Things you'd like to say to them

Mam of 4

Your fourth birthday away from home yesterday, Happy Birthday . No , didn't cry, I don't cry now. Yes I miss you, every day Mam , but I honestly think the love we shared and your sense of spirit has me becoming more like you with each passing year, and for that I am truly blessed. So instead of people thinking I'm must be hard, not getting upset when I talk about you, I wish they could understand that I appreciate and love every memory , the tears and the laughs, the quiet moments, and that these are things to be cherished and smiled about, not remember with sadness

So if I continue to be myself, with just a tiny bit of your understanding,love,compassion,and time for to help others, well , I believe I haven't and won't let you down . Love you always Mam x

eviltwin

4 years tomorrow and we still don't know why. I keep thinking of this day four years ago, that last night out, everyone together..was that just luck or by design? you hugged me goodbye and said you'd see me later, why couldn't you have told us, why couldn't you have held on for just one more day. The space you left is too big to fill.

Galwayguy35

19 years gone today Dad, RIP

DeltaWhite

Dear Mam

Please please let it be good news on Thursday. Even if it's something we can deal with I'll be happy. I am sick of everyone telling me how strong I am, when inside I feel so weak. I think they just say these things to keep me going. Please let Dad get good news. I really cannot take anymore, I need my Dad with me I cant be left behind with the boys. I am sick of the sight of them. I don't have you around to calm me down anymore so they must think I'm a right b!tch.

I'm supposed to be going on an unreal holiday on Sunday, and I cant even get excited about it. Worried about D being a weapon to me over there Please stay with me. Miss and love you always.


ETA: I know you heard my endless prayers So absolutely ecstatic with the good news today!

princess-lala

I miss you so much! even though I knew it was coming for so long I still had so much I wanted to say to you.

You were the one man who never judged me, you just loved me regardless! I wonder daily now why my own father couldn't have been more like you??

Da I love you, your empty chair is so hard to look at now, when you were in hospital I could at least think you were coming home. Now i know you're not!

I just can't go to the graveyard, not until it has settled down a bit. But i still talk to you, i do hope you hear me??

Love you always pops xxx

LegacyUser

It's only been a few days since you passed so unexpectedly, much too young. We're all so much in shock that we're walking around like ghosts, unspeaking. I want you to know we're taking care of everything even if we're not quite ourselves right now.

I don't even have proper words to express how I feel but this hit us like an avalanche out of nowhere. I know if you'd been here you'd have been one of the first to crack a smile and pull us together.

We'll miss you for the rest of our lives.

heretothere

Please don't go x

marthabarry

I'd say you're a great sister and a great friend and support to me always. I wish you were here still and that we could still head off on adventures together and go out for meals. I'd tell you that I love you and give you a big hug

Gremlinertia

So, today is best friends day, whoever 'they' are that came up with that.. I've been thinking of you all day since it was mentioned, i miss you, you're still my best.. Mind the rest of them up there. I love you.

princess-lala

We had cemetery Sunday today.

I hadn't been to the graveyard in a week! The whole way up i was thinking of you and that I had brought you last year!

Then i got to the graveyard and saw your name on the headstone! Da I miss you so much! You were and always will be my daddy!! Mam met my real father recently - didn't even ask how i was!!! That's where you're different, I love you so so much!!

Have you noticed I've started sitting in your chair? With my foot up like you??

9 months since you sat in your chair, i honestly thought you'd come home! But just two months ago you finally went home to nanny!!

I wish I could have one last chat with you! Before you were sick!

skirtgirl

Hey! You were a great peson and in sorry I didn't appreciate you more. I'm glad to know now that you appreciated every moment. Why did I not know this until now?

CaraMay

It's your big birthday. V hard day

Zanablue

Hey dad, Will you look down on mam as she seems to be having a bit of a hard time at the moment. I thought things would get easier but a few years on and I still miss you more then ever. Love you lots xx

Gremlinertia

You should have been there last night. I was not supposed to be the token. I fcuking miss you like crazy.

