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Do you think Rom coms and the like influence you
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09-12-2010 5:56pm#1
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mariaalice wrote: »I have been married and am now in a second longterm relationship...i think one of the big thing i noticed when i stared to meet men after being a married for a long time was how the language of relationships and the expectations of relationships had changed...
People seemed to have enormous expectations of romantic relationships that just wasn't there when i was younger...people attribute this to rom coms and the happy ever after idea but i don't thing it could be as simple as that?
I was married before, and now in a relationship. I met my ex when I was in my teens, I ended it last year. I never pictured or wanted something perfect, and it was far from it. I did do a lot of growing up from within the boundaries of the relationship, and a small part of me knew it would be me that ended it.
I was never influenced by romcoms or anyone elses expectations of how things should be, but age and experience taught me a lot. I never believed in the notion that there would be 'the one', but there actually is. You find them when you aren't actually looking I think, and when you are just you, he is just him - it doesn't take any work or extra effort. There is something to be said for the ability to make each other laugh, it helps you through the bad shit
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I'd imagine they do to an extent, I'd say its the same with anything, watch enough of it and it will start to subliminally affect how you think, might not be on a large scale but it will influence it.
I can't watch them at all, I find them neither rom nor com
I did like Sliding Doors though, that's a rom com right?0 -
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Silverfish wrote: »I'd imagine they do to an extent, I'd say its the same with anything, watch enough of it and it will start to subliminally affect how you think, might not be on a large scale but it will influence it.
I can't watch them at all, I find them neither rom nor com
I did like Sliding Doors though, that's a rom com right?
It would be classed as one I guess yeah. I have to say though, I think its down each individual what you perceive a film to be about. I've seen sliding doors and what I take from it is; don't let something good pass you by, as opposed to living- not a lie, but something forced or just an existance, because it will fail. In the latter parts of that film, you see her get on great with the new guy, laughing and finishing each others sentences etc.
I'm not after a fairytale, I just want to be happy.0 -
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I think some women are influenced a lot more than others by romcoms. My friend and I call it Disney Syndrome
- waiting for Prince Charming to come along on his white horse when it's never gonna happen.
I don't think it's just the media influence though- there seems to be something about modern life that means women aren't as easily satisfied as they used to be, be it with men or life in general. I'm not in any way immune, I think I focus on trivial things far too much. That's why I really liked that Irish film His and Hers- it made me remember what's really important. (cheesy or wha'!:p)
Maybe it's because some women are dissatisfied with other areas of their lives that they pile all their hopes and expectations on the perfect man coming along?0 -
I was married before, and now in a relationship. I met my ex when I was in my teens, I ended it last year. I never pictured or wanted something perfect, and it was far from it. I did do a lot of growing up from within the boundaries of the relationship, and a small part of me knew it would be me that ended it.
I was never influenced by romcoms or anyone elses expectations of how things should be, but age and experience taught me a lot. I never believed in the notion that there would be 'the one', but there actually is. You find them when you aren't actually looking I think, and when you are just you, he is just him - it doesn't take any work or extra effort. There is something to be said for the ability to make each other laugh, it helps you through the bad shit
I really like your story, who wouldn't, however there actually isn't The One for everyone (unlike the rom-coms, of course). I know of a good few examples personally of people who never ever got to share their life with that someone special or give everything they were capable of offering to someone, due to either various problematic sets of circumtances in their lives, mental health issues or plain old fate.
You are lucky, as is everyone who happens to find love when they are not looking etc. (and even if they ARE looking!) The fact that The One seems to be most easily found when He/She is not actively being sought only emphasizes the fact that finding them is really, mostly about luck. 0 -
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I'm not gonna lie - I'm a total sucker for rom-coms.
I also read loads of romancey type books, and I think I post a lot of idealistic happy happy love related stuff on Boards, but do I have enormous expectations of romance in my own life? Nah. In fact, I imagine if most real-life women were ever caught up in a Notebook-esque situation of "WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE ME?!" screaming in the rain, it'd be more like, "Hmph. You know why I'm upset. And if you don't know, then you're a jerk and you obviously don't love me.".
