Dry Spell

Phat Cat

.......as in how long have you gone without sex and do you think that your circumstances at the time had anything to do with it?

I was just discussing this with a few mates in the pub at the weekend and we all admitted to having various periods of dry spells throughout our lives, most for months but some for years.

I'm in my mid-thirties now but way back in my mid-twenties I went three whole years without sex, not for the lack of trying mind you. I then decided that I needed a change of scenery and went to London to work for a few years and actually had more sex that I ever imagined I would, I think I managed to treble the number of sexual partners over there in only a few years. So I think my circumstances back then ie: living in Dublin, probably held me back some what. Oh, and for the record I'm married now, not that that means that I'm getting regular sex or anything

So patrons of The Gentlemen's Club, how long have you gone without sex and do you think circumstances (ie: unemployment, lack of a social circle, crippling shyness etc) played a part in it?

stupidusername

I'm going to generalise here but i would say being in Ireland probably is something that contributes to a lack of sex more than social circles or any other circumstances. Women are deemed unapproachable and men don't approach them.
If i just want sex there's one friend i could call on,possibly more but not sure.and there's probably other women here would say the same so maybe it's just mens opinions are sought after here.
I would say though that living in a city as opposed to more rurally definitely would make a difference to how often you can get it.

Phat Cat

I would agree with you that living in Ireland does contribute to the lack of sex that some people experience and without turning this into a male vs female argument, it's much harder for men then it is for women. As I mentioned in my OP, I went three years without sex yet as soon as I moved countries I was pretty much instantly having regular sex. It was actually rather bizarre

Raze_them_all

Not that long, m month, definately not more than 2.

Phat Cat

Do you mind if I ask how old you are? I think it's fair to assume that there would be a significant difference between someone that is 35 compared to a 21 year old.

Raze_them_all

close, I'm 22, but you said you went 3 years in your mid 20's thats mad!!

Phat Cat

Yep, 23 until 26, worst period of my adult life I had a right forearm like Popeye! :pac:

stupidusername

So what do you think has to do with a lack of sex?

parker kent

I think it depends how hard you look for it. I've no real interest in going to nightclubs looking for one night stands any more, so it would have to come to me instead.

But there are definitely easy enough one night stands if you go looking. It's a numbers game, chat to enough girls and your numbers will come up eventually. I don't think girls are that unapproachable. Maybe my experience is skewed as things are a bit different in college and I'm not long out of it, but I'd feel that sex is there for anybody who wants it and uses a bit of charm.

I don't think I have anybody that I could just call up and hook-up with though. Well if I do, I don't know that I could.

The_Kew_Tour

went about 18 months without even a score about 6 years ago, but in past 3 years managed to be with about 40 or so girls.

Yes living in City helps but I think confidenece can help too.

stupidusername

I'd say confidence helps a huge amount.natural selection and all that...

Phat Cat

stupidusername wrote: »

So what do you think has to do with a lack of sex?

I think it has to do with peoples perceptions of sex. I really enjoy sex and if I don't get it I can become really frustrated and it effects others parts of my life like work or study etc. My friends pretty much said the same so I'd say alot of men would be of a similar mindset.

The thing is, outside of college I couldn't for the life of me get laid in Dublin and I'm not exactly sure why that is. I'm not ugly and I'm fairly approachable but even though I approached women, got phone numbers, kisses, second dates etc the sex was non-existent. I really have no idea why that was and what confuses me more is that my sex life suddenly ignited when I moved away.

parker kent wrote: »

I don't think I have anybody that I could just call up and hook-up with though. Well if I do, I don't know that I could.

I think this would be a luxury that very few men would have, but in saying that I know guys who have 'fúck buddies' but they are player types so I'm not surprised. I wouldn't say it's uncommon for single women though, if they really wanted sex it wouldn't be too hard to find.

parker kent

Phat Cat wrote: »

I think this would be a luxury that very few men would have, but in saying that I know guys who have 'fúck buddies' but they are player types so I'm not surprised. I wouldn't say it's uncommon for single women though, if they really wanted sex it wouldn't be too hard to find.

Yeah it's normally either player types or else somebody that was in a relationship and is still on good terms with the person.

