What's Your Game Plan?

LambsEye

I met a lovely boy last night. I played it veeeery cool though, he said he would like to meet again and I was stupidly all "Yeah maybe sure whatever."

Now I feel like a big eejit because maybe he thinks I have no interest. It's not really something I do on purpose but I've noticed that my first instinct is to try be all mega Kool and the Gang with new boys.

Do any of you ladies do this? Do you play games with boys? Or like, wait a certain number of minutes to text back etc?

LenaClaire

I used to do the same thing when I was young. I think it is a way of protecting your feelings and your ego. That way if he does not call you can be all.... I didn't want to talk to him anyway.

I have to say it took me a while to get over that and by my mid-twenties I was willing to just tell people if I like them or not... met my husband shortly afterwards

bobbytables

I know you asked for female opinions, but as a fella I can absolutely assure you that mind games are a complete turn off. Before I hear "Boys/Men play mind games too", yes! plenty do, but if you were given the choice between
A) a guy who is confident in his own shoes enough to be himself around you or
a guy who is more afraid of looking like a fool and therefore insists on playind mind games so he couldn't be accused of being rejected by his equally immature mates.

Which would you choose?

Don't start playing hard to get, with delayed texting, mixed signals etc. If you like the guy, just be yourself, not someone you're not or someone he has to run around after just so stories can be told about who had all the power. If he likes you he likes you, if he doesn't, then it's a relationship designed to last weeks at best. Depends on what you want.

You said he's "a lovely boy", he has given a clear signal that he likes you ("he said he would like to meet again"). For who's benefit would you be complicating matters?

Ickle Magoo

I can't stand game playing - to the point it would actually act as a filter and highlight the people I would deliberately strike off my "interested" list...

I don't see what's wrong with being upfront and expecting others to do likewise, if they can't or won't, we wouldn't get along very well anyway. :cool:

LambsEye

I hate them too! Which is why I'm kicking myself for being such a dope. It wasn't an intentional thing I suppose it's just a defense mechanism.

Silly Lamb.

xoxyx

Did you get his number? Give him a text and ask him when your date is. Bingo bongo!!

Azureus

^^^ this!

Simples

Game playing is a bad idea. Theres a difference between playing it cool (lets be honest, most men like the chase and you dont wanna come across as needy) but that's
easy to do without all the delayed texting malarky etc!

Scarinae

I did something similar once, not because I was playing games but because I was being a dozy bint! Not long after I met my boyfriend (but weeks before we got together), he asked me if I wanted to go for a coffee. Like a complete PLONKER I said "No, I don't drink coffee". Durrr! I mean, I don't drink coffee, but I should have gone with him and had a hot chocolate or something! It was such a stupid thing to say, I was kicking myself afterwards. I asked him about it ages later, when we were together, and he said that when I said no he'd thought I wasn't interested (which I completely and utterly was)

If you have his number, text him! You don't have to launch straight into suggesting meeting up, but at least show him you're interested!

Honestly? If a girl said something like that to me, I'd just move on. I hate those kind of answers and those kind of games.

LambsEye

Deleted User wrote: »

Honestly? If a girl said something like that to me, I'd just move on. I hate those kind of answers and those kind of games.

Well, I perhaps wasn't SO aloof about it, but I was vague.

But y'know what's the kicker? I've heard my male friends talking about girls who just come right out and say what they want as being needy and how that's a massive turn off. You have to admit that many guys and girls like the chase!

xoxyx

LambsEye wrote: »

Well, I perhaps wasn't SO aloof about it, but I was vague.

But y'know what's the kicker? I've heard my male friends talking about girls who just come right out and say what they want as being needy and how that's a massive turn off. You have to admit that many guys and girls like the chase!

They just haven't met the right girl!!

Nah, seriously, some guys like the chase, so do some girls. But if you've got a guy who wants a relationship and a girl who wants to mess around, for example, you've got a bad combo. When I was back in the dating world, I wasn't fussed and if I met a guy I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't hear from him for a few days, and I wouldn't text him unless I fancied going out for a bit of a laugh.

