Why do some women marry young and others wait until they are older?

Sibylla

It's a personal decision dependent on a number of factors, Some people don't meet the right one until they are in their 30's/40's, Others marry their childhood sweethearts but choose to live together and get married later, college, work, travelling, finances all impact this decision. Also some people have no desire to get married while others settle down young.

starlit

krudler wrote: »

Thats, quite frankly, ludicrous. you want your friends to all marry around the same time so nobody gets left out? What if people dont care?

baffling thread is baffling.

I've a complex mind, I think in a complex way and see things as complex...you confused..? Its how I think and operate hard not to think like that when I have not reached that stage in life. I don't know what its like to be in love with someone and have a proper serious long term relationship with and not know what marriage is or what its about. So why rush into these things but as other posters have said everyone is different, we 'grow up', do certains things that society expects us to do and mature at different paces.

spinandscribble

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've a complex mind, I think in a complex way and see things as complex...you confused..? Its how I think and operate hard not to think like that when I have not reached that stage in life. I don't know what its like to be in love with someone and have a proper serious long term relationship with and not know what marriage is or what its about. So why rush into these things but as other posters have said everyone is different, we 'grow up', do certains things that society expects us to do and mature at different paces.

I wouldn't view you as complex just that you're a little confused. Noones asking you to jump into marriage. theres no RIGHT age for marriage or even a need for it.

mood

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've a complex mind, I think in a complex way and see things as complex...you confused..? Its how I think and operate hard not to think like that when I have not reached that stage in life. I don't know what its like to be in love with someone and have a proper serious long term relationship with and not know what marriage is or what its about. So why rush into these things but as other posters have said everyone is different, we 'grow up', do certains things that society expects us to do and mature at different paces.

It's actually very simple and you are trying to make it complex in my opinion.

And is not necessarily about growing up, do certains things that society expects us to do and mature at different paces as you put it.

Sarn

We all experience things at different times in our lives and have different experiences that shape us. As pointed out above, the erosion of what were considered to be traditional roles makes it easier to move at our own pace and live life how we wish. No longer is there an expectation to do X and Y by a certain age.

liliq

Hehe- I always thought i'd start having kids around my late 20's, maybe get married around mid- 30's...

My life totally changed my plans, and I'm glad it did!

CathyMoran

I met my husband when I was in my early 20's but I did not marry him until I was 32 - for me I feel that it was the wrong decision. I am head over heals in love with my husband, fell in love with him at first sight and he is one the really nice guys (goregous looking as well). I was always scared of the big day (which I never wanted) so put off our wedding a few times, I am very lucky that my husband and I managed to get through it. I feel that I had a lot of growing up to do but luckily we are still together.

As for getting married - everyone has their own reasons.

krudler

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've a complex mind, I think in a complex way and see things as complex...you confused..? Its how I think and operate hard not to think like that when I have not reached that stage in life. I don't know what its like to be in love with someone and have a proper serious long term relationship with and not know what marriage is or what its about. So why rush into these things but as other posters have said everyone is different, we 'grow up', do certains things that society expects us to do and mature at different paces.

Havent you just answered your own question? some people get married straight away, some dont meet whoever they marry until later in life. its called life, it doesnt always happen the way you expect.

Its not complex at all tbh, its just a question theres no answer to aside from everyones different and does things differently. Why do some people go to college and not others? why do people go travelling and others prefer to stay at home? those arent complex questions.

the_syco

snuggles285 wrote: »

Back in 1800's

Back in the 1800's, you could be married off for land, politics, etc.

Ksusha26

In my country (Russia) it is quite normal for women to marry young and if they do not by the age of 25 they are considered an old maid. Between the ages of 25-30 there is considerable pressure on the woman to get married and if she goes beyond 30, her family give up on her. That attitude is thankfully changing but given the deomgraphic imbalance in Russia (more women than men) us women cannot afford to be too choosy for too long.

