What's Your Game Plan?

LambsEye

I met a lovely boy last night. I played it veeeery cool though, he said he would like to meet again and I was stupidly all "Yeah maybe sure whatever."

Now I feel like a big eejit because maybe he thinks I have no interest. It's not really something I do on purpose but I've noticed that my first instinct is to try be all mega Kool and the Gang with new boys.

Do any of you ladies do this? Do you play games with boys? Or like, wait a certain number of minutes to text back etc?

LenaClaire

I used to do the same thing when I was young. I think it is a way of protecting your feelings and your ego. That way if he does not call you can be all.... I didn't want to talk to him anyway.

I have to say it took me a while to get over that and by my mid-twenties I was willing to just tell people if I like them or not... met my husband shortly afterwards

bobbytables

I know you asked for female opinions, but as a fella I can absolutely assure you that mind games are a complete turn off. Before I hear "Boys/Men play mind games too", yes! plenty do, but if you were given the choice between
A) a guy who is confident in his own shoes enough to be himself around you or
a guy who is more afraid of looking like a fool and therefore insists on playind mind games so he couldn't be accused of being rejected by his equally immature mates.

Which would you choose?

Don't start playing hard to get, with delayed texting, mixed signals etc. If you like the guy, just be yourself, not someone you're not or someone he has to run around after just so stories can be told about who had all the power. If he likes you he likes you, if he doesn't, then it's a relationship designed to last weeks at best. Depends on what you want.

You said he's "a lovely boy", he has given a clear signal that he likes you ("he said he would like to meet again"). For who's benefit would you be complicating matters?

Ickle Magoo

I can't stand game playing - to the point it would actually act as a filter and highlight the people I would deliberately strike off my "interested" list...

I don't see what's wrong with being upfront and expecting others to do likewise, if they can't or won't, we wouldn't get along very well anyway. :cool:

LambsEye

I hate them too! Which is why I'm kicking myself for being such a dope. It wasn't an intentional thing I suppose it's just a defense mechanism.

Silly Lamb.

xoxyx

Did you get his number? Give him a text and ask him when your date is. Bingo bongo!!

Azureus

^^^ this!

Simples

Game playing is a bad idea. Theres a difference between playing it cool (lets be honest, most men like the chase and you dont wanna come across as needy) but that's
easy to do without all the delayed texting malarky etc!

Scarinae

I did something similar once, not because I was playing games but because I was being a dozy bint! Not long after I met my boyfriend (but weeks before we got together), he asked me if I wanted to go for a coffee. Like a complete PLONKER I said "No, I don't drink coffee". Durrr! I mean, I don't drink coffee, but I should have gone with him and had a hot chocolate or something! It was such a stupid thing to say, I was kicking myself afterwards. I asked him about it ages later, when we were together, and he said that when I said no he'd thought I wasn't interested (which I completely and utterly was)

If you have his number, text him! You don't have to launch straight into suggesting meeting up, but at least show him you're interested!

Honestly? If a girl said something like that to me, I'd just move on. I hate those kind of answers and those kind of games.

LambsEye

Deleted User wrote: »

Honestly? If a girl said something like that to me, I'd just move on. I hate those kind of answers and those kind of games.

Well, I perhaps wasn't SO aloof about it, but I was vague.

But y'know what's the kicker? I've heard my male friends talking about girls who just come right out and say what they want as being needy and how that's a massive turn off. You have to admit that many guys and girls like the chase!

xoxyx

LambsEye wrote: »

Well, I perhaps wasn't SO aloof about it, but I was vague.

But y'know what's the kicker? I've heard my male friends talking about girls who just come right out and say what they want as being needy and how that's a massive turn off. You have to admit that many guys and girls like the chase!

They just haven't met the right girl!!

Nah, seriously, some guys like the chase, so do some girls. But if you've got a guy who wants a relationship and a girl who wants to mess around, for example, you've got a bad combo. When I was back in the dating world, I wasn't fussed and if I met a guy I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't hear from him for a few days, and I wouldn't text him unless I fancied going out for a bit of a laugh.

Then I met my current OH. He got my number but I didn't get his, and I was on tenderhooks all day until he rang me. Two and a half years' later, I can still feel the butterflies of that day waiting. We've never played games and would never want to. Just depends on who you meet and what you want!

Sibylla

I can say with certainty that both men and women hate mind games, especially in the early stages it's going to be a major turn off. Can't understand people who behave like that. If you like him and want to text him.........Do it, simple as. I know women are often worried about appearing desperate but I think we've become to hung up on these ideas. Communication is the best way of getting to know him better, Good luck

LambsEye

xoxyx wrote: »

They just haven't met the right girl!!

