The Online Dating Thread Part II **Mod Warning** Read First Post/or Post 7389

Itwasntme.

johnr1 wrote: »

In theory dating sites should cut out the unsuitable people, by this I mean all the people who feel differently about having children, marriage, sexual preferences, future place of residence etc, even whether any prospective relationship is to be long or short etc.

In practice, I've found that if you're lucky enough to find someone who agrees on these questions, and is in your age bracket, attractiveness level etc, that when you meet, one or other won't feel enough attraction to want to continue it further.

I'd imagine if you are lucky enough to meet someone, feel the chemistry, and have them feel it too, and go on to form along term relationship from it, that it would have a high chance of success, given that you already have a lot of the same goals and expectations from life in general.

Anyway, I've had enough, it's coming down, and not going back up. I'll take my chances on real life, because, although I may meet many who aren't looking, and many with different goals, this constant messaging and 90% rejection rate is just too much. As Otis said, it's too much effort for in my case, - no reward. I get more interest and more good feedback in real life, unsuitable as some of it may be.

Good luck to those of you continuing.

I'll still look in here no doubt

You're awesome JohnR1. If you have a 90% rejection rate, then I would have to agree that something is wrong with the dating site.

Galvasean

I'm guessing that date I was meant to have at 8 today aint gonna happen....

2 in 2 days....

Galvasean

Well, I can no longer lay claim to being the bigger man anymore. After some stewing I lost my cool and sent a sarky message to the latest girl to organize a date with me only to feck off and ignore me

VinLieger

Galvasean wrote: »

Well, I can no longer lay claim to being the bigger man anymore. After some stewing I lost my cool and sent a sarky message to the latest girl to organize a date with me only to feck off and ignore me

If you arranged a date and they dont show i think its prefectly reasonable to send a message like that outlining how rude it is. Whatever about not replying to a message on POF not showing up to a date with the message is just ****ty

awec

This post has been deleted.

C.D.

johnr1 wrote: »

In theory dating sites should cut out the unsuitable people, by this I mean all the people who feel differently about having children, marriage, sexual preferences, future place of residence etc, even whether any prospective relationship is to be long or short etc.

In practice, I've found that if you're lucky enough to find someone who agrees on these questions, and is in your age bracket, attractiveness level etc, that when you meet, one or other won't feel enough attraction to want to continue it further.

I'd imagine if you are lucky enough to meet someone, feel the chemistry, and have them feel it too, and go on to form along term relationship from it, that it would have a high chance of success, given that you already have a lot of the same goals and expectations from life in general.

Anyway, I've had enough, it's coming down, and not going back up. I'll take my chances on real life, because, although I may meet many who aren't looking, and many with different goals, this constant messaging and 90% rejection rate is just too much. As Otis said, it's too much effort for in my case, - no reward. I get more interest and more good feedback in real life, unsuitable as some of it may be.

Good luck to those of you continuing.

I'll still look in here no doubt

Having been on and off this thread for the last few months I can safely say that the blokes (and ladies) are bang on.

Having been to the beers too, I can safely say I've had to stop myself from posting in the "Who do you have a man crush on" thread.

Which begs the question, who on earth is getting all the dates if not the fine men from boards?!

Galvasean

Al Pacino was at the Savoy today... I could have met Al Pacino >_<

DerekDGoldfish

Galvasean wrote: »

Al Pacino was at the Savoy today... I could have met Al Pacino >_<

You could have shouted lines from Scarface at him, I bet he never gets that.

VinLieger

awec wrote: »

Great post john.

I took down my OKC account because it was just recommending me the same people over and over and over again. And it was people that I didn't notice anything interesting on their profiles, and I didn't find them overly attractive (as much as can be said simply by looking at a photo). Even when browsing through / searching I wasn't seeing much - anything that did catch my eye hadn't been online in months (or years!).

I originally set my OKC up just out of curiosity and interest on my part, think it's fair to say that the curiosity and interest is now gone (has been gone for a while). Will be taking a break from it I think.

Well, I hope that I never have to go back! :pac:

Probably end up setting up a POF in future to see what the craic is on there. :rolleyes:

Exactly the same thing i found about OKC, ive been on POF for a while without any luck so far but theres deffinitely a much larger number of people on there that i might be interested in, with new ones starting profiles everyday, plus there no stupid % matching system.
OKC just got to the stage , like you said, where i was seeing the same profiles all the time and i had no interest in any of them

Galvasean

DerekDGoldfish wrote: »

You could have shouted lines from Scarface at him, I bet he never gets that.

"A local man was arrested today after chasing actor Al Pacino down O'Connel Street, yelling that he had a, 'Great ass!' while making a strange hand gesture."

mcmacness

Galvasean what did you say to her? Did she reply?

Galvasean

mcmacness wrote: »

Galvasean what did you say to her? Did she reply?

Just said she was very rude and had wasted my time.

