Do you think Rom coms and the like influence you

mariaalice

I have been married and am now in a second longterm relationship...i think one of the big thing i noticed when i stared to meet men after being a married for a long time was how the language of relationships and the expectations of relationships had changed...

People seemed to have enormous expectations of romantic relationships that just wasn't there when i was younger...people attribute this to rom coms and the happy ever after idea but i don't thing it could be as simple as that?

Abi

mariaalice wrote: »

I have been married and am now in a second longterm relationship...i think one of the big thing i noticed when i stared to meet men after being a married for a long time was how the language of relationships and the expectations of relationships had changed...

People seemed to have enormous expectations of romantic relationships that just wasn't there when i was younger...people attribute this to rom coms and the happy ever after idea but i don't thing it could be as simple as that?

I was married before, and now in a relationship. I met my ex when I was in my teens, I ended it last year. I never pictured or wanted something perfect, and it was far from it. I did do a lot of growing up from within the boundaries of the relationship, and a small part of me knew it would be me that ended it.

I was never influenced by romcoms or anyone elses expectations of how things should be, but age and experience taught me a lot. I never believed in the notion that there would be 'the one', but there actually is. You find them when you aren't actually looking I think, and when you are just you, he is just him - it doesn't take any work or extra effort. There is something to be said for the ability to make each other laugh, it helps you through the bad shit

johnn

* Awaits Nerds and "Nice guys" coming on complaining how acting like pussys' from Rom-Coms never gets them females* :rolleyes:

Feeona

I was influenced by rom coms and TV when I was younger, but that says more about me than the movies/TV!
That said, there is an unnerving 'message' in these movies. The female character is made out to be successful if she ends up with a man (eg the Hollywood happy ending). Would so many women be interested in getting married and having children if these movies ended differently? Hard to know, because it's rarely the case in movies aimed at women.

I have to laugh when the likes of Sex and the City is blamed for the way women carry on nowadays. The same argument was going on years ago except people complained that computer games influence people to shoot and kill!

Truley

I think it's very difficult not to be influenced by them. Even if they don't effect your perception of relationships, it has an effect on the attitudes of the people around you.

I blame Friends for making the concept of 'on a break' fashionable :rolleyes:

Abi

johnn wrote: »

* Awaits Nerds and "Nice guys" coming on complaining how acting like pussys' from Rom-Coms never gets them females* :rolleyes:

What is your take on it?

Links234

no I don't think so, I don't watch rom coms. but maybe what truley says is true that other people who are influenced by them effect me? dunno, haven't been dating in a long time anyway.

Silverfish

I'd imagine they do to an extent, I'd say its the same with anything, watch enough of it and it will start to subliminally affect how you think, might not be on a large scale but it will influence it.

I can't watch them at all, I find them neither rom nor com

I did like Sliding Doors though, that's a rom com right?

Silverfish

johnn wrote: »

* Awaits Nerds and "Nice guys" coming on complaining how acting like pussys' from Rom-Coms never gets them females* :rolleyes:

I don't expect that to happen, as it would be off-topic posting.

Abi

Silverfish wrote: »

I'd imagine they do to an extent, I'd say its the same with anything, watch enough of it and it will start to subliminally affect how you think, might not be on a large scale but it will influence it.

I can't watch them at all, I find them neither rom nor com

I did like Sliding Doors though, that's a rom com right?

It would be classed as one I guess yeah. I have to say though, I think its down each individual what you perceive a film to be about. I've seen sliding doors and what I take from it is; don't let something good pass you by, as opposed to living- not a lie, but something forced or just an existance, because it will fail. In the latter parts of that film, you see her get on great with the new guy, laughing and finishing each others sentences etc.

I'm not after a fairytale, I just want to be happy.

Ave Sodalis

Not to the extent of Rom-Coms but a wee bit, the odd time. I think it's nice to have a candle lit dinner every once in a while and go down that route, but not everyday or all the time.

johnn

So do you girls like "Nice guys" or Bad Boyz like johnn :cool:

Abi

sup_dude wrote: »

Not to the extent of Rom-Coms but a wee bit, the odd time. I think it's nice to have a candle lit dinner every once in a while and go down that route, but not everyday or all the time.

I agree. I know at the moment money is an issue for a lot of people, so making time at home for each other is the way forward. But I do think, that the odd weekend you should make time to go out together on 'date' nights. I would see that as a way of keeping the relationship fresh, change of scenery etc.

rainbow kirby

johnn wrote: »

So do you girls like "Nice guys" or Bad Boyz like johnn :cool:

Not the time, or the place, for it.

Shelga

I think some women are influenced a lot more than others by romcoms. My friend and I call it Disney Syndrome - waiting for Prince Charming to come along on his white horse when it's never gonna happen.

