Haven't touched a drop in...

tinpib · 26-03-2018 8:32am

Hey Mixed Up.

Have you been reading the Stopdrinking subreddit? It's here https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/

What you are saying is very common, me included, that when we stop drinking we will magically be happy, at least that's what I was expecting anyway.

But I was reading on the subreddit a few days ago, people were saying the same thing but someone else saying that stopping drinking merely allows us to deal with the past and gives us the opportunity to do things to make us happier, but it doesn't make us happier by itself.

I don't really know what else to say to you apart from what you already know which is that drinking will make things worse, that what you are experiencing now is hard but the alternative is worse.

Hopefully you can now take steps tomake the future better, whatever that may be, it might not be reconciliation and a happy ending with your ex, but you might be more at peace 6/12/18 months down the line.

Good luck.

justback83 · 26-03-2018 9:05am

Well I've had enough and I need to stop....spent the weekend drinking with friends and I feel useless at work now, can't do a thing. I am so so sick of this feeling on a Monday. Thing is, the older I get this feeling lasts until Tuesday, or even Wednesday. I have no idea what to do - I think I need a complete change in lifestyle.

Gorgeousgeorge · 26-03-2018 5:59pm

justback83 wrote: »

Well I've had enough and I need to stop....spent the weekend drinking with friends and I feel useless at work now, can't do a thing. I am so so sick of this feeling on a Monday. Thing is, the older I get this feeling lasts until Tuesday, or even Wednesday. I have no idea what to do - I think I need a complete change in lifestyle.

Exercise helps

Dave! · 27-03-2018 12:50pm

justback83 wrote: »

Well I've had enough and I need to stop....spent the weekend drinking with friends and I feel useless at work now, can't do a thing. I am so so sick of this feeling on a Monday. Thing is, the older I get this feeling lasts until Tuesday, or even Wednesday. I have no idea what to do - I think I need a complete change in lifestyle.

I guess the first step is acknowledging that you have a problem

The people in this forum are helpful, feel free to start a thread if you're looking for advice. Look after yourself.

Bunny Colvin · 27-03-2018 12:55pm

justback83 wrote: »

Well I've had enough and I need to stop....spent the weekend drinking with friends and I feel useless at work now, can't do a thing. I am so so sick of this feeling on a Monday. Thing is, the older I get this feeling lasts until Tuesday, or even Wednesday. I have no idea what to do - I think I need a complete change in lifestyle.

Same as man. I'm in work now and I'm still not right from Sunday. Time to wrap it on the head for a while and you can do it too. Day 2. Tomorrow will be day 3.

Amazingfun · 27-03-2018 6:25pm

mixed up wrote: »

63 Day's:

I even start to think about killing myself to stop hurting. I thought that when I stopped drinking things would start to work out and now I'm just f##ked up. Would be so easy to just drink myself stupid but I'm just going to bottle everything up and pretend that everything is fine as usual. I just wish I had the answers.

This is where this thread gets a bit challenging, as not everyone on here is what I (or they I imagine) would refer to as alcoholic. Lots can stay off the drink for a time when they want to, and then return to it in moderation later, etc.
I am not one of those people, I am alcoholic, so me and booze had to be done for good if I expected to live at all really.
I am not saying you are alcoholic MixedUp, but I have to be honest and say you sure sound like one of us, lol

Putting down the drink is often where a whole new set of problems begin for alkies. Yeah, at first it's a relief: feeling better, not getting done for drink driving or whatever---but that tends to get old fast. Life becomes sort of .....dull, grey, etc.

This is a piece from the AA Big Book--someone told me once it's a pretty good description of how most of us are in a "dry" state:

We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people

Sound familiar? It was for me.

I know you are in a rural area and said before getting to meetings is tough, etc. But I know for a fact that if you can get yourself to a meeting, someone will deffo get you home and maybe you might even meet someone who'd be willing to give you a lift regularly. I know when I needed a drink, hell or high water didn't stop me from getting it---try and think of it like that.
What kind of energy did you put into getting yourself another drink in the past?

Worth a shot anyhow, because I know you say you could just go back on the drink......but, if you were able to control your drinking, why would you have had to stop in the first place??

Anyhow, I really hope you give AA a shot. It really works.

Best of luck

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/information-on-aa/Find-a-Meeting

Sigma Force · 27-03-2018 6:34pm

mixed up wrote: »

63 Day's, I'm just up going to work in a few minutes but I'm just finding everything so hard. It's not that I feel like drinking or anything.

