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Shocking Koran Quotes

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    #152
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,677 ✭✭✭Worztron


    3:56
    As to those who reject faith, I will punish them with terrible agony in this world and in the Hereafter, nor will they have anyone to help.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



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    #153
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,677 ✭✭✭Worztron


    98:6
    The unbelievers among the People of the Book [Bible] and the pagans shall burn for ever in the fire of Hell. They are the vilest of all creatures.

    :eek:

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



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    #154
    Zillah
    Registered Users Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    They are the vilest of all creatures.

    lol. Awesome. I am literally the worst thing possible for a Muslim. That's before we even bring sodomy and blasphemy into the mix :pac:


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    #155
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Zillah wrote: »
    They are the vilest of all creatures.

    I always did suspect there was something inherently dodgy about me. Could never quite put my finger on what it was.
    Glad to have that cleared up.


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    #156
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,677 ✭✭✭Worztron


    Quran 2:191
    "...kill the disbelievers wherever we find them..."

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



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    #157
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,677 ✭✭✭Worztron


    Quran 2:1/2:6-2:10; "The Cow,"
    This Book is not to be doubted.... As for the unbelievers, it is the same whether or not you forewarn them; they will not have faith. God has set a seal upon their hearts and ears; their sight is dimmed and grievous punishment awaits them.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



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    #158
    ShooterSF
    Registered Users Posts: 8,824 ✭✭✭ShooterSF


    Worztron wrote: »
    Quran 2:1/2:6-2:10; "The Cow,"
    This Book is not to be doubted.... As for the unbelievers, it is the same whether or not you forewarn them; they will not have faith. God has set a seal upon their hearts and ears; their sight is dimmed and grievous punishment awaits them.

    That's a bit like the Egyptian leader in the story of Moses, God manipulates people so they don't believe him or act badly against his people and then punishes them for something he caused.


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    #159
    mcmoustache
    Registered Users Posts: 7,236 ✭✭✭mcmoustache


    I miss dead one.


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    #160
    legspin
    Registered Users Posts: 1,018 ✭✭✭legspin


    mcmoustache wrote: »
    I miss dead one.
    Wash out your mouth young man. There is no call for such vile language.


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    #161
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,677 ✭✭✭Worztron


    A husband has sex with his wife, as a plow goes into a field.
    The Quran in Sura (Chapter) 2:223 says:
    Your women are your fields, so go into your fields whichever way you like...

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



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    #162
    TwoShedsJackson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,438 ✭✭✭TwoShedsJackson


    Oooooer missus etc. etc.


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    #163
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Worztron wrote: »
    Quran 2:1/2:6-2:10; "The Cow,"
    This Book is not to be doubted.... As for the unbelievers, it is the same whether or not you forewarn them; they will not have faith. God has set a seal upon their hearts and ears; their sight is dimmed and grievous punishment awaits them.

    Wait, so god makes it so certain people don't have faith in him, then punishes them for it?

    sweet jebus he really is an asshole


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    #164
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,677 ✭✭✭Worztron


    From the Hadith:
    Tabari 9:69
    The words of Muhammad, prophet of Islam.
    "Killing Unbelievers is a small matter to us"

    Ibn Ishaq/Hisham 992
    Muhammad's instructions to his men prior to a military raid.
    "Fight everyone in the way of Allah and kill those who disbelieve in Allah."

    Bukhari (11:626)
    Muhammad said: "I decided to order a man to lead the prayer and then take a flame to burn all those, who had not left their houses for the prayer, burning them alive inside their homes."

    From the Hadith Sahih Muslim
    41:6903. The last hour will not come unless there is much bloodshed.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



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    #165
    Murphj7
    Registered Users Posts: 194 ✭✭Murphj7


    Thank god there is intelligent people who can see through your lots garbage


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    #166
    Murphj7
    Registered Users Posts: 194 ✭✭Murphj7


    God is our saviour


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    #167
    Bannasidhe
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 19,219 Mod ✭✭✭✭Bannasidhe


    Murphj7 wrote: »
    Thank god there is intelligent people who can see through your lots garbage

    oooh please, please, please can I go a bit punctuation politburo on this one?


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    #168
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    Murphj7 wrote: »
    God is our saviour

    Wrong. It's Batman.


