The one who got away? Do you have one?

jessiejam

Ellsbells wrote: »

I think you are looking for one person to say 'ah go in and meet him' and you would be off.

There is no point meeting him as it would only fuel a fire that can't keep burning. Work on your relationship and if he has treated you that badly then you probably should have ended it. Is this guy an excuse to end it?

Not looking for anyone to say "ah go and meet him". And no i wouldn't be "off", if some random stranger told me to. I really don't know where you got that impression.

We have worked on our relationship a lot and its not bad at all, things aren't 100% but is anyones?
Im just asking what others would do in my situation.
Im not looking for an excuse to end it. I have had plenty reasons to do so in the past and chose not to, nor would I want to. But if your one that got away came back into your life out of the blue im sure you would be a little confused too.

Ellsbells

jessiejam wrote: »

But if your one that got away came back into your life out of the blue im sure you would be a little confused too.

Only if I were unhappy in my current relationship. Otherwise, it wouldn't matter.

jessiejam

Ellsbells wrote: »

Only if I were unhappy in my current relationship. Otherwise, it wouldn't matter.

And if you were going through a rough patch in your current relationship would you not even think about it?

Just so you know i have no intention of cheating, i hate cheaters.
Your probably right though, better off just keeping my distance.

cookiexx

It's really, really hard to get over the disappointment of losing someone that's seemingly perfect for you. Someone who you had your hopes and your dreams and your future banked on.

But there's no louder or clearer message in life than someone walking away, someone not being a part of your life anymore, someone or both of you walking away for any reason at all - that they're not for you.

There are so many people in life who will make you smile, laugh, give you butterflies, make you feel like a million dollars, make you feel like they understand you 100%, that they're on the same page, that they're cut from the same cloth. But people come and people go in life, hearts break, hurt sets in, bitterness and cynicism take hold.

Some people in life are lucky enough to meet someone who does all of the above, but remains by their side when walking away would be more advisable. That's the person for you.

Anyone who 'gets away', got away for a reason. And even when the rose tinted glasses are on, that fact remains the same.

Ellsbells

jessiejam wrote: »

And if you were going through a rough patch in your current relationship would you not even think about it?
.

But you said all was fine in your relationship now? I really don't understand.

The very time not to be distracted is when you are going through a rough patch as its too easy to think the other person is more special than they are at a time like that.

Who did you tell your partner you were talking to for 2 hours?

Merkin

I'd avoid meeting up with him tbh.Simply because you say you want your current relationship to last and because this other guy has such an effect on you.Meeting even for a seemingly innocent coffee would be a bad idea.

Tasden

I think so- I dunno if id consider him the one that got away. The guy I thought he was is my one that got away. The guy he turned out to be is the bullet dodged, if that makes any sense. I will always love him but I know now that we're not right for each other and any relationship we could have would only be toxic to the both of us unfortunately. He will always be the person I think about when I hear a love song though! Just the way life goes I guess

jaffacakesyum

I met this amazing girl before the Summer. We hit it off instantly and had great chemistry, lots to talk about, made each other laugh and had great sex. We weren't dating for very long but I really felt a connection, which is rare for me. I went abroad for the Summer and when I came back, met up with her recently. Everything that was there is still there....it's just that she is seeing someone now.

I asked her what would have happened if I hadn't gone away and she said we would be together. She is thinking things over at the moment so maybe she will be the one that almost got away but didn't. But I suspect it won't end well for me. We will see....

cloud_dancer

I thought I had one that got away. Many years ago I was with someone for a few years. He was a great guy but I felt much too young to settle down, I was still a teenager when we broke up. He was devastated and it took him a long time to get over it. I always thought maybe I was too harsh back then and now that I've had time to spread my wings and experience life I might be able to settle. We met up by chance during the summer. I was so shocked. He was hardly recognisable - grey hair, balding, aged and worn down looking. He's 3 years older than me but looks a decade older. So glad I let him get away!

byrnesylimk

This thread just brought up a lot of old memories
My one that got away happened when I went to Australia, met him while I was travelling ( was on an organised hop on hop off bus service) spent one night together ( march 2008) and thought I would never hear from him again, cue a month of talking and texting everyday. He was in Cairns and I was in Melbourne he decided to come and spend my birthday in april with me, had an amazing time with him, there was even talk of when our visas were up and we were back home he may move to ireland or me to the uk. Ended up fighting mid may about something absolutely stupid and deleted numbers, facebook, emails etc.
Christmas morning 2008 wake up to a lovely message from him saying he only wants the best from me and he was sorry if he ever hurt me and it would be the last thing he ever wanted to do. He was back in the uk at this time and I was still in Australia on a 2nd year visa. So we went back talking, and again talk of us being together. I was travelling home in April 2009 to celebrate my birthday and then going back to australia till my visa was up the following jan. He decided to come over to for the weekend of my birthday, booked flights and everything was set. I was so excited to see him. The 2nd of feb I got a text of him to say he had fallen down stairs at a friends place and split his head open and had to get stitches, they had to shave his head so emailed me pictures of him looking like an escaped convict
Texted and spoke the next couple of days and on the 8th feb texted him as usual heard nothing tried ringing no answer. Was starting to panic and because we had met over there didnt really have all his details like his home address just the area etc and had never added him back as a friend on facebook. His facebook pics have never been updated since then( cant see the full page) He never cancelled his flight to Ireland and I have never heard from him since.
So a bit of a sad ending to it, the fact Ive never found out what happened to him. But I always consider him the one that got away.