I was just hoping things would change when I stopped drinking. I'm still in love with my ex and miss her so much. I'm truly sorry for the things I done to her and was hoping she would see that and hoping we could work things out.

It's not as simple as just moving on and finding someone else. We have a child together and wanted us to be a family. She lives 200 yards away from me so it's not easy.

I know that she still has feelings for me and that's why it's hard to move on. Her family hates me because of what happened in the past and I don't know if she's just afraid of what they think or what?

I know from how she acts with me that she still has feelings for me, I was talking to her best friend who I'm also friends with and she has even said to me that she can see she still has feelings for me.

It's like she's trying to avoid me half the time cause she won't feel them or something? She'll go off the weekend for a drive to go shopping or something with the kids and her friends but never wants to do anything with me.

You guys will probably think this is all on my head or something but as I said her best friend has even said it to me. I don't want to be with anyone else as I still love her and to be honest I just get down and depressed and lonely in myself.

I even start to think about killing myself to stop hurting. I thought that when I stopped drinking things would start to work out and now I'm just f##ked up. Would be so easy to just drink myself stupid but I'm just going to bottle everything up and pretend that everything is fine as usual. I just wish I had the answers.

I understand what you're saying, easier said than done but give her more time. Drinking has hurt you but will of also hurt her and speaking as a partner of someone who was a heavy drinker it will take a long time for her to trust you again. Even if as friends. She will in time but trust has to be earned, partners go through a similar he'll because they are watching their loved one going downhill and they can actually become ill themselves through it all. But in time she will understand, give her a reason to be proud of you I'm sure she is already but things will still be raw with her so she may need more time to heal too. If she hasn't already maybe mention al anon to her or a support group for family members. You are doing great and let's face it it takes a long time for someone to get to rock bottom so be patient with yourself it may take a while for you to feel whole again. They say it can take two years just to get to a decent level but it all depends on the person and their attitude and the support you accept. You need to be happy and content in yourself first so you will have the strength to take care of others. It sounds selfish but right now it's about you and what you can do to build your confidence, how to deal with anxieties and figure out your place. Contact your GP also for support. Relationships are hard at the best of times, if she loves you she will wait but stay honest with her and with yourself. Set your mind to doing things that make you feel good, positive things. Chat to an AA member or a close friend or an addiction support councillor a lot of these services are free so why not take advantage, they are all there to help. Hope you feel better soon, look after yourself

Mr. Incognito · 04-04-2018 3:32pm

Tomorrow will be 7 weeks for me. No booze. No fags.

Things I have found;

1. Exercise more. It does help your mood
2. If you are out have a non alcoholic beer. I never have had to have more than two as you are not "downing" them like you would alcohol
3. I found I was very tired weeks 3-5 . I think a lot of this is sugar withdrawal.

My skin is better, my energy is better and I can taste and smell things again.

lufties · 08-04-2018 8:23pm

mixed up wrote: »

63 Day's, I'm just up going to work in a few minutes but I'm just finding everything so hard. It's not that I feel like drinking or anything.

I was just hoping things would change when I stopped drinking. I'm still in love with my ex and miss her so much. I'm truly sorry for the things I done to her and was hoping she would see that and hoping we could work things out.

It's not as simple as just moving on and finding someone else. We have a child together and wanted us to be a family. She lives 200 yards away from me so it's not easy.

I know that she still has feelings for me and that's why it's hard to move on. Her family hates me because of what happened in the past and I don't know if she's just afraid of what they think or what?

I know from how she acts with me that she still has feelings for me, I was talking to her best friend who I'm also friends with and she has even said to me that she can see she still has feelings for me.

It's like she's trying to avoid me half the time cause she won't feel them or something? She'll go off the weekend for a drive to go shopping or something with the kids and her friends but never wants to do anything with me.

You guys will probably think this is all on my head or something but as I said her best friend has even said it to me. I don't want to be with anyone else as I still love her and to be honest I just get down and depressed and lonely in myself.

I even start to think about killing myself to stop hurting. I thought that when I stopped drinking things would start to work out and now I'm just f##ked up. Would be so easy to just drink myself stupid but I'm just going to bottle everything up and pretend that everything is fine as usual. I just wish I had the answers.

I feel you man, I ****ed things up with my ex too and I feel shame sometimes. However you need to move on,try focus on things you enjoy. You'll be fine.

scriba · 11-04-2018 5:39am

Midnight marked the finish of day 100 for me. Up late, not enough hours, work, and all the stresses of life, but I can still celebrate little achievements like that. Day 100 was the same as all the rest, another day where I chose not to drink. And I'll hopefully do the same tomorrow!