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    #169
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,391 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    Murphj7 wrote: »
    Thank god there is intelligent people who can see through your lots garbage

    If only we were all as clever (and modest) as the hit-n-run xtian posters on A&A :(

    Fingal County Council are certainly not competent to be making decisions about the most important piece of infrastructure on the island. They need to stick to badly designed cycle lanes and deciding on whether Mrs Murphy can have her kitchen extension.



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    #170
    Worztron
    Registered Users Posts: 8,677 ✭✭✭Worztron


    Husbands are a degree above their wives.
    The Quran in Sura 2:228 says:
    ...Wives have the same rights as the husbands have on them in accordance with the generally known principles. Of course, men are a degree above them in status...

    2.257
    Allah is the Protector of those who have faith: from the depths of darkness He will lead them forth into light. Of those who reject faith the patrons are the evil ones: from light they will lead them forth into the depths of darkness. They will be companions of the fire, to dwell therein (For ever).

    A woman’s testimony counts half of a man’s testimony.
    Quran 2:282, "The Cow,"
    Call in two male witnesses from among you, but if two men cannot be found, then one man and two women whom you judge fit to act as witnesses...

    People who broke the Sabbath were turned into apes:
    Qur'an 2:65
    "And you know well the story of those among you who broke Sabbath. We said to them: "Be apes—despised and hated by all. Thus We made their end a warning to the people of their time and succeeding generation, and an admonition for God-fearing people."

    Quran 2:286, "The Cow,"
    Lord...Give us victory over the unbelievers.

    Mitch Hedberg: "Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."



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    #171
    Gbear
    Registered Users Posts: 12,775 ✭✭✭✭Gbear


    Bannasidhe wrote: »
    oooh please, please, please can I go a bit punctuation politburo on this one?

    I absolutely love the twist.

    What other ones can we think of?

    Cadence communist?

    Orthography oligarch?

    Tone theocrat?

    Accent... errr.... anaconda?


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    #172
    Murphj7
    Registered Users Posts: 194 ✭✭Murphj7


    Yey guys have no proof. Read the bible.


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    #173
    Bannasidhe
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 19,219 Mod ✭✭✭✭Bannasidhe


    Murphj7 wrote: »
    Yey guys have no proof. Read the bible.

    Prove the Bible is correct.


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    #174
    pauldla
    Registered Users Posts: 2,247 ✭✭✭pauldla


    Murphj7 wrote: »
    Yey guys have no proof. Read the bible.

    Proof of what, exactly? This is the 'Ongoing Religious Scandals' thread, and there is a huge amount of proof of the misdeeds of religious leaders and 'moral guardians'. Are you challenging the veracity of the stories reported here? If so, on what grounds?

    I've read much of the Bible, though not, I'll admit, all of it. I got bored: it's badly written, disjointed, contradictory, dishonest, and terribly repetitive. Have you read it?


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    #175
    Sarky
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,967 ✭✭✭✭Sarky


    Gbear wrote: »

    I absolutely love the twist.

    What other ones can we think of?

    Cadence communist?

    Orthography oligarch?

    Tone theocrat?

    Accent... errr.... anaconda?

    Grammar Gestapo. New presentation of an old classic.


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    #176
    5uspect
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 10,517 Mod ✭✭✭✭5uspect


    Murphj7 wrote: »
    Yey guys have no proof. Read the bible.

    :rolleyes:
    I smell a WUM.


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    #177
    Gbear
    Registered Users Posts: 12,775 ✭✭✭✭Gbear


    5uspect wrote: »
    :rolleyes:
    Fee fie fo fum, I smell a WWWWW.....UM.

    fyp:pac:


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    #178
    robindch
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,404 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    Bannasidhe wrote: »
    Prove the Bible is correct.
    Please, allow me:

    236044.jpg


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    #179
    robindch
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,404 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    Which reminds me of the islamic version I did a while back:

    I hope these clarify the religious position.

    236045.jpg


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    #180
    krudler
    Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Worztron wrote: »


    People who broke the Sabbath were turned into apes:
    Qur'an 2:65
    "And you know well the story of those among you who broke Sabbath. We said to them: "Be apes—despised and hated by all. Thus We made their end a warning to the people of their time and succeeding generation, and an admonition for God-fearing people."

    Qur'an 266

    "We hate every ape we see, from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z"


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    #181
    Murphj7
    Registered Users Posts: 194 ✭✭Murphj7


    Murphj7 wrote: »
    Yey guys have no proof. Read the bible.


    You guys are bitter because the only you is from a guy in a wheel chair talking about a black hole


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