Things you'd like to say to them

Betty Bloggs

Mum and Dad,

Thank You.

For everything, but especially for today. I think ye somehow heard me earlier when I really needed your help.x

ChewChew

It's hard to believe that this time 10 years ago so much was going on including the preparation for the first of your 3 kids weddings. Your first time to walk one of your 3 daughters down the isle, and it also turned out to be your last. We prepared for your 50th birthday and now we are fast approaching your 60th birthday with your tenth anniversary just around the corner.

I had a dream that you were alive and happy and I woke up happy at that thought but reality and set in pretty quickly.

Next weekend we will celebrate you. We will go for a family meal, we will get you some balloons and a cake.

Dad, I need a shelf hung in the bathroom and I know I can do it, but I wish I could call you up and tell you and you'd come at the drop of a hat!! I'd make you all the tea and cakes you wanted and we'd have the best chats!!

i didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much but to feel like this is hard, and tough and unbelievably heart breaking. Time is not a healer, that's for sure.

Much love my poppa bear. Much love indeed

xxxx

alias06

I love you Dad forever.

LegacyUser

I don't miss you, not that I'm happy you're gone but life for me and many other people is so much more peaceful since you died. We no longer have to walk on eggshells, the endless drama is over. The abuse is over, life has been so much more peaceful these last three years.

I get that you were subject to some awful things by your parents, no parent should ever treat their child like that, you knew that much but you ultimately chose not to break that cycle, did similar things to your children, and you were a toxic presence for your family and friends, you constantly chose to manufacture disputes with everyone in your life. I repeat; everyone. Eventually you had no one left. Plenty of people tried, and tried and tried to help you but it was always for nothing. You chose the destructive option every time.

You were a great parent for the first half of my life, couldn't have done better. I try to remember that. But you were an absolute nightmare for the second half, that got increasingly worse. And the way you treated me in the last year of your life was unforgivable, to do those things and to spread those vicious lies, unforgivable, particularly difficult to forgive when I know you didn't regret those actions. You claimed to be sorry on a few occasions, but as I pointed out to you, you only ever saw an apology as something to let you off the hook for something you've done wrong. An apology only means something if it is a commitment not to repeat that behaviour again.

I don't think about you that often, for the last two years of your life I despised you, as soon as you died that spite dissolved, and I was numb for a few weeks. Since then, I don't miss you, I don't love you, but I don't despise you, and I don't hate you.

Put simply; I "nothing" you, or I "neutral" you. I guess that's better than what I felt in the last two years of my life.

I'm not stupid, I know that is not a good thing to say about one's mother, and I know anyone reading this must think I'm screwed up, or that I'm in denial. I may be a little screwed up (aren't we all?) but I'm not in denial, I'm not going to block out the bad stuff, I'm not going to try and convince myself she was the best mother in the world like sibling(s) of mine are trying to do, my mother spent years trying to suppress things like that and it backfired spectacularly. Just because someone dies doesn't mean the slate gets wiped clean, I think the notion of "Don't speak ill of the dead" is highly flawed. People regularly complained to me about my mother, called her this and that, hadn't a nice word to say about her. She dies and all of a sudden those very same people can't speak highly enough of her. For the record, I'm not saying they should continue speaking ill of her, just illustrating what I see to be flawed logic.

As I said, you were a great mother for the first half of my life, but the second half was a nightmare. Your father was a disgusting parent, unfortunately you chose not to break that cycle. That cycle stops with me, and hopefully my siblings too. I know you had a lot of pain and inner turmoil, I know you found it almost impossible to deal with, I'm glad that pain was brought to an end but I do wish you could somehow have managed to find peace in life rather than through death.


To those who contribute to this thread; I'm sorry for going against the grain here, I'm happy that almost all of you have positive things to say about the people you are talking about.

December2012

cv2003 wrote: »

.
Just because someone dies doesn't mean the slate gets wiped clean, I think the notion of "Don't speak ill of the dead" is highly flawed.

For what it's worth, I agree with this sentiment entirely. Those who died were still human, some with more flaws than other.

I hope you feel better getting that off your chest - it must be a lot to have as a burden.

TheBeardedLady

It's times like this I'd love to call you up and talk over how I'm feeling. I wouldn't feel like I'm a pain in the arse to you because you were my mam. I can't help but feel envious of people who have that. It's been so long now. Over 23 years and I miss you more now than I ever did.

LegacyUser

I miss you loads nanny.
I wish you could have met your first grandson, you would have really loved him.
I'll make sure to tell him all about you

girl_friday

25 years tomorrow the ache in my heart feels like it was only yesterday. I still miss you and always will.