Hope everyone is doing ok. Hang in there!

drydub · 11-04-2018 11:47am

Day 46 for me.
Wedding this weekend with people I would've drank a lot with and they wouldn't know I am not drinking.
I'm confident as the 46 days has given me plenty of tools and strength to get through it. But you have to stay focused.

tinpib · 11-04-2018 2:15pm

Best of luck with it drydub.

What's your plan for it? Will you be staying overnight somewhere? Or can you get back home?

If you can get home that will make it a lot easier. Just make the most of it then get de fudge out of dodge at around 11pm and/or when people get messy. No one will notice you are gone, at least that would be my tactic anyway if you are not feeling it and want to leave. If you are enjoying yourself and want to stay on then great, of course.

drydub · 11-04-2018 3:07pm

tinpib wrote: »

Best of luck with it drydub.

What's your plan for it? Will you be staying overnight somewhere? Or can you get back home?

If you can get home that will make it a lot easier. Just make the most of it then get de fudge out of dodge at around 11pm and/or when people get messy. No one will notice you are gone, at least that would be my tactic anyway if you are not feeling it and want to leave. If you are enjoying yourself and want to stay on then great, of course.

Staying overnight in the hotel. Gonna enjoy the day as best I can and will probably hit the room from early i think. Once I am strong with myself for that initial phase I'm golden, I am very strong willed when it comes to people thinking they can force me to drink. It makes me more adamant (even if i wanted to drink I wouldn't)

In looking forward to waking up fresh and seeing some of the countryside the next day!

Bunny Colvin · 12-04-2018 2:02pm

drydub wrote: »

Staying overnight in the hotel. Gonna enjoy the day as best I can and will probably hit the room from early i think. Once I am strong with myself for that initial phase I'm golden, I am very strong willed when it comes to people thinking they can force me to drink. It makes me more adamant (even if i wanted to drink I wouldn't)

In looking forward to waking up fresh and seeing some of the countryside the next day!

Yeah and you won't be stressing out the next day wondering if you're fit to drive or not. Instead you'll have a clear head while most of the guests are dying with a hangover.

scriba · 13-04-2018 7:32pm

Bunny Colvin wrote: »

Yeah and you won't be stressing out the next day wondering if you're fit to drive or not. Instead you'll have a clear head while most of the guests are dying with a hangover.

That's an amazing feeling.

Bunny Colvin · 13-04-2018 7:33pm

scriba wrote: »

That's an amazing feeling.

One of many mate

drydub · 14-04-2018 9:29pm

Bunny Colvin wrote: »

One of many mate

I can confirm it was a decent feeling.

Bunny Colvin · 14-04-2018 9:53pm

drydub wrote: »

I can confirm it was a decent feeling.

Excellent stuff mate, fair play. Get through a wedding sober and you can handle any occasion. I've one abroad to attend soon so bracing myself for that!

Candlemass · 16-04-2018 9:12am

2 weeks now and ive never felt better, mentally and physically im a different person, also lost 3 pound. ive a weekend away in 2 weeks so that will be the big test, but so far so good

Drumpot · 16-04-2018 7:16pm

Bunny Colvin wrote: »

Excellent stuff mate, fair play. Get through a wedding sober and you can handle any occasion. I've one abroad to attend soon so bracing myself for that!

Ha, I’ve one abroad soon enough aswell.

I’ve learned over the years to figure out weddings. Still not my favorite events but my wife usually joins me once or twice when I sneak off for a walk or coffee.

I can’t be with the same group of people for over 5 hours without a break so the thought of anywhere up to twelve is daunting.

One or two things I do is, don’t plan past around about 10pm. That’s my target for each wedding night. Once it hits That time I know most people are well on the way to being jolly and my lack of presence will not be missed or questioned ( its not that this has been an issue to be honest).

I find a lot of the time I end up staying later cause I don’t feel any pressure and feel like I can leave without feeling like I’ve gone too early or missed out.

If I don’t feel up to saying goodnight I just slip off. Again, nobody cares or notices and I’ve nevr had anybody give me crap for sneaking off. Some people sneak off for different reasons !!!

After the wedding in the church I like to head off with my wife for a walk or coffee. Just a break away from the main group. There is usually a couple of hours between church and meal so I try and find as relaxing a setting as I can before going back into the group. Again, I’ve not found anybody having a problem with this. Sometimes friends want to join me and that’s grand.

