LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

guitarzero

PK2008 wrote: »

Why are you laughing at people with depression?


(I got here late and only read the title)

Yeah, Im still a bit confused by the title. Im not taking it literally at all, but I dont really get it. Is it a stab at folks who laugh at depression? Or was it just to get peoples attention, caps locks etc?

cloud493

Millicent wrote: »

Look at it as a speed-bump in the road to recovery. Took me a long time to stop self harming. Haven't done it in about 5/6 years now, though I get dangerously close about a year and a half back. The shock of that was what spurred me into finally sorting myself out with counselling.

Good luck to you. Hope the stitches aren't too sore.

Oh they are sore. But they heal I guess. Thanks

opinion guy

cloud493 wrote: »

So, I broke my ten month streak today. And I got 13 stitches into the bargain. So, I feel like ****. Good luck everybody

cloud493 wrote: »

Oh they are sore. But they heal I guess. Thanks

Purely out of my own ignorance and not understanding cutting can I ask you something ? Perhaps I am mislead by your smiley faces, but there is a ring to your posts that seems almost chirpy. Forgive me if that's insulting - I'm fully aware I don't get it. But I'm asking - if you are willing to be open - what is it that cutting makes you feel ? As in what drives you to do it, and what do you feel afterwards ?

mongdesade

Depression for me can best be described as 'sad anger'...
I dread it when 'Madra Dubh' comes to visit

cloud493

opinion guy wrote: »

Purely out of my own ignorance and not understanding cutting can I ask you something ? Perhaps I am mislead by your smiley faces, but there is a ring to your posts that seems almost chirpy. Forgive me if that's insulting - I'm fully aware I don't get it. But I'm asking - if you are willing to be open - what is it that cutting makes you feel ? As in what drives you to do it, and what do you feel afterwards ?

No its ok. I'm open enough online, not in real life mind. i suppose the answer is... what drives me to it, is just. I don't how best depression is described, or this kind of it. Just... blank, despair. Its like feeling an extremely unpleasant nothing. I feel so ****ing dreadful, yet nothing. I get scared of everything, of something getting worse. Of monsters under the bed. Of being alone forever. I suppose it all adds up.

And to be scientific, hurting releases endorphins, which make you happy. Allegedly. I can't say I ever get a boost like that, like instant happy. It... makes me, anyway, feel something other than this. Even if its physical pain. Physical pain can be numbed, it goes away. So I did it for that, to feel something. But I've been doing this for a long time, 7 years at my last count. So, its like an alcoholic(no disrespect) The more you drink, the more you need to drink, to get a buzz. So its like that with me. Start with scratches. End with(like it was very early tuesday morning) me sitting in beaumount A and E with a very large wound, and having to keep pressure on it to stop it bleeding. And hurting. But still, satisfied.

But in the end, you always regret it. Well, your supposed to. But, I never do, really. I regret having to hide the scar. I regret the fact the pain eventually gives way. But, you couldn't do this forever. So, thats why I went 10 months. To find something else. Didn't work, but there we are. And being chirpy is how I am, with people. I would never, ever open up to someone like this in life. And, I don't want people worrying about me, or pretending to care. So I act like mr happy english guy, and nobody notices. So yeah. Thats me. Then I cry at home at night. And try to quell the desire to hurt myself.

So yeah. Hope that answered your question

opinion guy

cloud493 wrote: »

No its ok. I'm open enough online, not in real life mind. i suppose the answer is... what drives me to it, is just. I don't how best depression is described, or this kind of it. Just... blank, despair. Its like feeling an extremely unpleasant nothing. I feel so ****ing dreadful, yet nothing. I get scared of everything, of something getting worse. Of monsters under the bed. Of being alone forever. I suppose it all adds up.

And to be scientific, hurting releases endorphins, which make you happy. Allegedly. I can't say I ever get a boost like that, like instant happy. It... makes me, anyway, feel something other than this. Even if its physical pain. Physical pain can be numbed, it goes away. So I did it for that, to feel something. But I've been doing this for a long time, 7 years at my last count. So, its like an alcoholic(no disrespect) The more you drink, the more you need to drink, to get a buzz. So its like that with me. Start with scratches. End with(like it was very early tuesday morning) me sitting in beaumount A and E with a very large wound, and having to keep pressure on it to stop it bleeding. And hurting. But still, satisfied.