Zanablue

Hey, Its your three year anniversary and I'm having a very sad day. Miss you and love you so much. Please keep watching over us.xx

Gremlinertia

A week since you were buried, couldn't even go to the funeral, another friend gone too soon.. There's way too many of you all out among the stars, mind each other and spare the odd thought for us here.

Chocolate fiend

Out and about in the shops today, saw a novelty tea-pot and my first thought was "Nana would love that" Nana died 5 years ago. Tonne of bricks.

Zanablue

Well our little man started secondary school and he is so happy and enthusiastic, you would be soo proud. Keep watching over him xx

John Mason

Thinking of you today on national suicide day.

I miss you so much, there is so much I want to tell you/show you. You left a huge hole in our lives that can never be filled.

3 years later and I still cant believe you are gone - WHY??

Payton

It was your birthday on Tuesday, it's just not the same. No funny text to send to you, no tacky card. But you left us with beautiful memories...memories that make me smile. You've no more pain you had your share of hardship on your journey. Forever in our taughts.

magicmushroom

I'm sorry I didn't phone you that night, like I had said I would.
I didn't know I'd never get to speak to you again.

I'll live with that regret for my whole life but I do comfort myself with the fact that I'm confident you knew how much I loved you. At least I hope you did.

viztopia

Owney - till we meet again some day soon!

jaded_pause

Dad, ok fine. Ok? I've given up the cigarettes. Ok? HAPPY? I can just imagine your face if you were here and I told you that. You'd be beaming and demand a cup of tea. I wont lie, I miss my phone flashing your name. I miss you bursting in the door. The cat even seems to miss you, she sat on your laptop bag just the other day! (And would you believe that little b!tch has started eating wet food! 5 years later!) Ben is in Australia now. What a dick, just living his amazing life! I'm super proud of him, as I know you would be.

Let me tell the truth, I've really been missing you lately. People say it gets easier with time. It doesn't. It just gets easier to cry silently at night, it gets easier to hide the pain. It gets easier to pretend I'm just fine. You were my best bud, Dad. I can't help but think if Joe was here it'd be a lot easier. I know it would be. If he'd have stayed just one more year, we'd have gotten through a ****ty time together, you dying would have given him something to live for, even if it was just me. I hope you're looking after each other up there Dad, going fishing and drinking tea with grandad. And even though I've given up the fags, please don't expect the Coca-Cola to go next. Please, just let me keep one vice!

Keep looking after me Dad, I really need it. Love you x

SATSUMA

I cannot imagine life without you both, and then I realise you are both gone. My heart is broken.

LegacyUser

I can't help but think both of ye are behind me driving me and pushing me this year.
I've done so many things I was too afraid to do before. Traveled on my own several times and crossed so much off my bucket list. Doing so well in my job and university too. Some things aren't perfect but I can see you Dad still saying 'You don't need a man, you were always bad at picking them anyway'.. well, we all know that was true!

I'll never stop missing you both. My best friends. xxx

Alf Veedersane

Thank you for helping me get to where I am. Thank you for teaching me so much without me even realising it. I love you so much. I often smile thinking about our Sunday morning chats with me sitting on the counter when you didn't our hair.

I'm so grateful I got the chance to tell you I love you before you died.

Please look after Dad. He's still heartbroken. He always will be. But he carries on for you and for us.

I wish you were here to see our little girl. You'd love her. She's great craic. There's so much if love you to have seen and It's unfair that you missed it but I know you're looking down on us, helping us like you always did.

Zanablue

Hey there, I'm making another new start tomorrow and I am so nervous. Please watch over me and maybe I might make you proud. love you lots.xx

sunshine and showers

We buried you this day last week and I still can't believe you're gone. You were the glue holding out big, crazy extended family together. I don't know what we'll do without you. I can't even say D's name without automatically saying yours too - you were so good together.

Look after D, wherever you are. It was his birthday yesterday. My heart is broken for him. We'll take care of him and your girls as best we can. They're hardly "girls", but still. You'd be proud of them and how they're being so strong. A even got a job yesterday - you'd have been ecstatic!

It's not fair that you went so young and so suddenly. I always thought you'd be here when I had a family of my own - the mad old grandaunt they'd adore. Like we all adored you. I spoke to all the "kids" of the family and you were by far the favourite auntie! Nothing will ever be the same without you.