I think a big help for me was realizing that I don’t make or break a wedding and I’m seldom important. As such, if I’m not causing trouble I might do if I was drunk, then I’m actually bringing more to the wedding!!!

Good luck and go easy on yourself.

Bunny Colvin · 17-04-2018 3:49pm

Drumpot wrote: »

Ha, I’ve one abroad soon enough aswell.

I’ve learned over the years to figure out weddings. Still not my favorite events but my wife usually joins me once or twice when I sneak off for a walk or coffee.

I can’t be with the same group of people for over 5 hours without a break so the thought of anywhere up to twelve is daunting.

One or two things I do is, don’t plan past around about 10pm. That’s my target for each wedding night. Once it hits That time I know most people are well on the way to being jolly and my lack of presence will not be missed or questioned ( its not that this has been an issue to be honest).

I find a lot of the time I end up staying later cause I don’t feel any pressure and feel like I can leave without feeling like I’ve gone too early or missed out.

If I don’t feel up to saying goodnight I just slip off. Again, nobody cares or notices and I’ve nevr had anybody give me crap for sneaking off. Some people sneak off for different reasons !!!

After the wedding in the church I like to head off with my wife for a walk or coffee. Just a break away from the main group. There is usually a couple of hours between church and meal so I try and find as relaxing a setting as I can before going back into the group. Again, I’ve not found anybody having a problem with this. Sometimes friends want to join me and that’s grand.

I think a big help for me was realizing that I don’t make or break a wedding and I’m seldom important. As such, if I’m not causing trouble I might do if I was drunk, then I’m actually bringing more to the wedding!!!

Good luck and go easy on yourself.

That's all solid advice, thanks!

Sigma Force · 17-04-2018 4:07pm

Drumpot wrote: »

Ha, I’ve one abroad soon enough aswell.

I’ve learned over the years to figure out weddings. Still not my favorite events but my wife usually joins me once or twice when I sneak off for a walk or coffee.

I can’t be with the same group of people for over 5 hours without a break so the thought of anywhere up to twelve is daunting.

One or two things I do is, don’t plan past around about 10pm. That’s my target for each wedding night. Once it hits That time I know most people are well on the way to being jolly and my lack of presence will not be missed or questioned ( its not that this has been an issue to be honest).

I find a lot of the time I end up staying later cause I don’t feel any pressure and feel like I can leave without feeling like I’ve gone too early or missed out.

If I don’t feel up to saying goodnight I just slip off. Again, nobody cares or notices and I’ve nevr had anybody give me crap for sneaking off. Some people sneak off for different reasons !!!

After the wedding in the church I like to head off with my wife for a walk or coffee. Just a break away from the main group. There is usually a couple of hours between church and meal so I try and find as relaxing a setting as I can before going back into the group. Again, I’ve not found anybody having a problem with this. Sometimes friends want to join me and that’s grand.

I think a big help for me was realizing that I don’t make or break a wedding and I’m seldom important. As such, if I’m not causing trouble I might do if I was drunk, then I’m actually bringing more to the wedding!!!

Good luck and go easy on yourself.

That's great advice! We are going to on in August abroad and I know my OH will of thought about this already but do you think there's anything I can do to help him? I know he'll enjoy it and the company we'll be in but like you he needs little breaks as does my daughter who isn't very sociable. So taking a walk around after the ceremony, after the meal is a great idea. I might like to stay on for a bit longer I want him to feel comfortable but at the same time I'd like to be able to have a drink myself and relax a bit. I rarely drink and on the day I might not want to but it's nice to have the option. But seeing as the place is unknown to us and it's my side of the family I don't want him feeling awkward or uncomfortable. At the same time by 10am I'll probably be knackered lol. I guess it's up to him how he handles it all I can't do it for him but I would like to be supportive.

Drumpot · 17-04-2018 7:42pm

Sigma Force wrote: »

That's great advice! We are going to on in August abroad and I know my OH will of thought about this already but do you think there's anything I can do to help him? I know he'll enjoy it and the company we'll be in but like you he needs little breaks as does my daughter who isn't very sociable. So taking a walk around after the ceremony, after the meal is a great idea. I might like to stay on for a bit longer I want him to feel comfortable but at the same time I'd like to be able to have a drink myself and relax a bit. I rarely drink and on the day I might not want to but it's nice to have the option. But seeing as the place is unknown to us and it's my side of the family I don't want him feeling awkward or uncomfortable. At the same time by 10am I'll probably be knackered lol. I guess it's up to him how he handles it all I can't do it for him but I would like to be supportive.

