What do you think of sending condolences via text?

candlegrease

When you hear a friend has lost a loved one you might not always be near enough to express your regret in person. Snail mail takes a very long and seems a bit over the top/antiquated. Sometimes you may be apprehensive about ringing the person in case they become emotional over the phone or they may not want to deal with a phone call. Also you may just not be that close that you'd ring them.

Condolences via Facebook or Twitter are a bit crude I think and I would never consider them.

That leaves texting. It sounds bad but in some cases it looks like the only course of action so I think it's fine.

Opinions?

BBDBB

I think it lacks the sincerity that is vital in such circumstances

MTFU & if you cant visit, at least have the bottle to call


or go and buy a card at least

stupidusername

My first reaction was - it's as crude as on FB, but you're right to consider the phone call a possible inconvenience to them, so maybe a text would be best.

jam_mac_jam

Its not fine, if you cant be arsed ringing then just dont. It is terrible thing to do by text just says you dont really care.

My name is URL

I wouldn't be pleased to receive a text message for such occasions

im invisible

just call them, but put a 5 between the 08x bit and the number...

Biggins

I would personally never do it (I'd be insulted in fact) - and hope that no one ever did it to me at the loss of someone in my life.

efb

Sry ur Ma is ded

BengaLover

I disagree, a text is the quickest way to let someone know you are thinking of them, when it might be a time when they dont want to talk.
They can always get comfort from re reading the message too, and have the option of NOT reading it if they arent ready yet - a follow up written card and phone call at a later stage is a must though.

Dudess

I don't see how it lacks sincerity if it's someone you know but are not close friends with - it's just another method of communication.

mikemac1

candlegrease wrote: »

W Snail mail takes a very long and seems a bit over the top/antiquated.

Not realy

I remember being sent to the Priest with a card and a fiver to sign the Mass Card.

I'm sure it still goes on and people post these
Now that I think of it I'm not sure when you are supposed to use Mass Cards, just that's I've seen them

candlegrease

I dislike the way a lot of the responses are of the haughty, moral high ground variety, which sounds good online but is often not pragmatic. I would be lying if I said I didn't expect it though; AH is governed by the "Thanks" button unfortunately.

BBDBB

candlegrease wrote: »

I dislike the way a lot of the responses are of the haughty, moral high ground variety, which sounds good online but is often not pragmatic. I would be lying if I said I didn't expect it though; AH is governed by the "Thanks" button unfortunately.

yeah, its always so much better to get told what to do when its easier isnt it:rolleyes:

Novella

From a close friend, I'd expect more than a text but I guess from an acquaintance, it'd be okay. I probably wouldn't send a condolence text myself though, I dunno, just doesn't sit well with me for some reason.

candlegrease

mikemac1 wrote: »

Not realy

I remember being sent to the Priest with a card and a fiver to sign the Mass Card.

I'm sure it still goes on and people post these
Now that I think of it I'm not sure when you are supposed to use Mass Cards, just that's I've seen them

Yes, I agree.

But as a 21 year old male consoling a peer it seems strange.

Dudess

candlegrease wrote: »

AH is governed by the "Thanks" button unfortunately.

It is?

CricketDude

I would find it deeply offensive.
Think before you text people.

stovelid

Funny how people think a text is insincere yet would ring somebody when they might not want to take calls from dozens of people.

Like everything, it depends on the situation and how well you know the person.

floutingmaxims

I think if you are really close to a person then you should ring but i would deem condolences via text acceptable when its a person you are not exceptionally close to but know they would appreciate you being there for them.

As for over the internet, ive seen it being done so many times before on facebook. Some people dont even bother with private messaging. I find it ridiculous and attention seeking. Its like ' oh look at me, i look like i care but i dont really give a fiddlers.'
Soo yeaaaah.

Kevin Duffy

Perhaps it depends on the relationship, but for me if I'm close enough to make the effort to get in touch, I'm close enough for a call - at least by phone, better in person. If I'm not close enough for that, I'm probably going to wait until the next time I see them.

stovelid

Think I would rather get preliminary texts (as in a text followed by a call or visit at a later time) than taking loads and loads of phone calls shortly after suffering a bereavement.

Sometimes it should be about the person and not about your judgement on what constitutes acceptable means of communication.

boomkatalog

I'd rather a text, I'm embarrassed crying in front of my friends (or on the phone even). Even if the text said 'let me know if/when you want me to call or if you want to get out of the house' or something.

