The joys and tribulations of internet dating

magneticimpulse

^^ I think its a bit harsh to say you "wasted" all that time chatting to the person. Maybe im silly to think that you can still be friends. Im actually quite annoyed at the moment a guy i got on great chatting on msn/skype recently has cut all contact because there was no "spark" when we met in person.

Yeah sure there might not be spark, but am i silly in thinking that if you get on chatting that you can make a good friend? I dont know, some people are just completely...no spark, no more contact?

Id like to think its not a waste of time if you get on with someone. Glad you had a great time in NZ. Just a pity you didnt give the guy a chance as a friend, sounds like he was nice enough guy

LegacyUser

What is the general age of people who use dating sites? Would you consider a 22 year old women too young to join one? Its not that I cant meet guys outside of those sites, I just would like to get to know someone outside of the usual clubbing scene, which seems to be the only avenue to meet a man at my age.

magneticimpulse

^^ I would recommend joining clubs with something you find interesting to meet guys of your age.

I find the majority of guys of any age on these sites are just looking to chat dirty etc. Of course you can meet a few genuine guys, but i think you'd meet them quicker in a club/activity in real life.

I find guys in my experience around 22 yrs old on these sites are just looking for a few one night stands. Even thou I have dated 34 - 40 year olds on these sites too...i find they are equally just looking for a one night stand.

So use the internet like meetup.com etc to meet "normal guys", or if there is a sport you like maybe find info about it from boards.ie in the Sports section

Messi2

The problem with being "normal" and using internet dating is that its ruined by the few bad apples, and some girls think that every guy is a stalker/sleazy/jerk because 90% of them on the site are.

You can send a nice/normal message and it will get lost in the many she gets from guys looking for sex or using dirty words whatever.

Its a hard life being a man using internet dating

stargazer 68

Its a hard life being a woman using internet dating too! I have had a few dates - some better than others I will say. However I use it because, like others, all my friends are married with kids and mortgages and their idea of a night out with the girls is the local to breastfeed one drink for the night (maybe I need new friends!).

I do agree that you have to keep your wits about you and weed out the genuine ones from the sleaze - learned that pretty quickly! A lot of men are simply looking for one nighters (a fair few of them are over 40 like me not just in their 20's!) and others have more baggage than Aer Lingus and can't leave it behind. But there are some lovely guys online - just need to meet a genuine one now!!

mood

magneticimpulse wrote: »

ive been on paid and unpaid dating websites on /off since 2000 and I have never gotten a relationship out of it. In fact I only went on a date more then once with 1 guy and thats in 11 years!!! After spending x amount of money to sign up for 6 months (with an extra 6 months free because they guaranteed id meet someone and i never did). And im not ugly by any means...not drop dead gorgeous, but just normal looking and normal person.

More recently i spent ages chatting to a guy, exchanging photos and it all seemed to be going great. Went on the date, was alright...but he absolutely didnt want to have any more contact after that. I was devastated.

Total waste of time and soul destroying imo. Id have far better luck on a night out if i actually made an effort and made eye contact with eyes. For the amount of time and effort and sometimes money that you put into these websites, for me its been absolute time waster when I should be out there living in the real world and meeting guys who like me for who i am.

I have found guys lie so much on their profiles. To further confirm this I recently saw my ex on a dating website and he had lied about everything on his profile: his job, age, education, smoking (he said he didnt smoke but he actively enjoys smoking)....just the list went on, basically nothing on his profile was true apart from maybe he is single. So that just shows you and ive not actually met a guy who told the truth on his profile. There was always, oh btw i have kids/no job/older/married etc.

People have far too high expectations on it. Whereas if you head out on a normal night with friends, you have no expectations and its a bonus if you meet someone!!! The real world dating/meeting people all the way

I had five dates in two months of using a paid site. I had a photo up and really think it make a difference and is important.

mood

who what when wrote: »

Woman look at the bold text. You would have far more success if you just followed your own advise! Just talk to guys. Some will be dicks, more wont suit you but every now and again you will meet a guy who is i suppose different to the rest. Give those lads a chance. It may or may not work, who knows, if it does great, if it doesnt who cares. Just dont be the one who was afraid to find out!

Just because someone tries internet dating doesn't mean that they see it as the only way to meet someone!

stargazer 68

mood wrote: »

I had five dates in two months of using a paid site. I had a photo up and really think it make a difference and is important.