If your husband is happy to talk about this then perhaps asking him if he’s thought about it and how he feels might be a start. Particularly if you think he’s thought about it and hasn’t mentioned it.

My own personal plans for weddings have changed over the years. Now I give myself loads of “outs” that I discuss with my wife long in advance so I don’t have to think about it. The thought of a wedding for me is usually worse then the event itself! Have to say , I’m kinda looking forward to the next one!

One wedding I was at, I found it nice to have my wife and her sister who “understood” me. Her sister is very supportive (not in an over bearing way) and I really get on with her which helps. It felt nice to have 2 people who “had my back”. I knew if some of their friends started asking me why I wasn’t drinking (which happened) they would be there to help. Might sound a bit pathetic but I can still feel vulnerable at weddings and just knowing people will understand why I might Dissapear or leave early is a comfort.

The wedding I will be at soon is abroad, I’ve discussed it with my wife. It’s one of my friends and there will be friends there but we have made our own plans. I absolutely hate being bound with other people’s plans at these things. We will prob get a car and have already discussed what we can do if I leave early. Worst case scenario is that I can head off early and come back for my wife if she wants to stay on. She’s not a big drinker but if there is a good disco there she will stay!

I try to do it in a way where she won’t lose out and I won’t feel like I’m ruining it for her!

My wife’s family all know what I am doing and they are extremely supportive. I love them to bits. But even in a wedding setting I wouldn’t be crazy being stuck to a schedule or group that I felt might feel like I’ve no space. It’s not them, it’s literally all me but I thought I would add that since the wedding you mentioned is your family. My wife still says sometimes “but you really get on with my family” if I decline a family event. It’s true but it’s a case of sometimes I need to know I can have space if I need it, especially in a wedding setting!

I’ve also a mental plan to give myself multiple options to wander off depending on my anxiety levels. I’m over there for 3 days and don’t plan on spending anymore time then the wedding with anybody other then my wife. If plans change and I’m feeling ok, then grand. My wife just wants to relax so this actually suits her completely.

In many regards, having a flexible “out” strategy and a feeling like I’m not trapped at an event that might raise my stress/anxiety in itself relaxes me.

In terms of my wife supporting me, she really couldn’t do much more. Sometimes just knowing she “gets me” is enough. I know we won’t fight if I leave early or can’t deal with the day (which hasn’t happened by the way).

Hope this helps. If I think of anything else I will let you know.

DaeryssaOne · 01-05-2018 11:18am

Just wanted to add my own little bit of experience here so apologies for the wall of text, it's four months today since I touched a drop and in that time I haven't refused any social engagements so have done sober hen parties, weddings, a holiday and a christening and wanted to note my experience so far.

It hasn't been easy but it has certainly gotten easier and to be honest hasn't been quite as bad as I expected - whenever the thoughts set in that I could 'just have the one' I've had a talk with myself with how far I've come and how disappointed I would be in myself the next day.

The wedding in particular, I was dreading. One person specifically kept calling me out at the wedding and pointing out that I wasn't drinking which made me very self-conscious but when they were throwing up the next morning with a terrible hangover I felt so vindicated as I knew that that was exactly me a few short months ago.

At first it really bothered me that my family weren't being overly supportive, they kept teasing me about how boring I was now and how I had changed. I think they thought this was just me on a health kick and hadn't realised how serious I was about quitting. Multiple times I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that they don't understand how much drinking was affecting my mental health or how bad I was getting on nights out.

My husband knows all of this and has been very supportive, though he has made no attempt to reduce his own drinking which I admit I found difficult at the start. I would find myself sitting in a pub at 1am feeling exhausted, sick of having soft drinks all night and angry with him for being drunk. I realised eventually that I was actually angry with both him and myself - because why couldn't I have a few drinks and get tipsy like everyone else, I think I have accepted now that I'm just not built that way and while 4 out of 5 times I would just enjoy my glass of wine and get a bit tipsy, that 5th time I would get blackout drunk and endanger myself.

I'm proud of the fact that I have gotten through all the social situations and come out the other side. I've learned that when I'm flagging and feeling tired the best thing for me is to have either a cup of coffee or a red bull and I'm soon full of energy again. I enjoy having 1 or 2 non-alcoholic beers too and they stop people who don't know me well from asking any questions! They take much longer to drink than a soft drink too which I get sick of after a while.

