Why do some women marry young and others wait until they are older?

starlit

I have often wondered why some women marry young say in their early-mid 20's or a little older late 20's/30's onwards. I suppose that some girls happen to find 'the one' or their soulmate in their teens/early 20's. Lucky for some but not everyone has met their life long partner they wish to marry. Many of course live together and are a couple for many years before they marry others might have children before deciding to tie the knot but how is it, that all that is covered before the business of marriage?

Is it the modern way of the 21st century or society has influenced it? Back in 1800's and many other centuries was the norm to marry at an older age, while in the past couple of decades it has varied, while very common to marry later in life in the early 20th century while in the 60's, 70's and 80's even 90's was common and the norm to marry young compared to the noughties. Now a days it varies, depending what generation you grew up in. If your are currently in your 30-40's then likely you will marry at an older age whilst the current teens-early 20's tend to marry young, yet those currently in their mid 20's to late 20's is a mixed bag as to when they marry. What do you think?

liah

Because everyone's different?

Ickle Magoo

I think it just depends on when you meet someone you want to marry, doesn't it?

Because it's a personal decision for everyone so there's no set rule?

Some want to be married and be homemakers some want to get so far in their career first, some find the one and don't get married, some find the one and do get married. Totally varies.

princess-lala

What a strange question.......Some women meet their husband at a young age and marry then others don't meet them until later in life! :eek:

starlit

princess-lala wrote: »

What a strange question.......Some women meet their husband at a young age and marry then others don't meet them until later in life! :eek:

Yes that is the angle I am getting at. I'm just trying to comprehend why there is such a difference now a days at the approach to marriage when women marry. Its like why can't we all marry at a certain age and not one or the other but I suppose its an act of fate when we meet our potential partners/husbands. Its always baffled me. Like some of my former classmates from school are already married, some married with kids, some engaged, some not married with kids, some engaged but already have kids and others well may or may not have partners, may or may not be single or may or may not want to marry. It just baffles me at the age gap of women who marry compared to others.

Ickle Magoo

Why would it baffle you? Tbh, I'm not getting your point at all now...

Everyone leads different lives, some go to uni, some go travelling, some are happy being single & some fall madly in love at 18 others, like my auntie, get married for the first time at 50 - as with everything else in life there is a whole raft of reasons why we don't all choose the same path at the same time...what's baffling about that?

Asphyxia

I'm not really sure what you mean women marry at every age!

Some want it young, some don't want it till an older age and others don't want it at all, everyone is different.

princess-lala

Oh lordy lordy, nobody knows when they are gonna meet their future husband wife!!

starlit

Pocketfizz wrote: »

I'm not really sure what you mean women marry at every age!

Some want it young, some don't want it till an older age and others don't want it at all, everyone is different.

I mean why do some women marry at 20, 30 or 40 and not all at 20 or not all at 30 or not all at 40?? Obviously circumstances vary but how was it the norm that women at the same age got married compared to now, women get married at any age why is there such a major difference?

snuggles285

snuggles285 wrote: »

Yes that is the angle I am getting at. I'm just trying to comprehend why there is such a difference now a days at the approach to marriage when women marry. Its like why can't we all marry at a certain age and not one or the other but I suppose its an act of fate when we meet our potential partners/husbands. Its always baffled me. Like some of my former classmates from school are already married, some married with kids, some engaged, some not married with kids, some engaged but already have kids and others well may or may not have partners, may or may not be single or may or may not want to marry. It just baffles me at the age gap of women who marry compared to others.

What?

I mean you're assuming all of us will marry or WANT to marry at all, but after that, who on earth cares what age?!

Sanjuro

snuggles285 wrote: »

Its like why can't we all marry at a certain age

Probably because we don't live in Logan's Run.

In all seriousness, it's better that people do not rush in to marriage because it's expected of you. Having witnessed so many of my friends' parents (and including my own parents') marriages break down, I think it's far better that people take the time to really get to know each other rather than meeting, screwing and marrying as fast as possible.

Hell, I know two couples who aren't even in their mid-30s who have been in marriages that have broken down.

Faith

snuggles285 wrote: »

I mean why do some women marry at 20, 30 or 40 and not all at 20 or not all at 30 or not all at 40?? Obviously circumstances vary but how was it the norm that women at the same age got married compared to now, women get married at any age why is there such a major difference?

