How big can the age gap be?

wiger toods

Il just throw this thread here!
Anyway. my sisters boyfriend is the same age as me. He's 26, while the sis is 18. so thats an 8 year gap.
He's a good guy, no probs with him at all, but just watching a programme there on bbc which got me thinking.
How big can the age gap be in a relationship? I always thought 4 maybe 5 years would be fairly normal?????

Larianne

What was the programme on the BBC about?

LegacyUser

My fella is nearly 10yrs younger than me. Not an issue at all. He was 22 when we first got together

Dudess

Thank god we don't REALLY have to adhere to certain age rules (despite people feeling the need to ask permission ). If you like someone, you like someone - if people take issue with the age gap, their problem.

I appreciate significant age gaps/different life stages might cause obstacles, but generally I don't think that's a good reason not to give things a go if you like the person enough...

And "half your age plus seven" - please, for once can that tripe not be given as advice...

boomkatalog

My dude is 26 and I'm about to turn 21, but it's more about where ye are in life and maturity than age.

wiger toods

Larianne wrote: »

What was the programme on the BBC about?

It was actually on channel 4! sorry, i was doing the real couch potato thing of eyes on the computer screen, ears on the tv. Pretty much what im doing now actually still, It was called 'fat gypsy weddings' or something,(There was no footy on) wasnt really paying too much attention to it, just bits and bobs.

GlanGal

i'm 22, there's an age gap of 8 years between my mum and dad but they have been happily married for 24 years. I really think it depends on the guy, if you think he seems okay then don't hold his age against him. I myself have been in many relationships with older guys (never more than 5 years) and i think there is a maturity gap between males and females when they are young, if she's young make sure she doesn't jump into anything but if she's old enough to take care of herself then let her be (but watch out for her obviously)

MrStuffins

Dudess wrote: »

And "half your age plus seven" - please, for once can that tripe not be given as advice...

What?? That's the rule??

Crap, when I was considering my gf, i divided by 7 and added 2! ABORT!! ABORT!!

Asphyxia

Age gaps say nothing about a relationships. My boyfriend is 5 years older than me but we are the best of friends as well. I'm 19 and any guy my own age come across as being very immature to me so I tend to be interested in older guys.

17 years between my parents and they have been married for the past 31 years this July

wiger toods

GlanGal wrote: »

i'm 22, there's an age gap of 8 years between my mum and dad but they have been happily married for 24 years. I really think it depends on the guy, if you think he seems okay then don't hold his age against him. I myself have been in many relationships with older guys (never more than 5 years) and i think there is a maturity gap between males and females when they are young, if she's young make sure she doesn't jump into anything but if she's old enough to take care of herself then let her be (but watch out for her obviously)

It runs in my family actually. 7 years between my mum and dad. same again for my grandparents (god rest them) and same again for my older recently married sister. 7 is the magic number it seems!
Also, i dont hold his age against him at all, he's a good lad. Head screwed on and all that.
Actually the only problem i have with him, is the bolox has no interest in footy whatsoever! The big weirdo!!:D

Plumbers

I'm nearly 10yrs older than my fella. Not an issue at all. He was 23 when we got together He's still a right pain the ass tho :mad: oh i'm so luvved up today

magneticimpulse

Yeah Im 30 and I normally pull 20 yr old guys.

Very funny...because when I was 21 I was going out with 30 year olds...spent so long dating 30 something year olds that now ive finally reached 30...im happy dating what i missed out on 1st time round.

Most of my 30 something year old friends are dating guys 20 - 23 yr olds. They are actually far more mature and less relationship baggage doom and gloom then alot of 34 yr old guys i know.

RacoonQueen

I normally go for older guys. Smallest age gap for me over the last few years was 3 years. Biggest 10 years - and this one was the only real relationship.

Irish_Elect_Eng

The whole age gap thing is a self-imposed social restriction.

While there are certainly some advantages to both partners being in the same life-stage, there are also many things where the man and womans needs are out of sync at the same ages.

IMO It really just comes down to 3 things:

(1) Cupid, you really can't chose who you fall in love with. Just go for it.
(2) Personal taste, needs and upbringing.
(3) Maturity/Insecurity of the couple in the relationship.

Good Luck to your sister and her partner, support them.

