The joys and tribulations of internet dating

parker kent

maurao wrote: »

I know people who have met life partners thorugh this method of dating, but not in this country where like many other things at the moment, this appears to be another opportunity for greed and corruption. :mad:

There are lots of free sites that are perfectly OK. I wouldn't let bad experiences on some sites put you off other sites.

Princess Peach

I met my boyfriend on Boards, so technically not a dating website Not a big fan of those myself cause I am very shy!

I have lied about how I met him though cause I'm embarrassed to say Just friends have judged others in the past who met this way and I was scared to tell them! I think maybe just cause its such a new way of meeting dates and people don't know what to expect? I don't see it much different than a friend setting you up with a blind date. Probably better because you get a chance to chat the the date a bit before you meet!

maurao

parker kent wrote: »

There are lots of free sites that are perfectly OK. I wouldn't let bad experiences on some sites put you off other sites.

Which one/ones would you recommend? Because I really have been put off, and I would advise everyone to be wary.

liah

OkCupid!

maurao

Thanks

parker kent

Yeah OKCupid seems OK. It's actually the only one I've ever used and has had lots of genuinely nice people on it.

And then it has me on it too :pac:

Augmerson

Yeah I'd agree, OKcupid is the best and it's free too, and you can waste alot of time taking the tests and stuff.

Aishae

i met my first big ex online - in a chatroom not a dating site though
it went like this
him 'hey aishae, wanna be my girlfriend?'
me'why?'
him 'you seem sound'
me 'ok ill give it a go'
we chatted and met up a few months later n it lasted 3 years. although it ended very nastily - he did it over the feckin net too.... but apart from the distance (him in the uk) it felt normal enough.

another fella i met online - i thnk he found me via my msn profile. i had forgotten the thing. he randomly emailed me. went out for a few months but he was more interested in trying on my underwear and high heels than anything else. he also got his ex gf to break up with me - f^cker beat me to it! i didnt dump him at that exact time cos hed told me a friend died. which his ex said was a lie. he told me is father was a millionaire - i never cared about that but he seemed to think he had to say that **** and said he owned property etc to impress me. his ex also said she was pissed at me cos the bloke lost his virginity to me, and she went out with him for 4 years and he wouldnt do anything. she also said she still loved him. god i was happy to get out of that mess......

that was before i realised a few things

i use okcupid myself, no horror stories but i dont meet up with people - yet - you need a bit of a thick skin though! you send many an email haha'ing at something from their profile and most wont reply but the ones that do - so far - have been friendly.

boomkatalog

Met my current boyfriend online. On "Friendzii" of all places! We got to know each other initially over bebo mails, then msn, then gradually texts and calls until we met up. It was nice to get to know someone like that without being under pressure to kiss and be touchy feely, as obviously you can't online

I personally think it was a fantastic start to a relationship, although the initial meet up was strange for me, after our first kiss I wanted to call him and tell him about it, like him on the phone and in person were two seperate people

I'm not sure if it makes a difference that we didn't set out looking to meet a partner, we were just looking to be friends and it kinda happened, but he makes me happy and I'm glad I took the chance to meet up with him.

Konata

Princess Peach wrote: »

I met my boyfriend on Boards, so technically not a dating website Not a big fan of those myself cause I am very shy!

I have lied about how I met him though cause I'm embarrassed to say Just friends have judged others in the past who met this way and I was scared to tell them! I think maybe just cause its such a new way of meeting dates and people don't know what to expect? I don't see it much different than a friend setting you up with a blind date. Probably better because you get a chance to chat the the date a bit before you meet!

I was/am the same with my boyfriend, who I also met on boards. When we first started going out I always told people it was "through a friend of a friend". I'm the only one of my friends who really "uses the internet" so I knew they wouldn't get it. It's not that I was ashamed of it, it was just so much easier to say another method.

However, we're nearly going out a year now and I'm way more open about it. My parents, brother and a few friends know the real way we met. It's funny - when I told my cousin I'd met him on boards, she exclaimed excitedly that she met her boyfriend here too but had never told anyone before :P

boomkatalog wrote: »

Met my current boyfriend online. On "Friendzii" of all places! We got to know each other initially over bebo mails, then msn, then gradually texts and calls until we met up. It was nice to get to know someone like that without being under pressure to kiss and be touchy feely, as obviously you can't online
.