I don't think I'll ever understand this. The words of the priest at your funeral, while kind, gave me no comfort. I'm not sure where you've gone, but I like to think you're around in some shape or form.

Rest in peace, M. I love you. We all do.

Mam of 4

Happy Birthday , and Anniversary Son. You know what's in my head, I talk to you there often enough

Thanks for always being with us , love you always x x

LegacyUser

I miss you even though I don't remember you. I wonder every day if you'd be proud of the person I've become. Help me not be to scared of leaving my own kids like you left me

XplaygirlX

I love you, even if it's just one last time. xx

XplaygirlX

I still can't believe your gone as it was so sudden. I love you, and I want to hold you and kiss and hug you. Your always my mam, Forever my friend xxxxx

DeltaWhite

Mam

It's 1 year and 1 month since I watched you leave us. Cannot believe how much has changed in that time. Sometimes I still feel like my lungs stop working when I think of you. How ironic that it was your lungs that failed, sometimes I feel like mine are doing the same when I think of that day. I know you're always with me, I'm still shocked at how I've coped so good with all this. Must be because of N's death all those years ago, I had no idea how much it would prepare me for your death. So much older and wiser now than I was back then. I hope you can help me keep strong with the things bothering me now.

I know I have unreal strength, more than the men at home for sure. I must have gotten it from you, your silent strength that you had is honestly very difficult to comprehend, you suffered so much in life and you never complained ever. You deserved the best in life, it's just such a shame how things turned out. I still miss you more than words can describe, and I still do have my days where I hit the floor and cry for a few hours missing you. Just cant believe how far I've come in a year. That counsellor was the best thing to ever happen me.

One last thing. Please help me with C. I was all over the place, I didn't know what to do anymore. I know I did right, but I still feel so uneasy and unable to move on. I need help I've found that issue almost as difficult as your death. Keep an eye on Dad, he's a shell of who he used to be. There's only so much I can do to help him. If I take on more than I can chew (which I already have) then I will crumble. I love you so much Mam, and really wish you were still alive. In my angry days, I would honestly trade in every single person I know, just to have you back.

X

XplaygirlX

Mam,

I'm sorry ive started smoking cigarettes but ironically it helps me deal with the pain of losing you... Even though I haven't dealt with it yet. I can't believe its been 2 weeks already! My heart is literally in shreads. But I try not show others my pain. I need to be strong for F.........n your adoring grandson (4) and for da. I hope your proud of me and I want to make you proud of me. I love you to the moon and back again xXxXxXx

SingItOut

I feel so deeply sorry for you, As badly as you treated me I can't begin to think what you went through when she passed away. A tradgedy at such a young age to a horrible condition.

XplaygirlX

Mam,
I'm delighted to day ive stopped smoking and I'm sorry I ever started in the first place. I though it would help - in my mind it did - but really when in reality it didn't. I just want to get a sign from you so I know your ok. I miss you so so much and just want you to be proud of me. I know you are and always where. I love you forever xxxx

Gremlinertia

Anniversaries - pain doesn't lessen it's the ability to bear it that increases. Love you C

pew

I still miss you.

It still hurts to think of you.

I still cry.

Gremlinertia

Happy birthday N, still can't believe you're gone..

LegacyUser

I rang your phone today.Completely forgot that you were gone.Its only been two months.Cant believe that Ive forgotten already.
I just want one more conversation with you.You were always there when I needed you.Always gave me advice and sometimes advice that I didn't want to hear.I could do with that advice now.
**** man.I don't know how I forgot you were gone.Only when I heard that cut off tone on the phone today did it register.
Hope the 2 boys and M are ok without a father this Christmas.

