Lame or embarrassing things you fapped to before you had internet porn

feelthepower

I remember there was a house near us of an old man that died and there was a skip outside the house of relatives clearing the house a few weeks later.

Was probably around 11/12 at the time and sure me and my friends decided to go search it. We hit the jackpot. Inside the skip was a black bag of about 30 porno magazines. We took them anyway and stashed them in a nearby field in black sacks. Wasn't short of porno for a while.

I remember around six months later Titanic came out and my mother bought it on VHS. Well Jaysus didn't that Jack painting Rose scene get a good going over. I watched it at least 150 times.

Onto Secondary school sure wasn't there the porno king in every year. He had some setup at home to record tapes from one another and used to charge 8 pound for a tape. Jaysus the fecker made some money from them. Proper hardcore cum in bum porn.

partyguinness

feelthepower wrote: »

I remember there was a house near us of an old man that died and there was a skip outside the house of relatives clearing the house a few weeks later.

Was probably around 11/12 at the time and sure me and my friends decided to go search it. We hit the jackpot. Inside the skip was a black bag of about 30 porno magazines. We took them anyway and stashed them in a nearby field in black sacks. Wasn't short of porno for a while.

I remember around six months later Titanic came out and my mother bought it on VHS. Well Jaysus didn't that Jack painting Rose scene get a good going over. I watched it at least 150 times.

Onto Secondary school sure wasn't there the porno king in every year. He had some setup at home to record tapes from one another and used to charge 8 pound for a tape. Jaysus the fecker made some money from them. Proper hardcore cum in bum porn.

Hilariously the Porn King in our year was the son of one of the male teachers- he bring in his father's porn stash.

branie2

partyguinness wrote: »

Hilariously the Porn King in our year was the son of one of the male teachers- he bring in his father's porn stash.

I hope he wasn't caught by his father!

EmmetSpiceland

That 5 minute “freeview” for the “adult” channels has a lot to answer for. There’s a whole generation of men out there who learned fast how to be “quick”.

Stevieluvsye

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That 5 minute “freeview” for the “adult” channels has a lot to answer for. There’s a whole generation of men out there who learned fast how to be “quick”.

:eek:

Jesus, remember that!

KungPao

“I got 5 on it”, a hippity hop video with girls in gstring, a slight bit of ass on show.

Bay watch intro.

Article on breast surgery in one of the woman mags.

Holiday brochures. Lots of ass, sometimes even a bare boob if you look close enough.

80s porno movies in the 90s. So much hair.

Euro trash.

Fattybojangles

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

That 5 minute “freeview” for the “adult” channels has a lot to answer for. There’s a whole generation of men out there who learned fast how to be “quick”.

10 minute freeviews my good man when I was a horny pup of a teenager I used to record all the freeviews on a blank VHS tape for future use and occasionally they wouldnt cut off the freeview in time a you got a couple of minutes of the real stuff.

EmmetSpiceland

Fattybojangles wrote: »

10 minute freeviews my good man when I was a horny pup of a teenager I used to record all the freeviews on a blank VHS tape for future use and occasionally they wouldnt cut off the freeview in time a you got a couple of minutes of the real stuff.

Sorry, F. You are, of course, correct.

It was 10 minutes at midnight and 5 at 1am.

Fattybojangles

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Sorry, F. You are, of course, correct.

It was 10 minutes at midnight and 5 at 1am.

I was always tugged out and tucked up by 1 a.m

partyguinness

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Sorry, F. You are, of course, correct.

It was 10 minutes at midnight and 5 at 1am.

and the bastards had like a countdown for the last 30 secs....:(

Stevieluvsye

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Sorry, F. You are, of course, correct.

It was 10 minutes at midnight and 5 at 1am.

Channel 901 to 920 was yer man

True story. 4 years ago was on hols with Mrs S and got chatting to a lovely couple from Ipswich. Got on like a house on fire as i had a few things in common with the lad. His mrs was a cracker but i recognised her but couldn't put my finger on it.

So we meet up later (all of us) for a night out and it turns out she's a glamour model and said she had done some "Babestation" in the past!!! That's where i knew her from.

Anyway her name is Charlene Hart. Sound girl. About 5 foot nothing but as said already little cracker.

Stayed in touch for a while after but they split up not long after.

Feel free to google

Dr. Bre

Remember the station Bravo use to show soft core ha!

branie2

KungPao wrote: »

“I got 5 on it”, a hippity hop video with girls in gstring, a slight bit of ass on show.

Bay watch intro.