Finally the last thing I've noticed is that because I'm female, everyone automatically assumes I'm now pregnant, it's driving me mad but I'm just trying to ignore it - when there's no baby I hope they'll eventually get it! I've learned it's quite sad in our country that people almost don't trust you when you say you're not drinking and assume you're either pregnant or must be a full blown alcoholic (which I still don't think I am, well maybe I am as I couldn't always control my drinking but if that's the case then most people I know are too!).

I'm loving how much better I'm feeling, how in control of myself I am, how my fear and paranoia and anxiety have disappeared, how much more money I have so I can treat myself to nice things, how I can plan early appointments at the weekend and know I'll make them, how I can exercise at the weekends and don't waste time lying on the couch or with my head in the toilet, how I remember conversations with my friends and family and don't have to pretend I didn't blackout, how I feel more confident and happier in myself as I'm not embarrassed about my behaviour, the list goes on and on and I'm just really grateful I have made this change in my life.

Candlemass · 01-05-2018 11:31am

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Just wanted to add my own little bit of experience here so apologies for the wall of text, it's four months today since I touched a drop and in that time I haven't refused any social engagements so have done sober hen parties, weddings, a holiday and a christening and wanted to note my experience so far.

It hasn't been easy but it has certainly gotten easier and to be honest hasn't been quite as bad as I expected - whenever the thoughts set in that I could 'just have the one' I've had a talk with myself with how far I've come and how disappointed I would be in myself the next day.

The wedding in particular, I was dreading. One person specifically kept calling me out at the wedding and pointing out that I wasn't drinking which made me very self-conscious but when they were throwing up the next morning with a terrible hangover I felt so vindicated as I knew that that was exactly me a few short months ago.

At first it really bothered me that my family weren't being overly supportive, they kept teasing me about how boring I was now and how I had changed. I think they thought this was just me on a health kick and hadn't realised how serious I was about quitting. Multiple times I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that they don't understand how much drinking was affecting my mental health or how bad I was getting on nights out.

My husband knows all of this and has been very supportive, though he has made no attempt to reduce his own drinking which I admit I found difficult at the start. I would find myself sitting in a pub at 1am feeling exhausted, sick of having soft drinks all night and angry with him for being drunk. I realised eventually that I was actually angry with both him and myself - because why couldn't I have a few drinks and get tipsy like everyone else, I think I have accepted now that I'm just not built that way and while 4 out of 5 times I would just enjoy my glass of wine and get a bit tipsy, that 5th time I would get blackout drunk and endanger myself.

I'm proud of the fact that I have gotten through all the social situations and come out the other side. I've learned that when I'm flagging and feeling tired the best thing for me is to have either a cup of coffee or a red bull and I'm soon full of energy again. I enjoy having 1 or 2 non-alcoholic beers too and they stop people who don't know me well from asking any questions! They take much longer to drink than a soft drink too which I get sick of after a while.

Finally the last thing I've noticed is that because I'm female, everyone automatically assumes I'm now pregnant, it's driving me mad but I'm just trying to ignore it - when there's no baby I hope they'll eventually get it! I've learned it's quite sad in our country that people almost don't trust you when you say you're not drinking and assume you're either pregnant or must be a full blown alcoholic (which I still don't think I am, well maybe I am as I couldn't always control my drinking but if that's the case then most people I know are too!).

I'm loving how much better I'm feeling, how in control of myself I am, how my fear and paranoia and anxiety have disappeared, how much more money I have so I can treat myself to nice things, how I can plan early appointments at the weekend and know I'll make them, how I can exercise at the weekends and don't waste time lying on the couch or with my head in the toilet, how I remember conversations with my friends and family and don't have to pretend I didn't blackout, how I feel more confident and happier in myself as I'm not embarrassed about my behaviour, the list goes on and on and I'm just really grateful I have made this change in my life.

Well Done, im back at the start again,just after a holiday..temptation got the better of me. but reading your post has lifted my spirit's.

DaeryssaOne · 01-05-2018 11:41am

Candlemass wrote: »

Well Done, im back at the start again,just after a holiday..temptation got the better of me. but reading your post has lifted my spirit's.

