What's Your Game Plan?

LambsEye

krudler wrote: »

Americans are unreal when it comes the dating thing, I was talking to a few when I was over there and they asked how "hookups" go over here. I just explained you'd meet in a pub or whatever and swap numbers, text or call to arrange another date, the usual stuff and they couldnt believe it, "omg you cant text someone straight away, and you should date a few people at once" was something one of them told me.

I do like that women over there chat men up,and they're more open to being approached in clubs. its compeltely different than the reactions some women give you over here even if its a polite hello or something at a bar. One of my friends thought a girl was eyeing him up in a bar a few weeks back and he tried talking to her at one stage and she just looked at him and said "yeah right" fcuking hell like, theres saying you're not interested and then theres being a thundering bitch.

This is it you see! I'm just back from living in America and when I was there it was the first time I'd been single in yeeeeeears. The first time a guy asked to "take me on a date," I was like, "Wait....what?"

I must say though, when you DO get into the whole "dating" thing in American, it can be very, very fun. Exhausting. But fun.

krudler

LambsEye wrote: »

This is it you see! I'm just back from living in America and when I was there it was the first time I'd been single in yeeeeeears. The first time a guy asked to "take me on a date," I was like, "Wait....what?"

I must say though, when you DO get into the whole "dating" thing in American, it can be very, very fun. Exhausting. But fun.

I dunno I'd find it kinda headwrecking with all the rules. Dating is fun (although some girls dont seem to know what a date actually is :rolleyes: )

LambsEye

LambsEye wrote: »

Good Heavens! Apparently I'm the only person in Ireland who doesn't just go in for the kill! I'm too much of a scardy cat to just text. :rolleyes:

He went in for the kill first though, by asking you if you want to meet up. Now it's your turn to text him first.

If I were on a date with someone and I really enjoyed myself, I'd text them a short while later, or whenever I get home, telling them I had fun and if they'd like to do it again sometime. I've never been one to "play games" with someone I like. It gets a person nowhere. It's this bullshit we get from America - this He's Just Not That Into You crap that gets spewed at us. If you like a guy and he asks you to meet up again, say yes.

It's also not too late to text him, OP, and just tell him you had fun or whatever. You said you're too much of a scaredy cat, well then suck it up.

Asphyxia

Game plans are stupid. If i like a lad I'm not going to wait a certain amount of days before I text him. I dont go by rules I just be myself.

Snoopy1

Cannot be bothered with games. When i was dating i used to text the guys when i got home if i had a good time.
I am a bit of a textaholic though, and have been called needy.
Just cant be bothered with all that gameplaying. if you like each other, then just text or ring.

metrovelvet

LambsEye wrote: »

This is it you see! I'm just back from living in America and when I was there it was the first time I'd been single in yeeeeeears. The first time a guy asked to "take me on a date," I was like, "Wait....what?"

I must say though, when you DO get into the whole "dating" thing in American, it can be very, very fun. Exhausting. But fun.

Like any other culture we have our own codes that are hard for outsiders to understand but work for us.

Outside of game playing, its probably a good idea to hold of on the texting because it gives you time to think and sometimes too much communication is not good. Americans are not as talkative in general as the Irish and we are not as subtle either so it's a whole different ball game. In general though I prefer to date in the US because its not alcohol dependent.

LambsEye

metrovelvet wrote: »

Like any other culture we have our own codes that are hard for outsiders to understand but work for us.

Outside of game playing, its probably a good idea to hold of on the texting because it gives you time to think and sometimes too much communication is not good. Americans are not as talkative in general as the Irish and we are not as subtle either so it's a whole different ball game. In general though I prefer to date in the US because its not alcohol dependent.

Yup Yup, I explained to my US friends about the whole: "Sure he might text cha like and ye might meet up when ye're both out with ye're mates," kind of thing and they thought it was the silliest thing they'd ever heard.

I have to say I don't think they're subtle at ALL! Totally agree on the alcohol thing though.

metrovelvet

LambsEye wrote: »

Yup Yup, I explained to my US friends about the whole: "Sure he might text cha like and ye might meet up when ye're both out with ye're mates," kind of thing and they thought it was the silliest thing they'd ever heard.