Nah, seriously, some guys like the chase, so do some girls. But if you've got a guy who wants a relationship and a girl who wants to mess around, for example, you've got a bad combo. When I was back in the dating world, I wasn't fussed and if I met a guy I wouldn't be bothered if I didn't hear from him for a few days, and I wouldn't text him unless I fancied going out for a bit of a laugh.

Then I met my current OH. He got my number but I didn't get his, and I was on tenderhooks all day until he rang me. Two and a half years' later, I can still feel the butterflies of that day waiting. We've never played games and would never want to. Just depends on who you meet and what you want!

He RANG you? Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooah.

xoxyx

LambsEye wrote: »

He RANG you? Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooah.

Oh. Fcuking. Yeah. !!

LambsEye

xoxyx wrote: »

Oh. Fcuking. Yeah. !!

Duuuude you must have made SOME impression. I don't normally graduate to phone calls with my suitors until at LEAST a month.

magneticimpulse

No I dont like any sort of games at all.

But I do know you do have to play by certain rules to be successful. Usually this just means being yourself. However its difficult when you are excited to hear from someone.

I do get butterflies waiting to hear from guys...if they say they are going to ring, i do what for them to ring. I know they if someone says they are going to do something, they will do so in their own time. Its not a matter of a game as such, i just trust people follow through with things if they are interested.

xoxyx

LambsEye wrote: »

Duuuude you must have made SOME impression. I don't normally graduate to phone calls with my suitors until at LEAST a month.

I suppose I did!

I'm the same. Text messages all the way. But this guy... this guy.. we just talked all the time; all the time - we're mega similar. From the first chat we were on each others' wavelength. The poor guy -he's now my go to guy for everything I want to talk about. He has to listen to me and our respective phone bills are HUGE!

Totally worth it though.

Logical Fallacy

LambsEye wrote: »

Well, I perhaps wasn't SO aloof about it, but I was vague.

But y'know what's the kicker? I've heard my male friends talking about girls who just come right out and say what they want as being needy and how that's a massive turn off. You have to admit that many guys and girls like the chase!

Probably just means they are not really into the girl. If a bloke likes a girl,he tends to be happy enough with whatever she says in these circumstances and the very words she speaks will become justification for themselves.

Eg, guy meets girls he kind of likes, but isn't really vibing with. Girl says "I'd love to meet up again", guys decides he doesn't want to a labels her needy.

Scenario B is guy really likes her, says "Sure" and tells his mates she is a great girl who just came out and said "lets me up again", all his mates talk about how cool that is.

Novella

I actually genuinely don't do stuff like that. I just think life's too short. If I wanna text someone, I will. If I wanna see someone, they'll know about it etc. I'd only drive myself up the wall if I was sittin' at home, looking at my phone thinking, "Hmm, gotta wait 57 more minutes to text him back"!

Wibbs

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Probably just means they are not really into the girl. If a bloke likes a girl,he tends to be happy enough with whatever she says in these circumstances and the very words she speaks will become justification for themselves

This.

I thought this was going to be "what's your plan for life"

Um, I don't have a "game plan". Like, text, meet up, have good times together. No time for messing about and no time for "should I do xyz"

krudler

LambsEye wrote: »

Duuuude you must have made SOME impression. I don't normally graduate to phone calls with my suitors until at LEAST a month.

a month?! if someone waited a month to ring me I would have long deleted their number

Larianne

Game plan? GAME PLAN?? Wut?

Eh, no. If I like the guy, the guy likes me, we exchange numbers, text, meet up. Simples.

No texting or him waiting 2 days/3 days whatever, I don't bother. Why should I bother if he doesn't. Life is too short for all that shít.

Edit: Pretty much what Novella said above. (didn't see her post!)

krudler

Larianne wrote: »

Game plan? GAME PLAN?? Wut?

Eh, no. If I like the guy, the guy likes me, we exchange numbers, text, meet up. Simples.

No texting or him waiting 2 days/3 days whatever, I don't bother. Why should I bother if he doesn't. Life is too short for all that shít.

Edit: Pretty much what Novella said above. (didn't see her post!)

This, anyone who plays by "the rules" is either 13 or not mature enough to be in a relationship. or watching too many romantic comedies or MTV shows.

