The joys and tribulations of internet dating

miec

Hi

I thought considering more and more people are using internet dating as a way of meeting people that we could share good / bad / horror stories. I was in a long term relationship until last summer but now ready to try again. I have used internet dating on and off since 2000. If I was to average things out, overall I have been surprised by the level of honesty, I have only met one man who pretended to be single but was married, I soon made my excuses and I think today when I was online that the person who instant messaged me was married, I got that vibe. I normally don't use those stupid instant messages.

I have met mixture of nice men, three of whom I had long term relationships (or reasonaly long, a year and just over two years for last boyfriend). I have also been messaged by some real creeps who come out with sad, tired lines and sexually loaded stuff. I realise that these types do not look at your profile, just see the pic and message your sexy or some such nonsense. I also find it hard to suss out the messages from people who do not ask questions back, or use short one liners (is this a polite way of saying I am not interested?). I find it very hard to get a conversation going in that respect.

So how do you find the weird and wonderful world of internet dating?

psycho-hope

i met my last 2 exs and my current BF online, i also made some fantastic friends and had many a made weekend away, i honestly think its what you make it, once you weed out the nutcases( and my god theres plenty of those) its actually quite fun.

My current BF and i get on fantatically and we would never have met if it wasnt for the internet

mood

I meet a few nice guys but none led to a relationship. You need to keep your wits about you. There are some odd guys online and some that seem to be hiding something (wife/girlfriend I suppose) but most are normal. But it is hard to find someone who you are compatible with.

donfers

Can I ask a dumb question?

no agenda, I promise........there is no stigma attached to online dating these days and fair play to those trying it out to see if it suits them


my question is what is the reason to choose online dating as your preferred means of meeting a potential partner or hook-up or whatever?

Is it because you don't like the boozed up environments where us Irish usually meet like nightclubs and pubs?

Is it because there is a large selection of people immediately available to you to potentially meet up with?

Is it because you believe the online profiles give a better idea of what a person is like than some witty or not so witty spiel they come out with in the real world environment? (i.e. you know their age/occupation/interests immediately without having to go through all the formalities of finding that stuff out i.e. it saves time)

Is it because you are a bit shy at meeting up with or making your interest known to people you like in real life and you like that the dating site can break that initial ice for you?


or something else?


and do you think it provides better opportunities for meeting potential partners than traditional ways?

mazi

I met my current boyfriend on a dating website after chatting for a few weeks before meeting. We are still together after a year and are now in Canada for 1 year travelling together.

The reason being that I joined one was because it A)passed the time, B)couldn't afford to go out all the time every weekend and C) sick of pissed up Irish men that almost seem slightly retarded they are so drunk! Such a turn off!

As for weirdo's I haven't met any as such but just a few that didn't really spark or the complete opposite.It is fun though so I would say that the stigma attached to online dating is for weirdos or sad people is well gone! I know plenty of people on them and they are having the best fun ever!

mood

Most of my friends are married or have kids or living with their boyfriend/girlfriend and they rarely come out any more. As a result I go out less so have less opportunity to meet someone. I see it as another possible way to meet someone not a preferred way to meet someone.

Poor Craythur

I met my ex online, and it was OK but there was a lot of pressure on the relationship, I felt. Plus, I was embarrassed to say how we met.

I personally found it all a bit mechanical.

psycho-hope

donfers wrote: »

Can I ask a dumb question?

no agenda, I promise........there is no stigma attached to online dating these days and fair play to those trying it out to see if it suits them


my question is what is the reason to choose online dating as your preferred means of meeting a potential partner or hook-up or whatever?

Is it because you don't like the boozed up environments where us Irish usually meet like nightclubs and pubs?

Is it because there is a large selection of people immediately available to you to potentially meet up with?

Is it because you believe the online profiles give a better idea of what a person is like than some witty or not so witty spiel they come out with in the real world environment? (i.e. you know their age/occupation/interests immediately without having to go through all the formalities of finding that stuff out i.e. it saves time)

Is it because you are a bit shy at meeting up with or making your interest known to people you like in real life and you like that the dating site can break that initial ice for you?


or something else?


and do you think it provides better opportunities for meeting potential partners than traditional ways?

i joined a dating site for 3 reasons 1. was to make more friends and get out more, my 2 best friends dont drink and tbh had a fairly sheltered life before i started college. 2. ive only 50% hearing in one ear so it makes talking in loud pubs/clubs a bloody nightmare unless its someone I know and they talk into my good ear 3. im by no means a skinny girl and I found alot of the men i chatted to online were more willing to give your personality a chance to shine thru rather than just judging you on looks alone ( before anyone jumps on me, i know not all men are vain buggers who will only go for the skinny , fake tanned girls)

Poor Craythur

psycho-hope wrote: »

( before anyone jumps on me, i know not all men are vain buggers who will only go for the skinny , fake tanned girls)

In fairness, *most* men don't go for fake-tanned girls, they seem a bit perplexed by the phenomenon (as am I).

mazi

Poor Craythur wrote: »

In fairness, *most* men don't go for fake-tanned girls, they seem a bit perplexed by the phenomenon (as am I).

