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Women who ask about your job and how much you earn!

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    #122
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Galvasean wrote: »
    I remember Ivana Trump being asked would she be with Donald Trump if he wasn't rich? She responded, "Do you think he would be with me if I wasn't beautiful?"
    For every trophy wife, there is a trophy husband - it's a scenario that has been replayed ever since Ugh got back to the cave with a bigger chunk of Mammoth than the other cavemen and was able to attract the attention of Gakk who had bigger boobs than the other cavewomen.
    To some people having a rich husband or hot wife is enough. Once both parties know that's the score more power to them.
    I agree, but it's not for everyone. I think the problem arises whereby either party does not know the score and, for the purposes of this thread, the male party.

    In this regard, I reiterate that women asking what you do for a living should not be taken necessarily as a sign of such an agenda. Women asking what you earn, should not be taken seriously either, because (other than being rare) is so obvious that if you're still interested in such a woman after she asks, you're either happy with such an arrangement or too dumb to deserve pity if she screws you for all you're worth.

    If a woman does regard a man's wealth as the primary factor attracting her, chances are that she's not going to be so stupid as to ask him his salary. Instead, she'll observe how 'generous' he is with her and pick up on tell-tale signs from anecdotes about his work, education, etc. that will paint a more accurate picture.

    For a man to spot such a woman, I would recommend employing the same tactic, as she will ultimately betray herself; a materialist or consumer driven attitude is a dead give-away; such as discussing the cost of her shoes or alluding to an affluent lifestyle that she aspires to.

    If so to the above, there's a good chance that she lives beyond her means; has a 25k a year job, but is dressed head to toe in designer label clothes. Make a joke about credit cards being dangerous; she might slip up and agree with you and confess or hint at hers being seriously in the red.

    Her not offering to pay for things on dates, etc. used to be a good sign, but most have cottoned on to this. Nonetheless, if you're on date #2 and she still hasn't put her hand in her wallet even once (even for a drink), you should be looking for an exit.

    Commitment to career is another sign, as if she's not really committed to one, has no real long term career goals, or is just working to pay the bills, then the chances of her taking an open-ended career break once a ring is on the finger have increased dramatically.

    As an addendum to this, if over 30, find out what she did in her twenties. Work hard, or play hard? The latter means that she pissed her early adulthood away while many of her peers didn't and now she may well need a short cut to catch up.

    She will also likely fall into the narcissistic category. This means she'll be far more interested in talking about herself than you and when she does want to talk about you, it will be about you now, not your childhood, because she wants to know what you're worth now.

    Any of the above are simply signs of a 'gold-digger'. If a woman ticks a few of them, that does not mean she is, but if she ticks a lot of them it doesn't look good.

    I also stress that I would not consider a woman who considers financial stability in a potential mate to be gold-digging. Other than the 'starting a family' question, having a husband who earns can not only improve the collective lifestyle of the couple, but avoids a woman landing her own male gold-digger; also known as a 'loser'.


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    #123
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    FetchTheGin wrote: »
    There are lots of legal routes you can take if a woman/man plans on bleeding you dry such as pre-nup or the new civil partner legislation.
    Pre-nups are not recognised in Ireland. Where they are recognised, they are not always binding and can be overturned. The new civil partner legislation specifically cites that any agreement to 'exempt' a partner from financial claims can be overturned if a court feels it would be 'unjust' not to do so - so there you're really at the mercy of the judge on the day.

    There is no way to protect yourself legally in Ireland. The only thing you can do is due diligence on who you get involved with and hope for the best.


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    #124
    FetchTheGin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 857 ✭✭✭FetchTheGin


    The Corinthian wrote: »
    Pre-nups are not recognised in Ireland. Where they are recognised, they are not always binding and can be overturned. The new civil partner legislation specifically cites that any agreement to 'exempt' a partner from financial claims can be overturned if a court feels it would be 'unjust' not to do so - so there you're really at the mercy of the judge on the day.

    There is no way to protect yourself legally in Ireland. The only thing you can do is due diligence on who you get involved with and hope for the best.

    Didn't know that at all. Disgraceful.


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    #125
    sunflower27
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,822 ✭✭✭sunflower27


    FetchTheGin wrote: »
    Didn't know that at all. Disgraceful.

    Why, are you loaded?


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    #126
    helimachoptor
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 21,654 Mod ✭✭✭✭helimachoptor


    Oddly enough this happened me at the weekend when I was at a wedding.

    It was raining so I was standing there with my company branded umbrella...
    Got chatting to a girl later on who asked me about the umbrella and where did I get it. I said I work for the company so I've got a few.. "so what exactly do you do" me "i'm the .......XXX...." her "oh that must pay about €xx,xxx"

    My fiances reply... "actually it pays more check out my ring" :D
    My fiance actually couldnt get over the fact that someone asked how much i earned (not that i got chatted up) I was more surprised i got chatted up :p


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    #127
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    helimachoptor wrote: »
    Oddly enough this happened me at the weekend when I was at a wedding.