Because we have a lot more choice now. Even as recently as the 70s, it was strange for a woman not to be married by her mid-20s. You were viewed with pity and considered left on the shelf, to an extent. The window for marriage was very small, and women were more likely to marry someone without giving it the amount of thought we do today. These days, there's no such thing as a spinster, and there's little societal pressure to get married. In the past, women lived at home until they got married. Sex wasn't allowed. Working was only supposed to happen until you got married. You had almost no freedom. Marriage provided an escape from the parental home, and a means of support.

Now, women have careers and have no obligation to stop working. We can live independently whenever we want. We support ourselves, and no longer need men like we used to. We can have sex with whomever we like, openly. Women now are afforded the choice of waiting until you're really sure you want to be with that person forever, rather than being somewhat obliged to be married by a certain age.

Ickle Magoo

How long ago are you talking? Of course, it used to be that women were dependant on a husband for an income and there was no such thing as contraception - the advent of women earning meant that women were no longer dependent on men for "keeping them" and so being palmed off by ones parents to the the first wealthy guy who showed an interest was no longer as issue.

Women in the work-place meant an increase in women in education and the legal mass introduction of contraception meant people didn't have to rush off to get married if they wanted to do anything beyond hand holding - control over reproduction combined with women in work and education meant women could afford to put marriage and kids on the long finger, if they chose to.

My parents were married older than we were yet my grandparents married as teens...I think it comes down to the last couple of generations having more choice as to when, or even if, they settle down. :cool:

amdublin

How come some pieces of string are long and some pieces are short

Novella

I don't get it...

We don't all do the same things at the same times in our lives. Some people get married at 20 because they want to, some at 40. Some people are more career orientated than love/marriage/family etc. Some people don't meet a person they wanna marry 'til later in their lives. We're just different and life is different for all of us, that's all.

mood

Obviously because everyone is different, want different things and at different times and of course it depends on when and if you meet someone you want to marry and even if you believe in marriage in the first place.

I can't understand why you even created the thread. It's a question a five year old would ask!

Chuchoter

People in America get married incredibly young, it seems normal to be married with a kid by the time you're 21/22.

Personally I think before 27/28 is too young to be married. You should be having fun/developing your career at that stage, not deciding who you want to be with the rest of your life. However, some people do get married young and it works out grand! I guess it just depends on how mature you are and if you know what you want out of life.

sam34

snuggles285 wrote: »

I mean why do some women marry at 20, 30 or 40 and not all at 20 or not all at 30 or not all at 40??

WTF??

why do some women drink red wine, some drink White wine and others opt for gin & tonic instead?

individual taste, choice, desire, wants etc

the glass woman

Sanjuro wrote: »

I think it's far better that people take the time to really get to know each other rather than meeting, screwing and marrying as fast as possible.

Hell, I know two couples who aren't even in their mid-30s who have been in marriages that have broken down.

Well speaking from experience, I spent 9 years getting to know someone before I married him at 27 and the marriage still suffered big problems, it can happen to anyone and I'd imagine would have the same devastating effects on both people whether they were married or just in a committed relationship. In my case it was down to mental health issues of my husband, not us just deciding we couldn't stand each other. Thankfully with a lot of serious work on both parts, mainly his though, we are back on track now and even planning baby number 2.

I think life just throws things at you and there's no escaping them whatever people's circumstances/age are. In my situation, as unreal as it sounds, I'm so glad I went through what i did in the last 18 months as it has been life changing for me as a person, for the better.

On an aside note, one thing I do think people shouldn't rush into is having children, whether married or not. It's one thing to walk away from a broken marriage or relationship and deal with it, but it's a whole different ball game if there's a child involved. But then again no one goes into these things expecting them to fail.

Kooli

I'm actually surprised how many women DO marry at around the same age, at least within a social group anyway.

When I went to my 10 year school reunion (i.e. everyone age 27-28) there was I think one girl who was married (out of about 80).

Within two years that number rose to about 40.

So yes, we're all different and all that wonderful stuff, but it's hard to believe that 50% of us just happened to meet the right guy and get to the right stage with him coincidentally in the same 2 year period?

I think if we were part of a social group where the norm was to marry at 21-22 we would all be married to THAT guy, whoever he was.
So some of it is the romance of meeting the right guy, but a lot of the time I think it's down to who you met at the right time.

starlit

mood wrote: »

I can't understand why you even created the thread. It's a question a five year old would ask!