Azureus

I've only actually ever been with guys 2-3 years older than me but I wouldnt have a problem with a bigger age gap at all. there was 30 years between my parents and while it caused some problems (mainly other peoples preconceptions and opinions getting in the way) it was never really an issue for them.

smallest age gap was a year, too young
largest was 11 years, didnt work out because of other reasons

OH is 5 years older than I am, that's just right

Your sis is over 18 so after that I think it's up to the people themselves

squeakyduck

Age doesn't really matter one your are over your 20's in my opinion. One of my best friends was 14 when she got with a 28 year old, there was absolute war over it. But, when you are that young there is something wrong.

I'm 2 weeks older than my boyfriend.

My sister is 37 this year and is going out with a 50 year old. They gel well together, but she has been on the dating scene for years.

Novella

It's funny - my granny was older than my grandad, my mum is older than my dad and I'm older than my boyfriend. It's a running joke now that we have a thing for younger men. I dunno though, age means nothing really as long as it's not illegal and all that stuff. Compatibility and happiness, that's what counts.

G86

I think that from the ages of 16-24 there's generally a pretty big maturity gap between girls and guys. My first 'proper' boyfriend was 7 years older than me, and since then it's been a bit of a running trend, with anything from 3-13 years in the difference. I've dated 2 guys a year or 2 younger, but it was never serious...I found we had completely different goals/outlooks.

starlit

To be honest anything between a 1 year to 5 year age gap wouldn't be a big deal for me. I prefer younger men but older men are grand if they are mature for their age within reason of course. If they older than me and acting chidlish and not their age then I wouldn't go out with that kind of person. I rather a younger man who is mature for his age like! The age gap closes in as you age anyway once over the age of 30! Just that the stages of life between teens and 30's can vary and affect people of certain ages depending on life goals and interests etc. I'v only ever gone out with younger guys over older ones very few older ones.

When in your 20's you want to travel and go to parties etc in your 30's you want to settle a bit so couples may want different things when one is in their 20's and the other in their 30's or 40's that age gap will appear a bit more. Age is just a number. What ever floats their boat everyone is different and likes certain types of people others are open to what ever and don't have a type. I suppose once you click then the rest is history...

lrushe

Novella wrote: »

It's funny - my granny was older than my grandad, my mum is older than my dad and I'm older than my boyfriend. It's a running joke now that we have a thing for younger men. I dunno though, age means nothing really as long as it's not illegal and all that stuff. Compatibility and happiness, that's what counts.

I've something similar.
My mother was 10 years older than my dad, when she died my dad got remarried to a woman 10 years younger than him and now there is a 10 year age gap between me and my bf.
If people are compatable I don't think age will matter.

mood

Generally I the 5 years older/younger is ok depending on the two people involved. I find I get on better with guys around my own age but there are always exceptions.

sam34

meh, i spent a year going out with a man who was 23 years older than me.

the age gap wasnt an issue for us. we wanted the same things from life, and were evry happy together. the age factor wasnt teh reason we broke up.

inevitable, we attracted the sugar daddy comments from people too narrow-minded to comprehend that people of such different ages could be happy together, but i couldnt care less about those kinds of people.

pow wow

Whatever suits both parties once it's legal. Not trying to be flippant but it generally is a really personal thing. My sis is 4 years older than her OH and it works, I tried dating a guy 4 years younger than me and it drove me nuts. My bfs have usually been much much older than me up until now (10+ years) and there's been no issue.

So, legalities aside of course, whatever floats your boat.

daenerysstormborn3

My boyfriend is 11 years older than me. I've only been with one guy my own age and that was a nightmare, I was so bored. I've always been known as an "old soul in a young body" so the majority of my friends are a good bit older than me too.

The age difference isn't relevant to our relationship. We are matched as people not because of our age difference.

princess-lala

My brothers wife is 12 years older than him!

Age is just a number! So long as you are both over the legal age anything is possible imo!

krudler

squeakyduck wrote: »

Age doesn't really matter one your are over your 20's in my opinion. One of my best friends was 14 when she got with a 28 year old, there was absolute war over it. But, when you are that young there is something wrong.

Err, yeah I think most people would draw the line at dating someone who's barely a teenager when you're in your late 20's

I was 5 years older than my ex, I've actually only dated one person older than me and that was only by a few weeks, everyone else has been 1-5 years younger than me.

