Someone taking your baby name - would you be mad?

amdublin

You don't "own" a name.

No matter how long you've liked it.
No matter if you've told a thousand people that yup like the name and are going to use the name.

You still don't own it.

If someone else uses the name, you're an adult, start acting like one and cop on.

ToniTuddle

Sharrow wrote: »

Having had two kids and having picked out names in advance, there comes a time when you hold your newborn and look at them and the name you had picked just does not suit them. So there you are not long after giving birth, hormoanes all over the place, the baby bonding drugs being given off by the baby effecting you, exhausted, with in some cases all manner of drugs in your system and sleep deprived and all your plans go out the window cos the child you now hold does not look like what you imagined and your addled brain picks something else, which then is told to all the family and friends who come visit and is put on the pre registration forms which are sent to the office of birth, deaths and marriages.

Really in that state do you think a new mother gives a flying fúck or can remember that their 'friend' bagsied esp if it was years back?

Oh come on, bit dramatic! :pac:

When my niece was named they couldn't think of a name for her even after she had been brought home from the friggin hospital! Ya know ya don't have to pick a name right then with yer placenta hanging out of ya :pac:

What sasha is talking about is what I mentioned just a few posts back...plain and simple.

amdublin wrote: »

No matter if you've told a thousand people that yup like the name and are going to use the name.

You still don't own it.

If someone else uses the name, you're an adult, start acting like one and cop on.

We aint talking about a thousand people. We are talking about your sister or best friend someone close to you or relatively quite close to you who knew ye liked that name and had your heart set on it and then they go and use it for their own.

And anyway feic acting like an adult all the time. We have a right to be annoyed if we want to or feel like it and sulk and have a bit of self pity whenever the hell we want.(EVERYONE goes through mini bouts at least a few times in their life!:p) Couple of hours or days and ye would be over it, so no harm done.

amdublin

ToniTuddle wrote: »

We aint talking about a thousand people. We are talking about your sister or best friend someone close to you or relatively quite close to you who knew ye liked that name and had your heart set on it and then they go and use it for their own

That's life.

What's the point in being silly and sulking?

CK2010

amdublin wrote: »

That's life.

What's the point in being silly and sulking?

cause its your brand new beautiful baby and you want the world for them even when you know you cant give it to them. aand a mother is allowed get a bit sulky when she cant!!
and that includes the perfect name that you've planned specially for them.

rationally you know that somebody else is going to have it but its still YOUR babys name (yes its not only hers but it is hers!) and some people cant help but get a little sulky if someone they know flippantly use it cause they cant come up with something better-im not referring to those who always liked the name, just those who hear it and then settle on it.

people cant help how they feel however rational or irrational, silly or immature it may be. theres no point in getting upset but some people do, and i personally dont think getting upset over something to do with your child is silly. yes there are more important things in life and its not the end of the world but sometimes things like that can get you a little peeved and you cant help it.

amdublin

CK2010 wrote: »

cause its your brand new beautiful baby and you want the world for them even when you know you cant give it to them. aand a mother is allowed get a bit sulky when she cant!!
and that includes the perfect name that you've planned specially for them.

rationally you know that somebody else is going to have it but its still YOUR babys name (yes its not only hers but it is hers!) and some people cant help but get a little sulky if someone they know flippantly use it cause they cant come up with something better-im not referring to those who always liked the name, just those who hear it and then settle on it.

people cant help how they feel however rational or irrational, silly or immature it may be. theres no point in getting upset but some people do, and i personally dont think getting upset over something to do with your child is silly. yes there are more important things in life and its not the end of the world but sometimes things like that can get you a little peeved and you cant help it.

Why bother wasting your energy stropping and sulking when you have a beautiful little baby with the name you always wanted. She or he is not any less special just because she or he shares her name.

shinikins

Just found out that my friend had her baby last night, and called him Benjamin, and name i've always loved and would be top choice if i ever had a little boy. I'm not put out though, i'm actually really pleased that she chose such a lovely name, and kind of flattered that she would choose the same as i would!! Its happened before with my eldest nephew too, again, i don't have any right to be put out-they got there first!