"ohhh I cant text back straight away cos that'll look desperate" :rolleyes:

Anyone who thinks "god they text me back too quickly, they must be desperate" is an idiot. It'd be one thing if someone was waiting days to text you back, that means they're clearly not arsed. But some people just have easy access to their phone, mine is sat on my desk all day beside me and I can easily use it unless I'm in the middle of something or completely forget. I dont have a "desperation timer" on it to ensure I wait the correct amount of time to text someone*

bah, relationships, who needs em :pac:




* theres an idea for an app.

nobody steal my idea .


<_<

>_>

Larianne

krudler wrote: »

bah, relationships, who needs em :pac:

To me, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that's that hard to start off with!

It should be easy.

krudler

Larianne wrote: »

To me, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that's that hard to start off with!

It should be easy.

Thats true, the beginning should be the easy part, the doe eyes, smitten, loved up part. Its once you get to know each other properly the problems begin :pac:

Malari

bluewolf wrote: »

I thought this was going to be "what's your plan for life"

Um, I don't have a "game plan". Like, text, meet up, have good times together. No time for messing about and no time for "should I do xyz"

Me too, I keep getting drawn to the thread thinking it's about life plans!

But like everyone else, I've always texted/phoned when I felt like it. I'd be one of these people who would be driven crazy if I was thinking for 2 days about when the most appropriate time to text would be I'd become obsessed and...desperate

LambsEye

Good Heavens! Apparently I'm the only person in Ireland who doesn't just go in for the kill! I'm too much of a scardy cat to just text. :rolleyes:

LambsEye

magneticimpulse wrote: »

But I do know you do have to play by certain rules to be successful. Usually this just means being yourself. However its difficult when you are excited to hear from someone.

I have to say, I MAY try and play a little hard to get but I hate those "rules." My American friend tripped me the f*ck out once when she was explaining all the "rules" she plays by.

G86

If I really like someone then I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, I don't see the point of messing around, and if a guy was the opposite it would be a complete turn off...I'd just assume he wasn't interested.

Likewise, if I'm not sure about someone, I'll be fairly aloof until I figure out how I feel.

krudler

LambsEye wrote: »

I have to say, I MAY try and play a little hard to get but I hate those "rules." My American friend tripped me the f*ck out once when she was explaining all the "rules" she plays by.

Americans are unreal when it comes the dating thing, I was talking to a few when I was over there and they asked how "hookups" go over here. I just explained you'd meet in a pub or whatever and swap numbers, text or call to arrange another date, the usual stuff and they couldnt believe it, "omg you cant text someone straight away, and you should date a few people at once" was something one of them told me.

I do like that women over there chat men up,and they're more open to being approached in clubs. its compeltely different than the reactions some women give you over here even if its a polite hello or something at a bar. One of my friends thought a girl was eyeing him up in a bar a few weeks back and he tried talking to her at one stage and she just looked at him and said "yeah right" fcuking hell like, theres saying you're not interested and then theres being a thundering bitch.

LambsEye

krudler wrote: »

Americans are unreal when it comes the dating thing, I was talking to a few when I was over there and they asked how "hookups" go over here. I just explained you'd meet in a pub or whatever and swap numbers, text or call to arrange another date, the usual stuff and they couldnt believe it, "omg you cant text someone straight away, and you should date a few people at once" was something one of them told me.

I do like that women over there chat men up,and they're more open to being approached in clubs. its compeltely different than the reactions some women give you over here even if its a polite hello or something at a bar. One of my friends thought a girl was eyeing him up in a bar a few weeks back and he tried talking to her at one stage and she just looked at him and said "yeah right" fcuking hell like, theres saying you're not interested and then theres being a thundering bitch.

This is it you see! I'm just back from living in America and when I was there it was the first time I'd been single in yeeeeeears. The first time a guy asked to "take me on a date," I was like, "Wait....what?"

I must say though, when you DO get into the whole "dating" thing in American, it can be very, very fun. Exhausting. But fun.

krudler

LambsEye wrote: »

This is it you see! I'm just back from living in America and when I was there it was the first time I'd been single in yeeeeeears. The first time a guy asked to "take me on a date," I was like, "Wait....what?"

I must say though, when you DO get into the whole "dating" thing in American, it can be very, very fun. Exhausting. But fun.

I dunno I'd find it kinda headwrecking with all the rules. Dating is fun (although some girls dont seem to know what a date actually is :rolleyes: )

LambsEye

LambsEye wrote: »

Good Heavens! Apparently I'm the only person in Ireland who doesn't just go in for the kill! I'm too much of a scardy cat to just text. :rolleyes:

He went in for the kill first though, by asking you if you want to meet up. Now it's your turn to text him first.

