The one who got away? Do you have one?

puffishoes

confusticated wrote: »

Just curious, do you feel the same about people who say they definitely want kids?

The answer to that is clearly stated in posts I've made in this thread all ready.

confusticated

puffishoes wrote: »

Yes, I know many of cases of this dead set against kids. Fell in love with the right person that they could see themselves having kids with and did.

Have to say personally I'm not fond of the "i don't want to have kids" ever. Amazing that people can say how they'll feel about a given situation in a few years time but don't know what they would fancy for dinner.

Well the last sentence would indicate yes, but to be fair the first bit, and every comment since then, has been about people who don't want kids changing their minds, never those who do, so no, I didn't think it was clearly stated.

puffishoes

confusticated wrote: »

Well the last sentence would indicate yes, but to be fair the first bit, and every comment since then, has been about people who don't want kids changing their minds, never those who do, so no, I didn't think it was clearly stated.

post 19

jessiejam

16 years ago we met in a club in cork he was on block release. He lived in Dublin I lived in Cork. He would come to Cork every weekend. I absolutely adored him. We would speak every night on the phone and send each other letters ( happy days). I was going to move to Dublin to be with him but there were a few weekends when he had to play soccer and couldn't come down. I was young and living it up in cork and I finished it because of the distance.

I still regret to this day not trying harder to make it work. I still think about him most days and still keep his number in my phone.

I know he now has a partner and a son, so there would never be a chance but I firmly believe he was the one that got away. I probably wouldn't feel the same if I saw him now.. It was 16 years ago...but would love to find out....

katti

Plenty of food for thought here guys.
I think my version of "the one who got away" may differ somewhat to others, I suppose everyone has their own version.
To me, it's someone I met whom I felt, and still feel could have become somebody very special in my life..But for timing, personal circumstances etc...

I never loved this guy, but feel if things were different I could have, and he me. Nor am I looking back with Rose tinted glasses because I know the time (albeit short) that we spent together was wonderful, we never had an opportunity to get into a relationship with normal up's and down's or everyday problems.

I am fully and deeply in love with my boyfriend and wouldn't change him or my relationship for all the tea in China, despite our occasional disagreements and troubles that come with a long term relationship.

I do however sometimes look back fondly and think of what might have been.

LegacyUser

The one who got away? Do you have one?
The majority of people would say that they had one that got away but some times the one that got away led to meeting the person you are now with.
I was thinking recently about the relationships I had in the past or the people I fancied but who did not fancy me.
One person I liked now looks years older then me. Another man I liked ended up being a lazy guy. Another guy married a girl with a good job so her income would keep his business going.
Meanwhile someone I know was due to get married to a guy who called it off. Within 2 years this guy left the house he shared in the middle of the night after running up a £2000 phone bill ring sex lines all over the world.
Some times you miss out on people for a reason and you might only find this out years later.

dellas1979

"Is the one who got away" theory though about someone who you deeply connected with, but something went wrong? That doesnt happen often, or if ever for some people.

I mean, we all (or most of us) have past relationships where we look back now and go "meh" and know now it wasnt right. At the time we would have been enthroiled in the heartbreak of it.

Is the "one that got away" more of a statement about regret than love? Because you can/could never know what could have happened.

barleybooley

There is one from a brief dalliance years ago and I don't know if it's a case of the one that got away as such but I do wonder what it would be like to start things up again now that I'm nearly a decade older. I see him a few times a year when I'm at home and still get a hint of a flutter At the time it was only a stupid teenage thing but I'm convinced it would be equally as exciting as it was back then.

I wonder how many of the posters actually are the ones that got away and don't even know it? "Better to have loved than lost than never to have loved at all" I suppose.

ash23

My one that got away is very innocent.

I was 15, going into 6th year in school.

At the row of houses behind my lived a family and their nephew from the UK came to stay and brought his friend, Darren.
One of the lads in my group of friends met them while fishing towards the end of their stay and for a couple of days before they went home, we all started hanging out together in a group.