CK2010

amdublin wrote: »

Why bother wasting your energy stropping and sulking when you have a beautiful little baby with the name you always wanted. She or he is not any less special just because she or he shares her name.

its not wasting your energy though, being upset is something that you cant control. its a feeling not an action you choose.
yes, having a strop (which actually isnt what the OP asked about) is needlessly wasting energy but getting upset is a natural emotion.
some people seem to be automatically assuming that being upset or angry over something equates to having a strop. it doesnt.
a person i know chose the name i chose. i smiled and said 'thats great news'- nothing stroppy about that. cant help the fact that i was feeling a bit annoyed.

never said anything about it making a child less special. obviously it doesnt change how i feel about my child. its an issue with the person who chose the name after me that i feel slightly negatively towards, not my child, or theres for that matter.

ToniTuddle

amdublin wrote: »

That's life.

What's the point in being silly and sulking?

Because life sometimes involves being silly and being sulky or annoyed


CK has explained it quite better than me I think!

RoisinDove

Chinafoot wrote: »

Yeah I know what you were asking and the same principle applies as far as I'm concerned. Liking a baby name doesn't make it yours. Anyone can pick any name they like for a child and to get annoyed over someone "copying" what you deem to be your name is silly, in my opinion.

If I liked a name for my child, the fact that a friend also liked it or had already used it would definitely not stop me using it. Anyone who would class me as a "copycat" for doing so needs to a get a grip and grow up tbh.

I don't think that's fair. Sure, there are hundreds of Sarahs, Emilys, Annas, Grainnes etc, so I don't think many people would mind too much if someone else picked that name. But if you suggest a name (especially if it's quite unusual) and a friend uses it, having never previously considered it, then yes, I think that is quite mean.

Say I always liked the name 'Alexiana' (unusual name and spelling) and my best friend used it, well yes, she has clearly copied me and this will definitely put me off using it, because our kids will probably spend a lot of time together and it IS weird to have two Alexianas. It would be annoying (people constantly asking which one you were talking about, the kids answering when you weren't calling them). The reason you'd go for a 'different' name would be to try to stop that happening.

If a friend just happens to pick the same name, no problem. But it's fairly obvious when you put the idea in someone's head, and going ahead and using the name for themselves is pretty selfish, in my opinion. Sure, there's nothing 'wrong' with it but it's not very nice.

Chinafoot

RoisinDove wrote: »

I don't think that's fair. Sure, there are hundreds of Sarahs, Emilys, Annas, Grainnes etc, so I don't think many people would mind too much if someone else picked that name. But if you suggest a name (especially if it's quite unusual) and a friend uses it, having never previously considered it, then yes, I think that is quite mean.

Say I always liked the name 'Alexiana' (unusual name and spelling) and my best friend used it, well yes, she has clearly copied me and this will definitely put me off using it, because our kids will probably spend a lot of time together and it IS weird to have two Alexianas. It would be annoying (people constantly asking which one you were talking about, the kids answering when you weren't calling them). The reason you'd go for a 'different' name would be to try to stop that happening.

If a friend just happens to pick the same name, no problem. But it's fairly obvious when you put the idea in someone's head, and going ahead and using the name for themselves is pretty selfish, in my opinion. Sure, there's nothing 'wrong' with it but it's not very nice.

The point that the "thats so selfish" crowd seem to be missing is that during your child's life they will almost certainly encounter people with the same name as them. It doesn't matter if it's classmates, workmates or the child of your mother's best friend. The OP says she likes the name Noah. I went to school with 2 and have two work colleagues who have named their children that. Its not a big deal.

