you.
    I've explained that to her but you know better than me what she's like!
    The sniping and just general bitchiness from her is chronic again, I don't know what else I can do for her.
    Actually I think thats part of the problem....
    I spent too long doing too much, because it's what you would do if you were here!
    She can start relying on the rest of 'em now tho....
    I don't know how to cope with her anymore and to be honest Babe, I'm past caring!
    I'm just gonna focus on making sure our son keeps on being happy and healthy, and that he always....always knows where he comes from ;-)

    Miss you :-(
    Love ya more than chips and always will Babe.

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue

    To my daughter Maisy,

    It isn't getting any easier. They lie when they say that time heals all wounds.
    When I walk into your bedroom, the sight of all the things we bought for you makes me cry. But the thought of giving them away makes me feel ill. Its a viscous circle that I can't get out of.
    You never got to use your pram, or wear your tiny sleepsuits, or sit in your bouncer, but those things make me feel close to you. They remind me of when you were alive, when you were giving me little kicks from inside, making my heart burst with joy with every kick I felt. They hurt me, yet they comfort me.
    I can't let go of the overwhelming feeling that it shouldn't have been you. You shouldn't have arrived so early. My body shouldn't have failed. The doctors should have stopped my labour. You should have been born 18 weeks later, healthy with rosy little cheeks.
    I'm so sorry I let you down Maisy. The guilt I feel since the day you were born sleeping will be with me forever. You should have arrived into the world to smiling, happy parents and family. It haunts me that when you were born, no one was happy. We were devastated, crying, and felt hopeless. I can never get your first few moments back, and I'm so sorry if we didn't show how much we love you during those precious minutes.
    I miss you so much.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 985 ✭✭✭Ellsbells

    WhiteRoses wrote: »
    My body shouldn't have failed.

    I'm so sorry I let you down Maisy.

    Whiteroses I am so sorry for your loss and your post was so heartbreaking.

    Please dont think you let Maisy down. She would have felt your hand every time you rubbed her while in your tummy. She would also have heard your voice talking to her and both these actions which would have comforted her and shown her you loved her very much.

    Take care of yourself please x

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom

    Paul, my brother.

    Ah Paul I was feeling awful a few moments ago, picturing you at your wake, your cold hands wrapped around mams rosery beads. I often picture this. I hate it. To think of you so cold. And days before as I breathed the kiss of life but no response, you were gone. Why the hell were you taken from us at 22?????? It still makes no sense in the world to me. Plenty of people have gone through the same ordeal as you but have been saved. I wish I had callen out to the house when I said I would and not an hour later. I could have ran upstairs to your room and pulled you out of the bed. I could have saved you. Nobody was with you. Mam and dad at mass, the dogs outside. Nobody knew you were on your way out, away from this world, away from us. How did you feel when you took your last breath? And did you get to meet your son who died before he was born? Do you regret the huge risk you took? Being so impulsive? I warned you over and over and over again. Now I sit and wonder each day how you are, where you are, and if you still ARE? There's a huge hole in my heart for you Paul. I go through each day as though I'm on autopilot. Mam and dad are lost in that house without you? the silence is deafening. She looks for a sign, God love her she smelt flowers the other night and thought they were from you. I hope they were Paul. I love you more than words could ever say. I miss looking out for you trying to keep you out of harms way, even though I was your sister I was always extremely protective of you.

    Your last words to me were 'your a legend' when I left you 2 cigarettes, so now Paul you are the legend, love you and hope to God we meet again, somewhere, somehow xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,029 ✭✭✭SusieBlue

    Ellsbells wrote: »
    Whiteroses I am so sorry for your loss and your post was so heartbreaking.

    Please dont think you let Maisy down. She would have felt your hand every time you rubbed her while in your tummy. She would also have heard your voice talking to her and both these actions which would have comforted her and shown her you loved her very much.

    Take care of yourself please x

    Thank you, I really needed to hear that. I've been struggling with inner demons a lot the last couple of weeks because of her passing.
    I know there was nothing I could have done but in my low moments, I find myself filled with self loathing. It'll be a long road to dealing with this grief, but I know it will get easier. This thread gives me hope.
    Thanks again, it means a lot. xx

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,281 ✭✭✭Gmol

    WhiteRoses wrote: »
    Thank you, I really needed to hear that. I've been struggling with inner demons a lot the last couple of weeks because of her passing.
    I know there was nothing I could have done but in my low moments, I find myself filled with self loathing. It'll be a long road to dealing with this grief, but I know it will get easier. This thread gives me hope.
    Thanks again, it means a lot. xx

    Your daughter would have felt your love for her. You have to remember that and be good to yourself.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 985 ✭✭✭Ellsbells

    Gmol wrote: »
    Your daughter would have felt your love for her. You have to remember that and be good to yourself.