No reply. Good riddance.

Itwasntme.

Galvasean wrote: »

"A local man was arrested today after chasing actor Al Pacino down O'Connel Street, yelling that he had a, 'Great ass!' while making a strange hand gesture."

:pac::pac::pac:

alibab

johnr1 wrote: »

In theory dating sites should cut out the unsuitable people, by this I mean all the people who feel differently about having children, marriage, sexual preferences, future place of residence etc, even whether any prospective relationship is to be long or short etc.

In practice, I've found that if you're lucky enough to find someone who agrees on these questions, and is in your age bracket, attractiveness level etc, that when you meet, one or other won't feel enough attraction to want to continue it further.

I'd imagine if you are lucky enough to meet someone, feel the chemistry, and have them feel it too, and go on to form along term relationship from it, that it would have a high chance of success, given that you already have a lot of the same goals and expectations from life in general.

Anyway, I've had enough, it's coming down, and not going back up. I'll take my chances on real life, because, although I may meet many who aren't looking, and many with different goals, this constant messaging and 90% rejection rate is just too much. As Otis said, it's too much effort for in my case, - no reward. I get more interest and more good feedback in real life, unsuitable as some of it may be.

Good luck to those of you continuing.

I'll still look in here no doubt

Agree 100 per cent .I am a bit older than most on here late mid 30s and with some history ie separated . I never hid this fact and the fact i have kids etc . On POF the majority of messages i got there is just no way in hell we would be compatible . I was genuine in that i was looking to date with a view to something more wit the right person . I went on a few dates and like that thought one in particular went well then nothing . In the end with the slimey messages on POF i deleted my account tried OKC and Match .com with no success one guy wanted to meet and when i said i was working that day but any other day that was the end of that wtf its not like i wasn't making a effort . In the end decided it was not for me .

As its turns out i met a guy in the old fashioned in real life way lol . The circumstances on how we met are unusual but he made the effort to pursue me and get my number and its early days but going well . Its refreshing to be dating without the mind games and knowing exactly where i stand with him and vice versa . This is more the way for me .Maybe its my age etc but i am glad i did give the online dating a try even if it didnt work out for me .

johnr1

alibab wrote: »

Agree 100 per cent .I am a bit older than most on here late mid 30s and with some history ie separated . I never hid this fact and the fact i have kids etc . On POF the majority of messages i got there is just no way in hell we would be compatible . I was genuine in that i was looking to date with a view to something more wit the right person . I went on a few dates and like that thought one in particular went well then nothing . In the end with the slimey messages on POF i deleted my account tried OKC and Match .com with no success one guy wanted to meet and when i said i was working that day but any other day that was the end of that wtf its not like i wasn't making a effort . In the end decided it was not for me .

As its turns out i met a guy in the old fashioned in real life way lol . The circumstances on how we met are unusual but he made the effort to pursue me and get my number and its early days but going well . Its refreshing to be dating without the mind games and knowing exactly where i stand with him and vice versa . This is more the way for me .Maybe its my age etc but i am glad i did give the online dating a try even if it didnt work out for me .

You'd be surprised about some of our ages here, I'm 38 but don't act it, also separated & waiting, and there are a few others who have posted here who are in their 30s and 40s.
Life stage is as important as age IMO, I'm meeting many women my age who have their children reared and gone, while I've yet to have any.
Not sorry I did the online thing, but it's best to concentrate effort where the results are.

hollypink

johnr1 wrote: »

In practice, I've found that if you're lucky enough to find someone who agrees on these questions, and is in your age bracket, attractiveness level etc, that when you meet, one or other won't feel enough attraction to want to continue it further.

This has been my experience too. It's disheartening going on dates when most of the time there is no attraction despite all you have in common.

I also agree about life stages. Unfortunately when you're in the late-thirties-with-no-children-yet stage, the pool seems quite small. The trouble I find with the 'old fashioned' way of meeting is that you dont go out as often when friends have settled down/have young families.

stargazer 68

hollypink wrote: »

The trouble I find with the 'old fashioned' way of meeting is that you dont go out as often when friends have settled down/have young families.

I agree with you. My friends all have hubbies and kids (younger than mine) so our odd night out is usually an early one with them breastfeeding one drink and frowning at me if I have more than 2!! :rolleyes:

alibab

Thats very true although i do have a lot of mid thirties single friends and do go out a lot but just find pubs and night clubs are not the places to find people . I have a friend who likes to go out every Saturday to the same spot and i go out every few weeks with her and find its the same people out and any men i do see are very drunk so hard to have a decent conversation .I am probably hitting the wrong places but it gets tired also after awhile .

I am the only one with kids out of my single friends and i cant say i have had any really negative experiences relating to that as I am upfront about it and if its a issue then i would prefer they walk straight away iykwim . I thought on-line would suit me as the person could plainly see i had kids etc from the outset .