Real life and movies just aren't the same. Scenes in movies are shot and re-shot and they're perfect and the script can be changed when someone thinks, "Oh, she should say X, Y, Z here, it'd be way better!". That's why they're so wonderful, but they're not real. So I love them, but I'm very aware that life is messy and that the nice guy isn't always gonna get the girl and that everyone can't live happily ever after.
I guess I think it's okay to hope though. Do I want a happily ever after story? Yeah! But I don't think it's because of the movies I watch... 'Cause I mean, the fairytales my grandad read me as a kid ended that way too. I think maybe everyone wants a happy ending.0 -
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Surprised. Thought people would be more cynical today.mariaalice wrote: »I have been married and am now in a second longterm relationship...i think one of the big thing i noticed when i stared to meet men after being a married for a long time was how the language of relationships and the expectations of relationships had changed...
People seemed to have enormous expectations of romantic relationships that just wasn't there when i was younger
Personally, I very much believe in love and I'm a total romantic... yet paradoxically quite a cynic too. 0 -
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Google "Lloyd Dobbler ruined my life"
Personally I don't think Rom-Coms do any more damage to people's expectations than romantic novels (classic or modern) but a lot of men blame this guy for ruining women's expectations of romance and there seem to be a few women who agree!
While they may have influenced me when I was younger (as did many, many other things), I think it's only problematic if a person doesn't evolve and mature.
I do find that they can be an easily trotted out excuse for a difference of opinion as to how romantic a couple can/could be:
"I'm not Mr feckin' Darcy you know!"
"Well, you're not Ted feckin' Bundy either!"
:pac:
Regarding the "happy endings" (and slightly OT as it's not about Rom-Coms) my friend said to me once "some of the most romantic films ever made don't actually have happy endings" ... when I thought about it I realised she was absolutely right.
Casablanca
Dr Zhivago
Gone With The Wind
The English Patient
Romeo & Juliet
Atonement
Ghost
Brokeback Mountain
Love Story!!
I could go on and on.0 -
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Knocked Up? Really?
I wouldn't say loved it, but I enjoyed the comedy and screwball elements moreso than the actual romance. It was more of a comedy with a romance than a romance with comedy, if you know what I mean. And I definitely feel it did more good than harm to the genre, unlike many films I can't stand but could mention.
And comedy is even more subjective than romance.For some reason, though, 500 Days of Summer hits the right spots for me. Much, much, much more honest take on the whole thing. I mean, it's not the most fantastic movie ever, but I like it for the simple fact that it doesn't bullsh!t you and lead you on, and it's refreshing.
I loved (500) Days of Summer but I was surprised at how many people simply thought Summer was a b'tch. They seemed to have missed the entire point that the romance was being played/re-played from Tom's point of view and wasn't necessarily the reality ... which is such a huge thing in relationships.
BUT, I thought the ending was as trite and contrived as the worst kind of Rom-com.0 -
LittleBook wrote: »I wouldn't say loved it, but I enjoyed the comedy and screwball elements moreso than the actual romance. It was more of a comedy with a romance than a romance with comedy, if you know what I mean. And I definitely feel it did more good than harm to the genre, unlike many films I can't stand but could mention.
And comedy is even more subjective than romance.
I loved (500) Days of Summer but I was surprised at how many people simply thought Summer was a b'tch. They seemed to have missed the entire point that the romance was being played/re-played from Tom's point of view and wasn't necessarily the reality ... which is such a huge thing in relationships.
BUT, I thought the ending was as trite and contrived as the worst kind of Rom-com.
From a comedy standpoint with Knocked Up you're right, I still enjoy the movie, but every time I try to focus on the relationship aspect of it I just end up frustrated. Though again, it's been awhile. Could've been particularly cynical when I watched it last.
I also don't get the Summer = bitch hate. It just means she changed. People change. It's realistic, not every romance is storybook, they were both great people, just not suited to one another for whatever reasons.
(Also basically fell in love with Joseph Gordon Levitt over that one, could be a little biased on the actual quality of the movie! :pac:)0 -
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(Also basically fell in love with Joseph Gordon Levitt over that one, could be a little biased on the actual quality of the movie! :pac:)
Joseph Gordon Levitt - YUM (and I haven't seen "500 Days of Summer"!)