I like to ask a lot of questions. I question and doubt things a lot thats all. I like knowledge, and learning what other people think when it comes to certain issues. It was a question I wanted to ask cause It cropped up in my head over the weekend as a former classmate of mine got engaged thats where it came about i'm only 25 like and feel like marriage is another zone and not mature enough settle down and go down that path, under certain circumstances I cannot afford to bring a child into this world and be married for so many reasons, it just weirds me out that other girls my age are at that place and I am not cause I'm not mature enough to handle that sort of thing yet and not in a relationship so I don't know what its like when it comes to these things so just like to get an overview and insight what other girls my age/younger/older than me view it...:o

the glass woman

Kooli wrote: »

a lot of the time I think it's down to who you met at the right time.

Absolutely, also if women do want to have one or more children then age is certainly a factor in deciding to settle down at a particular time.

pow wow

crayolastereo wrote: »

People in America get married incredibly young, it seems normal to be married with a kid by the time you're 21/22.

For some reason a lot of people in Northern Ireland get married what we would consider 'very young' aswell - it's far more common there to be married in your early 20s than it ever would be here. It must be cultural, either that or they get lucky and meet their 'soulmates' much earlier than we do :cool:

Neyite

Your question made me smile OP, because it made me think of the f**kwit I was stupid enough to go out with at age 20.

I met the one for me at age 29. As I've gotten older (36) marriage is less important to me - I see it as a public proclamation of what we already have. So we will get around to it at some stage but its really just a tax/ next of kin legal agreement dressed up as a big party for us.

mood

snuggles285 wrote: »

I like to ask a lot of questions. I question and doubt things a lot thats all. I like knowledge, and learning what other people think when it comes to certain issues. It was a question I wanted to ask cause It cropped up in my head over the weekend as a former classmate of mine got engaged thats where it came about i'm only 25 like and feel like marriage is another zone and not mature enough settle down and go down that path, under certain circumstances I cannot afford to bring a child into this world and be married for so many reasons, it just weirds me out that other girls my age are at that place and I am not cause I'm not mature enough to handle that sort of thing yet and not in a relationship so I don't know what its like when it comes to these things so just like to get an overview and insight what other girls my age/younger/older than me view it...:o

But the answer to you question is so obvious.

You friend obviously feel ready, has meet the right person etc - just an example of someone who is different than you. Basically we are all different with different wants and needs and expectations and experiences. It's not rocket science.

I for one am glad we are all different etc. If everyone followed the same path in life at the same time etc it would be a very boring world.

LenaClaire

crayolastereo wrote: »

People in America get married incredibly young, it seems normal to be married with a kid by the time you're 21/22.

Only 3 of my friends in the US got married right out of college. The rest waited until their mid-twenties to early thirties. It really varies based on socio-economic expectations and the financial stability of a region in the US. If you look at smaller towns with an agricultural or manufacturing base you will see an increase in early marriage but if you look at most metropolitan areas the average age for marriage varies dramatically.

Talking to most of my friends it seemed like growing up in a small town there was a much higher expectation that girls get married and start a family while the husband works as soon as they are done with school.

In the larger cities you see a lot more women joining the work force and delaying marriage or alternately, getting pregnant young and still not marrying. Women don't have to marry anymore - it used to be that you were either financially dependent on your parents or your husband but a lot has changed in the past 40 years.

As most of the posters have been saying - people vary, every one has different expectations and meets the person they want to marry at different times. We are lucky that at this point in history we have the rights to make the choices we want regarding our own lives.

Dudess

snuggles285 wrote: »

Its like why can't we all marry at a certain age and not one or the other

I presume you mean by this you'd like your peers to do everything at the same time so that nobody will feel left out?

You can't think like that - you gotta just let life (well the parts of it you have no control over) roll along and deal with things as they come up, rather than crossing bridges that you may never come to (I've found loads of stuff I assumed would happen... never did - and vice versa) and analysing to the point of stress stuff that you don't like but can't change.

starlit

Dudess wrote: »

I presume you mean by this you'd like your peers to do everything at the same time so that nobody will feel left out?

Ya thats how I feel and view things.

You can't think like that - you gotta just let life (well the parts of it you have no control over) roll along and deal with things as they come up, rather than crossing bridges that you may never come to (I've found loads of stuff I assumed would happen... never did - and vice versa) and analysing to the point of stress stuff that you don't like but can't change.