After the first night Darren walked me home. I couldn't believe this 17 year old gorgeous, tall, tanned blonde walked me home!

We sat on my front wall and talked til dawn (how my mother didn't kill me I don't know!) and he went home as the sun was rising.
We bared our souls about our families (both of us had messy enough father issues) and just bonded.
The next night was their last night in Ireland. And he asked his friend to ask my friend would I "shift" him. I was so shy and mortified that I said no. Had he just kissed me I'd have kissed him back but the asking and getting people involved, it was just too much pressure for my very first kiss.

So we walked home again, said a long and lingering goodbye, hugged tightly and I never saw him again. How I still wish I had said yes!

Ellsbells

Yep we were madly in love for a few years as teens but he was moved away with work. It was pre mobile phones etc and eventually we broke up due to the distance. We stayed friends and met other people over the years. Sometimes it could be 2 years without contact but I remember that I always used to feel lonely after saying goodbye to him

Always adored him and then when we were both free, many years later, we reunited and are now married with a baby

I always knew he was my one that got away but I got him back

Merkin

Great story Ellsbells, I'm in a similar position. We were both mad about one another when I was in Uni (he had graduated and was a couple of years older) but I was a bit of a free spirit and had mischief to get up to and so did he. We never officially went out, just the occassional snog and lots of flirting. We lost touch and then a whole twelve years later I found him on Facebook and he told me that I was always the one he considered to have gotten away and that he thought of me often and regretted how we didn't pursue it. Met up again after all that time, love and lust at first sight for both of us. Six months later he proposed, six months after that we were married....soooo glad we're reunited I'd say to anyone with someone that they feel got away to go and look for them!!!

Ellsbells

I agree Merkin - sometimes you just know but it's not the right time.

Thumby

Ellsbells wrote: »

Yep we were madly in love for a few years as teens but he was moved away with work. It was pre mobile phones etc and eventually we broke up due to the distance. We stayed friends and met other people over the years. Sometimes it could be 2 years without contact but I remember that I always used to feel lonely after saying goodbye to him

Always adored him and then when we were both free, many years later, we reunited and are now married with a baby

I always knew he was my one that got away but I got him back

Jaysus Ellsbells, if i didn't know any better i'd say ya were me Met a guy years ago when i was 15 turnin sixteen, he was a lil bit older than me, we split up because of the pressure i was gettin at home and my parents controlling attitude at the time. Like you i'd run into himself every year and a half or so and we'd end up chatting for hours, but at those times we were both in a relationship. He added me on facebook about a year ago although we were never online at the same time so we only actually got chatting on there properly a few months ago, we went out for a "friendly" drink about week later and that was that, we were back together as if we'd never split up. And now we're expecting a babs in feb. Karma's idea of revenge for us not being careful when we were younger despite being careful this time lol.

Thumby

Merkin wrote: »

Great story Ellsbells, I'm in a similar position. We were both mad about one another when I was in Uni (he had graduated and was a couple of years older) but I was a bit of a free spirit and had mischief to get up to and so did he. We never officially went out, just the occassional snog and lots of flirting. We lost touch and then a whole twelve years later I found him on Facebook and he told me that I was always the one he considered to have gotten away and that he thought of me often and regretted how we didn't pursue it. Met up again after all that time, love and lust at first sight for both of us. Six months later he proposed, six months after that we were married....soooo glad we're reunited I'd say to anyone with someone that they feel got away to go and look for them!!!

Ya gotta love facebook

Mc Kenzie

I dont know you guys. 'the one that got away'...its exactly what it is. Iv been thinking about this and i also heard somewhere that if they were the right one they would of came back no matter how far.

Some things do really happen for reasons. So i dont really believe there is a "one that gets a way for anyone" just lessons and experiences that help us find the right one, along the way

thequieterone

ah, the one who got away. yes, i think everyone has one, whether it's that perfect guy from school days or fella who chatted u up one night but you had your eye elsewhere.
Most recent.. I was trying to be opposite of what i'm usually like with a guy and trying to Not scare him away so i wasnt ott with him and next thing he was gone and i'm convinced it was down to this . also he said it was himself.