Have you seen "Mysterious Skin" or "Brick"? (DISCLAIMER: Toto, we are NOT in rom-com territory any more) 0 -
From a comedy standpoint with Knocked Up you're right, I still enjoy the movie, but every time I try to focus on the relationship aspect of it I just end up frustrated. Though again, it's been awhile. Could've been particularly cynical when I watched it last.
There's Something About Mary was like that for me, but it was still funny as hell IMO.
But what you say about watching films at different times is absolutely true ... films I adored before simply don't wash with me now at all ... and films I've given a second chance have changed my mind several times.I also don't get the Summer = bitch hate. It just means she changed. People change. It's realistic, not every romance is storybook, they were both great people, just not suited to one another for whatever reasons.
I don't want to go on and on about one film and drag the thread OT ... but just one more thing about (500) ... she didn't just change, she was never the person he thought she was. Later in the film he remembers all sorts of stuff that he just failed to notice in the heat of the initial romance, and the split screen section was a fantastic demonstration of what you visualise/plan in your mind compared to the reality.
People can be very hard on those that break their hearts, which is completely understandable, but that doesn't mean they (the heartbreakers) are automatically bad.(Also basically fell in love with Joseph Gordon Levitt over that one, could be a little biased on the actual quality of the movie! :pac:)
And sure why wouldn't you ... he's gorgeous and a helluva an actor.I liked that movie purely because it shows that a guy goes through everything that women usually do in these movies, we get our hearts broken, listen to sad music and pine over a beer with friends as well. I can really relate to that movie as my last relationship began just like the one in the film, met at work, started off casual, became serious etc etc.
Good point! And I think this is why the Judd Apatow/Kevin Smith/Farrelly Brothers romances have hit the spot with me.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, High Fidelity and Annie Hall are other great romantic films from the man's point of view.0 -
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He's great in Inception too, steals the best scene of the movie with the zero-g hallway fight
About time there's something we disagree on
Am I the only one who wasn't overly impressed by Inception, or didn't find it hard to follow at all, or thought the acting was pretty mediocre all things considered?
That film was such a let-down
I, too, could talk about 500 for ages longer, it's the first "romcom" aimed at my generation that actually hit me on any kind of emotional level.
Back to the "Summer is a bitch" thing, I think it's down to the idea so many people have that just because you're interested in someone, you're somehow entitled to them. I like that 500 put that bs to rest, and I'm afraid those who claim she's a bitch completely missed the point of the whole thing.
I also love that I can completely, overwhelmingly relate to both characters, which for a romcom is again, very, very rare.
...okay, I'll stop now. I need to find people to talk about movies with, I keep dragging threads off topic.. 0 -
About time there's something we disagree on
Am I the only one who wasn't overly impressed by Inception, or didn't find it hard to follow at all, or thought the acting was pretty mediocre all things considered?
That film was such a let-down
I, too, could talk about 500 for ages longer, it's the first "romcom" aimed at my generation that actually hit me on any kind of emotional level.
Back to the "Summer is a bitch" thing, I think it's down to the idea so many people have that just because you're interested in someone, you're somehow entitled to them. I like that 500 put that bs to rest, and I'm afraid those who claim she's a bitch completely missed the point of the whole thing.
I also love that I can completely, overwhelmingly relate to both characters, which for a romcom is again, very, very rare.
...okay, I'll stop now. I need to find people to talk about movies with, I keep dragging threads off topic..
What staggered me about it was the amount of practical effects work, in an age where cgi is used for everything, the rotating hallway? done for real, the avalanche near the end? real, the tilting hotel bar? real. the snow fortress? built for real on the side of a mountain in Canada, and blown up too. even the train driving through the streets was real (actually a truck with the shell of a train placed on top of it) so its refreshing to see a director like Nolan doing everything in camera as opposed to putting it in with computers later on. Its not without its flaws, the middle sags a bit, but I loved it, and Hans Zimmers score is magnificent.
ok thats enough OT movie discussion :P back to the romcoms!
The types I hate are the "fish out of water" ones, shes a sassy air steward who falls for an offshore oil worker after her plane crashes, that sort of thing.
I do like a good romance, stuff like The Princess Bride, parts of Love Actually, Lost in Translation, 500 Days of Summer etc0 -
Oh from a technical perspective it was phenomenal, it's just after all the hype about how "confusing" and "mental" it was supposed to be, I was seriously left wondering if I'd watched the wrong movie or a weird cut or something, but nope.