On an upside I have an amazing OH now for the last 7 months

Bit of a long winded story sorry!

thepeachyone28

my one that got away. . .

Met a guy on a class trip 7 years ago. He was on college trip also, from uk. We talked for about 4 hours, I felt like I'd known him forever. Then we kissed and it was amazing, for both of us, we were both a little stunned! Swapped numbers and emails. Bumped into each other again the next night and the same again. Went home, not really expecting to hear anything, but he texted every day and we emailed for ages after. One night, at my friends encouragement, though it's no excuse, I called him drunkenly. one of my biggest regrets to this day. Didn't say anything particularly bad but just made a fool of myself. The contact from his side slowed after this, and in an attempt to clutch it back, I increased contact. Stupidly, as it was never going to happen anyway realistically, both in college in different countries, what did I expect?

For about two years we would contact sporadically on facebook. Then nothing as both in relationships at various points. I ended a 5 year relationship this year. I don't know why, but towards the end, when I knew things were going wrong with my now ex, I thought a lot of the one that got away. So much so that in the end, I deleted him off FB so I wouldn't check his page anymore.

Relationship ends. upsetting but I know it's for the best as my ex didn't treat me right. And I can't stop thinking of one that got away since then. I added him back on FB in march. sometime later, I see on feed that he'll be travelling ireland for two weeks in may so I decide to get in touch. he suggests meeting up, I jump at the chance. Get really excited, yet worried too that too soon for me to be thinking this way post breakup. Anyway, may arrives. He arrives in ireland. Two weeks go by and he never gets in touch. So I decide to let it go. Move on as this was never going to go anywhere anyway. 2 months later, in facebook one evening, and I get a message from him. We talk for 2 hours with ease. He suggests that I visit him in london sometime but no mention either side of lack of contact when he was over. I try to play down interest as a little hurt that he didn't contact me, not to seem over eager. Conversation ends well, little excited again. Email once or twice after. then I initiate conversation again in july, talk for little while, but nothing worth noting. He liked some stuff I put up on FB.since then. . . .this all seems so petty but I would genuinely love to meet him again. In 7 years, even through a bug relationship when things went sour, I always thought of him. He was such a gentleman. And if that relationship and the last few months of singleness have taught me anything, it's that guys like that are hard to come by. On paper, he is my perfect guy, and I would love to get the chance to just meet him once again and see is it all just in my head! Only I'm scared to say anything because I've learned the hard way that wearing your heart on your sleeve is a sure fireway to get hurt. Plus, he seems ambivalent. Or cautious? I don't know. Any tips people? I can't live with wondering, it hurts my head! And if there are to be other potential partners for me, I'd rather not always have someone else at the back of my mind and be thinking 'what if'.

IzzyWizzy

Wibbs wrote: »

I dunno gara, while "love conquers all" is a wonderful idea and for some it does, I don't think it comes close to being a rule. Certainly I've known couples who did love each other(in some cases still do), but circumstances conspired against them. The grim, even boring realities of life can get in the way.

Not sure I really believe that. I think if you really love someone, you'll find a way to make it work. I was reading the OP thinking 'if they really liked each other that much, why did they keep getting into other relationships?' Surely if there were that much of a spark, one or the other would have said something and they could have given it a go? AFAIK, there were no kids involved and nobody was married. I met my OH when I was in a relationship and he was about to go abroad for a year. Pretty much everything was against us being together, but I knew deep down that it was worth the risk.

I think this 'one that got away' is mostly just an over-romanticised idea that lets you make excuses for not taking control of your life. It's easy to spend a short amount of time with someone and then think 'oh, I wonder what could have been with X' because you've only seen the best bits of them.

Precious flower

thepeachyone28 wrote: »

my one that got away. . .

Met a guy on a class trip 7 years ago. He was on college trip also, from uk. We talked for about 4 hours, I felt like I'd known him forever. Then we kissed and it was amazing, for both of us, we were both a little stunned! Swapped numbers and emails. Bumped into each other again the next night and the same again. Went home, not really expecting to hear anything, but he texted every day and we emailed for ages after. One night, at my friends encouragement, though it's no excuse, I called him drunkenly. one of my biggest regrets to this day. Didn't say anything particularly bad but just made a fool of myself. The contact from his side slowed after this, and in an attempt to clutch it back, I increased contact. Stupidly, as it was never going to happen anyway realistically, both in college in different countries, what did I expect?