You know you can do it, holidays are a very tough one I'm apprehensive about one I have coming up too, maybe try not to see it as being back at the start again but just a minor blip / experience that you have learned from so you'll be stronger than ever this time. Glad my post helped but hope it doesn't lift any spirits to your mouth (apologies I love a terrible pun) :pac:

Candlemass · 01-05-2018 12:35pm

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

You know you can do it, holidays are a very tough one I'm apprehensive about one I have coming up too, maybe try not to see it as being back at the start again but just a minor blip / experience that you have learned from so you'll be stronger than ever this time. Glad my post helped but hope it doesn't lift any spirits to your mouth (apologies I love a terrible pun) :pac:

yeah i guess ive just the drink - depression/anxiety. i know in a few days ill be back to a much better place mentally. thanks again for the sound advise. haha brilliant Pun

Sigma Force · 01-05-2018 9:39pm

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Just wanted to add my own little bit of experience here so apologies for the wall of text, it's four months today since I touched a drop and in that time I haven't refused any social engagements so have done sober hen parties, weddings, a holiday and a christening and wanted to note my experience so far.

It hasn't been easy but it has certainly gotten easier and to be honest hasn't been quite as bad as I expected - whenever the thoughts set in that I could 'just have the one' I've had a talk with myself with how far I've come and how disappointed I would be in myself the next day.

The wedding in particular, I was dreading. One person specifically kept calling me out at the wedding and pointing out that I wasn't drinking which made me very self-conscious but when they were throwing up the next morning with a terrible hangover I felt so vindicated as I knew that that was exactly me a few short months ago.

At first it really bothered me that my family weren't being overly supportive, they kept teasing me about how boring I was now and how I had changed. I think they thought this was just me on a health kick and hadn't realised how serious I was about quitting. Multiple times I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that they don't understand how much drinking was affecting my mental health or how bad I was getting on nights out.

My husband knows all of this and has been very supportive, though he has made no attempt to reduce his own drinking which I admit I found difficult at the start. I would find myself sitting in a pub at 1am feeling exhausted, sick of having soft drinks all night and angry with him for being drunk. I realised eventually that I was actually angry with both him and myself - because why couldn't I have a few drinks and get tipsy like everyone else, I think I have accepted now that I'm just not built that way and while 4 out of 5 times I would just enjoy my glass of wine and get a bit tipsy, that 5th time I would get blackout drunk and endanger myself.

I'm proud of the fact that I have gotten through all the social situations and come out the other side. I've learned that when I'm flagging and feeling tired the best thing for me is to have either a cup of coffee or a red bull and I'm soon full of energy again. I enjoy having 1 or 2 non-alcoholic beers too and they stop people who don't know me well from asking any questions! They take much longer to drink than a soft drink too which I get sick of after a while.

Finally the last thing I've noticed is that because I'm female, everyone automatically assumes I'm now pregnant, it's driving me mad but I'm just trying to ignore it - when there's no baby I hope they'll eventually get it! I've learned it's quite sad in our country that people almost don't trust you when you say you're not drinking and assume you're either pregnant or must be a full blown alcoholic (which I still don't think I am, well maybe I am as I couldn't always control my drinking but if that's the case then most people I know are too!).

I'm loving how much better I'm feeling, how in control of myself I am, how my fear and paranoia and anxiety have disappeared, how much more money I have so I can treat myself to nice things, how I can plan early appointments at the weekend and know I'll make them, how I can exercise at the weekends and don't waste time lying on the couch or with my head in the toilet, how I remember conversations with my friends and family and don't have to pretend I didn't blackout, how I feel more confident and happier in myself as I'm not embarrassed about my behaviour, the list goes on and on and I'm just really grateful I have made this change in my life.

That's amazing it sound like you e done all this off your own bat, it can't be easy with so little support but they will eventually get the message. I've found with my OH he didn't mince his words he was brutally honest with people and that stopped them in their tracks but also within seconds of it dawning on them that he was serious they changed their tune and had nothing but respect for him and then many would just out of the blue share a story they had about a close relative. As his parter I found that approach worked well for me too if someone asked how he was while he was in rehab or I would tell them up front anyway. You will always get some eejit making careless comments but I think it's important not to caught in the trap of telling white lies or trying to hide your sobriety. You should be proud of yourself and once that comes across to others it'll sink in with them it's all about your attitude and honesty. Different ways of coping works for different people some will avoid weddings etc. Like the plague, sone will gradually go to an event and maybe stay an hour or two and have a little plan in place for when they get fed up and others find it best to take the bull by the horns. You'll know what's best for you in the long run but if not already do grab support from the right people, if you have a close friend that understands that can help a lot. AA may or may not work for you but for the early days it can be a help just to share. You stick to your guns they'll soon get tired of trying to be funny and see that you're serious. Can't always escape the Irish humour though and their need to believe drink is the more fun and hilarious thing ever. As you said knowing others were sick as dogs and you were fresh as a daisy gives you a sense of achievement and gives you a boost knowing you get to go home with your dignity intact. We'll done :-)

DaeryssaOne · 02-05-2018 9:49am

Thanks so much for your lovely response and advice Sigma Force. I hope I didn't sound like I had no support in my post as my husband has been very encouraging I just found it difficult when nothing actually changed about our social life except suddenly I was designated driver!