    It was raining so I was standing there with my company branded umbrella...
    Got chatting to a girl later on who asked me about the umbrella and where did I get it. I said I work for the company so I've got a few.. "so what exactly do you do" me "i'm the .......XXX...." her "oh that must pay about €xx,xxx"

    My fiances reply... "actually it pays more check out my ring" :D
    My fiance actually couldnt get over the fact that someone asked how much i earned (not that i got chatted up) I was more surprised i got chatted up :p

    I'd have told her to go and find another fucking ATM and walked off.


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    #128
    ToxicPaddy
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 9,763 Mod ✭✭✭✭ToxicPaddy


    helimachoptor wrote: »
    Oddly enough this happened me at the weekend when I was at a wedding.

    It was raining so I was standing there with my company branded umbrella...
    Got chatting to a girl later on who asked me about the umbrella and where did I get it. I said I work for the company so I've got a few.. "so what exactly do you do" me "i'm the .......XXX...." her "oh that must pay about €xx,xxx

    Cheeky bint.. I'd have told her its none of her business so p*ss off and do yer gold digging elsewhere..


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    #129
    WindSock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    I got asked often how much I earned when living in NZ, by people from various walks of life. I am pretty sure none of them were 'gold diggers'. I was a bit surprised when people asked though.

    I'd have to say, if I were chatting to someone and asked what they did, and they got defensive and suspicious of my motives, I'd be out of there like a hot snot.


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    #130
    FetchTheGin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 857 ✭✭✭FetchTheGin


    sunflower27 wrote: »
    Why, are you loaded?

    Does it matter?


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    #131
    sunflower27
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,822 ✭✭✭sunflower27


    FetchTheGin wrote: »
    Does it matter?

    It was a joke!


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    #132
    RandolphEsq
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,296 ✭✭✭RandolphEsq


    I would feel that if a person felt awkward about receiving such a question then they are not comfortable with the person. Instant attraction etc.


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    #133
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    I hate the idea of pre nups. If you don't trust your partner then why are you getting married? And if you are so convinced it's going to end then again why get married??
    I do think that they should be recognised for people who want them, I just don't like the idea


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    #134
    SugarHigh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,265 ✭✭✭SugarHigh


    bluewolf wrote: »
    I hate the idea of pre nups. If you don't trust your partner then why are you getting married? And if you are so convinced it's going to end then again why get married??
    I do think that they should be recognised for people who want them, I just don't like the idea
    Isn't the rate of divorce something like 50%?

    Yea, everyone would like to think they're going to be in the good half but nothing wrong with taking precautions. I'd be very suspicious of someone who wasn't okay with a prenup*.


    *depending on the conditions being drawn up of course.


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    #135
    Sky King
    Registered Users Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    If a marriage was a business contract, you'd be considered out of your mind to sign it. You basically waive all your rights to your stuff - house etc.


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    #136
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,878 ✭✭✭iptba


    donfers wrote: »
    both men and women want a hot partner


    however, it is my view, that a lot more women place significantly more emphasis on their partner's wealth, property and earning power than men, hardly a controversial view.

    it's understandable to an extent that women are fussier with their choice of partner than men, i wonder why some stilld deny that they are far more prejudicial in their choice of partner - you hear that disgustingly superficial term "dealbreaker" far more from women when discussing relationship criteria than men but as I said from an evolutionary and simple biological standpoint one must understand the reason for this kind of behaviour from some women - I am just surprised that some still seek to deny it
    I find statistics from the courts interesting. For example, the report which found that no women* out of the sample examined were paying maintenance to their ex-husband in Irish courts. The general trend seems similar for other countries.

    This suggests one of two things:
    (i) courts are very biased against men/biased in favor of women
    or
    (ii) long-term relationships generally involve men earning more than the women.

    Reflecting on this sort of issue for a while e.g. considering long-term relationships I come across and who likely earns more, (ii) seems to be a strong candidate. Women generally seem to want/end up with a man who at the very least will earn as much as them but preferably more especially over the long term.

    It seems partly because the idea of being with a man who earns less than them long term seems almost horrific. Currently, this actually to me seems more like a bigger driver - so it's not so much that many explicitly want a man who will earn more than them, it's that they don't want a man who will earn less than them and "live off them". This could then consciously be distinguished from somebody who explicitly sets out that their financial contribution would be small relative to the wealth/income of the couple.

    At this stage, to me, it seems like the factor, height, where women go for taller men - it seems best just to accept it as a fact of life (i.e. that most women won't want a man who earns a reasonably percentage less than them/is likely to earn less than them in the long term). There will be exceptions just as there are couples where the woman is taller (in the case of height, esp. if the woman is more than a couple of inches taller, it sometimes may involve a man who earns a lot more it seems to me).