But in the end, you always regret it. Well, your supposed to. But, I never do, really. I regret having to hide the scar. I regret the fact the pain eventually gives way. But, you couldn't do this forever. So, thats why I went 10 months. To find something else. Didn't work, but there we are. And being chirpy is how I am, with people. I would never, ever open up to someone like this in life. And, I don't want people worrying about me, or pretending to care. So I act like mr happy english guy, and nobody notices. So yeah. Thats me. Then I cry at home at night. And try to quell the desire to hurt myself.

So yeah. Hope that answered your question

Yeah you did, thanks for your honesty.

So it seems to me, paraphrasing and summarising a) it helps you to feel something when you are feeling blank and b) it gives you a feeling of control. Both of which are things you lack in your emotional world. Would that be a fair assessment ?

cynder

cloud493 wrote: »

So, I broke my ten month streak today. And I got 13 stitches into the bargain. So, I feel like ****. Good luck everybody

Thinking of you!

*hugs*

cloud493

opinion guy wrote: »

Yeah you did, thanks for your honesty.

So it seems to me, paraphrasing and summarising a) it helps you to feel something when you are feeling blank and b) it gives you a feeling of control. Both of which are things you lack in your emotional world. Would that be a fair assessment ?

Yeah. Except its not feeling blank, as in periods of it. Like, constant feelings of it. All of it. Blank despair. Blank hopelessness. Its unbearable

Thanks Grindelwald love the name

guitarzero

guitarzero wrote: »

Yeah, Im still a bit confused by the title. Im not taking it literally at all, but I dont really get it. Is it a stab at folks who laugh at depression? Or was it just to get peoples attention, caps locks etc?

It was to get people to actually click and read the first post. And to not ignore it, which is generally what is often done with depression.

There was another great thread a few years ago on the subject, it was great to see some of the people of AH actually open up and others come to understand it that little bit more.

The more it's talked about, the more people can talk about it. If that makes sense.

nesf

Came across this page: http://www.cognitivetherapynyc.com/Mood-Disorders.aspx

A lot of good information there. Especially on the kinds of thought patterns present in depression that can make things worse.

opinion guy

cloud493 wrote: »

Yeah. Except its not feeling blank, as in periods of it. Like, constant feelings of it. All of it. Blank despair. Blank hopelessness. Its unbearable

Thanks Grindelwald love the name

Ok.
A blank hopelessness and despair, that you feel you have no control over.

Could it be, and I'm just reaching in the dark here, but could it be, that at some point you took a shock to the auld emotional system, something happened, and it wasn't good, and the emotions just sort of froze. You know as a protective thing. Something was painful, and just as someone might jump and freeze if you pop a balloon behind them, you did this in your emotions and just stayed frozen ? Again - I'm just guessing here. But I have experienced something like this so I know it does happen.

stupidusername

Not having a good day. I had to go shopping to find something for a thing this weekend, and I suppose I look like i'm not doing too well, because when I was leaving a shop the security guard goes to me 'cheer up, it might happen'. what right does he think he has to be that flippant about whatever is bothering me!? I only realised as I was out the door that he was saying it to me, otherwise I think I actually would've screamed at him.

cloud493

opinion guy wrote: »

Ok.
A blank hopelessness and despair, that you feel you have no control over.

Could it be, and I'm just reaching in the dark here, but could it be, that at some point you took a shock to the auld emotional system, something happened, and it wasn't good, and the emotions just sort of froze. You know as a protective thing. Something was painful, and just as someone might jump and freeze if you pop a balloon behind them, you did this in your emotions and just stayed frozen ? Again - I'm just guessing here. But I have experienced something like this so I know it does happen.

Well yes. A lot of shocking, so to speak. But I haven't been able to get them back yet. Still, you never know.

CDfm

nesf wrote: »

Came across this page: http://www.cognitivetherapynyc.com/Mood-Disorders.aspx

A lot of good information there. Especially on the kinds of thought patterns present in depression that can make things worse.

Guess what I have in my bookcase ?

http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Willson/dp/0470018380

It was recommended reading

Benny_Cake

cloud493 wrote: »

So yeah. Hope that answered your question

Just want to say that was an informative and very useful post - I'm sure that friends or family of people who are self-harming will find it helpful in particular. Well done and don't lose heart!

Benny_Cake

CDfm wrote: »

Guess what I have in my bookcase ?

http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Willson/dp/0470018380

It was recommended reading

Heh, that's been on my shelf for the last four months, I should probably get around to reading it one of these days!

opinion guy

cloud493 wrote: »

Well yes. A lot of shocking, so to speak. But I haven't been able to get them back yet. Still, you never know.