When I explained to him a couple of months ago that I sometimes found it tough to watch him drink all night he calmed down and he has also accepted that there may be nights where I will just want to bolt a bit early and go home to a cup of tea, that's very very different to how I used to be so I think it's just a settling in period where we get used to new routines!

A lot of the time though I am still on the dancefloor for the night or having the chats and this has honestly made me happy to learn I'm not all that different when I'm sober, just a lot less of a liability and probably a lot less annoying!! I was worried about being seen as 'the boring one' but it's just a case of getting out of there when everyone around me is talking nonsense and won't remember if I was there or not anyway!

realdanbreen · 02-05-2018 2:34pm

DaeryssaOne wrote: »

Just wanted to add my own little bit of experience here so apologies for the wall of text, it's four months today since I touched a drop and in that time I haven't refused any social engagements so have done sober hen parties, weddings, a holiday and a christening and wanted to note my experience so far.

It hasn't been easy but it has certainly gotten easier and to be honest hasn't been quite as bad as I expected - whenever the thoughts set in that I could 'just have the one' I've had a talk with myself with how far I've come and how disappointed I would be in myself the next day.

The wedding in particular, I was dreading. One person specifically kept calling me out at the wedding and pointing out that I wasn't drinking which made me very self-conscious but when they were throwing up the next morning with a terrible hangover I felt so vindicated as I knew that that was exactly me a few short months ago.

At first it really bothered me that my family weren't being overly supportive, they kept teasing me about how boring I was now and how I had changed. I think they thought this was just me on a health kick and hadn't realised how serious I was about quitting. Multiple times I had to take a deep breath and remind myself that they don't understand how much drinking was affecting my mental health or how bad I was getting on nights out.

My husband knows all of this and has been very supportive, though he has made no attempt to reduce his own drinking which I admit I found difficult at the start. I would find myself sitting in a pub at 1am feeling exhausted, sick of having soft drinks all night and angry with him for being drunk. I realised eventually that I was actually angry with both him and myself - because why couldn't I have a few drinks and get tipsy like everyone else, I think I have accepted now that I'm just not built that way and while 4 out of 5 times I would just enjoy my glass of wine and get a bit tipsy, that 5th time I would get blackout drunk and endanger myself.

I'm proud of the fact that I have gotten through all the social situations and come out the other side. I've learned that when I'm flagging and feeling tired the best thing for me is to have either a cup of coffee or a red bull and I'm soon full of energy again. I enjoy having 1 or 2 non-alcoholic beers too and they stop people who don't know me well from asking any questions! They take much longer to drink than a soft drink too which I get sick of after a while.

Finally the last thing I've noticed is that because I'm female, everyone automatically assumes I'm now pregnant, it's driving me mad but I'm just trying to ignore it - when there's no baby I hope they'll eventually get it! I've learned it's quite sad in our country that people almost don't trust you when you say you're not drinking and assume you're either pregnant or must be a full blown alcoholic (which I still don't think I am, well maybe I am as I couldn't always control my drinking but if that's the case then most people I know are too!).

I'm loving how much better I'm feeling, how in control of myself I am, how my fear and paranoia and anxiety have disappeared, how much more money I have so I can treat myself to nice things, how I can plan early appointments at the weekend and know I'll make them, how I can exercise at the weekends and don't waste time lying on the couch or with my head in the toilet, how I remember conversations with my friends and family and don't have to pretend I didn't blackout, how I feel more confident and happier in myself as I'm not embarrassed about my behaviour, the list goes on and on and I'm just really grateful I have made this change in my life.

Fair play to you. But I bet you miss(like I do) peeping out the window next morning to see if A: the car is outside B: It's in one piece . Now and again I get fed up/pissed off/ down whatever but thanks be to Jesus it's now not down to booze and I can always handle it. Once again fair play to you and keep it up.

Haven't touched a drop in...

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