The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Mental Mickey

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Back from tonights' date.

Got on well, good conversation, nothing stilted at all, attractive girl etc.

But yeah, here we go...

"I'd like to meet up again... as a friend."
Oh well. Better than nothing I suppose. But part of me left thinking: "What the fcuk else am I supposed to do here?"

I honestly feel romance - never mind anything else - is as far away as ever. And as it's a chore even getting a date, that reduces chances of something good happening considerably.

I'll carry on with the OD pish though. Not much choice really.

That's all I ever get!!! :rolleyes:

cyrusdvirus

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Date yesterday went well...another date with another guy tonight. Profile has over 200 views, so things seem to be going well and I am only single a week

Is it not a bit soon to be getting on the dating bandwagon again if you are only single a week?

No offence meant, but after my last relationship went tits up, it took more than a week before i even contemplated dating, let alone Online Dating.

Mr_Spaceman

Galvasean wrote: »

Hmm, I'm actually beginning to wonder if the fact that I put an effort into writing out my profile in detail is in fact a hindrance to me. I go into detail about my interests, what (I think) makes me unique etc. to the point where the profile is significantly longer than 99% of the profiles I have read* (granted they are female's profiles so I'm not sure what is standard for guys). Since the vast majority of girls I mail go on to view my profile, but don't send a message back I can't help but wonder if they pop in and think, "Blergh, I'm not reading all that!"


* It's no thesis mind you, but the vast majority of profiles I visit consist of no more than a few sentences, usually offering little in the way of discernible difference to most other other profiles.

My profile would also be quite detailed and longer than average.

You could be onto something, given the fact that many people have the attention span of a goldfish.

Maybe a compromise? Leave 'em wanting more so they have to message you? Can't do any harm giving it a try.

Mr_Spaceman

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Mr. Spaceman, I'm so sorry your date didn't go as planned. Like Galvasean, I find that the 'I want to be friends' line is a cop out. Tbh, I've only gotten that line used once, but I've used it a few times and I honestly had no intention of meeting them again. I suppose it's a less cruel way of saying you're not interested or something.

Thanks Lynda. However, I don't have grand expectations about OD really.

That's the great thing about being a realist/pessmist... you're never disappointed! Like sharks, however, we all have to move forward :pac:

Oh, I did get a message from a previous date who suggested that "maybe we could be friends".

Er, "maybe"? And how many hoops do I jump through there just to be a "friend"? Aye, right you are!

Mr_Spaceman

Mental Mickey wrote: »

That's all I ever get!!! :rolleyes:

Crap, isn't it?

Personally, I'd rather walk alone than ever be in the 'friend zone.' I can't be arsed with that, when there are lots of great women out there. The trouble is, actually getting them to reply to your messages :pac:

The 'friend zone'? Fcuk that!

magneticimpulse

gatecrash wrote: »

Is it not a bit soon to be getting on the dating bandwagon again if you are only single a week?

No offence meant, but after my last relationship went tits up, it took more than a week before i even contemplated dating, let alone Online Dating.

Why not now? If I feel ready to get back out there and do online dating, why not?

Things just didn't work out with my ex, why should I sit at home and cry about it? In my case, I think it is better to move on and find someone who appreciates me and wants to be with me. I don't see the point in wasting one month or so doing nothing and staying in as I don't think I will achieve anything by doing that and life is there to be lived.

People who go on dates, decide things are just not working out all the time and go on dates with new people. So I gave the relationship a go and it just didn't work out. Time to get out there and meet interesting people...look on the positive side of life.

Piliger

Well I am so pi$$ed off about POF's chat feature not keeping any history ....

Out of the blue I am organising coffees with 4 different ladies in the coming 5 or 6 days and the one I am MOST interested in (it's always that way isn't it) I had a lovely chat with two days ago ... but now the history is gone and I cannot for the love of GOD recall her name and all of the conversation ..... I think I'm F'd.....

Any one out there using POF please make note of this.

cantdecide

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Why not now? If I feel ready to get back out there and do online dating, why not?

Things just didn't work out with my ex, why should I sit at home and cry about it? In my case, I think it is better to move on and find someone who appreciates me and wants to be with me. I don't see the point in wasting one month or so doing nothing and staying in as I don't think I will achieve anything by doing that and life is there to be lived.

People who go on dates, decide things are just not working out all the time and go on dates with new people. So I gave the relationship a go and it just didn't work out. Time to get out there and meet interesting people...look on the positive side of life.

The one thing I would say is that if I were chatting with someone online that was only just out of a serious relationship, I would give them a wide berth.