I have to say I don't think they're subtle at ALL! Totally agree on the alcohol thing though.

No we are not subtle at all. We are very direct. You know where you stand and no one likes ambiguity [thats why we invented categories for everything like **** buddies and friends with benefits kind of things]. At least in New York, because wasting someones time is SIN number 1 on the list of no nos.

I think what you described above as Irish dating is crazy. I wouldnt be up for it myself.

LambsEye

metrovelvet wrote: »

No we are not subtle at all. We are very direct. You know where you stand and no one likes ambiguity [thats why we invented categories for everything like **** buddies and friends with benefits kind of things]. At least in New York, because wasting someones time is SIN number 1 on the list of no nos.

I think what you described above as Irish dating is crazy. I wouldnt be up for it myself.

Hahah Big time. They have NO interest in messing around but then when you're snared you still have to play all the rules and put a "label" on it.

To be honest though (I hope you're not a man from New York,) But I genuinely found New York men to be the rarest and oddest breed of dudes I'd ever encountered.

metrovelvet

LambsEye wrote: »

Hahah Big time. They have NO interest in messing around but then when you're snared you still have to play all the rules and put a "label" on it.

To be honest though (I hope you're not a man from New York,) But I genuinely found New York men to be the rarest and oddest breed of dudes I'd ever encountered.

No Im a woman from NY. Why do you find the men odd?

LambsEye

metrovelvet wrote: »

No Im a woman from NY. Why do you find the men odd?

Now I really don't want to generalize because I met a lot of guys that became my great friends but when it went into a romantic level I was clueless!

I found many of them would try woo you with their job or their status or their things. I found as well that they didn't like you being too available and they're super open about their "issues."

E.G. In a bar in Union Square (Bad Idea #1: Going to a bar in Union Square,) a man came up to me, and said: "I like your dress, I'm Tom, I'm in insurance I live alone in the LES and I'm feeling really unhappy in my job right now.."

I suppose that goes back to what you were saying about wasting one's time. Still, I was a little taken aback. Where's the flirty banter dude!

metrovelvet

LambsEye wrote: »

Now I really don't want to generalize because I met a lot of guys that became my great friends but when it went into a romantic level I was clueless!

I found many of them would try woo you with their job or their status or their things. I found as well that they didn't like you being too available and they're super open about their "issues."

E.G. In a bar in Union Square (Bad Idea #1: Going to a bar in Union Square,) a man came up to me, and said: "I like your dress, I'm Tom, I'm in insurance I live alone in the LES and I'm feeling really unhappy in my job right now.."

I suppose that goes back to what you were saying about wasting one's time. Still, I was a little taken aback. Where's the flirty banter dude!

Yeah thats not weird there. Its about time. Everything is about time. They are on the level so as not to waste it. I like it, because... well its what I am used to... or I should say.. I miss it when it's not there, that directness and efficiency. But everyone has a shrink so no one thinks its bad to talk about issues or whatever. My parents are/were not Americans and they complained their whole lives about it as talking about yourself was considered rude, but in the US it looks like you ahve something to hide if you dont.

Morgase

I second (or third or fourth or what it is by now) the idea of no games or rules. Mainly because I don't have the slyness or cleverness to keep up with when I should be texting / ringing

I remember a few months ago, when my boyfriend said "I love you" for the first time. We'd only been seeing each other for a few weeks, and when his friends found out they were shocked. It was their opinion that you had to wait for at least three months. I must ask him what other rules they had, might give me a laugh!

mariebeth

I've never been one to play games, or play by 'rules', lifes too short not to go for what you want.

iguana

I never bothered with games. If I liked someone I'd call/text them, if that put them off then I'd know sooner rather than later that we weren't going anywhere and I'd move on.

Feeona

LambsEye wrote: »

I met a lovely boy last night. I played it veeeery cool though, he said he would like to meet again and I was stupidly all "Yeah maybe sure whatever."

Now I feel like a big eejit because maybe he thinks I have no interest. It's not really something I do on purpose but I've noticed that my first instinct is to try be all mega Kool and the Gang with new boys.