Princess Peach

Depends on the person! I'm 23 and I'm seeing a guy who's 31. But I feel our maturity levels are about the same! Also depends what both people want from the relationship. Some guys in their 30s might be wanting to get serious and settle down, I don't want that at all right now. So you can't really say if someone is too old just based on the number, has to be the person too. I've always been with older guys, very rarely been with guys my own age and never with younger guys, but it wouldnt bother me if girls are with younger guys.

Cheap Thrills!

My BF is 11 years younger, we are together 3.5 years and very happy.

Well I am anyway lol

56lcd

In my humble opinion 10 years would be the absolute acceptable difference .... if a girl is not at least 10 years younger than you then she is far too old.
Most guys prefer girls 18-25.
Older than a man is a complete no no.

qz

My missus just turned 27 and I'm 21. Age really is just a number but I do believe that it may at some stage become an issue for the elder one in the sense that they may want to 'settle down' for want of a better word, while the younger may not be as prepared. It all depends on the couple.

As an aside, my stepfather is 19 years old than my Mum, and my Dad is 20 years older than my stepmother. Dirty dogs. Also, first post in TLL how exciting.

qz

56lcd wrote: »

In my humble opinion 10 years would be the absolute acceptable difference

I don't see how people can draw absolute lines like that. I accept that relationships will operate differently and may be doomed from the outset if there is a large age gap (10 years or more) but surely that's best worked out on an individual basis. You know, 'give it a shot' and fúck the numbers.

if a girl is not at least 10 years younger than you then she is far too old.

Maybe it's a bit early, but that's an absolute head-scratcher of a statement.

Most guys prefer girls 18-25

Thanks for the ultra sweeping generalisation there, but you are wrong. Seriously, that's like me saying most girls prefer guys with muscles. Horseshít.

Older than a man is a complete no no.

That's pretty arbitrary no? If your dream partner was a year younger than you you'd say no? What about a month or a week?


Every single aspect of your post just irritates me.

MrStuffins

56lcd wrote: »

Older than a man is a complete no no.

Ridiculous sentence right here :rolleyes:

There's a very very simple answer to this question......... the gap can be whatever it will be. Who cares?

Each person is individual. Just because your sister goes out with a guy 15 years older and it's horrible, that is NO indication of how others in the same situation will be. A couple who are the same age could still be 15 years apart in terms of maturity!

There's 4 years between myself and my girlfriend, i'm 26 and she's 22. No big deal right?

But we got together 5 years ago, when I was 21 and she was 17. And some people didn't like this fact. Is it all of a sudden acceptable to all but because a 26 and a 22 year old is more socially acceptable? Or looks better in text?

Luckily for her, I have the mind of a child :P

allandanyways

I'm seeing a guy who's 28, I'm 20. For the most part, I don't even think about our age difference (he doesn't really act his age and I go on a bit older than I am or at least have been told I do).

I know my mam has a problem with it, but that's her problem. Tbh, he has so much cop on and is so down to earth and chilled out. I don't think guys my own age know their arse from their elbow half the time, definitely think the age difference between myself and him is one of the things that really gels us.

With his personality now, and what he's told me about his life when he was my age, if we had both been 20/21 at the same time, he would have been the kinda lad I avoided, but his age means he's more mellow now and I love that about him.

It can also be a source of laughs. We were in bed listening to music the other night and that song Maniac 2000 came on shuffle and it was weird thinking when that came out (year 2000), I was 10 and in 4th class and he was 18 and tiling bathrooms . :pac:

I think it totally depends on the people involved, as I said I get on really well with yer man and don't really feel the age difference, but I've seen relationships fall apart because someone (usually the guy in my experience) can't handle the age difference.

tbh I don't think, after having such a good experience with someone older than me (and some really shocking bad ones with guys 20-25), I would be hesitant about going out with someone my own age now, but as I said before it would depend on their personality moreso than their age.

Age is nothing but a number in many, many cases.

Toto Wolfcastle

Age is just a number really. As long as you get on well with someone and are at a similar stage of like then there's no problem. There are some people who would never consider dating someone older/younger and that's fine too but you're really limiting yourself if you do that. There are some great people out there of all ages. I'm marrying someone 18 years older than me and couldn't be happier.

MrStuffins

allandanyways wrote: »

It can also be a source of laughs. We were in bed listening to music the other night and that song Maniac 2000 came on shuffle and it was weird thinking when that came out (year 2000), I was 10 and in 4th class and he was 18 and tiling bathrooms . :pac:

As much as i agree with your sentiments............ this part was just amazingly creepy

rebel10

When my sister was 20 she was going out with a 39 yr old for about 3 years. At first we thought it was a bit weird, but after meeting him, we could see they were happy together (while they were together!), so it was none of our business and we couldn't really judge, so no, i don't see an age gap as an issue.