Well I don't think you can simply will it to happen - at least not consciously - your unconscious has to cooperate. Perhaps that's where the feeling of a lack of control comes from that is driving you to cut for a feeling of physical control over physical pain?

How do you get it to happen? Not sure. But maybe some rationalising ahead of time can help. i.e. realising you are older now and more mature and emotionally developed and can probably deal with stuff you couldn't before. Put bluntly - programming yourself consciously to start to believe subconsciously that you are stronger and better able to deal with it. Laying the ground work so to speak. Giving it room, or a pathway to come out. And to let that happen one piece at a time. Don't expect too much to quick - as that leads to dissapointment and frustration.

Am I making any sense or talking gibberish ? I have been known to speak some gibberish on occasion:D

jammstarr

opinion guy wrote: »

Could it be, that at some point you took a shock to the auld emotional system, something happened, and it wasn't good, and the emotions just sort of froze.

Sounds about right. In my own case I started getting panic attacks out of the blue and 8 years later still haven't gotten over it.

Micky Dolenz

I'd like to share a story, it isn't directly linked to depression but I feel relevant to the discussion.

The business I work for does a lot of work for a bigger company, so too do a lot of other smaller businesses. Since we work closely on projects we all get along and have quite a good repport.

Early last year one of the workers was found hanging, he had sadly taken his own life. To this day no one knows why, but we suspect it was stress related. He was a young man.

I work in a male dominated industry where talking or showing feelings can be seen as a sign of weakness/softness. This really blow a lot of us away. After the funeral we were all sat around chatting about what had happened. Some of us cried and we really started to share stories. Things that were worrying us, times are tough and everyone is feeling some sort of pressure. It was a really positive meeting even if it was brought on by something so tragic. That night you could see the relief on some peoples faces as they off loaded a pile of crap, we all know we weren't alone, me included.

From that night we meet at least once a month, usually for a pint and a laugh. It started with 3 lads, now there is 10 +. It's not like group therapy or anything, just people bitching about stuff and others nodding in agreement and drinking pints :P


My point is, we live in tough times, something as small as meeting a few people in similar circumstances can really put things into perspective and show that you aren't alone.

As I said, this isn't related to depression directly but a lot of people are under serious duress and anxiety.

Reach out if you are one of the many.

cloud493

opinion guy wrote: »

Well I don't think you can simply will it to happen - at least not consciously - your unconscious has to cooperate. Perhaps that's where the feeling of a lack of control comes from that is driving you to cut for a feeling of physical control over physical pain?

How do you get it to happen? Not sure. But maybe some rationalising ahead of time can help. i.e. realising you are older now and more mature and emotionally developed and can probably deal with stuff you couldn't before. Put bluntly - programming yourself consciously to start to believe subconsciously that you are stronger and better able to deal with it. Laying the ground work so to speak. Giving it room, or a pathway to come out. And to let that happen one piece at a time. Don't expect too much to quick - as that leads to dissapointment and frustration.

Am I making any sense or talking gibberish ? I have been known to speak some gibberish on occasion:D

No it makes sense like. I see where you're coming from. But like. I can't seem to control it. I was diagnosed biploar before christmas, but I'm not taking anything for it. But I don't know. Just can't seem to stop the feelings getting worse.

CDfm

Benny_Cake wrote: »

Heh, that's been on my shelf for the last four months, I should probably get around to reading it one of these days!

I dusted it off today as I always feel ****e in January.

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

I'd like to share a story, it isn't directly linked to depression but I feel relevant to the discussion.


From that night we meet at least once a month, usually for a pint and a laugh. It started with 3 lads, now there is 10 +. It's not like group therapy or anything, just people bitching about stuff and others nodding in agreement and drinking pints :P



Reach out if you are one of the many.

A few years ago I started to meet up with friends once a week for a pub quiz and the quiz ended and we get together once a week.

nesf

CDfm wrote: »

Guess what I have in my bookcase ?

http://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioural-Therapy-Dummies-Willson/dp/0470018380

It was recommended reading

Have it and several other books of the same type. Someday I'll have the concentration to read them! Though I'm finding better luck with audiobooks these days for completion rates. I joined them up with my walk every day and listen to one for a bit in bed every night. Seems to work and not stimulate me as much as reading a book does (i.e. no light has to be on to read by etc).