Article on breast surgery in one of the woman mags.

Holiday brochures. Lots of ass, sometimes even a bare boob if you look close enough.

80s porno movies in the 90s. So much hair.

Euro trash.

or if they're lying down on their front with their bikini tops undone

partyguinness

branie2 wrote: »

I hope he wasn't caught by his father!

Or ended up confiscating porn found on a student thinking: "Oh I have this issue."

fryup

Dr. Bre wrote: »

Remember the station Bravo use to show soft core ha!

yes after midnight, it came on to replace eurosport i think :P

partyguinness

I remember an ad for "9 1/2 Weeks" on RTL (again circa 1992/1993) but the ad was just the sex scene. Of course I thought the entire film was just one big sex fest. I took a mental note of the time etc and thankfully the parents were away that night.

As the sex scene is toward the end I sat there for 2 fcuking hours of "9 1/2 Weeks" dubbed in German just for that 2 minute scene.

EmmetSpiceland

Dr. Bre wrote: »

Remember the station Bravo use to show soft core ha!

Some great films were shown. A great time for fans of “bawdy” film or, even, sleazy, saxophone driven, “steamy” erotica.

Some weekends you’d be “treated” to a Russ Meyers movie, on others you might get to enjoy the performances of such giants of the “industry” as Shannon Tweed, Gabriella Hall, Shauna O’Brien, Julie Strain, Shannon Whirry or, even, Griffin Drew.

Stuff that wouldn’t rot your brain, like the overly aggressive crap a section of, angry, young men are watching today.

partyguinness

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

Some great films were shown. A great time for fans of “bawdy” film or, even, sleazy, saxophone driven, “steamy” erotica.

Some weekends you’d be “treated” to a Russ Meyers movie, on others you might get to enjoy the performances of such giants of the “industry” as Shannon Tweed, Gabriella Hall, Shauna O’Brien, Julie Strain, Shannon Whirry or, even, Griffin Drew.

Stuff that wouldn’t rot your brain, like the overly aggressive crap a section of, angry, young men are watching today.

I will always associate the saxophone with 80s soft porn. No matter what the context.

branie2

An ad for soap with a young lady in her slip.

branie2

partyguinness wrote: »

I will always associate the saxophone with 80s soft porn. No matter what the context.

Or a Playtex ad

branie2

Barbara Windsor being very revealing in Carry On Dick

Titclamp

To my own shadow.

EmmetSpiceland

branie2 wrote: »

Barbara Windsor being very revealing in Carry On Dick

‘Carry On Camping’ was another gem but, let’s be honest, all that pales in comparison to, the inimitable, Kitten Natividad’s work in Russ Meyer’s ‘Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens’.

Hangdogroad

The Friday night movie after the Late Late in the 80s. You'd hope to hear the words "for adult viewing only". The movie the Pawnbroker and a black girl who gets her jugs out.

EmmetSpiceland

LP record sleeves.

Particularly ones by the likes of Linda Ronstadt or Dana Gillespie. Obviously, Roxy Music’s ‘Country Life’ too.

branie2

Jennifer Connolly's character in the Rocketeer attaching her stockings to garters

fryup

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

LP record sleeves.

Particularly ones by the likes of Linda Ronstadt or Dana Gillespie. Obviously, Roxy Music’s ‘Country Life’ too.

never heard of her, had to do a google image search, and my word! - let's just say she wasn't shy;)

Simi

Ibiza uncovered and other similar shows on sky one

Sgt Hartman

I remember whipping up the courage to buy a sex education book in Eason's. It contained explicit illustrations of sex positions.
The main thing I can remember from it were two male figures on the book. The first one looked exactly like my old school PE teacher and the second one was the spitting image of Gary Barlow from Take That. One image showed "Gary Barlow" jerking off in front of a mirror and another image showed my PE teacher looking like he was having a major heart attack whilst on top of a woman.

Hangdogroad

Sgt Hartman wrote: »

I remember whipping up the courage to buy a sex education book in Eason's. It contained explicit illustrations of sex positions.
The main thing I can remember from it were two male figures on the book. The first one looked exactly like my old school PE teacher and the second one was the spitting image of Gary Barlow from Take That. One image showed "Gary Barlow" jerking off in front of a mirror and another image showed my PE teacher looking like he was having a major heart attack whilst on top of a woman.

That reminds me, the Joy Of Sex video which caused such a furore on the Late Late Show. There was fella in it having a **** who looked like the singer from Extreme.(that More Than Words pop metal crowd)