Sayings.....Rural/Regional even Funny!

Conflats

Are you related to it?- to said nail in situations of hesitation when fencing
Without the smoke ya'd have no poke
Now your sucking diesel

stop thelights

As awkward as a spring harrow.
Shes a walking creamery
Big girl: she'd pike bales for ya!!

red menace

Another one from the locality

A notorious little weasel of a fella was working with a big quiet man.
The little cross fella spent the day needling the big fella and barking orders at him and generally giving him hell.
The big fella turned around to him and said "Wasn't God a great man all the same"

"What the **** is that supposed to mean?" says the little fella.

"Wasn't he a great man to make the all the cross men small or I'd be in right trouble "

Harrier1980

Big Girl: Shes a fair wedge

Bizzum

My grandfather wouldn't eat fish. He used to say 'Anything reared on water couldn't be any good'.

He used to say too.... 'An ounce of breeding is worth a tonne of feeding'

roosky

its a load a bolox...like a bulls elder !!!

ur as much use as a handbrake on a canoe

sure ur only pissin again the wind

ya can have your piss

stanflt

when you hear a bit of scandle you reply- sure youll have that in the small town in the rural community:rolleyes:

sorry if already mentioned

Conflats

That one never shyed away from the trough

Ding Dong

Lad ‘round our way drank so much, ‘it was throwing beer into a bucket’. He was about as useful ‘as tits on a bull’. The next day he’d be ‘shaking like a sh*tting dog’ and ‘sweating like a paedophile in a bear suit’. His wifes so ugly ‘you wouldn’t ride her into battle’

Ding Dong

friend of ours gave birth to a 10lb baby. when she was being delivered they didnt know whether to call a mid wife or a vet!

Ding Dong

reference to a less than admirable lady- last time i saw soemthing with that much hair on its lip, the whole herd had to be culled

Muckit

A bush in the hand is worth two birds

Muckit

Peter kay commenting on his belly...

'I put a grand canopy over the toyshop'

barryoc1

Useless person: Your as useful as a chocolate teapot
Sweating alot: Sweating like a paedophile in a playground
Big girl in heels: She wouldnt be long ploughin a field for you/ she aint built for the soft ground.
Good lookin girl: 1 fella takes a look and says 'i would anyway' friend says 'you would have to get my arse out of the way first'.
Drive faster: Drive her like you stole her/ drive her like your late for mass.

Kovu

To describe someone cross eyed - " One eye was going for the shopping, the other was coming back with the change"

To describe a larger than average person- He/she has as many chins as a Chinese phone book.

She looked like her face was on fire and someone put it out with a shovel!

Bodacious

To describe a lazy fella... "that son of mine is the laziest b**tard that ever Sh*t behind two shoes!"

or

"if there was work in the bed, he'd sleep on the floor!!"

BrianBoru00

they're breastfeeding the shovels...

sh1tstirrer

She wouldn't give her sh1t to the crows.
He wouldn't work his way out of a wet paper bag.

Can any of ye answer this, what did the ccc?

coolshannagh28

In honour of virility " he has a flail on him that could poke rats out of a corn stack"

marknjb

if there was work in the bed he would sleep on the floor

bad dancer = like a horse backing out through a muckey gap

also he dances like a turkey on stubbles

Dupont

you couldnt hit water if you fell out of a boat

cross eyed one eye looking at you the other looking for you

a rough car van etc a rollsandcanhardly rolls down the hills and can hardly get up them

pakalasa

"...better than any coleslaw"...... An old neighbour complimenting a nice cup of tea. I think Billy Connolly would like that one.

Bizzum

coolshannagh28 wrote: »

In honour of virility " he has a flail on him that could poke rats out of a corn stack"

Similar to above..A yolk on him that would bate asses outta of a quarry!

I notice a few on the subject of sex have crept into the thread........... So not to be outdone:D

Give it to her big and send her home early.
Straight in no kissing.

I know a couple more not suitable for a public forum too;)

iano93

Describing someone whos tight:
He was as tight as a ducks arse
She was as tight as a nuns knickers
He was as mean (pronounced mane) as dogs ****

Someone happy:
he was as happy as a pig in ****

Sick:
as sick as a bus to lourdes

Confused:
As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar

As suspicious as a nun doing push ups in a cucumber field
As dry as last years turf
he had a horn on him that would bate an ass out of a quarry
I wouldn ride her into battle
Drive her like your late for mass
A bird in the hand is worth 2 in a bush
She had a face on her like a bulldog lickin piss off a nettle

countryjimbo

Surprised no one mentioned this one yet!
"Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb"


An old bull and a young bull were standing on a hill looking down on a valley full of cows.
“Hey”, says the young bull. “Let’s run down and r*de one of those cows…”
“No”, says the old bull. “Let’s walk down and r*de them all.”

Describing a "loose" woman
"like throwing sausages up O'Connell St!"

Great thread lads, keep em coming!

keep going

lazy fella -" he loves work so much he,d ly down beside it"
"fish is grand if you were having your dinner after it"
"trying to get something in somewhere-make her take it shes no relation"
the dinner-"best news since breakfast"

C0N0R

I'm that hungry id lick the balls of a low flying duck.

Your like the man with the wheelbarrow, you have it all infront of you.

Muckit

'The hairy engine' or the 'Jerusalem Jeep'

5live

Just heard this last night. She fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down:D

leg wax

they would want to make the sides of the abortion buckets a lot higher to stop c**ts like you crawling out.