Mariasofia

When will it stop hurting?

lukesmom

Listen here birthday boy 26 years young! To say I miss you is an understatement. It's great though to be able to finally say I have accepted you no longer being around in your human form. How wonderful it is to know you are here in spirit form. A realisation I have longed for. My little brother the past 3 1/2 years have been a tsunami of grief, confusion, heartache and more. But rock on as you are because you are ever present when I need you. Friendship never dies and we are closer than ever. Oh yes you see me and I don't see you but who cares? Happy birthday Paul give my godson a kiss from me xxxxxxx

Munstermad

Dreading this Winter,your big birthday in November, your 70th, Christmas and New Years without you, your 1st anniversary in Feb. God Dad... I still can't believe you're gone... it still doesn't feel real??? This grief thing seems to be getting worse.... I miss you, I need you and I don't see how I'll ever accept any of this... I love you Dad... X

I met a fisherman on the quays in Dungarvan, his dinner was flopping its way onto the road when I stopped it with my foot, and told hin he should slap its head off the ground to kill it. He showed me how to kill a fish in one simple finger through the gills.

I wanted to phone you Da, I thought about texting you, but I know Ma would have broken down when she read it.

Albertofrog

I wish I could have resuscitated you Ma.
I wish I could have eased your pain Da.

lukesmom

Albertofrog wrote: »

I wish I could have resuscitated you Ma.
I wish I could have eased your pain Da.

I feel your pain I tried to resuscitate my brother and I couldn't bring him back. It's such a terrible feeling but don't beat yourself up about it. You tried as hard as you could but your mam had already passed over.

Lots of hugs

Lukesmom

missjm

Mum and Dad. Today I really miss you both. I'm lying here sick and nobody even knows. If ye were around you'd be calling me a few times a day checking up. I miss our chats, I miss how much you cared. I'm so lonely without you both x

CaraMay

missjm wrote: »

Mum and Dad. Today I really miss you both. I'm lying here sick and nobody even knows. If ye were around you'd be calling me a few times a day checking up. I miss our chats, I miss how much you cared. I'm so lonely without you both x

Hope you are ok soon missjm

crazygeryy

missjm wrote: »

Mum and Dad. Today I really miss you both. I'm lying here sick and nobody even knows. If ye were around you'd be calling me a few times a day checking up. I miss our chats, I miss how much you cared. I'm so lonely without you both x

God that is so sad.i hope you are better soon.

Mam of 4

Also hope you get better soon missjm

cocker5

740 days since I last saw you, held your hand, saw your face, touched your hair and whispered in your ear.
2 years, I can’t believe it’s been two years……people have moved on, life has moved on, but for me it feels like its stood still.

Im still waiting for the phone to ring and it be you, each time I drive home when I pull up to the house I hope you’ll be standing there in the window waving.
When I am at home I can’t bear to go into your room – the door remains shut, exactly as you left it.

When something good happens my first thought is “must ring mum and tell her”… then my heart sinks and get the sick realisation that you’re not there.

When I visit your grave, I look at your headstone and can’t bear to see your name on it, it actually sends a shiver down my spine.

It’s odd I know but I think in my mind I think of you as on “holidays” or something, just not reachable for now… but reachable soon.

Life is not the same, it will never be the same, a piece of me died the day you left and im not sure if it will ever return.

I would give anything just to have one more day with you, I miss you and think of you every day and will always love you.

I adored being your daughter and I always knew how much you loved being my Dad. You never ever tried to make me less fierce and always supported my strength and spirit. You were always proud of me; as I was of you. You were cool, and you always got it - even when you didn't and we clashed - you really were a star. You stunned me with how you handled your illness and death with such grace and dignity. You were a class act and I miss you so, xox.

CaraMay

Please help your little nephew. He needs you x

Mam of 4

Happy Birthday Son .

What to say that you haven't heard me say to you in my head numerous times ?
We love you, always.

Thank you. Thank you for carrying me on your wings on a daily basis,when I haven't the strength to do it myself , because I truly believe that without your help I would not be able to do or get through the hard times in life.

I know you're ok , I know you're with people who love you too and they're the lucky ones getting to spend time with you and seeing the person you've become. We have to wait to see you , but you're forever with us . In my eyes you will always be this perfect little baby, born too soon, one day though we'll meet again.