Ellsbells

thequieterone wrote: »

.. I was trying to be opposite of what i'm usually like with a guy and trying to Not scare him away so i wasnt ott with him and next thing he was gone and i'm convinced it was down to this . also he said it was himself.

It doesn't pay to be someone you are not. It's not logical and can never work.

Thumby

In complete agreement with ya there ellsbells. I'd rather be myself and lose someone than have someone love my for who i'm not. At the end of the day one or the other will walk away anyway as the stress and strain of keeping up a pretence would ruin the relationship anyway.

Thumby

Me* not my.

thequieterone

i put that across wrong guys, i was completly myself, i seriously let my guard down with this one but rather than text loads like i usually would, i kept it calm and found myself grand with this but in end overall didnt work out.

jessiejam

Ok had to come back on here and let you know my one who got away contacted me last night. Spoke to him for 2 and a half hours and its as if nothing changed. My head is now all over the place. I am with someone the last ten years. What to do?:eek:

Ellsbells

jessiejam wrote: »

Ok had to come back on here and let you know my one who got away contacted me last night. Spoke to him for 2 and a half hours and its as if nothing changed. My head is now all over the place. I am with someone the last ten years. What to do?:eek:

How did they come to make contact? Is he still with his partner? Why do you think he is the one? How are things with your partner? What is block release?

jessiejam

Ellsbells wrote: »

How did they come to make contact? Is he still with his partner? Why do you think he is the one? How are things with your partner? What is block release?

We text happy new year every year and thats about it. Block release is when you are doing an apprentiship and get sent to FAS for 6 months training. Me and partner have our ups and downs as do all couples but I would have no intention on cheating on him.. ever. I feel like there is unfinished business alright with the Dub. But do I meet him for coffee? I do suffer a lot from guilt for the silliest of reasons and even texting him back I felt bad. But really happy to hear from him. He is single the last 3 months.
I've told him all about my partner etc., and that I would never cheat. He told me that he has never gotten over me, and that he isn't asking me to cheat nor would he ever. He is the ultimate gentleman. My brain is fried.
If I were single I would jump at the chance to meet him again.

Young_gunner

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

I dont know you guys. 'the one that got away'...its exactly what it is. Iv been thinking about this and i also heard somewhere that if they were the right one they would of came back no matter how far.

Some things do really happen for reasons. So i dont really believe there is a "one that gets a way for anyone" just lessons and experiences that help us find the right one, along the way

I hope you're right !

daenerysstormborn3

jessiejam wrote: »

We text happy new year every year and thats about it. Block release is when you are doing an apprentiship and get sent to FAS for 6 months training. Me and partner have our ups and downs as do all couples but I would have no intention on cheating on him.. ever. I feel like there is unfinished business alright with the Dub. But do I meet him for coffee? I do suffer a lot from guilt for the silliest of reasons and even texting him back I felt bad. But really happy to hear from him. He is single the last 3 months.
I've told him all about my partner etc., and that I would never cheat. He told me that he has never gotten over me, and that he isn't asking me to cheat nor would he ever. He is the ultimate gentleman. My brain is fried.
If I were single I would jump at the chance to meet him again.

I hope it doesn't seem like I'm judging you but it seems that you feel guilt for texting him back, that suggests to me that you are subconsciously aware that your highly emotional reaction to him getting in contact is inappropriate in the context of your long-term relationship.

All the things you have said about him about there being "unfinished business"? So what if there is? Is meeting up with him going to somehow tie up loose ends, and in what way? Can your business with him be "finished" without hurting your partner in some way?

jessiejam

pixiebean22 wrote: »

I hope it doesn't seem like I'm judging you but it seems that you feel guilt for texting him back, that suggests to me that you are subconsciously aware that your highly emotional reaction to him getting in contact is inappropriate in the context of your long-term relationship.