Payton

I suppose this time of year brings up all sorts of memories, the things that reminds us of that special person/s that are no longer with us especially with family all around for the Christmas.
We can spend as much as we can on kids and family members and have the dinner with all the trimmings and if you can do it all the better.
Take a moment out for yourself...It's important and spare a taught for those that are not with us this time of year and be mindful of others who have their own troubles for what ever reason. A hug or a brief word could help in any way.
Be kind to yourself and no harm to have a cry and remember loved ones gone...and be thankful they were in your life...they made an impact on you for them to be on your mind, we've gotten this far and day by day a little bit stronger.
Thank you all for sharing your words...your taughts in this forum in some ways we keep getting drawn into it
Have a wonderful and peaceful Christmas what ever way you celebrate it.

jaded_pause

So this is going to be my first Christmas without you. I felt it when I was buying presents and your name on my list was conspicuous by it's absence. I wonder what I would have surprised you with this year? Let's face it, nothing could have topped last year's, but I would have gotten you something you would have enjoyed. Something I would have wrapped beautifully and presented to you and you would have left it there next to you until I'd say "Dad, open the present omg." Our little joke of you leaving things unopened as long as you could to annoy me makes me happy now.

I'm doing well lately. I have goals again and since I quit smoking I feel like I can achieve them now. Christmas in itself was never really a fun time for us was it? We pottered through it though, and the one we spent here with Joe will forever be one of my favourites. I spent hours cooking that dinner, and even more cutting up the fresh fruit because you were both on a "diet" and wouldn't have wanted trifle or pudding. And after we sat and watched An Idiot Abroad and myself and Joe laughed and laughed and you smiled, not because you found it funny, but because we did. I still have the gift you got me last year, all neatly hung in the wardrobe. I'll probably never wear it again but it will be my favourite.

You would laugh at all the people who promised me "We'll be here for you whenever you need us" and are now also absent. You'd have an "I told you so" face on you but you'd never say it.

Oh by the way, I did a really good roast chicken the other day, you would have loved it.

Merry Christmas Dad

SATSUMA

I miss you both so much. The silence really is deafening. Four of us instead of six. So small and so wrong. I always loved Christmas. I believed in it...i felt it. It wasn't perfect or fancy. It was just us laughing and fighting and so much noise and food and wrapping paper. Dogs barking. But you are gone now, even the dogs. It's just the four of us. Broken and lost in grief.

LucaDat

They want me to go through the grieving process and become angry with you... it all seems a waste of energy.

But you do seem to have alot to answer for in the afterlife - good luck with that.

John Mason

Happy Birthday, N.

I seem to miss more each day rather than less. I find myself crying a lot at completely random times. Bawled my eyes out on the bus this morning - I can just hear you "**** sake K, what are you doing"

LegacyUser

To my amazing brother. I miss you. I love you. At Christmas and always. Your Xmas birthday was harder this year for some reason. There's no sign of any of this getting easier even 3+ years on.

XplaygirlX

I'm being told by others to put MY grieving aside and focus on my son and da... What about ME??? I'm doing so much for others and NEVER get a break or time to myself anymore... I'll never get over losing you ma. And feel as if I'm going insane. In my mind your not gone - your here with me. **** that I'll go insane without u. And maybe one day I'll see u very soon. I can't live without you....

Lux23

You don't put your grieving aside, you share it with those you love. I know it is very hard to lose a parent, however you have to understand that losing a partner is a very different animal. My mother lost her husband last December, but he was more that that, he was her best friend, confidante, her rock. You need to sit down and talk about how you're feeling with someone impartial.

I miss you every single day, but Christmas magnifies it. We're all happy to be together, but there's a vacuum in the room, the space that you should occupy. The face missing from around the table. I see mum and dad feel it, and try not to make the rest of us sad.

I say your name all the time, so it feels a bit like you're still here.

banie01

Hi Kate, I was booking a flight yesterday and as part of the booking process the website gave a countdown to the flight date.
206 days, which means 207 days until I get married. It was a shock, I didnt realize it was so soon.
Aa I was taking it in, smiling and looking forwardto it, my weird brain did one of its weird things!
Something it hasnt done in a while but one thats kinda freaky if anyone knew....
It started flashing a different number,3180!
3180 days since we lost you...
That stupid "year 0" clock that started in my head when I lost you is still ticking still totting up in the recesses of my mind.
There's a part of me thats always yours, and the rest is learning to live and love again...
But that said...
Love ya more than chips babe, and always will.