I dont use the paid sites. I used to think that anyone who paid was more serious than someone who didnt. Thats not the case - so I use the free ones. Some are better than others obviously but nothing ventured nothing gained.

Maybe we need to set up a Boards dating section! lol

mood

Dovies wrote: »

I dont use the paid sites. I used to think that anyone who paid was more serious than someone who didnt. Thats not the case - so I use the free ones. Some are better than others obviously but nothing ventured nothing gained.

Maybe we need to set up a Boards dating section! lol

How can you come to that conclusion if you never used a paid dating site?

I used a free one first but quickly mover to a paid site and the difference is HUGE!

stargazer 68

mood wrote: »

How can you come to that conclusion if you never used a paid dating site?

I used a free one first but quickly mover to a paid site and the difference is HUGE!

I didnt say I never used the paid ones - I said I dont use them. I have previously and they were no different to the free ones.

mood

Dovies wrote: »

I didnt say I never used the paid ones - I said I dont use them. I have previously and they were no different to the free ones.

I took that to mean you never used a paid site! After my experience with a free site I would never use on again.

magneticimpulse

mood wrote: »

I had five dates in two months of using a paid site. I had a photo up and really think it make a difference and is important.

Ive had 10 dates in 5 days on the paid websites, it was fantastic boost getting so much attention. But none of the guys were ones you would want to go on a 2nd date with. At the time they were my best dates, because I had no intention in ever arranging a 2nd date with any of the guys. So the guys stayed interested. I went through a stage where I had 3 dates in the one day, one for lunch, one for after noon and one after dinner. Was quite amusing when the only pub open on a Sunday evening was the one I had been in earlier with the other date!! After that I decided to take it all more seriously and try to focus on finding a match. The moment I actually focus on one guy, and like to have a 2nd date he runs away thinking im desperate or something. Whatever the reason, I just never make it to 2nd dates, either because I dont want to or the other guy doesnt. When I calculate how many dates ive gone on its been a waste of time considering the zero success of a relationship from it.

In saying that as I mentioned previously on boards.ie, majority of the same guys are on both the paid and unpaid websites. In fact most from the paid websites will eventually completely switch to the unpaid ones. (I know this because im on every dating website since 2000). People realise that love and a match is not guaranteed on a paid website!!! That its a huge money racket. I could equally have gone for 10 dates in 5 days via the unpaid website. However at the moment both the unpaid/paid websites have little to offer me....except if your looking for a fling. You do meet the guys just looking for a fling on the paid ones too. Ive had far worse dates on paid ones...as in the guy had about 10 dates lined up in a week...hence I decided thats the only way forward with internet dating as nobody seems to actually take it seriously and not many guys actually have "Long term looking for a relationship". Most put down "dating but nothing serious". However in that category, you dont know if they are one night stand guys, or guys who are scared to put down they are looking for a relationship? I wish more people put down looking for a relationship if thats actually what they are looking for!!! Its far from off putting.

I have a photo...which shows off my fantastic slim legs and nice set of boobs. Sure I get plenty of attention on all sites, but its either from guys who want one night stand or dirty talk or as someone said above guys who have more baggage then Aer Lingus.

Im a Scientist, and trying to get the right balance of good looks and not looking too boring is difficult....you put up "normal" photos you get boring guys. You put up "hot" looking photos you get guys looking for ONS.

I think in real life I would have more success. Pretty much any guy in real life falls for me in a genuine way. They see that I do have brains, can look hot and can have interesting conversations. However with online dating, guys only focus on one thing and it just always falls pear shaped....as in your not hot enough as in the photos (come on that was a girls night out), you are too boring and serious (well i am a scientist, forgive me for not being too blonde and stupid)....etc the least can go on.

I really am going to put myself out there in real life and try to find guys there.

mood

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Ive had 10 dates in 5 days on the paid websites, it was fantastic boost getting so much attention. But none of the guys were ones you would want to go on a 2nd date with. At the time they were my best dates, because I had no intention in ever arranging a 2nd date with any of the guys. So the guys stayed interested. The moment I actually focus on one guy, and like to have a 2nd date he runs away thinking im desperate or something.