I met my first boyfriend in university when I was 18. We were together for 4 years and when we graduated, he proposed to me which I rejected as I was not ready to be tied down. I wanted to go out and see the world as well as experiment, play the field as you call it. Fast forward nearly 5 years later after 3 further relationships and a couple of flings, I am now in another relationship and feel really happy although I still dont know if he is the right one. Last year I was at my university reunion and most of my friends were married or were getting married. I did feel a bit left out but I am determined I will not get married to any man but to 'a' man. I hope to get married some day and have kids but it must be the right man.

Malari

Ksusha26 wrote: »

Between the ages of 25-30 there is considerable pressure on the woman to get married and if she goes beyond 30, her family give up on her.

I'd say quite a few Irish women would be delighted if that happened if they weren't married after the age of 30, judging from the number of PIs about nagging relatives

I'm surprised there are this many replies on the thread, when the question is just so obvious! People are not homogeneous. Simples.

krudler

Malari wrote: »

I'd say quite a few Irish women would be delighted if that happened if they weren't married after the age of 30, judging from the number of PIs about nagging relatives

I'm surprised there are this many replies on the thread, when the question is just so obvious! People are not homogeneous. Simples.

considering it was answered in the first response, op may as well be asking why people gets dogs instead of cats or vice versa, personal choice!

spinandscribble

krudler wrote: »

considering it was answered in the first response, op may as well be asking why people gets dogs instead of cats or vice versa, personal choice!

yes good comparison (social, cultural, historical differences)

sam34

Dudess wrote: »

I presume you mean by this you'd like your peers to do everything at the same time so that nobody will feel left out?

snuggles285 wrote: »

Ya thats how I feel and view things.

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've a complex mind, I think in a complex way

tbh, that type of thinking demonstrated above is very far from "complex"

analucija

A lot of it is cultural thing and where and how you are brought up. If you don't go to Uni and start working earlier you get into routine earlier. Good promotion prospects may postpone marriage or family again. We also have more disposable income than older generations and we are more selfish in the ways we want to spend it. I'm pretty sure that people in richer societies get married latter. And in the end I guess it also depends on weather you have a partner you want to tolerate for the rest of your life.

um7y1h83ge06nx

As most have said it's personal preference.

The below is just my own outlook and opinion.

I was out one night and got chatting to a girl who at 25 was separated. I was quite taken back by it being honest, such a young age to have gone through marriage and marriage break-up.

In my opinion I would like to have things to look forward to in life, no point rushing everything. One of my friends at 27 is married, house built, two kids and a full-time teaching job. It suits him but I would just feel like I rushed everything, plus I would feel pretty tired down. Weekends with the lads would be a lot tougher with a wife and two kids at home.

Johnny_Trotter

Ksusha26 wrote: »

In my country (Russia) it is quite normal for women to marry young and if they do not by the age of 25 they are considered an old maid. Between the ages of 25-30 there is considerable pressure on the woman to get married and if she goes beyond 30, her family give up on her.

I have seen the same approach in Poland. There seems to be pressure on a young (23/24/25 years old) couple to get married - whether self-imposed because they believe society expects it or just hints coming from parents, friends and so on. And unfortunately, I have seen a few divorces recently where some couples that got married and realised that they were not right for each other, and probably had rushed into marriage.

barbiegirl

Certainly in our family it came down to when you met the right person. My older brothers were 25 and 29, I was 33, my sister 26. My kid brothers are both unmarried at 26 and 21 there's no hurry.
Had I met the right man younger I would have married younger :-)

Partizan

barbiegirl wrote: »

Certainly in our family it came down to when you met the right person. My older brothers were 25 and 29, I was 33, my sister 26. My kid brothers are both unmarried at 26 and 21 there's no hurry.
Had I met the right man younger I would have married younger :-)

I am 33 y.o. male, friendly, considered good looking (34 in the summer), have been in a few medium-long term relationships along with a couple of ONS down through the years but I have yet to meet the right person to contemplate marriage. I have had my heart broken twice along the way too.