As for random hook ups, with experience comes confidence. The more you talk to people, the more confident you get. Then the more you hook up, the more confident you get. I'd compare your dry spell with a striker in soccer on a dry spell in front of goal. You get the yips and start doubting everything you do.

Speaking as somebody who has encountered both forms of dry spell, I think that's a good comparison :pac:

Phat Cat

I like that comparison, kind of like Fernando Torres for Chelsea right now :pac:

As for confidence, I was always a fairly confident person and I used to approach women that I fancied without much hesitation, it was just persuading them to jump into bed with me in Dublin that was my only stumbling block.

parker kent

Just like Fernando Torres, except the his problem is in the Chelsea kit, not in Dublin

donfers

parker kent wrote: »

I think it depends how hard you look for it. I've no real interest in going to nightclubs looking for one night stands any more, so it would have to come to me instead.

But there are definitely easy enough one night stands if you go looking. It's a numbers game, chat to enough girls and your numbers will come up eventually. I don't think girls are that unapproachable. Maybe my experience is skewed as things are a bit different in college and I'm not long out of it, but I'd feel that sex is there for anybody who wants it and uses a bit of charm.

I don't think I have anybody that I could just call up and hook-up with though. Well if I do, I don't know that I could.

i agree with that, it's there for anyone who really wants it, some guys are willing to have sex with any woman, some guys with any woman they are even remotely attracted too, some understandably are anxious about the approach and then drink enters the equation, some live in big cities where there are more possibilites, some in small towns where there are less, some think adding another notch to the bedpost is what makes them a man, some need to get to know a lady and have decent chemistry with her before they feel like having sex with her

so all in all i'd say it's an easy thing to get if you are prepared to try or if you are not on the look out for angelina jolie every night and are willing to sleep with moderately attractive girls, and of course if you are not a natural ladies man/charmer then then booze will always help, and you don't even have to be amazingly good-looking, a bit of charm and confidence (even if it is false/temporary) and some kind of style/pride in appearance and an ability to talk/banter and it truly is on a plate - not saying every woman will automatically want to jump into bed with you but if you do want it badly then the key is to play the numbers game and the absolute key is to make sure that a few knockbacks don't cause you to lose heart/confidence and re-examine your worth to the ladies - the amount of guys i know who are broken after 1 knockback is unreal, what they fail to realise is that male models get knockbacks, brad pitt gets knockbacks, so ultimately i guess the secret is not to care too much if you get it or not, don't play it like you're about to win the lotto or you'll get nervous and fcuk it up in some way by overthinking it, again the amount of guys i have seen who are all but in with a lady but manage to fcuk it up at the last minute is amazing, these are the 5 number lotto guys, they do everything right up to the last moment then when sex is on the menu they freeze like a rabbit in the headlights - why? because they value sex too much, it's too important to them and they lose their cool

having dry spells is ok - having lots of sex with different girls doesn't make you a man, maybe subconsciously you are not ready for it, don't feel like it, are not "in tune" for it - it certainly wouldn't necessarily cause me to question my interactions with women, rather it would lead me to look at my own attitudes to sex and if i really wanted it enough or felt like it during that time because the reality it is relatively easy to get whenever you feel like you are ready for it - of course how much you are attracted to the lady and how much you enjoy it and how much it makes you feel good/bad about yourself is a whole other story

to conclude i would say the true sign of a man is not how many women he beds but how many potential sexual encounters he rejects because he has the courage to admit to himself that it's not right for him at that precise moment in time

HavingCrack

Phat Cat wrote: »

As for confidence, I was always a fairly confident person and I used to approach women that I fancied without much hesitation, it was just persuading them to jump into bed with me in Dublin that was my only stumbling block.

Dublin does seem to be an odd one. I was up in Belfast a few months back and I shifted/scored/whatever slang is in these days 3 girls in a night, something I'd never done in Dublin. Granted none of them ended in sex but I just thought it was really strange. Maybe I've a bit of a mental block in Dublin that goes away elsewhere?

stupidusername

Trying not to take offence at the angelina jolie/moderate girls comment.its a matter of taste.i find her quite plain really despite the artificial enhancements.