I like to have some control of some things but I guess I cannot control that.

mood

But that's life. People reach different stages at different times etc. This will happen through out your life so you need to try to be happy for other people and make the most of your situation.

krudler

snuggles285 wrote: »

Ya thats how I feel and view things.

Thats, quite frankly, ludicrous. you want your friends to all marry around the same time so nobody gets left out? What if people dont care?

baffling thread is baffling.

Sibylla

It's a personal decision dependent on a number of factors, Some people don't meet the right one until they are in their 30's/40's, Others marry their childhood sweethearts but choose to live together and get married later, college, work, travelling, finances all impact this decision. Also some people have no desire to get married while others settle down young.

starlit

krudler wrote: »

Thats, quite frankly, ludicrous. you want your friends to all marry around the same time so nobody gets left out? What if people dont care?

baffling thread is baffling.

I've a complex mind, I think in a complex way and see things as complex...you confused..? Its how I think and operate hard not to think like that when I have not reached that stage in life. I don't know what its like to be in love with someone and have a proper serious long term relationship with and not know what marriage is or what its about. So why rush into these things but as other posters have said everyone is different, we 'grow up', do certains things that society expects us to do and mature at different paces.

spinandscribble

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've a complex mind, I think in a complex way and see things as complex...you confused..? Its how I think and operate hard not to think like that when I have not reached that stage in life. I don't know what its like to be in love with someone and have a proper serious long term relationship with and not know what marriage is or what its about. So why rush into these things but as other posters have said everyone is different, we 'grow up', do certains things that society expects us to do and mature at different paces.

I wouldn't view you as complex just that you're a little confused. Noones asking you to jump into marriage. theres no RIGHT age for marriage or even a need for it.

mood

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've a complex mind, I think in a complex way and see things as complex...you confused..? Its how I think and operate hard not to think like that when I have not reached that stage in life. I don't know what its like to be in love with someone and have a proper serious long term relationship with and not know what marriage is or what its about. So why rush into these things but as other posters have said everyone is different, we 'grow up', do certains things that society expects us to do and mature at different paces.

It's actually very simple and you are trying to make it complex in my opinion.

And is not necessarily about growing up, do certains things that society expects us to do and mature at different paces as you put it.

Sarn

We all experience things at different times in our lives and have different experiences that shape us. As pointed out above, the erosion of what were considered to be traditional roles makes it easier to move at our own pace and live life how we wish. No longer is there an expectation to do X and Y by a certain age.

liliq

Hehe- I always thought i'd start having kids around my late 20's, maybe get married around mid- 30's...

My life totally changed my plans, and I'm glad it did!

CathyMoran

I met my husband when I was in my early 20's but I did not marry him until I was 32 - for me I feel that it was the wrong decision. I am head over heals in love with my husband, fell in love with him at first sight and he is one the really nice guys (goregous looking as well). I was always scared of the big day (which I never wanted) so put off our wedding a few times, I am very lucky that my husband and I managed to get through it. I feel that I had a lot of growing up to do but luckily we are still together.

As for getting married - everyone has their own reasons.

krudler

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've a complex mind, I think in a complex way and see things as complex...you confused..? Its how I think and operate hard not to think like that when I have not reached that stage in life. I don't know what its like to be in love with someone and have a proper serious long term relationship with and not know what marriage is or what its about. So why rush into these things but as other posters have said everyone is different, we 'grow up', do certains things that society expects us to do and mature at different paces.

Havent you just answered your own question? some people get married straight away, some dont meet whoever they marry until later in life. its called life, it doesnt always happen the way you expect.

Its not complex at all tbh, its just a question theres no answer to aside from everyones different and does things differently. Why do some people go to college and not others? why do people go travelling and others prefer to stay at home? those arent complex questions.

the_syco

snuggles285 wrote: »

Back in 1800's

Back in the 1800's, you could be married off for land, politics, etc.

Ksusha26

In my country (Russia) it is quite normal for women to marry young and if they do not by the age of 25 they are considered an old maid. Between the ages of 25-30 there is considerable pressure on the woman to get married and if she goes beyond 30, her family give up on her. That attitude is thankfully changing but given the deomgraphic imbalance in Russia (more women than men) us women cannot afford to be too choosy for too long.

