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Why do some women marry young and others wait until they are older?

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    #62
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,431 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    I got married the first time at 19 he was a lot older than me and to this day I don't regard it as a mistake even though we ended up separating. In a lot of way it was great getting married so young I had my children young, I had the shelter of being married, in a way it was like being in a bubble.

    I think thats why I found meeting and getting involved in relationships again in my late thirties such a revelation.


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    #63
    cch
    Registered Users Posts: 318 ✭✭cch


    From purely my own observations, it seems to me that idea of marriage in Ireland means that you spend >20K on a party and that you'll be trying to have three kids in first three years. And that's why we delay it and spend our twenties going "Us? Get married?! No!" despite being in serious relationships which are identical to being married.
    I've met loads of couples from all over the world who met and married at what we would consider very young, yet they travel and do loads of cool stuff together, as partners. Some with kids, most without but maybe some have enough time! It just strikes me as a more mature attitude to marriage...
    If you've met the right person you know you'll want to spend the rest of your life with, then why not marry them?


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    #64
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    cch wrote: »
    From purely my own observations, it seems to me that idea of marriage in Ireland means that you spend >20K on a party and that you'll be trying to have three kids in first three years. And that's why we delay it and spend our twenties going "Us? Get married?! No!" despite being in serious relationships which are identical to being married.
    I've met loads of couples from all over the world who met and married at what we would consider very young, yet they travel and do loads of cool stuff together, as partners. Some with kids, most without but maybe some have enough time! It just strikes me as a more mature attitude to marriage...
    If you've met the right person you know you'll want to spend the rest of your life with, then why not marry them?

    Or why should you? I presume you mean if you've met the right person while you're "young". It's just not for everyone. And being in a serious relationship is not identical to being married, otherwise why would anyone do it?


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    #65
    cch
    Registered Users Posts: 318 ✭✭cch


    Malari wrote: »
    Or why should you? I presume you mean if you've met the right person while you're "young". It's just not for everyone. And being in a serious relationship is not identical to being married, otherwise why would anyone do it?

    I said "why not" get married, not "then you should" get married.

    Last year, within one week, I had two conversations with two totally different male friends who have long-term girlfriends, a house etc who both basically said to me "I'd marry her tomorrow if I could". Both hated the idea of a typical wedding and that was the big obstacle to proposing, and I just thought that was really sad...

    (Just to clarify, I'm married and was pregnant at the time, a condition which tends to bring out the philosophical, meaning-of-life conversations, especially with men!)


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    #66
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    cch wrote: »
    I said "why not" get married, not "then you should" get married.

    Last year, within one week, I had two conversations with two totally different male friends who have long-term girlfriends, a house etc who both basically said to me "I'd marry her tomorrow if I could". Both hated the idea of a typical wedding and that was the big obstacle to proposing, and I just thought that was really sad...

    (Just to clarify, I'm married and was pregnant at the time, a condition which tends to bring out the philosophical, meaning-of-life conversations, especially with men!)

    When people say "why not" it usually implies that there is no good reason not to. That's what I thought you meant.

    I agree with you that it's sad when "the wedding" puts people off "the marriage".


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    #67
    Scanlas The 2nd
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,144 ✭✭✭Scanlas The 2nd


    I don't know if this is true or not but I heard a theory but women can be split into two maing marrying strategies. One type finds one man and invests time in him trying to mould him into her the man she wants. The other type bouces through a lot of men looking for one who already fits the mould. Not saying this is true. I don't know if it is.


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    #68
    liliq
    Registered Users Posts: 2,242 ✭✭✭liliq


    Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »
    I don't know if this is true or not but I heard a theory but women can be split into two maing marrying strategies. One type finds one man and invests time in him trying to mould him into her the man she wants. The other type bouces through a lot of men looking for one who already fits the mould. Not saying this is true. I don't know if it is.

    I doubt it is- very broad generalisation of women being either of one type or the other!
    That's like saying men are generally either the type of man all women would want to marry or they're not!


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    #69
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    cch wrote: »
    Last year, within one week, I had two conversations with two totally different male friends who have long-term girlfriends, a house etc who both basically said to me "I'd marry her tomorrow if I could". Both hated the idea of a typical wedding and that was the big obstacle to proposing, and I just thought that was really sad...

    That's a cop out I think. I know quite a few couples who opted for small weddings here and abroad. The typical big wedding is not the only option.


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    #70
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    I'm getting married in May. I'm glad I waited to meet my partner as loads of my friends met guys when they were 18, stuck with them for up to ten years and are waiting on them to pop the question, with no sign of getting married. We'll be together two years when we're married. I'm 29, he's 36, its the right time for us. When you know, you know, I'd have waited until I was 39 to meet him rather than marrying any person just to be married.
    It's not about waiting to have a big wedding, we want a marriage not a wedding and if we were very tight on cash we'd be happy with the €150 service to marry and a pub lunch. We're having a wedding we can afford but we'd marry regardless of a big day out.


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    #71
    wicklori
    Registered Users Posts: 299 ✭✭wicklori


    I met a fella when I was 22, was with him for 8 years; did the year in Oz together the lot. Talked loads about getting married; the house; the dog; the car; the kids.... Then we broke up. Several, several times!

    The LUCKIEST escape of my entire life. I met someone else. We are together two years and plan to get married soon. We live together and are genuinely 'partners' in the true sense of the word. (Things that never fell into place with the first fella).

    Yeah, I could have been married when I thought I wanted to be (around 25) but it would have always been only 'alright'. Might have lasted, might not. The point is... I really had no insight into what I was missing. I thought the first relationship (not my first relationship) was IT. What more could there be? Well it turns out-LOTS!


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