To be honest, it wouldn't be right friends dropping by if it was a family member, everyone is grieving in the house.

I hate fb comments or status' about peoples deaths, honest to god people have no cop about things that should be kept private, not flung around the internet in such an attention seeking way!

At home, its all about sending masscards, but I suppose you need to acknowledge it initially too.

sillymoo

Someone close to me died a little over a year ago. I received texts from many, I was not up to answering the phone and appreciated the texts when I could gather myself to read them. Even many months later I would re read those texts. Sometime when the world seems so dark, any form of someone reaching out is comforting.

My name is URL

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Perhaps it depends on the relationship, but for me if I'm close enough to make the effort to get in touch, I'm close enough for a call - at least by phone, better in person. If I'm not close enough for that, I'm probably going to wait until the next time I see them.

That's exactly how I'd look at it as well.

biko

I'd say it's better to wait until you meet the person next time and then convey your condolences rather than texting, which I would personally find a bit insulting.
Even if it's months later it's better to do these things in person. Imo.

4zn76tysfajdxp

I wouldn't mind it so much. People would be hesitant to phone grieving people up, I know I would. A "tnkng of u bbz xxxx" would be pretty nice then so I wouldn't feel so isolated.

Jaxxy

To be honest at a time like that the last thing I'd want to be doing is fielding calls. I'd probably even go so far as turning off my phone. A text saying sorry to hear/if there's anything I can do/thinking of you would be so much more appreciated, as I can deal with that in my own time, probably when I'm not as busy or preoccupied.

All of the people closest to me would be with me at the time anyway. Why should I take the time away from my family just so some random acquaintance can make themselves feel better because they've done what appears to be the accepted societal norm?

Who called and who didn't would be the furthest thing from my mind.

ejmaztec

You'd be in a sh1tload of trouble if you sent it to the wrong person.

Nothingbetter2d

candlegrease wrote: »

When you hear a friend has lost a loved one you might not always be near enough to express your regret in person. Snail mail takes a very long and seems a bit over the top/antiquated. Sometimes you may be apprehensive about ringing the person in case they become emotional over the phone or they may not want to deal with a phone call. Also you may just not be that close that you'd ring them.

Condolences via Facebook or Twitter are a bit crude I think and I would never consider them.

That leaves texting. It sounds bad but in some cases it looks like the only course of action so I think it's fine.

Opinions?

Send a mass card... thats what i do.

hooradiation

candlegrease wrote: »

When you hear a friend has lost a loved one you might not always be near enough to express your regret in person. Snail mail takes a very long and seems a bit over the top/antiquated. Sometimes you may be apprehensive about ringing the person in case they become emotional over the phone or they may not want to deal with a phone call. Also you may just not be that close that you'd ring them.

Condolences via Facebook or Twitter are a bit crude I think and I would never consider them.

That leaves texting. It sounds bad but in some cases it looks like the only course of action so I think it's fine.

Opinions?

It's pretty much perfect tbh, especially if you can't do it in person.

It's private unlike twitter et al, it leaves them to deal with the message in their own time and doesn't impose your need to speak to them when they might not be up to it, unlike a phone call.
It goes to a device that most people have to hand, so they don't need to actively go looking for your message of condolence, and the time between sending and receiving is so short as to be instant, which is nice because it means your well meaning message won't turn up after all is said and done, stopping you from looking like a heartless shit in the meantime and then stirring those feelings back up when it does arrive.

Anyone who'd be 'insulted' by getting a message of condolence in this manner rather than focusing on the fact someone gave enough of a shit to send it in the first place needs to be punched in the throat.

Earthhorse

stovelid wrote: »

Think I would rather get preliminary texts (as in a text followed by a call or visit at a later time) than taking loads and loads of phone calls shortly after suffering a bereavement.

Sometimes it should be about the person and not about your judgement on what constitutes acceptable means of communication.

Exactly, so some people might be wondering why you didn't call and sent a text. There's no right or wrong answer. This is why protocol is generally followed in circumstances such as these. You either drop into the person, call them or send something in writing i.e. a mass card. A protocol hasn't been established around e-mails, texts or other new forms of communication, so I would err on the side of caution if I didn't know the person that well.