    It's absolutely true!!

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,213 ✭✭✭daenerysstormborn3

    It would've been my bf's dad's birthday on Monday. He would've been 82.

    You never really madea big deal out of your birthday. James would buy you 4 cans of Guinness and you'd drink 1, maybe 2 and the other 2 would still be there at Christmas. We'd get a takeaway and you with your aversion to any dinner that didn't consist of spuds, veg and meat (so Irish lol) would have a portion of chips with butter on them and some bread. We used to buy you things like new woolly jumpers and new long johns for your birthday because obviously it was coming into Winter and you didn't like frivolous presents, you liked practical presents. Your other son would buy you things that reminded you of how old you were, walking sticks and grabbers :rolleyes: Always things you didn't need.

    The fact that it's your birthday just reminds me that you're gone. It's been nearly a year already and it still feels like yesterday. Everything is so raw. I don't feel like we've healed at all. It's still so hard.

    You should see the house though. You'd love the job we've done on the house so far. It's crap that you can't be here to see it all. Anything we do we think of how much we'd love you to be here.

    I hope by the time your next birthday comes around things might be easier for us and all the BS with your other son will be sorted.

    Miss you x

  • Registered Users Posts: 262 ✭✭narfsnonsense

    Daddyo just having a night where I miss ya loads and loads. Had a dream last night that you were still around, but in huge amounts of pain, way more than you ever were. I'd never want that for you, but f*ck I'd love a hug.

  • Registered Users Posts: 673 ✭✭✭merlie


    Yesterday was our anniversary. We met that day online all those years ago. Since then time has come and gone. It has been the hardest years since July 2009 when you left, and in June 2012 when you passed away unexpectedly.

    It has been hard for me since knowing of your illness and when you were in hosptial, I wanted to tell you something, just before you went for the operation but never got the chance to tell you, to say it to you. I want to tell you now. I love you. I have always loved you and will love you forever. You cannot take that away as you put it there in my heart. I can never ever forget you and how everything in this world has changed for me because you came into my life.

    Wondie, I love you and thank you so much for everything, for your friendship, for all the gifts, blessings and most of all your love. I will wait to see you and when I do, I will have a big hug waiting. Until then, see you laters my wondie, rest easy...and relax. Its bedtime for Bonzo.

    You are my lucky star wondie. This song is yours from me to you. I love always, your lovely one J xxx

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    Happy Birthday, Smiley.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    Happy Birthday Dad. We would have celebrated your 59th today - I probably would have cooked you dinner at my place or else we would have gone to our regular haunt for food and a few drinks.

    Its also 4 weeks to the day since I held your hand as you quietly slipped away. I still find it weird to think that it was only a matter of weeks after your diagnosis that you were gone. I never for once thought at the start of this summer that you would not be here by the end of it.

    I'm glad I got to spend those 6 weeks with you in the hospital, sitting beside your bed and chatting away to you. It was just as much for me as it was to keep you company. And I'm grateful I got to hold your hand and tell you I love you at the end.

    But it still doesn't make dealing with things any easier. I miss you. You are never far from my thoughts. And even though life goes on I will always carry you in my heart.

    I love you Dad and I hope you are happy and safe wherever you are.

    Your loving daughter
    S xxx

  • Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 8,572 Mod ✭✭✭✭Canard

    Every night I miss my mam so much and I never even know how to deal with it anymore. It's so awful. I always start imagining what I'd say to her if I had a day, an hour, five minutes. And then I remember that I don't and I never will have that time.

    Miss you and love you so much. Don't even know how to put the rest into words, sorry. :(

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  • Registered Users Posts: 4,400 ✭✭✭lukesmom

    Happy birthday Paul your second away from home. 24 today. Missing u a lot. Hope you know it's your birthday but I reckon u do. Love you more than words could say, enjoy it up there kiddo

    Your sister Lukesmom