All the things you have said about him about there being "unfinished business"? So what if there is? Is meeting up with him going to someone tie up loose ends, and in what way? Can your business with him be "finished" without hurting your partner in some way?

I still feel such an emotional attachment to him after all this time, its so weird to feel like this pixiebean. Maybe your right maybe it is inappropriate to have any contact at all. But I think about him so much. I sometimes feel like we are soulmates (pathetic I know) but its as if we are meant to be together and ive always felt like that about him but i have always been in a relationship and would never dump someone for someone else. Im just not sure if i should say we'll stay friends and stay in touch or cut ties completely. I don't want to regret not seeing him and seeing if there is anything between us. I'm frightened there might be and then I will be in a worse position than i am now!

daenerysstormborn3

I don't think it's inappropriate to have any contact but I do think it's inappropriate to have contact with him if you're clinging to some ideal that you're soulmates etc. If your partner somehow found out that you were thinking that, imagine how hurt, betrayed and foolish he would feel?

If you feel that you are soulmates and that the only thing stopping you being with him properly has been past boyfriends, then maybe it is time to give it a shot with him? Bear in mind though that the grass is always greener. You may have built up an image in your head of what a relationship with him would be like and it may be very far removed from reality.

jessiejam

pixiebean22 wrote: »

I don't think it's inappropriate to have any contact but I do think it's inappropriate to have contact with him if you're clinging to some ideal that you're soulmates etc. If your partner somehow found out that you were thinking that, imagine how hurt, betrayed and foolish he would feel?

If you feel that you are soulmates and that the only thing stopping you being with him properly has been past boyfriends, then maybe it is time to give it a shot with him? Bear in mind though that the grass is always greener. You may have built up an image in your head of what a relationship with him would be like and it may be very far removed from reality.

Thanks for your advice pixie, I really do appreciate it, but its a little more complicated than that. My partner has hurt me really badly in the past, many times I should have dumped him there and then, but i always put the kids before me and my happiness.

Also there are children involved on both sides and im in cork and he is in dublin. He has his business there and ive my job and home here and wouldn't be willing to move.
Maybe its some fantasy in my head and am clinging to something that is long gone. I love my current partner and would never want to hurt him, but things haven't been great for a while, between the recession and his work we don't really have a life together at all.
Maybe im looking for the prince on the white horse to wisk me away from it all. But as you say the grass isn't always greener.

Oh god im so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!

daenerysstormborn3

jessiejam wrote: »

Thanks for your advice pixie, I really do appreciate it, but its a little more complicated than that. My partner has hurt me really badly in the past, many times I should have dumped him there and then, but i always put the kids before me and my happiness.

Also there are children involved on both sides and im in cork and he is in dublin. He has his business there and ive my job and home here and wouldn't be willing to move.
Maybe its some fantasy in my head and am clinging to something that is long gone. I love my current partner and would never want to hurt him, but things haven't been great for a while, between the recession and his work we don't really have a life together at all.
Maybe im looking for the prince on the white horse to wisk me away from it all. But as you say the grass isn't always greener.

Oh god im so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You've sort of answered yourself there. I'm sure, with this recession, that there are lots of couples and families who find themselves in a similar position because they simply do not have the money to do anything aside from paying the bills and taking care of necessities.

Speaking as someone whose parents stayed together just for the kids, it's not always the best choice. My parents would've been better off if they had just called it a day. I am not saying for one minute that you should rush out and do something rash based on the advice of some stranger on the internet but you need to be sure you are with your partner for more than your children. You need to have a relationship and a connection aside from the kids.

Ellsbells

I think you are looking for one person to say 'ah go in and meet him' and you would be off.

There is no point meeting him as it would only fuel a fire that can't keep burning. Work on your relationship and if he has treated you that badly then you probably should have ended it. Is this guy an excuse to end it?