    However, there are different levels of it of course e.g. a woman looking for somebody who earns a bit more than them/will likely earn a bit more than them in the future (fine) versus a woman who is looking for somebody who earns a lot when they earn very little or who plans never to work again once they marry (people will need to ask would they be happy with this).

    * It could have been 99% of cases where maintenance was paid, the man paid but I think it was 100%. There may be a change at the moment with more women having to pay maintenance due to the strange labour market where a lot more men than women are unemployed.


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    #137
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    SugarHigh wrote: »
    Isn't the rate of divorce something like 50%?

    Yea, everyone would like to think they're going to be in the good half but nothing wrong with taking precautions. I'd be very suspicious of someone who wasn't okay with a prenup*.


    *depending on the conditions being drawn up of course.
    The divorce rate in Ireland was 0.8 divorces per 1,000 population in 2007
    http://www.finfacts.ie/irishfinancenews/article_1020588.shtml

    Well, I'd be very unhappy with someone who didn't trust me enough to want one. The last thing I'd want to do if things went wrong is to try screw someone over on top of everything else, and anyone wanting to marry me would surely know that. I'm not particularly romantic, but to me, it would mean for life and sharing everything.

    As I said though, if people want it, I think they should be legally recognised.


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    #138
    senordingdong
    Registered Users Posts: 10,673 ✭✭✭✭senordingdong


    {^Syntax^} wrote: »
    We live in Ireland. The answer to 'How much do you make' is 'Sweet f*ck all... Just like everyone else!'

    Haha too true.

    Maybe they are just afraid of chatting to a bloke who was once prosperous but has now fallen on hard times by no faut of his own *vomits*


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    #139
    kangaroo
    Registered Users Posts: 651 ✭✭✭kangaroo


    bluewolf wrote: »
    http://www.finfacts.ie/irishfinancenews/article_1020588.shtml

    Well, I'd be very unhappy with someone who didn't trust me enough to want one. The last thing I'd want to do if things went wrong is to try screw someone over on top of everything else, and anyone wanting to marry me would surely know that. I'm not particularly romantic, but to me, it would mean for life and sharing everything.

    As I said though, if people want it, I think they should be legally recognised.
    This is also the problem with the opt-out system for civil partnership (which is a bit like a pre-nup) i.e. it would be seen as very unromantic.


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    #140
    revell
    Registered Users Posts: 221 ✭✭revell


    why no woman ask me this question? I want she being impressed:p


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    #141
    FetchTheGin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 857 ✭✭✭FetchTheGin


    kangaroo wrote: »
    This is also the problem with the opt-out system for civil partnership (which is a bit like a pre-nup) i.e. it would be seen as very unromantic.

    You never know what could happen through the course of a marriage/civil arrangement. The person you know could end up changing for the worse if you dumped him/her and drag you through the courts out of spite. It is unfortunate but it's human nature.


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    #142
    kangaroo
    Registered Users Posts: 651 ✭✭✭kangaroo


    FetchTheGin wrote: »
    You never know what could happen through the course of a marriage/civil arrangement. The person you know could end up changing for the worse if you dumped him/her and drag you through the courts out of spite. It is unfortunate but it's human nature.
    Not sure what is your point? I imagine lots of men if given a "free choice" would arrange a pre-nup. However, they would fear bringing it up and all the discussions that would follow could potentially ruin a relationship as many/most women might hold similar views to this poster:
    bluewolf wrote:

    Well, I'd be very unhappy with someone who didn't trust me enough to want one. The last thing I'd want to do if things went wrong is to try screw someone over on top of everything else, and anyone wanting to marry me would surely know that. I'm not particularly romantic, but to me, it would mean for life and sharing everything.

    As I said though, if people want it, I think they should be legally recognised.
    Similarly now if couples don't opt out of civil partnership, they will end up with responsibilities and rights.

    So even if the option is technically there, I think most men won't feel they can avail of it.


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    #143
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    kangaroo wrote: »
    Not sure what is your point? I imagine lots of men if given a "free choice" would arrange a pre-nup. However, they would fear bringing it up and all the discussions that would follow could potentially ruin a relationship as many/most women might hold similar views to this poster:

    Similarly now if couples don't opt out of civil partnership, they will end up with responsibilities and rights.

    So even if the option is technically there, I think most men won't feel they can avail of it.

    This poster is a big proponent of lots of communication. If things had got that far, I'd hope they would feel able to tell me!! I wouldn't like it, that doesn't mean I wouldn't be able to sit down and discuss it and put across my point of view.

    edit: I know I said very unhappy, but not something that couldn't be resolved... better that than someone marrying me and being unhappy in doing so because they felt they couldn't talk about it...