I spent all of my 20s, in college, work/abroad, partying, having fun to even think about it but in the last 12-18 months or so, I have been thinking about the whole settling down malarky I will not get married for the sake of it, only when I feel I have met the right one for me and of course she feels the same. Please dont tell me that time is ticking against me.

Quid pro quo.

Dudess

Don't think she indicated that. And for a woman of your age who wants children, time kinda IS ticking against her. And I'm not a judgemental kid who thinks life is just mapped out the way you want it, or a smug settled woman with children - I'm your age and single.

But the biological clock is a reality that can't be ignored.

ricman

Marriage seems to me be a legal state, to provide financial protection in terms of inheritance,rights to property,pensions etc the rate of divorce,separation is 50 per cent so unless you are religious ,theres no logical reason to get married apart from economic reasons.A woman with kids should get married as it gives financial benefits ,eg rights to financial support if the marriage breaks up.
if you go to a divorce court marriage is just seen as a financial contract ,between to people ,one person has a right to a share of the other persons assets ,or financial aid ,unless both persons have equal assets and equal incomes.
i think women are working,or going to college ,so they are in no rush to get married before 25 ,and theres no longer any stigma against just living with someone .

mood

ricman wrote: »

Marriage seems to me be a legal state, to provide financial protection in terms of inheritance,rights to property,pensions etc the rate of divorce,separation is 50 per cent so unless you are religious ,theres no logical reason to get married apart from economic reasons.A woman with kids should get married as it gives financial benefits ,eg rights to financial support if the marriage breaks up.
if you go to a divorce court marriage is just seen as a financial contract ,between to people ,one person has a right to a share of the other persons assets ,or financial aid ,unless both persons have equal assets and equal incomes.
i think women are working,or going to college ,so they are in no rush to get married before 25 ,and theres no longer any stigma against just living with someone .

50% is incorrect. 27% seems to be the divorce rate. For correct stats check out the link below. 50% applies to the UK or USA. I can't remember which. I would think that a divorce court would deal with access to children as well as financial matters.

http://www.cinews.ie/article.php?artid=6259

Poor Craythur

Adriel Tasty Cake wrote: »

In my opinion I would like to have things to look forward to in life, no point rushing everything. One of my friends at 27 is married, house built, two kids and a full-time teaching job. It suits him but I would just feel like I rushed everything, plus I would feel pretty tired down. Weekends with the lads would be a lot tougher with a wife and two kids at home.

And that's cool. You're not ready for it. Maybe you'll never be.

Horses for courses basically, OP.

Partizan wrote: »

I am 33 y.o. male

Partizan wrote: »

Please dont tell me that time is ticking against me.

You're male, so age isn't as big an issue for you. A woman of your age who wants children might feel differently. And you'd still comfortably score women in their 20s at your age.

lauren12

To be honest, I think yes it has to do with finding the right guy, but back in the day 60's and 70's sex wasn't as free as it is today. people didn't just live together. So I would say that has something to do with why the age has gone up.

Emme

Ksusha26 wrote: »

...given the deomgraphic imbalance in Russia (more women than men) us women cannot afford to be too choosy for too long.

It's similar in Ireland (well Dublin anyway) and a lot of men here are relatively heavy drinkers and aren't as willing to settle down as men in other countries.

Ksusha26 wrote: »

I met my first boyfriend in university when I was 18. We were together for 4 years and when we graduated, he proposed to me which I rejected as I was not ready to be tied down. I wanted to go out and see the world as well as experiment, play the field as you call it. Fast forward nearly 5 years later after 3 further relationships and a couple of flings, I am now in another relationship and feel really happy although I still dont know if he is the right one. Last year I was at my university reunion and most of my friends were married or were getting married. I did feel a bit left out but I am determined I will not get married to any man but to 'a' man. I hope to get married some day and have kids but it must be the right man.