ChannelNo5

johnr1 wrote: »

Life stage is as important as age IMO, I'm meeting many women my age who have their children reared and gone, while I've yet to have any.

Couldn't agree more! That was my big problem when i was OLD. Didn't really have anything in common with the folks my own age simply because i was at a different life stage to them. I was going to the foo fighters while they were going to Joe Dolan tribute bands! Hmm maybe i need to act my age!!;)

Captain Havoc

I only have a few friends that I can ring for pints, my wingman was MIA last night but I bumped into others I knew. I'm 31 and act younger, I still got the moves on the floor as I'm fit.

Discodog

mood wrote: »

Why do men 15-25 year older bother contacting much younger women? I have a father figure and I don't need another one. :rolleyes:

It wasn't me ...........but my last girlfriend was half my age & I am in my 40's. It is not unheard of & I have been chatted up by lots of girls way younger than me. It might not be for you but it suits others.
Do you have a note on your profile saying "please do not contact me if your are over ...." ?. Some sites allow you to specify the criteria of who can & cannot message you.

Ammsy500

Have given in and logged back into Pof the past few days.....my god it's actually worse then ever before! Havent really spoken to anyone yet as the messages I'm getting are terrible or I just have no interest in the ones that have attempted to write something with some effort. Thought okcupid might be a bit better but can't seem to figure out how you see whose online?? New layout is just confusing.

awec

This post has been deleted.

Discodog

hollypink wrote: »

This has been my experience too. It's disheartening going on dates when most of the time there is no attraction despite all you have in common.

I also agree about life stages. Unfortunately when you're in the late-thirties-with-no-children-yet stage, the pool seems quite small. The trouble I find with the 'old fashioned' way of meeting is that you dont go out as often when friends have settled down/have young families.

But in reality relationships aren't about what you have in common. If you fall in love with someone you compromise on your differences. Online dating allows everyone to be incredibly specific about every little facet. It is the total opposite of normal social dating.

I agree about the life stages. At my age I can write off a lot of potential partners because they may still want children & I don't but that wouldn't put me off someone who had kids. To even further reduce my chances she would have to be an animal lover

Ammsy500

awec wrote: »

Ammsy500 wrote: »

Have given in and logged back into Pof the past few days.....my god it's actually worse then ever before! Havent really spoken to anyone yet as the messages I'm getting are terrible or I just have no interest in the ones that have attempted to write something with some effort. Thought okcupid might be a bit better but can't seem to figure out how you see whose online?? New layout is just confusing.

If someone is online it shows on their photo on their profile.

Oh yeah but it used to have a page that showed everyone who was online at that moment but I can't seem to come across that now...or maybe I'm just blind

LegacyUser

Ammsy500 wrote: »

Have given in and logged back into Pof the past few days.....my god it's actually worse then ever before! Havent really spoken to anyone yet as the messages I'm getting are terrible or I just have no interest in the ones that have attempted to write something with some effort. Thought okcupid might be a bit better but can't seem to figure out how you see whose online?? New layout is just confusing.

Post's like this make me actually think that it would be a good idea to have "The Online Dating Thread" separate for both sexes. Okay but that might not sound fair but I'm sick of reading female posters complain about all the messages that they get, try being a guy on one of these sites and you'll have something to really complain about!

I've been on POF for 1 month, sent around 50 messages (no cut and paste jobs, each message was tailored for each individual) yet I've only gotten around 4 reply's which ran cold within a few days of exchanging messages.

It's just so frustrating! What is the ratio of men to women on these sites anyway? It seems like they are geared exclusively towards women which is rather pointless if you are a single guy looking to meet someone.

Samich

Captain Havoc wrote: »

My own experience is that I won't contact people without photos and I won't ask out of politeness for one, even if they contact me, I'll chat to them until they get bored. I think the photos need to be in the profile.

I have no problem sending pics, but hard to take when no one ever replies after sending a pic.

Otis Driftwood

Why not include a pic automatically?At least that way you dont get the frustration of sending one and having them blank you.Id never send a first mail without attaching 3 or 4,pretty pointless and I have my PoF setting that the person has to have a pic attached or on public to message me.At the end of the day,for the most part its what you look like that will initially attract someone.

Samich

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Why not include a pic automatically?At least that way you dont get the frustration of sending one and having them blank you.Id never send a first mail without attaching 3 or 4,pretty pointless and I have my PoF setting that the person has to have a pic attached or on public to message me.At the end of the day,for the most part its what you look like that will initially attract someone.

I do send them sometimes, same result, still no reply. Have tried sending messages to girls I had no interest in and didn't fancy to try and get some confidence but they reject me to :P

Captain Havoc

Samich wrote: »

I have no problem sending pics, but hard to take when no one ever replies after sending a pic.

I wouldn't ask for photos, I know there's various reasons for not putting them up but my personal view is that I believe they're hiding something.