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Proposals - should he ask permission?

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    #62
    miaowmiaow
    Registered Users Posts: 37 ✭miaowmiaow


    First of all, I know my partner would never ask anyone's "permission" to marry me, thankfully we both share similar views.
    There'd also be the dilemma of the fact that my Dad has abandoned ship and is now somewhere in eastern europe (Ukraine, we think...) and my family has been extended so much I'm not sure who'd be the "Alpha Male" if there was one! :p there's also my Step dad, who's great and a sound guy, but he's the one who gave me "The Female Eunich" and encouraged me to develope my own opinions. I have a feeling he would be very unimpressed at a man apparently putting my opinion second to my fathers or step fathers.
    I would regard someone asking any of my parental figures for the go-ahead to marry me as deeply insulting indeed!


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    #63
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    convert wrote: »
    I've just been listening to a certain radio station on which marriage proposals were being discussed, and this question came up.

    It seems from those who texted/emailed into the show, the majority, if not all, said that the guy had asked permission from the father before proposing to the girl.

    I'm just wondering what's the general consensus on this (or is there one?) On one had, I think it's actually quite a nice thing to do, and maintains tradition, etc., but on the other hand, I don't think I'd like my parents knowing that my OH was going to propose, nor would I like the fact that he'd have to seek permission/approval for my hand in marriage.

    My husband asked my dad before he proposed. There's a belief, similar to those expressed in the thread, that it's exacerbating the idea that women are property without a will of their own and that's fair enough. I used to think the same.

    But I dunno, my dad's a real traditionalist and likes everything done 'right'. He's worked hard for our family all his life and I'm sure when a father holds a daughter for the first time he has all these expectations of walking her down the aisle etc, so I thought it would make him feel so important to be asked like that. For that reason, my husband knew if he was to ever propose to me, he'd have to ask my dad first.

    Mind you, when he did ask my dad said, 'what are you asking me for, it's my daughter you want to be asking' :D:D:D


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    #64
    Maple
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    I've been self sufficient and out of the family home since I was 19, I don't ask either parent for any input into any decisions that I make on a daily basis so if the day comes that I am to get married I don't know how I'd feel about himself speaking to my Dad. And it certainly would be to ask for a blessing, and not for permission.

    My folks are divorced, with my Dad vacating the family home, although it's still bitter and acrimonious and they can barely be civil to one another IF it came to getting a blessing from my parents i'd want BOTH of them to be asked at the same time, they're both equally important and both had a hand in raising me. And if I decided on a church wedding then I'd like them BOTH to walk me down the aisle.

    I know my Dad would be touched to be asked for his blessing, he's a good man but it'd mean the world to my Mam.

    Actually yes, that's what I'd like. Both to be asked or none at all.


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    #65
    caseyann
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,941 ✭✭✭caseyann


    maple wrote: »
    I've been self sufficient and out of the family home since I was 19, I don't ask either parent for any input into any decisions that I make on a daily basis so if the day comes that I am to get married I don't know how I'd feel about himself speaking to my Dad. And it certainly would be to ask for a blessing, and not for permission.

    My folks are divorced, with my Dad vacating the family home, although it's still bitter and acrimonious and they can barely be civil to one another IF it came to getting a blessing from my parents i'd want BOTH of them to be asked at the same time, they're both equally important and both had a hand in raising me. And if I decided on a church wedding then I'd like them BOTH to walk me down the aisle.

    I know my Dad would be touched to be asked for his blessing, he's a good man but it'd mean the world to my Mam.

    Actually yes, that's what I'd like. Both to be asked or none at all.

    Doesnt stop them for trying to give the input though i bet :D


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    #66
    Vinta81
    Registered Users Posts: 2,953 ✭✭✭Vinta81


    No and my Dad would take the utter piss out of him if he did lol.


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    #67
    starlit
    Registered Users Posts: 12,342 ✭✭✭✭starlit


    To be honest I wouldn't be bothered if he did or not. The only people he would have to ask permission would my mam and perhaps the rest of my family so that I would know they approve of him. I wouldn't be bothered really whether he asked permission or not. Traditionally it would be nice if he did, it would mean he is very committed but if he didn't ask permission I wouldn't take it to heart I would say that he has a lot of faith in me and the relationship if didn't ask permission. Only real person he need to ask permission would be me! lol.:cool: He shouldn't have to though, if he wants to he can. What ever way he approaches it its his choice.


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    #68
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Malari wrote: »
    Do you think most fathers would still expect to be asked?

    Does any know about their own parents' engagement? Was your grandfather asked? I know my dad would not expect, nor be put out if he wasn't asked, rather be a bit shocked. I honestly doubt he ever spoke to my mom's dad about it either ;)


    I wonder if this is actually an Irish tradition, when it is not a made match.
    I know that it wasn't the done thing, in my parents and grandparents time.

    I wouldn't find it insulting, but I would be slightly embarrassed if someone asked my parents.
    I think they would find the whole idea of being asked permission....Odd.


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    #69
    caseyann
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,941 ✭✭✭caseyann


    Moonbaby wrote: »
    I wonder if this is actually an Irish tradition, when it is not a made match.
    I know that it wasn't the done thing, in my parents and grandparents time.

    I wouldn't find it insulting, but I would be slightly embarrassed if someone asked my parents.
    I think they would find the whole idea of being asked permission....Odd.


    My favourite quote for marriage.Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and just be my friend.

    Here is a few traditions.http://hubpages.com/hub/Irish-Wedding-Customs-Superstitions-and-Lucky-Traditions

    I know it was old tradition to ask could you court their daughter and then have an escort for a while until he was trusted alone with her.Call to the door pick her up like a proper gentleman and see her home safely.
    No kissing or hand holding for months.
    Imagine the males of today having to cope with that lmao


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