Then I met my current OH. He got my number but I didn't get his, and I was on tenderhooks all day until he rang me. Two and a half years' later, I can still feel the butterflies of that day waiting. We've never played games and would never want to. Just depends on who you meet and what you want!

Sibylla

I can say with certainty that both men and women hate mind games, especially in the early stages it's going to be a major turn off. Can't understand people who behave like that. If you like him and want to text him.........Do it, simple as. I know women are often worried about appearing desperate but I think we've become to hung up on these ideas. Communication is the best way of getting to know him better, Good luck

LambsEye

xoxyx wrote: »

They just haven't met the right girl!!

Nah, seriously, some guys like the chase, so do some girls. But if you've got a guy who wants a relationship and a girl who wants to mess around, for example, you've got a bad combo. When I was back in the dating world, I wasn't fussed and if I met a guy I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't hear from him for a few days, and I wouldn't text him unless I fancied going out for a bit of a laugh.

Then I met my current OH. He got my number but I didn't get his, and I was on tenderhooks all day until he rang me. Two and a half years' later, I can still feel the butterflies of that day waiting. We've never played games and would never want to. Just depends on who you meet and what you want!

He RANG you? Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooah.

xoxyx

LambsEye wrote: »

He RANG you? Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooah.

Oh. Fcuking. Yeah. !!

LambsEye

xoxyx wrote: »

Oh. Fcuking. Yeah. !!

Duuuude you must have made SOME impression. I don't normally graduate to phone calls with my suitors until at LEAST a month.

magneticimpulse

No I dont like any sort of games at all.

But I do know you do have to play by certain rules to be successful. Usually this just means being yourself. However its difficult when you are excited to hear from someone.

I do get butterflies waiting to hear from guys...if they say they are going to ring, i do what for them to ring. I know they if someone says they are going to do something, they will do so in their own time. Its not a matter of a game as such, i just trust people follow through with things if they are interested.

xoxyx

LambsEye wrote: »

Duuuude you must have made SOME impression. I don't normally graduate to phone calls with my suitors until at LEAST a month.

I suppose I did!

I'm the same. Text messages all the way. But this guy... this guy.. we just talked all the time; all the time - we're mega similar. From the first chat we were on each others' wavelength. The poor guy -he's now my go to guy for everything I want to talk about. He has to listen to me and our respective phone bills are HUGE!

Totally worth it though.

Logical Fallacy

LambsEye wrote: »

Well, I perhaps wasn't SO aloof about it, but I was vague.

But y'know what's the kicker? I've heard my male friends talking about girls who just come right out and say what they want as being needy and how that's a massive turn off. You have to admit that many guys and girls like the chase!

Probably just means they are not really into the girl. If a bloke likes a girl,he tends to be happy enough with whatever she says in these circumstances and the very words she speaks will become justification for themselves.

Eg, guy meets girls he kind of likes, but isn't really vibing with. Girl says "I'd love to meet up again", guys decides he doesn't want to a labels her needy.

Scenario B is guy really likes her, says "Sure" and tells his mates she is a great girl who just came out and said "lets me up again", all his mates talk about how cool that is.

Novella

I actually genuinely don't do stuff like that. I just think life's too short. If I wanna text someone, I will. If I wanna see someone, they'll know about it etc. I'd only drive myself up the wall if I was sittin' at home, looking at my phone thinking, "Hmm, gotta wait 57 more minutes to text him back"!

Wibbs

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Probably just means they are not really into the girl. If a bloke likes a girl,he tends to be happy enough with whatever she says in these circumstances and the very words she speaks will become justification for themselves

This.

coffee_cake

I thought this was going to be "what's your plan for life"

Um, I don't have a "game plan". Like, text, meet up, have good times together. No time for messing about and no time for "should I do xyz"

krudler

LambsEye wrote: »

Duuuude you must have made SOME impression. I don't normally graduate to phone calls with my suitors until at LEAST a month.

a month?! if someone waited a month to ring me I would have long deleted their number

Larianne

Game plan? GAME PLAN?? Wut?