For about two years we would contact sporadically on facebook. Then nothing as both in relationships at various points. I ended a 5 year relationship this year. I don't know why, but towards the end, when I knew things were going wrong with my now ex, I thought a lot of the one that got away. So much so that in the end, I deleted him off FB so I wouldn't check his page anymore.

Relationship ends. upsetting but I know it's for the best as my ex didn't treat me right. And I can't stop thinking of one that got away since then. I added him back on FB in march. sometime later, I see on feed that he'll be travelling ireland for two weeks in may so I decide to get in touch. he suggests meeting up, I jump at the chance. Get really excited, yet worried too that too soon for me to be thinking this way post breakup. Anyway, may arrives. He arrives in ireland. Two weeks go by and he never gets in touch. So I decide to let it go. Move on as this was never going to go anywhere anyway. 2 months later, in facebook one evening, and I get a message from him. We talk for 2 hours with ease. He suggests that I visit him in london sometime but no mention either side of lack of contact when he was over. I try to play down interest as a little hurt that he didn't contact me, not to seem over eager. Conversation ends well, little excited again. Email once or twice after. then I initiate conversation again in july, talk for little while, but nothing worth noting. He liked some stuff I put up on FB.since then. . . .this all seems so petty but I would genuinely love to meet him again. In 7 years, even through a bug relationship when things went sour, I always thought of him. He was such a gentleman. And if that relationship and the last few months of singleness have taught me anything, it's that guys like that are hard to come by. On paper, he is my perfect guy, and I would love to get the chance to just meet him once again and see is it all just in my head! Only I'm scared to say anything because I've learned the hard way that wearing your heart on your sleeve is a sure fireway to get hurt. Plus, he seems ambivalent. Or cautious? I don't know. Any tips people? I can't live with wondering, it hurts my head! And if there are to be other potential partners for me, I'd rather not always have someone else at the back of my mind and be thinking 'what if'.

I think the problem here is, (I'm sorry if I'm wrong), that you want him to make the first big move. However, he may be feeling a very similar way to you which might be why he comes off cautious to you, and maybe you're sending out the same message without realising it (you've said that you've been hurt before by showing your feelings).

But be honest, do you really want to let this chance slip away and regret it for the rest of your life? You may get hurt but at least you won't be consumed by the thought of 'What if' for the rest of your life. You sometimes get hurt in love, but you can't shy away from opportunity just because of that.

I'd say get in contact with him again and try and meet up. If things fall apart things fall apart, at least you'll not have let the experience slip through your fingers! That's my two-cents anyway!:)

thepeachyone28

Precious flower wrote: »

I think the problem here is, (I'm sorry if I'm wrong), that you want him to make the first big move. However, he may be feeling a very similar way to you which might be why he comes off cautious to you, and maybe you're sending out the same message without realising it (you've said that you've been hurt before by showing your feelings).

But be honest, do you really want to let this chance slip away and regret it for the rest of your life? You may get hurt but at least you won't be consumed by the thought of 'What if' for the rest of your life. You sometimes get hurt in love, but you can't shy away from opportunity just because of that.

I'd say get in contact with him again and try and meet up. If things fall apart things fall apart, at least you'll not have let the experience slip through your fingers! That's my two-cents anyway!:)

Thanks precious flower, I think you hit the nail on the head. I do want him to make the first move. Mostly because I spent the most part of the relationship that I ended in february, always being the one who made the effort, and I'm scared that being the first to make a move sets the tone for future interaction!

I'm not reading his behaviour as cautious so much as hoping it might just be that. I get the feeling it's ambivalence due to the fact that he showed such interest when we first met, that I assume if he was interested, he'd not be afraid to show it again now. I'm terrified of being rejected even though I know I'd never see him again in that instance. . .so what would I have to lose? I'm also scared that he'll think it's odd/pathetic/stalkerish of someone to get in touch for those reasons after so long!

dave3004

I was with a girl for nearly 2 years back in 08/09

She graduated during the GFC and there were no jobs in Marketing in Ireland at the time.

She had an option of going to an interview for a job in Florida but she didn't want to go to the interview coz she didnt wanna leave me. I forced her to go to the interview. Told her everything will work out.

She got the job. Moved to Florida. We stayed together 6 more months with a trip to her and her home a couple of times.

Eventually we had to break up.

She's now engaged with a daughter.

Not a day goes by .......

Esel

cloud_dancer wrote: »

I thought I had one that got away. Many years ago I was with someone for a few years. He was a great guy but I felt much too young to settle down, I was still a teenager when we broke up. He was devastated and it took him a long time to get over it. I always thought maybe I was too harsh back then and now that I've had time to spread my wings and experience life I might be able to settle. We met up by chance during the summer. I was so shocked. He was hardly recognisable - grey hair, balding, aged and worn down looking. He's 3 years older than me but looks a decade older. So glad I let him get away!

He should be glad too - he dodged the bullet there, imo.

We all meet our old classmates who we haven't seen for years and think they look so much older than we do. That's because we look at ourselves in the mirror every day, so we don't notice the ageing process in ourselves. It is probably a coping mechanism of some sort.