That is so true from the feedback I get from male friends and my boyfriend. I don't know why girls have this idea in their head that if they look an orange ( umpa lumpa) they are more attractive! Irish girls are notorious for it and look well plain stupid. I am Irish myself, I wear make up the odd time when I go out but not during the week everyday.A guy should accept you in your natural appearance, if not they obviously don't care too much or shallow.

krudler

Poor Craythur wrote: »

I met my ex online, and it was OK but there was a lot of pressure on the relationship, I felt. Plus, I was embarrassed to say how we met.

I personally found it all a bit mechanical.

this is something I dont get about online dating, people dont want to say:

"we met on a dating site and chatted for ages before meeting up, found out we got on well and started dating"

yet nobody has an issue with the "normal" Irish way of meeting someone which is usually :

"well we were in a nightclub moulded out of our skulls and Maniac 2000 came on, we were shaking tackie like there was no tomorrow, I saw her and ate the face off her for a good half hour before we got a kebab and fell into a taxi, and thats how you were concieved son"*



*exagerrated for comedic effect**



**except if you met in Coppers :pac:

Poor Craythur

krudler wrote: »

this is something I dont get about online dating, people dont want to say:

"we met on a dating site and chatted for ages before meeting up, found out we got on well and started dating"

yet nobody has an issue with the "normal" Irish way of meeting someone which is usually :

"well we were in a nightclub moulded out of our skulls and Maniac 2000 came on, we were shaking tackie like there was no tomorrow, I saw her and ate the face off her for a good half hour before we got a kebab and fell into a taxi, and thats how you were concieved son"*



*exagerrated for comedic effect**



**except if you met in Coppers :pac:

There is still a social stigma attached to it. It brings to mind spotty nerds and nerdettes who can't carry on a face to face convo.

krudler

Poor Craythur wrote: »

There is still a social stigma attached to it. It brings to mind spotty nerds and nerdettes who can't carry on a face to face convo.

Its worse that we as a nation cant have conversations without a two drink minimum on nights out. not everyone obviously but Dutch courage is an awfully popular drink.

Wouldnt bother me in the slightest to say Id met a partner online,as long as they werent mail order or something :pac:

mazi

Poor Craythur wrote: »

There is still a social stigma attached to it. It brings to mind spotty nerds and nerdettes who can't carry on a face to face convo.

Ha Ha good ole coppers..the scrapings of the barrel on a night out when nothings left

I don't know why people are afraid to say it, I have no problem with it. I suppose maybe it makes people sound desperate but if you want to get retarded drunk to form any communication then I prefer the latter.

At least you know what your waking up beside! I know someone that pulled a smelly homeless girl one night, brought her back to his, did the deed and the next morning a few things were missing....... if that doesn't put you off I don't know what will ha ha

Poor Craythur

krudler wrote: »

Its worse that we as a nation cant have conversations without a two drink minimum on nights out. not everyone obviously but Dutch courage is an awfully popular drink.

Hey, look, I agree with you, but when I told people I met my ex online, I got the patronising head tilt! :pac:

Poor Craythur

mazi wrote: »

At least you know what your waking up beside! I know someone that pulled a smelly homeless girl one night, brought her back to his, did the deed and the next morning a few things were missing....... if that doesn't put you off I don't know what will ha ha

A homeless guy once asked me out actually. He'd be alright looking if he wasn't an alkie! :pac:

And I wasn't rude to him when I refused him, for all the Irish men who say we women are bitches when we reject men!!!

mazi

Poor Craythur wrote: »

A homeless guy once asked me out actually. He'd be alright looking if he wasn't an alkie! :pac:

And I wasn't rude to him when I refused him, for all the Irish men who say we women are bitches when we reject men!!!

They just can't handle rejection very well or else they don't listen & you have to politely tell them to fu** of*

Poor Craythur

mazi wrote: »

They just can't handle rejection very well or else they don't listen & you have to politely tell them to fu** of*

He was a nice guy. It was the night of our degree results and one of my male uni friends got paralytic drunk. This homeless really helped us our with him, because my friend was in a really, really bad way. And then he asked me out. He was about 50, and I was 24 at the time. I was impressed by his chutzpah! :pac:

mazi

Poor Craythur wrote: »

He was a nice guy. It was the night of our degree results and one of my male uni friends got paralytic drunk. This homeless really helped us our with him, because my friend was in a really, really bad way. And then he asked me out. He was about 50, and I was 24 at the time. I was impressed by his chutzpah! :pac:

At least it's a bit of flattery, hey we all like that!

Monkey61

Oh I am such a fan and it has changed my life in ways that I never imagined.

The first girl that I met online, we messaged everyday for a month or so, got on absolutely brilliantly - then met up for the drunkenest craziest night out ever...I quite liked her but she didn't really like me in person and it turned out that she was only interested in a one night thing. But I met a bunch of her friends and got on well with them, had already joined a club she was involved in...and she was stuck with me then!