Do any of you ladies do this? Do you play games with boys? Or like, wait a certain number of minutes to text back etc?

Well to be fair, it sounds like you're shy. I used to be like that when I was younger, meet a guy, think he was great, but act cool. Which was the total opposite of what was going on in my head!

It's a big thing to put yourself out there for someone's appraisal, that's why there are so many 'rules' and 'games'. It's human nature to protect yourself. It'd be far worse if you were falling on your sword just to prove a point.

Stay true to yourself girl! Acting cool feels right for you at the moment, the only 'damage' it's doing is you feel like yelling Doh! Maybe at some stage you'll feel you can be more open, but it'll happen in it's own time.

LambsEye

Feeona wrote: »

Well to be fair, it sounds like you're shy. I used to be like that when I was younger, meet a guy, think he was great, but act cool. Which was the total opposite of what was going on in my head!

It's a big thing to put yourself out there for someone's appraisal, that's why there are so many 'rules' and 'games'. It's human nature to protect yourself. It'd be far worse if you were falling on your sword just to prove a point.

Stay true to yourself girl! Acting cool feels right for you at the moment, the only 'damage' it's doing is you feel like yelling Doh! Maybe at some stage you'll feel you can be more open, but it'll happen in it's own time.

WELL. You.Are.Lovely. The funny thing is I'm absolutely not shy like I could easily chat to anyone and score but I am very, VERY defensive/protective/shy when it comes to actually liking boys.

Feeona

LambsEye wrote: »

The funny thing is I'm absolutely not shy like I could easily chat to anyone and score but I am very, VERY defensive/protective/shy when it comes to actually liking boys.

Ha ha, meet your (probably older) sister!:pac:

starlit

I tend not to have a game plan. I just be myself and go with the flow. I be friendly, nice and chatty if up to talking to a lad. I smile generally. The only thing I would do is flirt but play hard to get a little bit, just to test the guy out if he is genuine I know then to let my guard down a bit and just chat to him whether it be just be friendly or a little bit flirty or more and have a bit of fun and just see how things go. I let the guy know straight away though if I am interested or not. I'm very honest like that.
I'm not one of those girls who string guys along or have a number of fellas hanging on a string. I'm a one man band kind of gal!

BBDBB

wouldnt life be sooooooooooo much easier if people just said what was on their mind??



only not as much fun perhaps

LambsEye

BBDBB wrote: »

wouldnt life be sooooooooooo much easier if people just said what was on their mind??



only not as much fun perhaps

It would indeed. Although apparently 95% of people who commented on this thread seem to do exactly that...



.............Which I TOTALLY believe

Dudess

In principle, game-playing is just being a headwrecker - but maybe there are times when we play (minor) games without meaning to?

LambsEye

Dudess wrote: »

In principle, game-playing is just being a headwrecker - but maybe there are times when we play (minor) games without meaning to?

Yeah, see I've been kicking myself for unintentionally playing hard to get. It's some sort of unconscious defense mechanism. It would feel more natural for me to pretend I didn't care then to actually come right out and say "I like you." Even though I may want to. Some weird trigger about "the chase" ingrained in me by bad chick flicks. Curse them.

Potatofarl

LambsEye wrote: »

Yeah, see I've been kicking myself for unintentionally playing hard to get. It's some sort of unconscious defense mechanism. It would feel more natural for me to pretend I didn't care then to actually come right out and say "I like you." Even though I may want to. Some weird trigger about "the chase" ingrained in me by bad chick flicks. Curse them.

LOL. Ah the chase! There's definitely something about it that I like, a little bit of excitement, even though it wrecks my head and makes me over-think things and ends up in me saying things like 'Yeah maybe sure whatever'. Hahaha

Ickle Magoo

LambsEye wrote: »

It would indeed. Although apparently 95% of people who commented on this thread seem to do exactly that...



.............Which I TOTALLY believe

You've said that a couple of times now...if you are going to infer the posters that bother replying to your thread are lying then there is little point in keeping this thread open for further comment.