If I were on a date with someone and I really enjoyed myself, I'd text them a short while later, or whenever I get home, telling them I had fun and if they'd like to do it again sometime. I've never been one to "play games" with someone I like. It gets a person nowhere. It's this bullshit we get from America - this He's Just Not That Into You crap that gets spewed at us. If you like a guy and he asks you to meet up again, say yes.

It's also not too late to text him, OP, and just tell him you had fun or whatever. You said you're too much of a scaredy cat, well then suck it up.

Asphyxia

Game plans are stupid. If i like a lad I'm not going to wait a certain amount of days before I text him. I dont go by rules I just be myself.

Snoopy1

Cannot be bothered with games. When i was dating i used to text the guys when i got home if i had a good time.
I am a bit of a textaholic though, and have been called needy.
Just cant be bothered with all that gameplaying. if you like each other, then just text or ring.

metrovelvet

LambsEye wrote: »

This is it you see! I'm just back from living in America and when I was there it was the first time I'd been single in yeeeeeears. The first time a guy asked to "take me on a date," I was like, "Wait....what?"

I must say though, when you DO get into the whole "dating" thing in American, it can be very, very fun. Exhausting. But fun.

Like any other culture we have our own codes that are hard for outsiders to understand but work for us.

Outside of game playing, its probably a good idea to hold of on the texting because it gives you time to think and sometimes too much communication is not good. Americans are not as talkative in general as the Irish and we are not as subtle either so it's a whole different ball game. In general though I prefer to date in the US because its not alcohol dependent.

LambsEye

metrovelvet wrote: »

Like any other culture we have our own codes that are hard for outsiders to understand but work for us.

Outside of game playing, its probably a good idea to hold of on the texting because it gives you time to think and sometimes too much communication is not good. Americans are not as talkative in general as the Irish and we are not as subtle either so it's a whole different ball game. In general though I prefer to date in the US because its not alcohol dependent.

Yup Yup, I explained to my US friends about the whole: "Sure he might text cha like and ye might meet up when ye're both out with ye're mates," kind of thing and they thought it was the silliest thing they'd ever heard.

I have to say I don't think they're subtle at ALL! Totally agree on the alcohol thing though.

metrovelvet

LambsEye wrote: »

Yup Yup, I explained to my US friends about the whole: "Sure he might text cha like and ye might meet up when ye're both out with ye're mates," kind of thing and they thought it was the silliest thing they'd ever heard.

I have to say I don't think they're subtle at ALL! Totally agree on the alcohol thing though.

No we are not subtle at all. We are very direct. You know where you stand and no one likes ambiguity [thats why we invented categories for everything like **** buddies and friends with benefits kind of things]. At least in New York, because wasting someones time is SIN number 1 on the list of no nos.

I think what you described above as Irish dating is crazy. I wouldnt be up for it myself.

LambsEye

metrovelvet wrote: »

No we are not subtle at all. We are very direct. You know where you stand and no one likes ambiguity [thats why we invented categories for everything like **** buddies and friends with benefits kind of things]. At least in New York, because wasting someones time is SIN number 1 on the list of no nos.

I think what you described above as Irish dating is crazy. I wouldnt be up for it myself.

Hahah Big time. They have NO interest in messing around but then when you're snared you still have to play all the rules and put a "label" on it.

To be honest though (I hope you're not a man from New York,) But I genuinely found New York men to be the rarest and oddest breed of dudes I'd ever encountered.

metrovelvet

LambsEye wrote: »

Hahah Big time. They have NO interest in messing around but then when you're snared you still have to play all the rules and put a "label" on it.

To be honest though (I hope you're not a man from New York,) But I genuinely found New York men to be the rarest and oddest breed of dudes I'd ever encountered.

No Im a woman from NY. Why do you find the men odd?

LambsEye

metrovelvet wrote: »

No Im a woman from NY. Why do you find the men odd?

Now I really don't want to generalize because I met a lot of guys that became my great friends but when it went into a romantic level I was clueless!

I found many of them would try woo you with their job or their status or their things. I found as well that they didn't like you being too available and they're super open about their "issues."

E.G. In a bar in Union Square (Bad Idea #1: Going to a bar in Union Square,) a man came up to me, and said: "I like your dress, I'm Tom, I'm in insurance I live alone in the LES and I'm feeling really unhappy in my job right now.."