Firstly, I wouldn't want to be a rebound. Secondly, maybe that's because I have a friend who's been in several long-term relationships, each lasting years, all her adult life with just weeks between them. She always gets lots of attention from guys and frankly, in her, I regard this ability to skip from one serious relationship to the next (all good guys) without missing a beat as being a little cold-hearted.

cyrusdvirus

cantdecide wrote: »

The one thing I would say is that if I were chatting with someone online that was only just out of a serious relationship, I would give them a wide berth.

Firstly, I wouldn't want to be a rebound. Secondly, maybe that's because I have a friend who's been in several long-term relationships, each lasting years, all her adult life with just weeks between them. She always gets lots of attention from guys and frankly, in her, I regard this ability to skip from one serious relationship to the next (all good guys) without missing a beat as being a little cold-hearted.

I have a colleague, similar situation to yours, but in my colleague's case it's a deeper issue, in that it's actually a fear of being alone.

NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS THE SAME AS YOU MAGNETICIMPULSE.

And i'd be the same as you, extremely wary of getting involved with someone just out of a relationship

andreac

Ive a date tonight with a guy im giving a second chance to. I dont usually do second chances, but we actually got on great the last time we met up (twice) and lots of chemistry, but when we had the third date organised he cancelled and seem to mess me about so thought, well feck you!!

But, i just said i might see again, and give him another chance. Hopefully i wont be eating my words,lol.

magneticimpulse

cantdecide wrote: »

The one thing I would say is that if I were chatting with someone online that was only just out of a serious relationship, I would give them a wide berth.

Firstly, I wouldn't want to be a rebound. Secondly, maybe that's because I have a friend who's been in several long-term relationships, each lasting years, all her adult life with just weeks between them. She always gets lots of attention from guys and frankly, in her, I regard this ability to skip from one serious relationship to the next (all good guys) without missing a beat as being a little cold-hearted.

gatecrash wrote: »

I have a colleague, similar situation to yours, but in my colleague's case it's a deeper issue, in that it's actually a fear of being alone.

NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS THE SAME AS YOU MAGNETICIMPULSE.

And i'd be the same as you, extremely wary of getting involved with someone just out of a relationship

Haha, I never said it was a serious relationship...only 3 months....and we were off doing our own thing for about 2 months out of that 3 months as we were very independent people and used to our single life. Hence why I am still in the online dating mood and very positive about getting back into it. Of course I cared a lot for the guy, but there is nothing I can do if it just is not meant to be besides get out there. I am certainly not the type of person to sit back in my PJs tucking into Ben and Jerrys waiting for the phone call...

I don't think it matters who was before, or how long the gap between that person. The thing that matters is moving on, forward and finding a new person that matches, regardless of the past. Because the past is in the past, the future is there of opportunity.

And I definitely have no fear of being alone...in fact I really enjoy being single. But why not want to be in a relationship to? I am ready for that stage in my life and there is no harm in wanting to spend time with someone you find interesting and charming.

I would like to add that I would be wary of someone who is always single...are they gay? do they have commitment issues? There are two sides to the coin.

magneticimpulse

andreac wrote: »

Ive a date tonight with a guy im giving a second chance to. I dont usually do second chances, but we actually got on great the last time we met up (twice) and lots of chemistry, but when we had the third date organised he cancelled and seem to mess me about so thought, well feck you!!

But, i just said i might see again, and give him another chance. Hopefully i wont be eating my words,lol.

Unfortunately from past experience the guys I met like this are just looking for an ego boost. If it didnt work out first time round, he is most likely just going to mess you about...he is prob just looking for something to distract him and make him feel good.

Why wasn't he chasing you in the first place? He prob met some other girl, he went for her, she brushed him off? If guys are interested they dont cancel dates and wait a while. Why be used as his door mat? Plenty of nice guys out there...good luck but I wouldn't personally put myself in that situation to be let walked over again.

Mental Mickey

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Crap, isn't it?

Personally, I'd rather walk alone than ever be in the 'friend zone.' I can't be arsed with that, when there are lots of great women out there. The trouble is, actually getting them to reply to your messages :pac:

The 'friend zone'? Fcuk that!

I've never seen the "friend zone". That's a new one on me. I think that the fact that I am a wheelchair user puts people off.

It seems that the genuine guys get nowhere(like us), but the a$$h0le$ get all the luck!!??

andreac

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Unfortunately from past experience the guys I met like this are just looking for an ego boost. If it didnt work out first time round, he is most likely just going to mess you about...he is prob just looking for something to distract him and make him feel good.

Why wasn't he chasing you in the first place? He prob met some other girl, he went for her, she brushed him off? If guys are interested they dont cancel dates and wait a while.