I met my first boyfriend in university when I was 18. We were together for 4 years and when we graduated, he proposed to me which I rejected as I was not ready to be tied down. I wanted to go out and see the world as well as experiment, play the field as you call it. Fast forward nearly 5 years later after 3 further relationships and a couple of flings, I am now in another relationship and feel really happy although I still dont know if he is the right one. Last year I was at my university reunion and most of my friends were married or were getting married. I did feel a bit left out but I am determined I will not get married to any man but to 'a' man. I hope to get married some day and have kids but it must be the right man.

Malari

Ksusha26 wrote: »

Between the ages of 25-30 there is considerable pressure on the woman to get married and if she goes beyond 30, her family give up on her.

I'd say quite a few Irish women would be delighted if that happened if they weren't married after the age of 30, judging from the number of PIs about nagging relatives

I'm surprised there are this many replies on the thread, when the question is just so obvious! People are not homogeneous. Simples.

krudler

Malari wrote: »

I'd say quite a few Irish women would be delighted if that happened if they weren't married after the age of 30, judging from the number of PIs about nagging relatives

I'm surprised there are this many replies on the thread, when the question is just so obvious! People are not homogeneous. Simples.

considering it was answered in the first response, op may as well be asking why people gets dogs instead of cats or vice versa, personal choice!

spinandscribble

krudler wrote: »

considering it was answered in the first response, op may as well be asking why people gets dogs instead of cats or vice versa, personal choice!

yes good comparison (social, cultural, historical differences)

sam34

Dudess wrote: »

I presume you mean by this you'd like your peers to do everything at the same time so that nobody will feel left out?

snuggles285 wrote: »

Ya thats how I feel and view things.

snuggles285 wrote: »

I've a complex mind, I think in a complex way

tbh, that type of thinking demonstrated above is very far from "complex"

analucija

A lot of it is cultural thing and where and how you are brought up. If you don't go to Uni and start working earlier you get into routine earlier. Good promotion prospects may postpone marriage or family again. We also have more disposable income than older generations and we are more selfish in the ways we want to spend it. I'm pretty sure that people in richer societies get married latter. And in the end I guess it also depends on weather you have a partner you want to tolerate for the rest of your life.

um7y1h83ge06nx

As most have said it's personal preference.

The below is just my own outlook and opinion.

I was out one night and got chatting to a girl who at 25 was separated. I was quite taken back by it being honest, such a young age to have gone through marriage and marriage break-up.

In my opinion I would like to have things to look forward to in life, no point rushing everything. One of my friends at 27 is married, house built, two kids and a full-time teaching job. It suits him but I would just feel like I rushed everything, plus I would feel pretty tired down. Weekends with the lads would be a lot tougher with a wife and two kids at home.

Johnny_Trotter

Ksusha26 wrote: »

In my country (Russia) it is quite normal for women to marry young and if they do not by the age of 25 they are considered an old maid. Between the ages of 25-30 there is considerable pressure on the woman to get married and if she goes beyond 30, her family give up on her.

I have seen the same approach in Poland. There seems to be pressure on a young (23/24/25 years old) couple to get married - whether self-imposed because they believe society expects it or just hints coming from parents, friends and so on. And unfortunately, I have seen a few divorces recently where some couples that got married and realised that they were not right for each other, and probably had rushed into marriage.

barbiegirl

Certainly in our family it came down to when you met the right person. My older brothers were 25 and 29, I was 33, my sister 26. My kid brothers are both unmarried at 26 and 21 there's no hurry.
Had I met the right man younger I would have married younger :-)

Partizan

barbiegirl wrote: »

Certainly in our family it came down to when you met the right person. My older brothers were 25 and 29, I was 33, my sister 26. My kid brothers are both unmarried at 26 and 21 there's no hurry.
Had I met the right man younger I would have married younger :-)

I am 33 y.o. male, friendly, considered good looking (34 in the summer), have been in a few medium-long term relationships along with a couple of ONS down through the years but I have yet to meet the right person to contemplate marriage. I have had my heart broken twice along the way too.

I spent all of my 20s, in college, work/abroad, partying, having fun to even think about it but in the last 12-18 months or so, I have been thinking about the whole settling down malarky I will not get married for the sake of it, only when I feel I have met the right one for me and of course she feels the same. Please dont tell me that time is ticking against me.

Quid pro quo.

Dudess

Don't think she indicated that. And for a woman of your age who wants children, time kinda IS ticking against her. And I'm not a judgemental kid who thinks life is just mapped out the way you want it, or a smug settled woman with children - I'm your age and single.

But the biological clock is a reality that can't be ignored.