I don't think it's just the media influence though- there seems to be something about modern life that means women aren't as easily satisfied as they used to be, be it with men or life in general. I'm not in any way immune, I think I focus on trivial things far too much. That's why I really liked that Irish film His and Hers- it made me remember what's really important. (cheesy or wha'!:p)

Maybe it's because some women are dissatisfied with other areas of their lives that they pile all their hopes and expectations on the perfect man coming along?

seenitall

Abigayle wrote: »

I was married before, and now in a relationship. I met my ex when I was in my teens, I ended it last year. I never pictured or wanted something perfect, and it was far from it. I did do a lot of growing up from within the boundaries of the relationship, and a small part of me knew it would be me that ended it.

I was never influenced by romcoms or anyone elses expectations of how things should be, but age and experience taught me a lot. I never believed in the notion that there would be 'the one', but there actually is. You find them when you aren't actually looking I think, and when you are just you, he is just him - it doesn't take any work or extra effort. There is something to be said for the ability to make each other laugh, it helps you through the bad shit

I really like your story , who wouldn't, however there actually isn't The One for everyone (unlike the rom-coms, of course). I know of a good few examples personally of people who never ever got to share their life with that someone special or give everything they were capable of offering to someone, due to either various problematic sets of circumtances in their lives, mental health issues or plain old fate.

You are lucky, as is everyone who happens to find love when they are not looking etc. (and even if they ARE looking! ) The fact that The One seems to be most easily found when He/She is not actively being sought only emphasizes the fact that finding them is really, mostly about luck.

Scarinae

A lot of rom coms stop when the couple finally get together, and you never really see their actual relationship... It's the 'Happily Ever After' syndrome where we assume everything is peachy once they've had their first kiss, but that is really unrealistic. All relationships will have disagreements, arguments and fights!

Novella

I'm not gonna lie - I'm a total sucker for rom-coms. I also read loads of romancey type books, and I think I post a lot of idealistic happy happy love related stuff on Boards, but do I have enormous expectations of romance in my own life? Nah. In fact, I imagine if most real-life women were ever caught up in a Notebook-esque situation of "WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE ME?!" screaming in the rain, it'd be more like, "Hmph. You know why I'm upset. And if you don't know, then you're a jerk and you obviously don't love me.".

Real life and movies just aren't the same. Scenes in movies are shot and re-shot and they're perfect and the script can be changed when someone thinks, "Oh, she should say X, Y, Z here, it'd be way better!". That's why they're so wonderful, but they're not real. So I love them, but I'm very aware that life is messy and that the nice guy isn't always gonna get the girl and that everyone can't live happily ever after.

I guess I think it's okay to hope though. Do I want a happily ever after story? Yeah! But I don't think it's because of the movies I watch... 'Cause I mean, the fairytales my grandad read me as a kid ended that way too. I think maybe everyone wants a happy ending.

strobe

Novella wrote: »

I guess I think it's okay to hope though. Do I want a happily ever after story? Yeah! But I don't think it's because of the movies I watch... 'Cause I mean, the fairytales my grandad read me as a kid ended that way too. I think maybe everyone wants a happy ending.

I think that hits the nail on the head. Peoples hopes are what influence the movies (and fairytales, songs etc) not the other way around. There are stories several hundred years old with the same true love happily ever after theme, rom-coms are just the latest incarnation.

Panthro

Fishie wrote: »

It's the 'Happily Ever After' syndrome where we assume everything is peachy once they've had their first kiss, but that is really unrealistic. All relationships will have disagreements, arguments and fights!

I agree fully, ask any happily married couple thats been together years, plenty of ups and downs on the road to where they are now.
Rom coms should be taken with a big oul pinch of salt I think. Most of us watch some form of tv show every day of the week, I'll gladly admit that "Home and Away" (hey, this is not a judging forum so can't judge me!!) has absolutely no influence on my life whatsoever!:D

spinandscribble

Maybe I'm one of the few who think this but you know Titantic? The film right?

Well ok jack dies, boohoo, but rose went on to have a massive fun life and did everything she wanted to do. I always thought that was a good message. She lived her life to the fullest and didn't just fall apart forever coz she lost her "love". Now thats the kind of romantic movie i stand behind lol.

SL10

I definitely think I am influenced by rom coms and tv shows! My mother is forever telling me that life is not like it is on tv and not to take it as an example

Dudess

mariaalice wrote: »

I have been married and am now in a second longterm relationship...i think one of the big thing i noticed when i stared to meet men after being a married for a long time was how the language of relationships and the expectations of relationships had changed...