Will never understand where the hype came from. It's still good, though, just.. nothing special, imo.
/inception
Princess Bride is all kinds of love for me, though for some reason I never think of it as a romcom! But the beauty of that movie is you can take whatever you want away from it, 'cuz no matter what it's awesome.
Also never considered Lost in Translation a romcom, though it's kind of hard to define, which is the point I suppose.
Big Fish is one of my favourite romcoms (again, if it could be called that!), not because it's a masterpiece or anything but it's just so goddamn sweet. Ewan McGregor helps, too :pac:
I would highly, highly recommend the films Young People Fvcking and After Sex for incredibly funny, incredibly down to earth and mature looks at not just sex, but relationships of all different kinds. Those two films definitely have their hearts in the right place, particularly Young People Fvcking.0 -
Oh from a technical perspective it was phenomenal, it's just after all the hype about how "confusing" and "mental" it was supposed to be, I was seriously left wondering if I'd watched the wrong movie or a weird cut or something, but nope.
Will never understand where the hype came from. It's still good, though, just.. nothing special, imo.
/inception
Princess Bride is all kinds of love for me, though for some reason I never think of it as a romcom! But the beauty of that movie is you can take whatever you want away from it, 'cuz no matter what it's awesome.
Also never considered Lost in Translation a romcom, though it's kind of hard to define, which is the point I suppose.
Big Fish is one of my favourite romcoms (again, if it could be called that!), not because it's a masterpiece or anything but it's just so goddamn sweet. Ewan McGregor helps, too :pac:
I would highly, highly recommend the films Young People Fvcking and After Sex for incredibly funny, incredibly down to earth and mature looks at not just sex, but relationships of all different kinds. Those two films definitely have their hearts in the right place, particularly Young People Fvcking.
YPF is good alright, nice honest look at sex in movies for a change.
Lost in Translation isnt a romcom in the traditional sense either, but I do love it, its got romance, and it definitely has comedy "Meeeester Bob Hallllisss!" , its my fall asleep movie, and thats not an insult, its one of those movies I can put on my headphones and listen to with my eyes closed and its still entertaining.
Princess Bride is a just a classic, theres seriously something wrong with anyone who doesnt like it :pac: Its a definite sick day/rainy day off movie.
Love Actually is fun too, its a bit of a mixed bag but theres a ton of talent in it, and Alan Rickman is always worth watching. Its got some very sweet moments in among the schmaltz, like Martin Freemans stand in storyline, the bit where the kid runs through the airport pisses me off though, in America he'd probably have been shot :pac: but its a good Christmas movie.0 -
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I always thought that about the airport bit too!!Love Actually is fun too, its a bit of a mixed bag but theres a ton of talent in it, and Alan Rickman is always worth watching. Its got some very sweet moments in among the schmaltz, like Martin Freemans stand in storyline, the bit where the kid runs through the airport pisses me off though, in America he'd probably have been shot
but its a good Christmas movie.
My favourite thread in this film is Colin Firth's story - love the effort they go to to make things work despite all obstacles.
I have to say, I do love rom-coms, but have no expectation whatsoever that my own life is going to turn out anything like them. I think they're just a nice method of escapism for a couple of hours.
Having recently come out of a marriage (we were together 12 yrs) I have no illusions of a "fairytale ending" any time soon, but I do intend to have a helluva time on the journey to the end of the story!
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My friend and I call it Disney Syndrome - waiting for Prince Charming to come along on his white horse when it's never gonna happen.
Totally on the button there. "Disney syndrome" and looking for Mr Darcy/Prince Charming ain't ever gonna be satisfying. If you've found him and everything is "perfect" (read:boring) you'll be disappointed. The search for anything that is perfect or any sort of superlative is what we've been drilled with through culture (fairy tales, rom coms, Sex and the City included) from childhood. I think these aspirations will always be there.
My Mam said about boys when I was younger "As long as you come home with a smile on your face". Obviously, not always. But those "perfect" parts should be all the firsts in a relationship the first date etc... After that, you have to live life, develop a more mature and meaningful relationship, and not the fairy tale, which I think is far more fulfilling.0 -
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