I know exactly what you mean. My bf and I chatted for nearly 2 months via MSN before meeting up. It was a fantastic way of really getting to know each other, without me stressing about the way I looked or whatever (I've really low self esteem). When we met up it was a teeny bit awkward at first but after a few hours we had settled into it. We already knew so much about each other, it really made me feel connected to him

There are tons of advantages to internet dating or talking to people via internet before meeting up imo!

Ammsy500

Ive been on and off internet dating for the past year or so and have found it to be pretty good so far. I thankfully havent met any weirdos yet. I have had a few annoying messages but its easy just to ignore them. I havent really met anyone I really like yet and had a relationship with, so none of the akwardness of telling people "how we met".

For me the reason I decided to do internet dating was because most of my friends have either moved away or are shacked up with boyfriends already. I dont have the same oppurtunities to meet anyone in the real world since everything I do seems to involve mostly females. Im glad there doesnt seem to be as much of a stigma anymore since we live in an age when we all spend alot of time on the internet.

Just curious to those who said they met partners off boards, do you mean you met at one of the boards night out or just from speaking online?

flowerchild

I was travelling for work and sitting at dinner at a communal table. Two women sitting opposite me were discussing their 'love' lives. One was talking about someone she met on-line and had dated once.

She cringed as she discussed how they met and asked her friend to promise not to tell anyone. Unsound choice I thought as I ate my dinner. But as I listened to the conversation I thought that her cringing said it all.

She needed to go out and meet real people and give up on the idea that meeting someone on-line will overcome her self-consciousness about her weight.

The internet is associated with unhappiness, not happiness. Use it for research for uni/college, sure. But don't expect to meet the love of your life on it.

magneticimpulse

ive been on paid and unpaid dating websites on /off since 2000 and I have never gotten a relationship out of it. In fact I only went on a date more then once with 1 guy and thats in 11 years!!! After spending x amount of money to sign up for 6 months (with an extra 6 months free because they guaranteed id meet someone and i never did). And im not ugly by any means...not drop dead gorgeous, but just normal looking and normal person.

More recently i spent ages chatting to a guy, exchanging photos and it all seemed to be going great. Went on the date, was alright...but he absolutely didnt want to have any more contact after that. I was devastated.

Total waste of time and soul destroying imo. Id have far better luck on a night out if i actually made an effort and made eye contact with eyes. For the amount of time and effort and sometimes money that you put into these websites, for me its been absolute time waster when I should be out there living in the real world and meeting guys who like me for who i am.

I have found guys lie so much on their profiles. To further confirm this I recently saw my ex on a dating website and he had lied about everything on his profile: his job, age, education, smoking (he said he didnt smoke but he actively enjoys smoking)....just the list went on, basically nothing on his profile was true apart from maybe he is single. So that just shows you and ive not actually met a guy who told the truth on his profile. There was always, oh btw i have kids/no job/older/married etc.

People have far too high expectations on it. Whereas if you head out on a normal night with friends, you have no expectations and its a bonus if you meet someone!!! The real world dating/meeting people all the way

who what when

magneticimpulse wrote: »

ive been on paid and unpaid dating websites on /off since 2000 and I have never gotten a relationship out of it. In fact I only went on a date more then once with 1 guy and thats in 11 years!!! After spending x amount of money to sign up for 6 months (with an extra 6 months free because they guaranteed id meet someone and i never did). And im not ugly by any means...not drop dead gorgeous, but just normal looking and normal person.

More recently i spent ages chatting to a guy, exchanging photos and it all seemed to be going great. Went on the date, was alright...but he absolutely didnt want to have any more contact after that. I was devastated.

Total waste of time and soul destroying imo. Id have far better luck on a night out if i actually made an effort and made eye contact with eyes. For the amount of time and effort and sometimes money that you put into these websites, for me its been absolute time waster when I should be out there living in the real world and meeting guys who like me for who i am.