Would be interesting to get the opinion of some guys who've lived in other irish cities and dublin.IME i havent had as many men chat me up in dublin as in limerick,but then in dublin i've only really been out with male friends.(dont get me started on that)

Emme

Phat Cat wrote: »

I think this would be a luxury that very few men would have, but in saying that I know guys who have 'fúck buddies' but they are player types so I'm not surprised. I wouldn't say it's uncommon for single women though, if they really wanted sex it wouldn't be too hard to find.

It's not as easy for women as you might think, particularly if we don't want players.

amacachi

I'm 22 and haven't managed it yet, not sure when to measure the start of the "spell" from though. :pac:

Raze_them_all

amacachi wrote: »

I'm 22 and haven't managed it yet, not sure when to measure the start of the "spell" from though. :pac:

When you think "**** i haven got laid in a while"

amacachi

Raze_them_all wrote: »

When you think "**** i haven got laid in a while"

Since I was 13? Any advances on 9 years so? :P

Raze_them_all

amacachi wrote: »

Since I was 13? Any advances on 9 years so? :P

When you start to wonder if even hookers would??

amacachi

Raze_them_all wrote: »

When you start to wonder if even hookers would??

Can't imagine thinking that, it's not that there haven't been opportunities.

Otis Driftwood

Currently on a 3 month dry spell.Thats the longest its been in a good many years.

In my early to mid 20s it lasted a couple of years tbh.I wasnt overly confident when it came to women and as a result I drifted into the dreaded friend zone more times than I care to mention.:mad:

Pepe LeFrits

I can't really say I pay it attention anymore. I'll go through phases where I'm like a dog in heat, other times I'm not arsed and won't so much as make eyes at a girl for months.

My current spell actually came up in conversation with a mate and his girlfriend the other day. They knew how long I'd gone without, while I got it wrong - shows how much it matters. I thought the last action I had was on NYE; I forgot it was actually on my birthday in Feb, with a mate of theirs, hence them knowing (yeah, I'm a real catch...!).

parker kent

Emme wrote: »

It's not as easy for women as you might think, particularly if we don't want players.

But that is his point I imagine. If we purely think in terms of how easy is it for women to get sex, it is definitely easier for women. However, that doesn't mean sex with a nice guy, somebody you like, somebody suited to you etc. It simply means that women could have sex with *somebody* if they really wanted to. With men, it can take a bit more effort.

stupidusername is right though about going out with friends of the opposite sex. I'd fairly often head out with female friends and you instantly look like a couple. So that can be a barrier for some people. Big difference in the amount of girls I'd talk to on a lads night out. When I'm out with any of the girls, I might not talk to any other girl on a night out.

Phat Cat

Emme wrote: »

It's not as easy for women as you might think, particularly if we don't want players.

parker kent wrote: »

But that is his point I imagine. If we purely think in terms of how easy is it for women to get sex, it is definitely easier for women. However, that doesn't mean sex with a nice guy, somebody you like, somebody suited to you etc. It simply means that women could have sex with *somebody* if they really wanted to. With men, it can take a bit more effort.

parker kent is correct, that was my point.

The vast majority of women will always have the option of no strings attached sex while men rarely have an option like that open to them.

stupidusername

Yeah i was just going to say women maybe able to get sex when they want it but it doesn't mean its going to be good

Very VERY VERY few men know how to make a girl happy

donfers

stupidusername wrote: »

Yeah i was just going to say women maybe able to get sex when they want it but it doesn't mean its going to be good

Very VERY VERY few men know how to make a girl happy

err it takes two to tango

sex = not solely for the purpose of making a woman happy, nothing worse than a woman lying there like a sack of spuds expecting you to rock their world, puts me right off


also maybe you've just had very bad luck with your sleeping partners

parker kent

stupidusername wrote: »

Yeah i was just going to say women maybe able to get sex when they want it but it doesn't mean its going to be good

Very VERY VERY few men know how to make a girl happy

In terms of one night stands, I don't think either the man or women make each other happy. It's normally drunken, selfish sex. That's not a recipe for Double-O Heaven.

I think you only have good sex once you get the know the person and their individual likes. If I did the exact same things with 2 different women, one might love it and the other might hate it.

I also think women sometimes overlook that sex might not actually be any good for a man either.