Thing is, he did chase me, apologised etc etc but i was having none of it back then.
Going into this with my eyes wide open so we'll see.

magneticimpulse

andreac wrote: »

Thing is, he did chase me, apologised etc etc but i was having none of it back then.
Going into this with my eyes wide open so we'll see.

You mentioned that he "messed you around"...we don't have to get into the details, but that would be enough for me to avoid and make him see I have moved on with my life. Guys have far greater respect for you if you get on with your life.

At least if it goes tits up I suppose there are plenty of fish in the sea and the online dating date hehe
Good luck.

hollypink

cantdecide wrote: »

Secondly, maybe that's because I have a friend who's been in several long-term relationships, each lasting years, all her adult life with just weeks between them. She always gets lots of attention from guys and frankly, in her, I regard this ability to skip from one serious relationship to the next (all good guys) without missing a beat as being a little cold-hearted.

I know someone like this, who has gone from relationship to relationship with almost no gap in between. Her long-term relationship ended recently and she signed up to an online dating site very soon afterwards and is now seeing someone. I'm a little envious but I find it a little surprising also as I thought you'd need time to get over a break-up but I'm not expert in relationships by any stretch! I suspect in my friend's case, her confidence, which is normally in abundance, took a big knock and dating other guys is an attempt to build it back. That doesn't sound nice but she is a nice girl and I don't think she would mess anyone around either.

Looks like I've got a date coming up; he had one photo up that was 4 years old (date was on the pic) and it wasn't a very good one. I was mulling over how to tactfully ask to see more up-to-date pics (I know it's not an unreasonable request but I'm not sure there's a way to ask without sounding shallow!) but fortunately he put up some more photos of his own accord. With my track record for online dating, I'm not too hopeful about this one working out but sure it's only coffee and a chat.

floggg

Anybody on here ever use Blendr?

It's the "straight" version of grindr (gay GPS based dating/hook-up app).

I've downloaded it out of curiosity before. It seems to have almost as many men as grindr does (and even some of the same ones).

Knowing the way grindr works, I'm curious to see who uses it and how!

cyrusdvirus

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Haha, I never said it was a serious relationship...only 3 months....and we were off doing our own thing for about 2 months out of that 3 months as we were very independent people and used to our single life. Hence why I am still in the online dating mood and very positive about getting back into it. Of course I cared a lot for the guy, but there is nothing I can do if it just is not meant to be besides get out there. I am certainly not the type of person to sit back in my PJs tucking into Ben and Jerrys waiting for the phone call...

I don't think it matters who was before, or how long the gap between that person. The thing that matters is moving on, forward and finding a new person that matches, regardless of the past. Because the past is in the past, the future is there of opportunity.

And I definitely have no fear of being alone...in fact I really enjoy being single. But why not want to be in a relationship to? I am ready for that stage in my life and there is no harm in wanting to spend time with someone you find interesting and charming.

I would like to add that I would be wary of someone who is always single...are they gay? do they have commitment issues? There are two sides to the coin.

So gay people can't have a relationship?? ;)

I know what you mean about the commitment issues thing though. It's quite possible that i DO have commitment issues. I'm probably a wee bit older than the norm on this thread, so by virtue of the fact that i am relatively recently single again, it is possible.

When you eliminate all other factors, the remainder, no matter how outlandish must be the facts....

cyrusdvirus

Oh, and by the way, just in case anyone is wondering, i'm straight!!

HellFireClub

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Why not now? If I feel ready to get back out there and do online dating, why not?

Things just didn't work out with my ex, why should I sit at home and cry about it? In my case, I think it is better to move on and find someone who appreciates me and wants to be with me. I don't see the point in wasting one month or so doing nothing and staying in as I don't think I will achieve anything by doing that and life is there to be lived.

People who go on dates, decide things are just not working out all the time and go on dates with new people. So I gave the relationship a go and it just didn't work out. Time to get out there and meet interesting people...look on the positive side of life.

Lol, that's all well and good, until you start going on dates and find yourself wishing that you were at home lying on the sofa with your ex!

One thing I've found that OD has taught me, is that it makes you really appreciate times in the past when you were in a happy relationship and you didn't have to through the absolutely mundane bullshít of "having to get to know" someone, someone who you could well get on remarkably well with for an evening/night on a date, yet have no romantic connection with whatsoever, with obviously none of the familiarity and automatic everyday intimacy that you get so used to in a long term relationship...