I have found guys lie so much on their profiles. To further confirm this I recently saw my ex on a dating website and he had lied about everything on his profile: his job, age, education, smoking (he said he didnt smoke but he actively enjoys smoking)....just the list went on, basically nothing on his profile was true apart from maybe he is single. So that just shows you and ive not actually met a guy who told the truth on his profile. There was always, oh btw i have kids/no job/older/married etc.

People have far too high expectations on it. Whereas if you head out on a normal night with friends, you have no expectations and its a bonus if you meet someone!!! The real world dating/meeting people all the way

Woman look at the bold text. You would have far more success if you just followed your own advise! Just talk to guys. Some will be dicks, more wont suit you but every now and again you will meet a guy who is i suppose different to the rest. Give those lads a chance. It may or may not work, who knows, if it does great, if it doesnt who cares. Just dont be the one who was afraid to find out!

Princess Peach

Konata wrote: »

I was/am the same with my boyfriend, who I also met on boards. When we first started going out I always told people it was "through a friend of a friend". I'm the only one of my friends who really "uses the internet" so I knew they wouldn't get it. It's not that I was ashamed of it, it was just so much easier to say another method.

However, we're nearly going out a year now and I'm way more open about it. My parents, brother and a few friends know the real way we met. It's funny - when I told my cousin I'd met him on boards, she exclaimed excitedly that she met her boyfriend here too but had never told anyone before :P

I'm not really ashamed at all. Thinking of it now I think I lied moreso because of our first date. None of my friends use Boards or would understand it. I told them I had a date and I knew they would be weird if I told them it was with a guy I met online and had never met in person before, but to me it was different cause we'd been friends here for ages! Didn't feel like meeting a stranger, and I went and met him in his hotel room sure. But I know my friends would have a freak attack if they knew that, cause they think only weirdos meet people on the internet. I won't even get started on that! I guess if anyone asked me now I'd say where we met no problem.

liah

I hate it when people talk about their boards romances but don't talk about who their partner is/was Goddamn curiosity!

Kya1976

liah wrote: »

I hate it when people talk about their boards romances but don't talk about who their partner is/was Goddamn curiosity!

lol I agree. 2 of my ex's are on boards. But having said that I wouldn't be too happy about mentioning any user names myself:p:pac:

Count Duckula

I met my girlfriend through the internet - World of Warcraft!

We're both on boards, too (though being English, she had to get me into it).

Princess Peach

liah wrote: »

I hate it when people talk about their boards romances but don't talk about who their partner is/was Goddamn curiosity!

I'm not going to mention my boyfriend's username, but I would still like to know everyone elses!

Konata

liah wrote: »

I hate it when people talk about their boards romances but don't talk about who their partner is/was Goddamn curiosity!

I agree! :P

I'll indulge ya anyway My boyfriend is D4RK ONION - GH & RB, Primary & Pre-school and Christmas mod We got talking via an IRC channel he set up for users of the Clearasil & Hormones forum and we'll be together a year in May whoop!

CoolGirl101

I always thought it was pretty weird, but my current boyfriend (we have been together eight months now) and I met online, and I don't regret one bit of it, we are like absolute twins of each other, we are so alike, get on amazingly and are absolutely just perfect for each other.
I know we will be together for a long time, and I have the interweb to thank for it :p
don't knock it until you try it....trust me!

Princess Peach

I've snagged myself a mod too. I love a man in a powerful position.



:pac:

Konata

Princess Peach wrote: »

I've snagged myself a mod too. I love a man in a powerful position.



:pac:

The curiosity will KILL ME! :P

magneticimpulse

who what when wrote: »

Woman look at the bold text. You would have far more success if you just followed your own advise! Just talk to guys. Some will be dicks, more wont suit you but every now and again you will meet a guy who is i suppose different to the rest. Give those lads a chance. It may or may not work, who knows, if it does great, if it doesnt who cares. Just dont be the one who was afraid to find out!

Exactly, my advice is, that its more likely to meet someone by just being out rather then clicking away to some random person you have never seen face to face in person on the internet.