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    #144
    FetchTheGin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 857 ✭✭✭FetchTheGin


    kangaroo wrote: »
    Not sure what is your point? I imagine lots of men if given a "free choice" would arrange a pre-nup. However, they would fear bringing it up and all the discussions that would follow could potentially ruin a relationship

    If the woman/man is committed to relationship, he/she would understand.

    If a woman broke up with me because I wanted to get a pre-nup or civil agreement, then I would doubt their intentions as to what they would do in the event of a messy breakup and would think twice before moving in/marrying them.


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    #145
    Sky King
    Registered Users Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    Heard a guy on the radio talking about mediation for couples splitting up. That would be the only way to do it I reckon, provided both parties are reasobnable and willing to negotiate.

    Ask anyone with any experience with solicitors and legal disputes why not to go down that road. The only party which gleans satisfaction is the lawyer.


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    #146
    Pembily
    Registered Users Posts: 14,404 ✭✭✭✭Pembily


    I would ask a guy what he does simply as a topic of interest! Also to see if we had a common interest! I wouldn't ask what he earned! But if a guy took offence at me asking him what he does - then good luck - not my type of guy...


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    #147
    py2006
    Registered Users Posts: 9,847 ✭✭✭py2006


    Pembily wrote: »
    I would ask a guy what he does simply as a topic of interest! Also to see if we had a common interest! I wouldn't ask what he earned! But if a guy took offence at me asking him what he does - then good luck - not my type of guy...

    I think it depends how its asked. If its just polite conversation then nobody would take offense and he would ask you the same question in turn.

    However, if it is quite clear that you are sussing him out to see what kind of money is involved then offense will be taken.


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    #148
    iptba
    Registered Users Posts: 4,878 ✭✭✭iptba


    bluewolf wrote: »
    This poster is a big proponent of lots of communication. If things had got that far, I'd hope they would feel able to tell me!! I wouldn't like it, that doesn't mean I wouldn't be able to sit down and discuss it and put across my point of view.

    edit: I know I said very unhappy, but not something that couldn't be resolved... better that than someone marrying me and being unhappy in doing so because they felt they couldn't talk about it...
    However, these days with opt-out civil partnership, such discussions would now have to take place relatively early even before marriage was on the table.

    Maybe we could have a thread about this - have people brought up with their partner about opting out of civil partnerships.


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    #149
    Pembily
    Registered Users Posts: 14,404 ✭✭✭✭Pembily


    py2006 wrote: »
    I think it depends how its asked. If its just polite conversation then nobody would take offense and he would ask you the same question in turn.

    However, if it is quite clear that you are sussing him out to see what kind of money is involved then offense will be taken.

    Oh obviously but I wouldn't be sussing it out! It would be in general conversation but am sadly not shocked that some women do ask it that way!

    Slightly off topic but I would be miffed if he took offence at what I do, or if he felt that I would earn more! I am not saying I will it's just something I have seen happen before and it was the end of a few marriages. Money isn't just on the mens side! But they tend to be less gold diggerish!


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    #150
    py2006
    Registered Users Posts: 9,847 ✭✭✭py2006


    Pembily wrote: »
    Oh obviously but I wouldn't be sussing it out! It would be in general conversation but am sadly not shocked that some women do ask it that way!

    Slightly off topic but I would be miffed if he took offence at what I do, or if he felt that I would earn more! I am not saying I will it's just something I have seen happen before and it was the end of a few marriages. Money isn't just on the mens side! But they tend to be less gold diggerish!

    Oh yea, I didn't mean you. Just in general.

    I suppose men have it engrained in them they have to be the earner and if their partner earns more it somehow makes them less of a man or whatever. It is nonsense, but there is that preception out there.

    It would be interesting to see how some women feel about potential partners not earning as much.


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    #151
    kangaroo
    Registered Users Posts: 651 ✭✭✭kangaroo


    Pembily wrote: »
    Oh obviously but I wouldn't be sussing it out! It would be in general conversation but am sadly not shocked that some women do ask it that way!

    Slightly off topic but I would be miffed if he took offence at what I do, or if he felt that I would earn more! I am not saying I will it's just something I have seen happen before and it was the end of a few marriages. Money isn't just on the mens side! But they tend to be less gold diggerish!
    I've a female relative in her 60s who just inherited a house. She has no other money except a social welfare payment. Anyway, another female relative thinks she will now need to watch out as she could have men "moving in on her" because of her money. I find this bizarre - to me, I can't see her as much of a catch looking at it from a man's point of view. I have pointed out that I think most men aren't going to find a woman in her 60s that attractive - and the ones that might are likely to be older and have their own pension, etc. But this (second) female relative is adamant that this wouldn't matter to some men and that the woman who inherited the house needs to be on her guard.


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