loli1806

That was a great post dev, its refreshing to see someone's honesty. I am currently dealing with depression, dealing with rough childhood etc. And I guess for me I felt numb, and i knew.something was missing for me and that made me feel despair and irritable. I got to the stage where I avoided my friends and family, completely isolated myself because I felt too self aware and i was convinced I was an open book. I've never felt these intense overwhelming feelings before, in the past I had down days but was able to "shake it off". I lived abroad for a year, and that really opened my eyes, I had noone coming to me with their problems, and that was an unsettling feeling and i started to look inward. And when I came home, I hit rock bottom, my first time living abroad and came home expecting things to be different, niave. And, I knew before leaving Ireland that it wasn't going to be as different coming back as I'd hoped. I ignored my inner voice for some time. And now that I am speaking to someone now, I am finally allowing myself to feel what I should have felt years ago. And my personal growth in the past few months has astounded me, I'm getting to a very honest place and learning to accept things for what they are. And before all this, I was none the wiser of depression and me being one of its sufferers. And once you start to understand it and accept who you are it is very liberating. I no longer hide who I am, I no longer try to be someone else and it is great. So when i saw your post I had to comment and say that depression isn't a death sentence and it does get easier to manage.

Janedoe10

DeV . I want to thank you for sharing your insight with us . My dad has been on medication for this and my sis well I think suffers too but is not diagnosed .its the silent killer . Loneliness makes it worse .

cloud493

This truly is a great thread. Thanks Dev, for the topic title and bringing it to peoples attention. Great to see I'm not alone.

s14driftking

like to share a little story i only learned myself yesterday
i finished work about a yr and a half ago and had slowly resorted to not going out of the house much being moody not being able to sleep etc etc last summer my mother eventually got me off my ass and to go to back to college i went and it helped a lot getting out and get some self feeling again and belief.
but alast i started slipping back into my old self again and missing college days not leaving tyhe house etc.
so yesterday i bit the bullet and went to the doctor for the first time in yrs who i had a chat with and he said i was slightly depressed and if left untreated would get worst.the chat with him and the tablets he gave me gave me my best sleep in months last nite.
point of the story is there people out there to talk to so dont be afraid to ask for help or seak it. i started treatment yesterday and will update in a few weeks after ive being back to my doctor after a month

CDfm

nesf wrote: »

Have it and several other books of the same type. Someday I'll have the concentration to read them! Though I'm finding better luck with audiobooks these days for completion rates. I joined them up with my walk every day and listen to one for a bit in bed every night. Seems to work and not stimulate me as much as reading a book does (i.e. no light has to be on to read by etc).

I just picked up on it today and it was on the pile in my office.

There is something I am tackling at the moment and I gotta pick up on the reading. Deja Vu.

Now audio books might work - the refresher option.

Datsit

Great thread, but i've been kicked in the mental nuts by the hse's attitude to mental health, I'm aware the resourses aren't there but until they change, the public aint going to. Maybe a few people will have their eyes opened by this thread.
I can agree with the poster who said he was sent away from a&e with no follow up after a suicide attempt. There were so many attempts in my family I started patching them up myself unless stitches were really needed.

I was told by a hse phychiatrist that poeple like me shouldn't have kids when I went to talk about coming off meds to start a family. My sister was turned away by a&e THREE times with severe back pain as she has an ''extensice mental health history'' she later almost died in the mater with a tumour on her spine.

Untill there is more understanding in hospitals by the educated and so called trained professionals the public won't change.

As for genetic elements, I think there is a certain amount of it but also a strong case of nature vrs nurture and definately learned behaviour.

I was told I have a personality disorder but couldn't afford to go private to find out exactly what....the husband sayd I'm just contrary:-)

roseybear

one thing i found is that some people with depression are very anti-medications.

i know you should try to learn techniques to change your way of thinking but lexapro is a god send.. i found it pulled me out of a hole and just took the edge of things, making everything just a bit more bearable. i know it is not the long term answer. im still working on my mindfullness and have been pretty bad this week due to college exams (popping the inderal like theres no tomorrow) so know i have a bit to go yet but think if there's the oppertunity to make things easier in any way they should be jumped on

i have no problem discussing my depression with anyone but i find my mother has a problem with it- shes a country woman and i think its the old irish way still in her even though shes been in the city 30 odd yrs. this makes things very difficult when i go to visit her family and they are asking her is there something wrong with me because im not very chirpy and she hides it from them. its very frustrating when theres people still out there who have sch a stigma against mental health issues

Wattle

I was told by a hse phychiatrist that poeple like me shouldn't have kids when I went to talk about coming off meds to start a family.

Wow that is absolutely outrageous. For every good report I hear about mental health professionals I also hear stories like this. There are some real **** bags in the public system it seems with their horrible victorian era attitudes.