The whole 55 posts here, including multiple replies by yourself is hardly going to be a proportional reflection of irish society. I would hazard a guess that people who are prepared to debate and discuss game-playing and who find the cut and thrust of Boards forums a fun way to spend an evening are more likely to be fairly direct in real life too...that and on these kinds of threads, the first few responses tend to set the trend for the tone of replies and those who wouldn't agree are perhaps now reluctant to do so. :cool:

missrandomer

sometimes a little game is ok though, as long as its all good.
Like when you want to find out if someone likes you or not.... its easier than appearing desparat in saying aukwardly
"Soooo dya like me"
Hate games but little ones to figure out if your a friend or a potential other wink wink

although im no good at it so i usualy cant tell if people like me haha self pity rant over.

1daydreamer

metrovelvet wrote: »

No we are not subtle at all. We are very direct. You know where you stand and no one likes ambiguity [thats why we invented categories for everything like **** buddies and friends with benefits kind of things]. At least in New York, because wasting someones time is SIN number 1 on the list of no nos.

I think what you described above as Irish dating is crazy. I wouldnt be up for it myself.

I grew up in the "American dating scene" and hate it. For example, I do not think " you have a nice (name body part here)" is a great line to break the ice with, although in fairness, it is (as you said) direct. It's like they can't be bothered to really have a conversation at all. Usually they are too busy trying to impress you with something they think is great about themselves, or else they comment on your appearance and nothing more. For some of them it was like it was painful for them to say more than a couple words at a time. There is a ton of game playing that goes along with it too. Sure there are exceptions, but I'm sure not impressed.
In comparison, the first time I was in Ireland and someone chatted me up at a pub, we talked about tons of topics that were actually interesting. I had no idea for hours that he had any interest beyond conversing. It was just so different from the 'club over the head' approach I had grown to expect. I am sure there are exceptions, and have certainly read some posts about drunk overbearing types, but have thankfully not met any personally. Most of the Irish men who have approached me to chat have been overall pretty charming. That being said, I do not pretend to understand all the subtleties, subtext, or indeed certain slang words, and have made my share of silly mistakes.

RacoonQueen

Dudess wrote: »

In principle, game-playing is just being a headwrecker - but maybe there are times when we play (minor) games without meaning to?

Yeah, I've thought of this recently. Something that I realised after a break up that it probably seemed like I was 'playing games' when in reality, I wasn't. Still wish I could have cleared that up. :pac:

Heard people talking about this yesterday, and really just wanted to bash their heads together. You can't text him twice in a row because that means you've no respect for yourself? When you start ringing each other and chatting on the phone, he has to be the one to initiate the ringing. There was more.

''You have to play the game right'' all three of them are single.

Then I get the ''you have guys ask you out all the time, you don't understand what it's like for us" yeah, OK then... :rolleyes:

Feeona

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Heard people talking about this yesterday, and really just wanted to bash their heads together. You can't text him twice in a row because that means you've no respect for yourself? When you start ringing each other and chatting on the phone, he has to be the one to initiate the ringing. There was more.

''You have to play the game right'' all three of them are single.

These scenarios happen all the time. It's a vicious circle. Girl meets boy, really likes him, texts, rings, getting on well. Boy breaks up with girl citing the excuse that she's 'too needy'. Girl goes out with another boy, decides to 'be cool' so as not to be seen as 'too needy'.

A needy girl is anathema to most men, that's why we hear conversations like the one quoted above. And what's more, we'll continue to hear them.

It's all part of growing up, it's all part of finding one's feet. A person needs to learn how to walk before he/she can run. I know I didn't get things right the first time around, or the second, or the third*.........but I eventually made enough mistakes to get sick of my situation and did something to change my outlook.

I'm fantastic now :pac:




*or the fourth, or the fifth........or the three thousandth.....ad nauseum

Poor Craythur

I'm glad other people on this thread seem to dislike game-playing. I have always felt powerfully uncool for openly letting a guy know I like him, and having no problem texting him first etc. Now, I realise this isn't such a bad thing. If I have meet someone I have chemistry with, I simply cannot contain my pleasure. My eyes go all twinkly.

It seems to have turned some men off, but others seem to like it. I like being an open book. I like to cut to the chase.