If you tell someone you like the name Alexiana (not that unusual btw, popular enough in Germany and Eastern Europe and I have registered a number of little girls in the libraries with that name) and they decide they really like that name too I don't see why they should be prevented from using it. You might deem them selfish for doing so but personally I think you would be far more selfish to throw a strop over your friend picking a name they want for their baby because you "had it first".

IzzyWizzy

Chinafoot wrote: »

The point that the "thats so selfish" crowd seem to be missing is that during your child's life they will almost certainly encounter people with the same name as them. It doesn't matter if it's classmates, workmates or the child of your mother's best friend. The OP says she likes the name Noah. I went to school with 2 and have two work colleagues who have named their children that. Its not a big deal.

If you tell someone you like the name Alexiana (not that unusual btw, popular enough in Germany and Eastern Europe and I have registered a number of little girls in the libraries with that name) and they decide they really like that name too I don't see why they should be prevented from using it. You might deem them selfish for doing so but personally I think you would be far more selfish to throw a strop over your friend picking a name they want for their baby because you "had it first".

But it's one thing to meet strangers with the same name, it's another thing when someone close to you calls their kid the name you picked out, especially, as RD said, if it's an unusual one. Alexiana would be uncommon among Irish kids, so if I told my friend I really liked it and then she used it, having never previously even heard of it, then that's very selfish. I just don't see how that is the action of a good friend. There are literally millions of names in the world, why pick the one name your friend told you about so they can't use it (and it's true, it's hard to use it when a close friend or relative already has)?

It is ALWAYS obvious when people 'steal' names as opposed to just having always liked the name. I have a younger cousin with the same name as me, it is actually quite annoying and I really wish my aunt had chosen something else, but my parents told me to say I didn't mind. It's not a special name though, it's relatively common and I'm sure my aunt did always like it so I can't really say much. If my name had been Nostrafaritutu and my aunt had decided she 'just liked it', well that would have been pathetic, IMO.

Lia_lia

I wouldn't care less. Why do people get so worked about these kinda things?
There are much more devastating things in life than someone stealing your "baby name". How petty!

Anyway I don't think I'd be able to choose a name for my baby (if I ever have 1!) until I actually see the baby.

IzzyWizzy

Lia_lia wrote: »

I wouldn't care less. Why do people get so worked about these kinda things?
There are much more devastating things in life than someone stealing your "baby name". How petty!

Anyway I don't think I'd be able to choose a name for my baby (if I ever have 1!) until I actually see the baby.

I don't get that mentality. Of course it's not that important. Of course we all have much more to worry about. Doesn't mean I wouldn't be miffed if I told someone my favourite name (especially if it was foreign/unusual/different spelling) and they promptly used it for their baby. It's not a nice thing to do. Most of the topics in this forum are shallow and petty and people have plenty of opinions about them. Why is this one getting peoples' backs up?

Lia_lia

^ Well personally, I wouldn't care. The whole notion sounds ridiculous. But then again I don't have a favourite name. However if I did I know it still wouldn't bother me if someone used it. But that's just me! Everyone has a different opinion on things.

Chinafoot

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

But it's one thing to meet strangers with the same name, it's another thing when someone close to you calls their kid the name you picked out, especially, as RD said, if it's an unusual one. Alexiana would be uncommon among Irish kids, so if I told my friend I really liked it and then she used it, having never previously even heard of it, then that's very selfish. I just don't see how that is the action of a good friend. There are literally millions of names in the world, why pick the one name your friend told you about so they can't use it (and it's true, it's hard to use it when a close friend or relative already has)?

I completey disagree that its selfish. I will never understand this mentality. Nor will I understand why you couldn't possibly use it if a friend or relative already has. Thats ridiculous. If thats the name you want for your child then use it.

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

It is ALWAYS obvious when people 'steal' names as opposed to just having always liked the name. I have a younger cousin with the same name as me, it is actually quite annoying and I really wish my aunt had chosen something else, but my parents told me to say I didn't mind. It's not a special name though, it's relatively common and I'm sure my aunt did always like it so I can't really say much.