This is what has been happening to me lately, any dates I'm on, they are not disastrous dates by any account, with the exception of one date I recently mentioned on the thread, which was a disaster, they are all evenings where the conversation is abundant, and there is no awkwardness. But as for first kisses, or even making an attempt at starting to maybe push things a small bit beyond a friendship over coffee or a drink, (and let's face it, this is always left to the guy), I'm just useless at it to the point where very few of the dates I go on, result in a second date, because I just dread the awkwardness of it all.

HellFireClub

andreac wrote: »

Ive a date tonight with a guy im giving a second chance to. I dont usually do second chances, but we actually got on great the last time we met up (twice) and lots of chemistry, but when we had the third date organised he cancelled and seem to mess me about so thought, well feck you!!

But, i just said i might see again, and give him another chance. Hopefully i wont be eating my words,lol.

I was gonna do the same with a girl I cancelled on recently, (we never had the first date, that was the issue), but this was the one where I woke up in an absolute písser that day and cancelled and some folks on here thought I was a bollóx for doing so, although I thought it was the right thing to do in the circumstances.

Seeing your post is making me think of doing a bit of auld pursuing there again! :cool:

Piliger

andreac wrote: »

Ive a date tonight with a guy im giving a second chance to. I dont usually do second chances, but we actually got on great the last time we met up (twice) and lots of chemistry, but when we had the third date organised he cancelled and seem to mess me about so thought, well feck you!!

But, i just said i might see again, and give him another chance. Hopefully i wont be eating my words,lol.

Stuff happens in people's lives. I never believe in shutting the door based on small principles. You have nothing to lose after all and if you felt a real chemistry there, then imho it is well worth the gamble. How bad can it be if it doesn't work out.

Best of luck.

wobblyknees

wobblyknees wrote: »

I'm off for a coffee today with the woman who cancelled on me twice and who I then cancelled on once. I suggested on Monday that we try again and she said there probably wasn't a lot of point if we couldn't make the first time! So I said ok, sorry about that and best of luck. Cue random message last night suggesting we meet today. Considering all the cancellations we have had I'm hoping we get on like a house on fire. Wish me luck!

Ok, that was enjoyable. She is ridiculously intelligent and interesting, and she is also bloody gorgeous in real life to boot. I'm not sure what way this will go yet but it was nice to meet her either way.

Daveysil15

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I would like to add that I would be wary of someone who is always single...are they gay? do they have commitment issues? There are two sides to the coin.

Why is it that if someone is single for a long time, (usually men) their sexual preference is brought into question? I think that's a very insulting thing to say to anyone.

riveratom

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Why is it that if someone is single for a long time, (usually men) their sexual preference is brought into question? I think that's a very insulting thing to say to anyone.

Yeah I found that a very odd thing to say. How about always single because you never meet anyone?

TheTwiz

Few messages with a girl. She then asked where I was from to which I replied. Nothing back from her. I'm actually from a normal middle class part of Dublin. Are girls that petty if they hear that someone from south Dublin or north Dublin they'll just not reply.

riveratom

TheTwiz wrote: »

Few messages with a girl. She then asked where I was from to which I replied. Nothing back from her. I'm actually from a normal middle class part of Dublin. Are girls that petty if they hear that someone from south Dublin or north Dublin they'll just not reply.

I wouldn't read much into these things. Any number of things could cause someone to not reply, most of which will probably have nothing or very little to do with you

TheTwiz

Question for the women in here. What sort of opening message would catch your eye? "Hey how are things?" Seems to be a no no.

Im a fairly decent looking bloke or so ive told been told, ive never had any real issues with getting women on a night out but found myself OD'ing as i wouldnt be out as much due to work at the weekend etc but i found i had little or no success with POF. so a while back just for my own curiosity I mailed a load of women "On this for dating or just an ego boost to see how many men you can get to send you a mail" I'd say about 80% out of about 30 replied ranting & raving.

seachto7

What's the deal with people who put in their headline "I'm back!!!!!!!!!!"

Are we supposed to give them a prize or something?

Mr_Spaceman

HellFireClub wrote: »

This is what has been happening to me lately, any dates I'm on, they are not disastrous dates by any account, with the exception of one date I recently mentioned on the thread, which was a disaster, they are all evenings where the conversation is abundant, and there is no awkwardness. But as for first kisses, or even making an attempt at starting to maybe push things a small bit beyond a friendship over coffee or a drink, (and let's face it, this is always left to the guy), I'm just useless at it to the point where very few of the dates I go on, result in a second date, because I just dread the awkwardness of it all.

Jesus. I could have posted the exact same thing. So at least you know you're not the only one.

For me, right now there's just something quietly despairing of going on first dates, getting on pleasantly - even pretty well in cases - but at the end of it all your gut feeling tells you that the woman isn't into you.

This is happening to me a lot - when I can even get dates.