The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

uberalles

Curly Judge wrote: »

Did you hear about the Seven Dwarfs?
They all got into the one bath.
And they all felt happy.
So Happy got out.

Statistically 6 out of the seven dwarfs are not happy.

Cypher_sounds

I once entered 10 puns in a competition thinking at least one of the 10 would win something...


Unfortunately no pun in ten did..

RichieC

Why did the monkey cross the road?

Because humans are awful.

(btw best joke you ever heard is a bit extreme, thread should be called joke you heard recently that made you laugh)

Temptamperu

RichieC wrote: »

Why did the monkey cross the road?

Because humans are awful.

(btw best joke you ever heard is a bit extreme, thread should be called joke you heard recently that made you laugh)

But are there not humans over the otherside too

Skullsri

<< SNIP>>

MOD

Skullsri, I have snipped your disgusting *joke.

uberalles

uberalles wrote: »

Statistically 6 out of the seven dwarfs are not happy.

I was told that I had to create an eight character password for my computer account, so I chose "snow white and the seven dwarfs".

RichieC

A Young Republican, a tea party member, and a union worker are all sitting at a table when a plate with a dozen cookies arrives. Before anyone else can make a move, the Young Republican reaches out to rake in eleven of the cookies. When the other two look at him in surprise, the Young Republican locks eyes with the tea party member. “You better watch him,” the Young Republican says with a nod toward the union worker. “He wants a piece of your cookie.”

Ghost Buster

How many potatoes does it take to kill an irish man?



















None

ynul31f47k6b59

Biggest joke in the world: The fourteen, yes, FOURTEEN minutes I spent reading that monstrosity on page 107. OP, If you were near me, I'd smack you!

HalloweenJack

Two friends go hunting in the forest. While they're out, one of them has a heart attack and collapses unconscious. His friend rings 999 and says: "I think my friend has died. What do I do?"

The person on the other end says: "Ok, first make sure he is dead."

There's a moment of silence, followed by a gunshot, then the friend comes back and says: "Ok, now what?"

punk77

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. He's come in here every day for the past year and always makes the same choice. Watch this."
The barber puts a 5 euro note in one hand and a 2 euro coin in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the 2 euro coin and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber,laughing. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming down the street.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the 2 euro coin instead of the 5 euro note?”
The boy smiled and replied, “Because the day I take the 5 euro note, the game is over!”

Galway K9

BOHtox wrote: »

<snip>

What this one?

punk77

Did you really have to quote this???? It was bad enough seeing it once!

D_murph

punk77 wrote: »

Did you really have to quote this???? It was bad enough seeing it once!

X2^.

Next person to quote that should be banned :mad: :pac:.

BOHtox

D_murph wrote: »

X2^.

Next person to quote that should be banned :mad: :pac:.

I'm pretty sure a mod said that when I first posted it and the first couple of people quoted it.
It's actually in the first post, it does say so in the thread title. See ya Galway K9

loremolis

D_murph wrote: »

X2^.

Next person to quote that should be banned :mad: :pac:.

Next person to quote what?

punk77

loremolis wrote: »

Next person to quote what?

To quote post # 1604 on page 107. Okay. End of......
Can we get back on thread with the jokes now????

Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?

A:They should both be changed regularly,and for the same reason.

Bobby Baccala

How many blonds does it take to change a nappy?

ask hugh hefner

Bobby Baccala

I was chatting to an older woman last night.

I said, "You look like you could use a knight in shining armour."

"Ooh," she quivered, "am I a damsel in distress that you've come to rescue?" she asked.

"No," I replied, "you need to be slain, you Fúcking dragon."

Bobby Baccala

I only ever took magic mushrooms once.

I went to pick some for a second time, but there were too many Smurfs guarding them.

Skullsri

<<SNIP>>

MOD

Distastful joke removed.

Skullsri, no more peado jokes!

punk77

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '65."
"This is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '65, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?," he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

Dartz

P4DDY2K11 wrote: »

oh dear jesus

To !report or not to !report, that is the question. For t'is nobler to be taught the tattle-tale than to allow such scumbaggery to go unpunished?

Bobby Baccala

you talkin bou reportin me or the freak with the pedo jokes

Mister-M5

My girlfriend came home from work today very upset and asked me to console her.

So i hit her over the head with the xbox

Hal Emmerich

P4DDY2K11 wrote: »

you talkin bou reportin me or the freak with the pedo jokes

the freak.

Bobby Baccala

ah yeah
i see

Dartz

P4DDY2K11 wrote: »

you talkin bou reportin me or the freak with the pedo jokes

Paedo-joker. Let's sick this on him. Prepare the ******s!

Skullsri

P4ddy2k11 did your mam ever tell you not to be calling the other kids in school names (freak) ha..lads its a bloody joke maby a bad one at that but i just had to tell it..

Mister-M5

Paddy Irishman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman all bought tickets to the Olympics. So a week before the games they go over to familiarise themselves with the place.

They end up drinking for the week and run out of money. In a drunken state they each sell their tickets to fund a few more pints.

The morning of the games, the 3 of them are sitting on the steps outside the stadium disappointed with themselves having sold their tickets.

Paddy Englishman stands up and says "Lads I'm getting into these games one way or another having come all the way out here". He walks out into the middle of the road and picks up a manhole cover. He then walks up to the security man at the gate and says "George Cromwell, England, Discus". "Best of luck Mr Cromwell, in you go" says the security man and lets him in.

Paddy Scotsman, seeing this, walks into a building site opposite the stadium and comes back out 2 minutes later with a long pole over his shoulder. Walks up to the same security guard anyway "Robert McWallace, Scotland, Javelin". " "In you go Mr McWallace, best of luck in the javelin" replies the security man and lets him by.

Paddy Irishman decided he's not being left outside on his own so he walks into the same building site and after 10 minutes of intense searching he emerges with a length of barbed wire around his shoulder, walks up to the security man and says "Sean McDermott, Ireland, Fencing!"