Eh, no. If I like the guy, the guy likes me, we exchange numbers, text, meet up. Simples.

No texting or him waiting 2 days/3 days whatever, I don't bother. Why should I bother if he doesn't. Life is too short for all that shít.

Edit: Pretty much what Novella said above. (didn't see her post!)

krudler

Larianne wrote: »

Game plan? GAME PLAN?? Wut?

Eh, no. If I like the guy, the guy likes me, we exchange numbers, text, meet up. Simples.

No texting or him waiting 2 days/3 days whatever, I don't bother. Why should I bother if he doesn't. Life is too short for all that shít.

Edit: Pretty much what Novella said above. (didn't see her post!)

This, anyone who plays by "the rules" is either 13 or not mature enough to be in a relationship. or watching too many romantic comedies or MTV shows.

"ohhh I cant text back straight away cos that'll look desperate" :rolleyes:

Anyone who thinks "god they text me back too quickly, they must be desperate" is an idiot. It'd be one thing if someone was waiting days to text you back, that means they're clearly not arsed. But some people just have easy access to their phone, mine is sat on my desk all day beside me and I can easily use it unless I'm in the middle of something or completely forget. I dont have a "desperation timer" on it to ensure I wait the correct amount of time to text someone*

bah, relationships, who needs em :pac:




* theres an idea for an app.

nobody steal my idea .


<_<

>_>

Larianne

krudler wrote: »

bah, relationships, who needs em :pac:

To me, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that's that hard to start off with!

It should be easy.

krudler

Larianne wrote: »

To me, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that's that hard to start off with!

It should be easy.

Thats true, the beginning should be the easy part, the doe eyes, smitten, loved up part. Its once you get to know each other properly the problems begin :pac:

Malari

bluewolf wrote: »

I thought this was going to be "what's your plan for life"

Um, I don't have a "game plan". Like, text, meet up, have good times together. No time for messing about and no time for "should I do xyz"

Me too, I keep getting drawn to the thread thinking it's about life plans!

But like everyone else, I've always texted/phoned when I felt like it. I'd be one of these people who would be driven crazy if I was thinking for 2 days about when the most appropriate time to text would be I'd become obsessed and...desperate

LambsEye

Good Heavens! Apparently I'm the only person in Ireland who doesn't just go in for the kill! I'm too much of a scardy cat to just text. :rolleyes:

LambsEye

magneticimpulse wrote: »

But I do know you do have to play by certain rules to be successful. Usually this just means being yourself. However its difficult when you are excited to hear from someone.

I have to say, I MAY try and play a little hard to get but I hate those "rules." My American friend tripped me the f*ck out once when she was explaining all the "rules" she plays by.

G86

If I really like someone then I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, I don't see the point of messing around, and if a guy was the opposite it would be a complete turn off...I'd just assume he wasn't interested.

Likewise, if I'm not sure about someone, I'll be fairly aloof until I figure out how I feel.

krudler

LambsEye wrote: »

I have to say, I MAY try and play a little hard to get but I hate those "rules." My American friend tripped me the f*ck out once when she was explaining all the "rules" she plays by.

Americans are unreal when it comes the dating thing, I was talking to a few when I was over there and they asked how "hookups" go over here. I just explained you'd meet in a pub or whatever and swap numbers, text or call to arrange another date, the usual stuff and they couldnt believe it, "omg you cant text someone straight away, and you should date a few people at once" was something one of them told me.

I do like that women over there chat men up,and they're more open to being approached in clubs. its compeltely different than the reactions some women give you over here even if its a polite hello or something at a bar. One of my friends thought a girl was eyeing him up in a bar a few weeks back and he tried talking to her at one stage and she just looked at him and said "yeah right" fcuking hell like, theres saying you're not interested and then theres being a thundering bitch.