Toto Wolfcastle

MrStuffins wrote: »

As much as i agree with your sentiments............ this part was just amazingly creepy

Seriously? I totally disagree. It's not like they were going out with each other when she was 10 and he was 18. It's just a memory. Nothing creepy about that.

allandanyways

MrStuffins wrote: »

As much as i agree with your sentiments............ this part was just amazingly creepy

But as Bobblehead Panda said, we weren't going out with each other then, just in totally different places in our lives.

I think once you kinda hit your 20s, age doesn't matter so much, because for example now, I'm 20 (nearly 21) and he's 28 and we're both just working and doing normal "grown up" stuff like saving for a holiday and doing the shopping on a Friday.

We're both adults now, and 20 and 28 IMO isn't that bad, because we're both in our 20s, compared to say a couple that are 15 and 21, where it would be much different in terms of where you would be in your life and goals and maturity and stuff.

stupidusername

I would never have thought much about age before, but, and I may be wrong here, my experience with men from more than 3 years younger than me has not been good. I find generally they're not in the same frame of mind as me, and in ways not quite as mature as I would like in a relationship. Now this could've been just those men, but it's been a few now, so I'm kinda starting to say to myself that I'm not going to consider 24 or younger. Maybe I'll be attacked over this, but I feel like it's the right thing to do.

Cheap Thrills!

I never ever looked outside my own age group, it simply never occurred to me.

But I found myself persuaded otherwise, so I decided to evaluate it as I would any other relationship and it worked out well for me.

It's not something I actively sought out.

RosieMarie_91

I'm 19 and wouldnt dreamabout seeing someone the same age or younger than me. The older the better becuase they are more mature. The majority of young fellas out here are bothered about how loud their exhaust is on their car. Where as ide rather a man who is more bothered about the bigger things in life. Age is only a number after all and it annoys me that if a younger girl would be seeing an older gent that she would be classed as a gold digger. People should just mind their own business never mind everyone elses.

Odaise Gaelach

How big "can" it be is ultimately up to the two people entering into the relationship.

For the record, though, I'm a 23-year-old male and I wouldn't mind dating a woman in her early-thirties. I'd be cautious about it though, because she might end up wanting children after a few years; I couldn't see myself wanting children for another decade at least. So we'd probably end up wanting different things because we're at different stages in our lives. That'd be the main problem I'd have with such a large age-gap.

Aoifey!

I think it's more about state of mind rather than actual age. Someone can be 20 and act as if they're 40 and vice versa.

My parents have 3 years between them and they'll be married 25 years in January, so I guess it can work out.

caseyann

Only thing that matters in relationships is you are going the same way want the same things and respect and love each other and trust.

One woman i know is with someone she met when she was fifty and he was thirty.And they are together now 15 years.
Alot of women i know are with guys ten years younger.

Count Duckula

I think the half your age plus seven rule is actually a very good one. Sure, there are relationships that break that rule and work, but then there are people who smoke forty a day who live until they're one-hundred. Doesn't make smoking a good idea.

barleybooley

I don't agree with the "age is just a number" philosophy. The reason it's more acceptable for a 30yo to go out with a 24yo over a 24yo going out with an 18yo is because the percentage difference is smaller for the latter. There's a big difference in terms of life experience and maturity between an 18yo and a 24yo.

Chuchoter

I think age is a lot less important than the stage in your life that you are at. For example, I have this one friend who is in 5th year with me, but she is 18 in April. She's going out with a guy living on his own in college, who although is only 19, is way older than her in terms of where he is in his life and he is totally taking advantage of her.

SuperTyper

My BF is 15 years younger than me, I'm 40. Been together a while and its prob the best relationship I've been in

snorlax

i think it depends on the person, eg how mature they are.

There's plenty of guys who could be a few years older then you but who aren't very mature and also ones the same age who are really mature.

Emme

56lcd wrote: »

Most guys prefer girls 18-25.

and most women prefer men who are at least 6'2" with thick black hair, brown eyes, tanned muscular body, an income of at least €1,000,000 pa and a PhD in astrophysics:rolleyes:

Somebody needs to get real around here.