Attraction is all about 1st impressions and i think you form a better sense of attraction and chemistry when you 1st meet a person on a random night out. Whereas internet dating you have time inbetween contact in which either one of you builds up this fake persona of imagination and if the person doesnt live up to expectations it fails.

IMO, you would have a less chance of failing out and about in public then you would with internet dating and cyber space.

boomkatalog

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Attraction is all about 1st impressions and i think you form a better sense of attraction and chemistry when you 1st meet a person on a random night out. Whereas internet dating you have time inbetween contact in which either one of you builds up this fake persona of imagination and if the person doesnt live up to expectations it fails.

Interesting thought on chemistry. In theory, it sounds right, and I would've agreed with you three years ago. But I have never had chemistry like this with anyone before my boyf (that I met online), and I think it was because we got to know each other minus the pressure of "does my hair look ok?" etc. And then when we did meet, we had an amazing spark in person too.

I suppose chemistry really just depends on the people; whether they meet in a pub, through friends or online is irrelevant I think.

The ONLY disadvantage I can think of from meeting my boyfriend online is distance! I fell for a man that lives 4 hours away from me But sure, love is rarely convenient

kingtut

I think internet dating is great but I hate the way people are so ashamed to say that they met online!! The stigma only exists because people don't have the balls to admit how they met.

I'm always curious about the pictures thread, I post their sometimes and wonder if the people who thank the post like me or like the pic... in saying that there are a few boardsies I like the look of

Aishae

kingtut wrote: »

I'm always curious about the pictures thread, I post their sometimes and wonder if the people who thank the post like me or like the pic... in saying that there are a few boardsies I like the look of

if it was the former - and it may be the case - i'd have to hide my face in shame! so i pretendedly assume its the latter :pac:
ive seen lots of thanks on pics with people with pets or babies so i think people probably thank for both reasons but more so the 'nice pic' thing

nautilus

I have been on a off various sites for the past few years, some fab dates and some horrendous.

All of my friends know I internet date and my stories can keep them amused for hours.

My word of advice is to create a thick skin, do not take abusive mails personally and enjoy your self.

have just met a new guy recently....looking good

magneticimpulse

boomkatalog wrote: »

Interesting thought on chemistry. In theory, it sounds right, and I would've agreed with you three years ago. But I have never had chemistry like this with anyone before my boyf (that I met online), and I think it was because we got to know each other minus the pressure of "does my hair look ok?" etc. And then when we did meet, we had an amazing spark in person too.

I suppose chemistry really just depends on the people; whether they meet in a pub, through friends or online is irrelevant I think.

The ONLY disadvantage I can think of from meeting my boyfriend online is distance! I fell for a man that lives 4 hours away from me But sure, love is rarely convenient

You would think it was only down to personality. I get on like a house on fire with most guys chatting online before the date. But come the date itself in person Im not the type of person to flirt etc and it just goes absolutely pear shaped because I am told there is no chemistry.

So I think you were lucky that you had chemistry....however in my 11 years experience with online dating, the sexual chemistry/attraction on the date has been absolutely missing everytime

Aishae

magneticimpulse wrote: »

You would think it was only down to personality. I get on like a house on fire with most guys chatting online before the date. But come the date itself in person Im not the type of person to flirt etc and it just goes absolutely pear shaped because I am told there is no chemistry.

So I think you were lucky that you had chemistry....however in my 11 years experience with online dating, the sexual chemistry/attraction on the date has been absolutely missing everytime

oh yes i completely forgot:

i was planning to travel for several weeks after college - thought maybe the us or new zealand. a year before i finished college i met a bloke who found me via an old quote application (i think?) on facebook. we chatted great etc. he was from nz. so that was that decided, id call in on him when i was there. unfortunately there was absolutely no chemistry what so ever. we chatted grand but there was no spark. i realise why that was the case on my part (that would take too long to explain). but i reckon part of the reason why that was so disappointing was cos wed chatted for a year before i saw him face to face and there was no spark so i wasted time on the whole thing in a way. but. NZ was sooooo the right travel choice for me i had a blast. so it wasnt all bad. but id say people who get the spark too are lucky.