Until then, continue to be our Guardian Angel, giving us strength and courage and understanding.

xxx

CaraMay

missjm wrote: »

Mum and Dad. Today I really miss you both. I'm lying here sick and nobody even knows. If ye were around you'd be calling me a few times a day checking up. I miss our chats, I miss how much you cared. I'm so lonely without you both x

How are you feeling missjm?

loubian

Dear baby,

I'm so sorry you didn't get a chance to live. Your parents would have and still do love you to the moon and back. You will forever be in their hearts and I'm so sorry you had to suffer.

Fly high baba.

danslevent

Watching you die was so painful. I wish I could've understood your depression better. I love you so much,I'm so sorry you couldn't love yourself.

stop animal cruelty

Grandad,

l really wish you were around, l know you would be there for me, although we only had 3 or 4 years together, l know you would have been. l know you would have been the one l could run to in tough times and comfort me....could do with you now x

DeltaWhite

Mam,

It's been 11 days since you died and I'm still in shock. The waves of emotion have been incredible. My heart feels like it weighs a tonne and I honestly have a physical ache all over. Still cant sleep. Going back to work was a huge mistake because of how the boss has treated me. Huge mistake. I would seriously call it bullying. Telling me to "get over it" when I was only in the door really fcking hurt. Like really really hurt. Coming out with the most patronising comments ever, "life goes on, you have loads of work to do anyway so you'll forget about it" how I didnt slap her one is beyond me.

Then yesterday when I knew I couldnt go through with the day from again only 3 hours sleep, she argued with me for 10 mins and wouldnt let me go home until I snapped at her. Again she came out with awful comments "is this how you're going to be now? Because you cant just go home everytime it gets hard" blah blah blah. Then I snapped and asked her how she would cope on 3 hours sleep max per night for the last 9 days.

She told me that I "better" be in today because I need to man the phones. I've been up since 5am doing up a new CV and I think I may hand in my notice today. You know she's bullied me for years in there and I think this is the final straw now. I cannot put up with this sh!t anymore. Your sudden death just proved to me that I cant waste time being miserable and unhappy. Especially in a place that treats me like sh!t.

I honestly am going through enough without the stress and worry of that place hanging over me. It's actually making me feel worse. I'm crying because I have to go in this morning and listen to more of her condescending idiotic drivel.

I'm so afraid Mam I just wish you could hug me and tell me it will all be ok I know I'm going through grief and shock but I just cannot be a part of that negativity anymore. I've put up with it for 5 years and I've had my fill now.

Help me Mam

Redser87

Delta, couldn't read and not respond, your boss sounds like a wagon and I really hope you find a new job soon. To expect that your shock and sadness will have worn off after 11 days is totally lacking in empathy and decency. So sorry for your loss xx

CaraMay

Delta can you report your boss for bullying?

missjm

DeltaWhite wrote: »

Mam,

It's been 11 days since you died and I'm still in shock. The waves of emotion have been incredible. My heart feels like it weighs a tonne and I honestly have a physical ache all over. Still cant sleep. Going back to work was a huge mistake because of how the boss has treated me. Huge mistake. I would seriously call it bullying. Telling me to "get over it" when I was only in the door really fcking hurt. Like really really hurt. Coming out with the most patronising comments ever, "life goes on, you have loads of work to do anyway so you'll forget about it" how I didnt slap her one is beyond me.

Then yesterday when I knew I couldnt go through with the day from again only 3 hours sleep, she argued with me for 10 mins and wouldnt let me go home until I snapped at her. Again she came out with awful comments "is this how you're going to be now? Because you cant just go home everytime it gets hard" blah blah blah. Then I snapped and asked her how she would cope on 3 hours sleep max per night for the last 9 days.

She told me that I "better" be in today because I need to man the phones. I've been up since 5am doing up a new CV and I think I may hand in my notice today. You know she's bullied me for years in there and I think this is the final straw now. I cannot put up with this sh!t anymore. Your sudden death just proved to me that I cant waste time being miserable and unhappy. Especially in a place that treats me like sh!t.

I honestly am going through enough without the stress and worry of that place hanging over me. It's actually making me feel worse. I'm crying because I have to go in this morning and listen to more of her condescending idiotic drivel.

I'm so afraid Mam I just wish you could hug me and tell me it will all be ok I know I'm going through grief and shock but I just cannot be a part of that negativity anymore. I've put up with it for 5 years and I've had my fill now.

Help me Mam

Delta, I had to respond to this because while I didn't experience this going back to work, I went through a lot of harassment while off work caring for my dying father.

You don't have to put up with this. I also put up with it at the time due to being 'broken down' emotionally. Don't allow this person bully you. Please report them if you can. Stand up to this person, they have no right to speak to you as you outline above. You deserve better and this person is a piece of sh*t