In saying that as I mentioned previously on boards.ie, majority of the same guys are on both the paid and unpaid websites. In fact most from the paid websites will eventually completely switch to the unpaid ones. People realise that love and a match is not guaranteed on a paid website!!! That its a huge money racket. I could equally have gone for 10 days in 5 days via the unpaid website. However at the moment both the unpaid/paid websites have little to offer me....except if your looking for a fling. You do meet the guys just looking for a fling on the paid ones too. Ive had far worse dates on paid ones...as in the guy had about 10 dates lined up in a week...hence I decided thats the only way forward with internet dating as nobody seems to actually take it seriously and not many guys actually have "Long term looking for a relationship". Most put down "dating but nothing serious". However in that category, you dont know if they are one night stand guys, or guys who are scared to put down they are looking for a relationship? I wish more people put down looking for a relationship if thats actually what they are looking for!!! Its far from off putting.

I have a photo...which shows off my fantastic slim legs and nice set of boobs. Sure I get plenty of attention on all sites, but its either from guys who want one night stand or dirty talk or as someone said above guys who have more baggage then Aer Lingus.

Im a Scientist, and trying to get the right balance of good looks and not looking too boring is difficult....you put up "normal" photos you get boring guys. You put up "hot" looking photos you get guys looking for ONS.

I think in real life I would have more success. Pretty much any guy in real life falls for me in a genuine way. They see that I do have brains, can look hot and can have interesting conversations. However with online dating, guys only focus on one thing and it just always falls pear shaped....as in your not hot enough as in the photos (come on that was a girls night out), you are too boring and serious (well i am a scientist, forgive me for not being too blonde and stupid)....etc the least can go on.

I really am going to put myself out there in real life and try to find guys there.

Why are you still doing it if you have found it so bad?

magneticimpulse

mood wrote: »

Why are you still doing it if you have found it so bad?

Like that you keep your options open. I also like the attention, it keeps me going and gets my confidence built up for real life. I get an email every 10 minutes from a different guy online telling me im hot!!!

It makes up for the bad dates. If I never go on dates with them, I dont have bad experience and build up my confidence. Im not big headed by any means, but I did kinda had a year where I lost confidence in my self and if anything this has helped me get it all back and think, yeah I am hot, I am worth dating and I feel good about myself!! So im really looking forward to getting out there in the real world. I feel equipped for it now.

Edit: Its hard to explain, I do want to go on 2nd dates, but as I explained before it never works out. So the above for me just works. Its nice to get compliments from guys. From my experience once you go on a date with a guy in Ireland, the compliments stop etc. So im not a self centred person, im actually too nice for my own good that I usually too agreeable etc. This is a good way for a shy, attractive looking girl to feel more confident and I then definitely dont come across as desperate to a guy I might like in future

Aishae

magneticimpulse wrote: »

^^ I would recommend joining clubs with something you find interesting to meet guys of your age.

I find the majority of guys of any age on these sites are just looking to chat dirty etc. Of course you can meet a few genuine guys, but i think you'd meet them quicker in a club/activity in real life.

I find guys in my experience around 22 yrs old on these sites are just looking for a few one night stands. Even thou I have dated 34 - 40 year olds on these sites too...i find they are equally just looking for a one night stand.

So use the internet like meetup.com etc to meet "normal guys", or if there is a sport you like maybe find info about it from boards.ie in the Sports section

you can stay friends or drop each other a line now and again. ive tried to keep in touch. he has never ever responded. this was the guy who prided himself on the 'fact' he was friends with all of his exes. i began to realise he was a bit too up his own ar^e - the only contact is when i occasionally see a facebook status of his that i have a funny retort to. he doesnt contact me but he will respond to my reponse to his status (and there it sounds complicated) i dont think the time was a waste - i said in a sense - in the sense that i could have been doing other things instead of running home from college to check my email but as i say it worked out well cos it made me chose the right travel destination and we all need to experience different relationship sagas so we can appreciate the real thing when we see it

magneticimpulse

^ ok, this makes sense. yeah im in the same boat. He was the one contacting me every other day before our date, eager to chat to me and now after the date, nothing at all. Ive taken a break from facebook, but im sure the minute im back on he will prob unfriend me lol.

Anyway thats cool you had a great time in New Zealand and very positive outlook from the whole dating since even if it doesnt work out to be a relationship.

Aishae

i think ours were cases where the other party had built a different picture of us in their heads. i dont mean looks, theyd seen pics. but maybe they imagined some mad chemistry. the fella i met actually said when he met his first girlfriend he felt like he'd been hit with a hammer. and it seems that what he was looking for. which is a bit unrealistic but i guess you have to be prepared for that kind of thing with online dating