I suppose that goes back to what you were saying about wasting one's time. Still, I was a little taken aback. Where's the flirty banter dude!

metrovelvet

LambsEye wrote: »

Now I really don't want to generalize because I met a lot of guys that became my great friends but when it went into a romantic level I was clueless!

I found many of them would try woo you with their job or their status or their things. I found as well that they didn't like you being too available and they're super open about their "issues."

E.G. In a bar in Union Square (Bad Idea #1: Going to a bar in Union Square,) a man came up to me, and said: "I like your dress, I'm Tom, I'm in insurance I live alone in the LES and I'm feeling really unhappy in my job right now.."

I suppose that goes back to what you were saying about wasting one's time. Still, I was a little taken aback. Where's the flirty banter dude!

Yeah thats not weird there. Its about time. Everything is about time. They are on the level so as not to waste it. I like it, because... well its what I am used to... or I should say.. I miss it when it's not there, that directness and efficiency. But everyone has a shrink so no one thinks its bad to talk about issues or whatever. My parents are/were not Americans and they complained their whole lives about it as talking about yourself was considered rude, but in the US it looks like you ahve something to hide if you dont.

Morgase

I second (or third or fourth or what it is by now) the idea of no games or rules. Mainly because I don't have the slyness or cleverness to keep up with when I should be texting / ringing

I remember a few months ago, when my boyfriend said "I love you" for the first time. We'd only been seeing each other for a few weeks, and when his friends found out they were shocked. It was their opinion that you had to wait for at least three months. I must ask him what other rules they had, might give me a laugh!

mariebeth

I've never been one to play games, or play by 'rules', lifes too short not to go for what you want.

iguana

I never bothered with games. If I liked someone I'd call/text them, if that put them off then I'd know sooner rather than later that we weren't going anywhere and I'd move on.

Feeona

LambsEye wrote: »

I met a lovely boy last night. I played it veeeery cool though, he said he would like to meet again and I was stupidly all "Yeah maybe sure whatever."

Now I feel like a big eejit because maybe he thinks I have no interest. It's not really something I do on purpose but I've noticed that my first instinct is to try be all mega Kool and the Gang with new boys.

Do any of you ladies do this? Do you play games with boys? Or like, wait a certain number of minutes to text back etc?

Well to be fair, it sounds like you're shy. I used to be like that when I was younger, meet a guy, think he was great, but act cool. Which was the total opposite of what was going on in my head!

It's a big thing to put yourself out there for someone's appraisal, that's why there are so many 'rules' and 'games'. It's human nature to protect yourself. It'd be far worse if you were falling on your sword just to prove a point.

Stay true to yourself girl! Acting cool feels right for you at the moment, the only 'damage' it's doing is you feel like yelling Doh! Maybe at some stage you'll feel you can be more open, but it'll happen in it's own time.

LambsEye

Feeona wrote: »

Well to be fair, it sounds like you're shy. I used to be like that when I was younger, meet a guy, think he was great, but act cool. Which was the total opposite of what was going on in my head!

It's a big thing to put yourself out there for someone's appraisal, that's why there are so many 'rules' and 'games'. It's human nature to protect yourself. It'd be far worse if you were falling on your sword just to prove a point.

Stay true to yourself girl! Acting cool feels right for you at the moment, the only 'damage' it's doing is you feel like yelling Doh! Maybe at some stage you'll feel you can be more open, but it'll happen in it's own time.

WELL. You.Are.Lovely. The funny thing is I'm absolutely not shy like I could easily chat to anyone and score but I am very, VERY defensive/protective/shy when it comes to actually liking boys.

Feeona

LambsEye wrote: »

The funny thing is I'm absolutely not shy like I could easily chat to anyone and score but I am very, VERY defensive/protective/shy when it comes to actually liking boys.

Ha ha, meet your (probably older) sister!:pac:

starlit

I tend not to have a game plan. I just be myself and go with the flow. I be friendly, nice and chatty if up to talking to a lad. I smile generally. The only thing I would do is flirt but play hard to get a little bit, just to test the guy out if he is genuine I know then to let my guard down a bit and just chat to him whether it be just be friendly or a little bit flirty or more and have a bit of fun and just see how things go. I let the guy know straight away though if I am interested or not. I'm very honest like that.
I'm not one of those girls who string guys along or have a number of fellas hanging on a string. I'm a one man band kind of gal!

BBDBB

wouldnt life be sooooooooooo much easier if people just said what was on their mind??



only not as much fun perhaps