How the hell can you "steal" a name?! I'm sorry but come on. Being miffed that a cousin has the same common name as you seems pretty silly imo. What does it matter?

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

If my name had been Nostrafaritutu and my aunt had decided she 'just liked it', well that would have been pathetic, IMO.

Why is so inconceivable that someone other than your parents could like a name?

Look, we can agree to disagree. I think this talk of stealing names, copying etc is childish in the extreme. People might not have any names at all decided and hear one that their friend likes and decide they really love that name too. Its not beyond the realms of possibility. Having a hissy fit over it is pathetic.

sashafierce

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Dudess

Well dismissive yawn or not (is that necessary just because people don't agree with you?) it ISN'T the same thing in terms of emotional impact.

That said, if I said to a friend that I'd really, really love to give my child a particular name and had always wanted to, and it hadn't entered her/his head until I made mention of it, and then they "beat me to it", yeah, I would be miffed. And would wonder why they hadn't just left it alone. Doubt it would really enrage/upset me though, but annoy me - yes.

sashafierce

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ToniTuddle

Chinafoot wrote: »

The point that the "thats so selfish" crowd seem to be missing is that during your child's life they will almost certainly encounter people with the same name as them. I think you would be far more selfish to throw a strop over your friend picking a name they want for their baby because you "had it first".

Look, we can agree to disagree. I think this talk of stealing names, copying etc is childish in the extreme. People might not have any names at all decided and hear one that their friend likes and decide they really love that name too. Its not beyond the realms of possibility. Having a hissy fit over it is pathetic.

Who is having a hissy fit? :pac:
Just because you deem it to be pathetic doesn't mean that it is...just in your eyes it is but it isn't to the people concerned.

I never said anything about it being selfish and I aint in no crowd
Just said that yes it would be annoying if your sister/best friend/someone close to you used the name you had always wanted. People have a right to be annoyed if they want or if they feel it sometimes it can't be helped.

Anyone who falls out with someone over it well that's silly.

Just go pick a better name to annoy them :pac: <---(that's a joke before folks jump and think I'm being petty!)

Aoifey!

Before I was born my mother loved the name Tracy but thought she wouldn't ahve any more kids (medical reasons). Her sister had a baby who was 2 weeks old and STILL had no name! So even tually mother just told her to call her Tracy. Then low and behold along comes little ole me.

CK2010

id like to point out to all those people who are giving out about the 'overreacting hissy fit crowd' this thread was started to ask about our feelings on the issue brought up by the OP so we answered. not one person had a hissy fit or over-reacted, we just said how we wouldfeel cause thats what we we were asked about. its not like we all came to this thread to have a rant and rave about 'baby name stealers' or anything OTT like that. im sure most of us never gave it a second thought (apart from when it happened) other than the fact that we were asked on this forum to give our views. people seem to think we're obsessed about the whole issue and that our life centres round our babies names and we dont give a crap about the baby's health happiness, etc. purely because we care about its name! thats the topic being discussed!!!

people saying 'surely you have other more important things to worry about when it comes to your baby' its weird because if there was a thread in Fashion and Appearance about someone buying the last dress in a shop after you told her you were gonna buy it people wouldnt come on and say 'jeez at least you've got your health:rolleyes: why do u care?!'- people would join in, say how pee'd off they'd be (or not, whatever), have a little laugh and move on- no name calling or getting heated about the pettyness! and tbh i think its a bit less petty when it comes to your child as opposed to some dress!!

believe me, my child has been in and out of hospital having multiple painful tests to try and diagnose a condition (still no answers) which left her in agony on a regular basis (thank god shes 100% healthy and happy now ) and that was devastating, but it doesnt take away from the fact that i still got a little peeved when someone 'stole' her name!! i wouldnt rank them in the same league but neither takes away from the other, if it happened that way then id never be allowed have some overdramatic self pity

rant over!

sashafierce

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Aoifey!

sashafierce wrote: »

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Thank you I like it, even if it is fairly common.