Myself and my best friend now live with her and two guys I met through her in a houseshare. Possibly the most unexpected result of an internet date/one night stand ever!And we still talk about how much fun our first meet up was.

I met my last girlfriend online and we were together for a year. I met up with a few girls once, had decent nights out but didn't really want to see them again - I tell the story of the best one in the Worst Dates thread.

And then a year ago I met my current girlfriend. She sent me a message saying that she knew it was a long shot, but would I like to go for a drink at the weekend. I thought why not. She walked up to me outside my workplace a few days later and we didn't stop talking for the next 16 hours. We are ridiculously in love, want to get married one day etc...and would never have met in a million years had it not been for the internet!

So it is brilliant basically. I have made friends, had terrible dates, had fun dates, been to places I have never been to before and fallen in love...

Stheno

I've made great friends online, and I met my current bf online too.

We will be together three years in October, can't believe it will be that long.

Was feeling a bit out of sorts lately, then out of the blue today I wondered if it was a date that was significant to him, and when I got home from work, he mentioned that it was.

I just thought how weird it was that I would randomly think of something that is nothing to do with me, and wonder if he was thinking of it in relation to him as it was important to him

Twas lovely

Panthro

I've just awarded a girl on OkC followed by what is (hopefully) a pretty light hearted message.

Yup...now I just sit back and wait for the reply...

doop deee doo...any minute now...:D

Nodferatu

well if your like me and suffer from social anxiety disorder, online is the ONLY way i can seem to meet anyone, i have still yet to meet someone. im fairly new to it all myself

Wibbs

extraice are you looking for a critique on your ad or placing it here? The latter is not on. We're not a dating forum nor site.

ellieh1

I met my current boyfriend online. I joined the site for a laugh with a couple of my friends never expecting to meet anyone. I didnt really reply to many messages as I had no interest really and one day I got a message from a guy who had a dog in his pic, and me being a huge lover of dogs and animals, decided to reply. We sent messages back and fourth for about two weeks and he then gave me his mobile number. He called me that night and we arranged to meet the following Saturday night. I didnt decide that I was actually going to go until about half 5 on the saturday night, when a really good friend gave me a stern talking to and told me to go and have some fun. It had been my first proper date in about 11 years, and his first one in about 12 years. We had a great time and have been together since then.

We have been both very open in telling our friends and families how we met and personally I think its a great way of getting to know if you share some common ground or interests with someone. We are both single parents too, so getting out on the social scene at times can be difficult, so I guess thats another bonus of online dating. You can get to know someone from the comfort on your own home. I am pretty happy at how it has gone for me

extraice

its someone profile i saw up on one the site i was looking at
when you google site you see off this scam by lot ladies(so called) in Russian , Nigerian and so on .... try two stay safe

Stheno

extraice wrote: »

its someone profile i saw up on one the site i was looking at
when you google site you see off this scam by lot ladies(so called) in Russian , Nigerian and so on .... try two stay safe

imo it's way to much information for a dating site.

Morag

Online dating really isn't my thing, but online communities are something else and I have found works. I means that you get to know the person and there is a shared intrest and there is no pressure.

Cutie18Ireland

Have met pretty much all of the guys I've dated online. My ex I met on faceparty and we dated for almost 6 years.

After that I wasn't really searching for anything longterm but decided I'd join match.com one of the first profiles I looked at has become my fiancé.. we met and everything just felt right. We moved into together 2 weeks later, engaged 3 months after we met and 7 months in things couldn't be better

Snoopy1

Ive had great experiences on dating sites. I met some nice guys (also met a few weirdos), been to places i had never seen before.
Been going out with my current boyfriend 8 months now and we met online.

I cant understand why people are embarrassed to tell people they met their partner on line. If your'e embarrassed a. I wouldnt want to know you and b. you shouldnt be on a dating site.

I joined a dating site, cos i broke up with long term ex, had no friends, so this was my way of getting to meet people.

maurao

Being a non drinking single parent (ie don't like pubs, and don't meet many people in the "normal" way), I recently decided to be proactive about it, and joined a site (Anotherfriend). My experience has been beyond negative, on into scammed.

That site gave me membership of another (singleparents.ie), which is salted - ie fake profiles & photos of actors, who make contact (they're members of staff I suspect), then ask a question like "Are you on Facebook" to get you to break the site rules. This happened to me - my account was then suspended, and I didn't know I had been scammed until I paid the membership fee to get it unlocked, and realised......

Also, both of these site automatically recharge your credit card at the end of the period you paid for - without billling you, or reminding you. So, if you must join, pay by Paypal, and delete the recurring payment immediately, so that you can choose whether to continue to be a member or not.

I know people who have met life partners thorugh this method of dating, but not in this country where like many other things at the moment, this appears to be another opportunity for greed and corruption. :mad: