The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

frag420

Laika1986 wrote: »

What did the Jewish Paedophile say to the kid in the van?

"Give me back them sweets"

What did the Jewish Pardophile say to the kid??

Do you want to buy a sweet??

--Kaiser--

A man wraps himself up in cling film and walks into a psychiatrist office. The doctor takes one look and says to him "I can clearly see you're nuts. ."

ciarang85

Whats the difference between a apple and a orange?

ya dont get a apple b@stard

revell

aaronjumper wrote: »

A man buys two fish from the pet store.
He names 1 "One" and the other "Two"

That way if "One" dies he will still have "Two"!

Badum-tsch

But if "Two" dies he will only have "One".

sensibleken

Why did the hipster burn his mounth?

Because he ate his dinner before it was cool.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Its an obscure number you wouldnt know it.

Why did the hipster get aids?

Because its a retrovirus

Savage Tyrant

Vagisil

Proud Sponsors of Jedward.

The cream for irritating twats....

Poor Uncle Tom

don ramo wrote: »

see, i told you no one gives a **** about the jews,

How may Germans and Jews will fit into a VW Beetle?

44

Two Germans in the front

Two Germans in the back

Fourty Jews in the ash trays

Dartz

Was driving there the other day, pulled up at a red light.
This ****box of a 1.0 Corsa pulled up alongside
4 skangers inside, 'bagin' toons' on the stereo which cost more than the car did.
Light turns green.
They peel out with a rasp through the fartcannon and a chirp from the tires.
Straight into the path of a speeding artic' truck.
Bits of body and bodywork fly everwhere. ****ers never even had a chance.
I'm left sitting there, thinking, that could've been me.
That could've been me.
So ****it, I'm applying for my truck license tomorrow.

mookishboy

Whats Pink and Rusty ?

Madeline McCann's Bicycle

Happyhunter

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with all kinds of nonsense, like Farther Christmas, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy...

But now that I'm older I don't fall for that sh!t anymore, thank God.

cazzzzz

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.


No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard, or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."

On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was actually quite desirable. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success" she said. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.

On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Love me hard and long or climb the ladder to success" she flirted.

Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

"Hello," the ugly fat man said. "I'm Cess!"

zimmermania

I never thought a platonic relationship could work until i got married.

rovers2001

What do you call a bunch of epileptics at a Disco?

A foam party!

Sorry:eek:

policarp

Hitler wanted to be a fair man, give him his due. . .

North_West_Art

Paddy Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman are kidnapped in Iraq.. their captors tell them, "we will give you one fighting chance to get away, so pick your preferred mode of escape"..

Paddy Englishman chose an F1 racing car, made it 2 minutes out of Baghdad and got a puncture on a rock so was thrown back into prison.

Paddy Scotsman opted for a high powered bike, but suffered the same misfortune..

Paddy Irishman asked for a duck and four springs, he promptly attached a spring to each elbow, and one to each knee, the placing the duck under his arm, he flew off into the sunset. 3 hours later he was sitting at the bar in his local back in Ireland...

"How did you do it Paddy?" they asked him..

"easy enough.." he replied.... "four-spring-duck-technique"

Dartz

North_West_Art wrote: »

"easy enough.." he replied.... "four-spring-duck-technique"

I ****ing hate audi drivers sometimes

Skullsri

Female shot putter goes into the doctor "doctor doctor if been taking steroids and have grown a cock" doctor replies "anabolic" "no no just the cock"

epgc3fyqirnbsx

What do you call a kacker who steals your watch?

A Time Traveller!

getz

the brothers at school,asked little patrick,who were the greatest three kings,patrick said; smo-king,drin-king,and bon-king.

policarp

Tommy White Garden wrote: »

What do you call a kacker who steals your watch?

A Time Traveller!

Sh!thead.?

--Kaiser--

This joke won the top prize at the recent Edinburgh Fringe festival

"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves"

Azureus

A guy is lying in a hospital bed after a bad car accident. He is covered in bumps and bruises, one legs held up in a cast, an oxegen mask on his face to aid his breathing. A nurse walks in and he tentatively lifts up the mask to ask her with a worried tone and laboured breathing ''Nurse,nurse, are my testicles black?'

The nurse looks at him sympathetically and lifts his gown, feeling his testicles to ensure there is no damage done to them as requested. No, she says, they're not black.

The man manages a smile, looking relieved and says ''Ok nurse, that was very nice and all, but what I asked you was Are my test results back??''

hypermuse

Knock Knock...


Who's there..


Not Madeleine McCann

carlybabe1

Galway K9 wrote: »

Why did the knacker get sick on the Bus?

He was a bad traveller!

Mark! wrote: »

What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?

You know for sure that your dad is a wanker

CarrickMcJoe wrote: »

What gets longer as it rubs between a womans breasts?

A SEATBELT

:o:o emmmmmm, can someone clue me in on the spoiler thingy?? Dont get it at all

--Kaiser--

carlybabe1 wrote: »

:o:o emmmmmm, can someone clue me in on the spoiler thingy?? Dont get it at all

Highlight the text and all will be revealed

Unless you're on a mobile, in which case you're screwed!

AnonoBoy

carlybabe1 wrote: »

:o:o emmmmmm, can someone clue me in on the spoiler thingy?? Dont get it at all

You have to highlight the spoiler tag to read the text underneath.

In the case of these jokes, I wouldn't bother.

Big Nasty

carlybabe1 wrote: »

:o:o emmmmmm, can someone clue me in on the spoiler thingy?? Dont get it at all

That's the joke! : D

carlybabe1

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

Highlight the text and all will be revealed

Unless you're on a mobile, in which case you're screwed!

ahhhh, thank you

Cypher_sounds

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?


Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.

admiralofthefleet

I've been married to my wife ten years today.

Having sex with just one person in ten years is pure dedication.

I don't know how she does it.