Lia_lia

^ That's my name too

Not very common when you live in London/France for the 1st eight years of your life. I always thought I was the only person in the world with the name Aoife and then when I went into school here there were 4 people in my class including me with that name. BITCHES!

rannerap

I wouldnt really care if someone used the name I was going to call my kid, im not that set on any name really, I'm more worried about people stealing my name! Ive had a few people say they love it and want to use it for their kid, go away its my name!!! I like being unique!!:(

Blush_01

Honestly, if someone "stealing your baby's name" makes you mad, you have very little to worry about. You should be thankful, really, that you have such a passionate response to it, I guess, because it definitely puts things into perspective. I'd be more worried about someone stealing my baby, if I'm honest.

I kind of think that, while you can definitely have an idea of what you'd like to call a child, having a name picked out from childhood doesn't take the prospective father's opinion into consideration. Plus, what if you have a girl and you only have boys names picked, or the name you've chosen just doesn't seem to fit?? A girl in my junior cert business class decided she was going to call her son (if she ever had one) Roro, after Roll On Roll Off freight. Don't all rush at once to grab it ladies!

Twee.

Lia_lia wrote: »

^ That's my name too

Not very common when you live in London/France for the 1st eight years of your life. I always thought I was the only person in the world with the name Aoife and then when I went into school here there were 4 people in my class including me with that name. BITCHES!

Haha in the username thread I was a bit "Awwwh" when you said your real name wasn't Lia! Dunno why, thought it was cool we had the same name

On topic, I think it can depend on the "uniqueness" of the name, as in the chances of the person hearing the name from someone else would be low. I know I have a favourite name for a little girl that is taken from a ballet, and ballet is something that's been a huge part of my life. I have only ever seen one other person in real life with this name (M&S check out girl's name tag!) I would be a bit peeved if my friend called her daughter this name.

But at the end of that day I wouldn't be prepared to lose friends over it, there are so many other names out there, I could live with picking another one.

EricPraline

Twee. wrote: »

On topic, I think it can depend on the "uniqueness" of the name, as in the chances of the person hearing the name from someone else would be low.

The problem is that people tend to judge "uniqueness" based on their own childhood or teenage years, and ignore the fact that their "unique" preferences probably mirror broader national trends. In reference to the OP, a quick visit to the CSO's naming statistics page will show that Noah has become an increasingly popular name over the last decade.

Honestly, if you wanted a unique name right now Mary or John would probably be the best option. But go back to the early 80s and you would have been accused of "stealing" the name :rolleyes:

Scarinae

sashafierce wrote: »

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My parents were going to call my older sister Aoife, but when she was born they decided that she didn't look like an Aoife at all.

They gave all three of us Irish names in the end, but my brother and sister have much more common ones - I have terrible trouble with my name, especially since I moved to London! If I had kids myself, I don't know if I would give them an unusual or a common name - sometimes I love having a name that stands out, sometimes I get really sick of people saying that the Irish spelling is illogical (:mad:) and wish that I had a name like Sarah.

As for the original thread question... I don't think that it would bother me, but probably because I don't have any particular names picked out for future children. If anything, I would be worried about not being able to come up with a good name! I can be so indecisive

Twee.

EricPraline wrote: »

The problem is that people tend to judge "uniqueness" based on their own childhood or teenage years, and ignore the fact that their "unique" preferences probably mirror broader national trends. In reference to the OP, a quick visit to the CSO's naming statistics page will show that Noah has become an increasingly popular name over the last decade.

Haha yeah that is very true. I guess if you want a truly unique name you should take a glance at the stats first!

Who knows, there might be loads of Odettes running about in ten years and I'll want a new name