It's hard to meet the "right" one but if you want children you will have to marry when time is on your side. If you feel that a man isn't right for you move on.

I think that some people want to get married young, some don't, and anybody who does marry happily, whatever age that may be, is very fortunate.

I would say it's all down to luck.

Emme

Ksusha26 wrote: »

...given the deomgraphic imbalance in Russia (more women than men) us women cannot afford to be too choosy for too long.

It's similar in Ireland (well Dublin anyway) and a lot of men here are relatively heavy drinkers and aren't as willing to settle down as men in other countries. I don't know anything about Russian men but I have heard they are similar. Perhaps the fact that there are so many available women has a negative impact on the behaviour of these men.

Ksusha26 wrote: »

I met my first boyfriend in university when I was 18. We were together for 4 years and when we graduated, he proposed to me which I rejected as I was not ready to be tied down. I wanted to go out and see the world as well as experiment, play the field as you call it. Fast forward nearly 5 years later after 3 further relationships and a couple of flings, I am now in another relationship and feel really happy although I still dont know if he is the right one. Last year I was at my university reunion and most of my friends were married or were getting married. I did feel a bit left out but I am determined I will not get married to any man but to 'a' man. I hope to get married some day and have kids but it must be the right man.

It's hard to meet the "right" one but if you want children you will have to marry when time is on your side. If you feel that a man isn't right for you move on.

I think that some people want to get married young, some don't, and anybody who does marry happily, whatever age that may be, is very fortunate.

I would say it's all down to luck.

beks101

There does seem to be a hint of a family legacy when it comes to marriage-age IME, though obviously it varies from couple to couple.

With the married couples I know who are my age (mid 20s), at least in the case of the brides...all of their parents would have been together from late teens/early twenties and married around the same age. Equally a single friend of mine's parents were hitched by 22 - she's 26 and in constant turmoil over her singledom, eternally bemoaning it and never stops telling me she 'thought she'd be settled by this age'. To me, 26 is a kid and even if I met someone tomorrow, I couldn't imagine walking down the aisle any time soon. I have way too much on the to-do list before I get down that far!

I guess attitudes toward marriage can run in families, is what I'm saying, and familial pressure can come into it too. I couldn't in a million years imagine feeling inadequate for being single or nowhere near settling down at this age, but I have some friends who do, and face the 'any boyfriend? I was married by your age!' on a regular basis.

starlit

beks101 wrote: »

face the 'any boyfriend? I was married by your age!' on a regular basis.

Ya I get that a lot too. I just say i'm taking my time and not settling down for just anyone, guess that's just me being fussy. Just had been heartbroken a lot or realtionships haven't worked out for me like. Just have high standards too...:o I've not met anyone I'm willing to go out with since my ex.

I'm 30 male and single, not overly bothered about being single as I've never been in love so no one slipped through the net. If I had met the women of my dreams and we had broken up due to me being an asshole I reckon I wouldn't be as happy as I am now

I would like to meet someone "just right" / "the one" etc etc and settle down and whatnot but it's not something that can be rushed in my view, it either happens or it doesn't happen.

Being 30 I'd know a few folk who are seperated or divorced, hooking up with the wrong person can get very messy so I don't think anyone should rush into it.

I get a few comments off some of the buddies wives/girlfriends every so often about how I should settle down, as I reckon they are complete cows it doesn't bother me :pac:

i-digress

RoverJames wrote: »

I get a few comments off some of the buddies wives/girlfriends every so often about how I should settle down

I get the opposite of this. I'm 24, was married at 22 to a guy I met at nineteen. Am happily married, and love my life. I met the right guy for me at that time, we clicked perfectly.

I got a lot of flack from friends about me being too young to settle down. I felt ready, and am happy. I don't think that because I got married at 22, all my friends should do it. So why should I play the field just because my friends are?

People make different life choices. Their choices are personal, and not a criticism of other people's choices. The problem imo isn't people getting married young/older or anything else, it's how judgemental we can be as a society.