People seemed to have enormous expectations of romantic relationships that just wasn't there when i was younger

Surprised. Thought people would be more cynical today.

Personally, I very much believe in love and I'm a total romantic... yet paradoxically quite a cynic too.

Abi

Dudess wrote: »

Surprised. Thought people would be more cynical today.

Personally, I very much believe in love and I'm a total romantic... yet paradoxically quite a cynic too.

You explained what I couldn't in a couple of posts tbph

Lia_lia

I hate romcoms. They are all the same and bore me. So no, no influence for me anyway!

LittleBook

Google "Lloyd Dobbler ruined my life"

Personally I don't think Rom-Coms do any more damage to people's expectations than romantic novels (classic or modern) but a lot of men blame this guy for ruining women's expectations of romance and there seem to be a few women who agree!

While they may have influenced me when I was younger (as did many, many other things), I think it's only problematic if a person doesn't evolve and mature.

I do find that they can be an easily trotted out excuse for a difference of opinion as to how romantic a couple can/could be:

"I'm not Mr feckin' Darcy you know!"
"Well, you're not Ted feckin' Bundy either!"
:pac:

Regarding the "happy endings" (and slightly OT as it's not about Rom-Coms) my friend said to me once "some of the most romantic films ever made don't actually have happy endings" ... when I thought about it I realised she was absolutely right.

Casablanca
Dr Zhivago
Gone With The Wind
The English Patient
Romeo & Juliet
Atonement
Ghost
Brokeback Mountain
Love Story!!

I could go on and on.

LittleBook

Lia_lia wrote: »

I hate romcoms. They are all the same and bore me.

You're absolutely right there. The problem with Rom-coms (and so many other genres of film) is that they're completely formulaic and so easy to churn out. The other problem is that they're churned out because people pay to see them.

But sometimes a Rom-com will come along and do something just a little differently (Knocked-Up, Shakespeare in Love, 50 First Dates, Keeping the Faith) which will, for me, redeem the genre a little bit.

liah

I don't watch them unless they're incredibly well-reviewed, and even then, nine times out of ten they just don't appeal to me.

For some reason, though, 500 Days of Summer hits the right spots for me. Much, much, much more honest take on the whole thing. I mean, it's not the most fantastic movie ever, but I like it for the simple fact that it doesn't bullsh!t you and lead you on, and it's refreshing.

Most rom coms depict seriously unhealthy, immature relationships and I find them hard to watch because I'm constantly asking myself why on earth they're putting up with each other, or why the hell they want to be together at all in the first place.

So my answer would have to be no, they don't influence me at all. Certainly haven't had an influence of any of the guys I've been with, either, each relationship has been more unconventional/mature than the last.. certainly nothing like a romcom. :pac:

liah

LittleBook wrote: »

You're absolutely right there. The problem with Rom-coms (and so many other genres of film) is that they're completely formulaic and so easy to churn out. The other problem is that they're churned out because people pay to see them.

But sometimes a Rom-com will come along and do something just a little differently (Knocked-Up, Shakespeare in Love, 50 First Dates, Keeping the Faith) which will, for me, redeem the genre a little bit.

Sorry for double posting, but Knocked Up? Really?

I mean, it was a funnyish movie, but it certainly didn't do anything differently. The main character was a juvenile prick right up until the very end, they played it out like "oh, she'll fall in love with you for you," but there's no way any sensible girl would fall for a guy like that, at least not til he sorted himself out. I could never figure out what it was that kept her around for him.

Maybe I need to watch it again, but I certainly wasn't left with a favourable opinion.

Handsome Bob

Can't say I like them myself, I think they're worst form of film for trying to tell you what is desirable, who are worth your time and who you should treat like dirt on your shoe.

I never usually use the word hate as it's a strong word but aye, I think it's fair to say that I hate rom coms.

LittleBook

liah wrote: »

Knocked Up? Really?

I wouldn't say loved it, but I enjoyed the comedy and screwball elements moreso than the actual romance. It was more of a comedy with a romance than a romance with comedy, if you know what I mean. And I definitely feel it did more good than harm to the genre, unlike many films I can't stand but could mention.

And comedy is even more subjective than romance.

liah wrote: »

For some reason, though, 500 Days of Summer hits the right spots for me. Much, much, much more honest take on the whole thing. I mean, it's not the most fantastic movie ever, but I like it for the simple fact that it doesn't bullsh!t you and lead you on, and it's refreshing.

I loved (500) Days of Summer but I was surprised at how many people simply thought Summer was a b'tch. They seemed to have missed the entire point that the romance was being played/re-played from Tom's point of view and wasn't necessarily the reality ... which is such a huge thing in relationships.

BUT, I thought the ending was as trite and contrived as the worst kind of Rom-com.